vballtay Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 ...AND be close friends with me (therefore compatible) but NOT want to be in a relationship with me? he won't even tell me why tried the friends with benefits thing, although never really went anywhere because he said with the sex i would become 'too attatched and want a relationship' (although he was interested in the idea!) does the fact that way back when, a long time ago, he DID want me to be his girl but i turned him down (even though my feelings now for him have changed dramatically) have anything to do with anything? what could be some reasons why? like i said he is adamant on not telling me why himself. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 like i said he is adamant on not telling me why himself. If he wanted to tell you why and he cared about your feelings, he'd tell you why. The bottom line is that the "why" doesn't matter. The fact is he doesn't, and that's the main piece of information you should focus on. Don't hang on so tight. There's nothing there anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 All the benefits of a relationship without the commitment What happened after you "turned him down"? Link to post Share on other sites
Author vballtay Posted October 21, 2008 Author Share Posted October 21, 2008 All the benefits of a relationship without the commitment What happened after you "turned him down"? he said he was trying to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author vballtay Posted October 21, 2008 Author Share Posted October 21, 2008 If he wanted to tell you why and he cared about your feelings, he'd tell you why. The bottom line is that the "why" doesn't matter. The fact is he doesn't, and that's the main piece of information you should focus on. Don't hang on so tight. There's nothing there anyway. lol he actually told me he 'will eventually, for my better'. and i'm like ok... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 he said he was trying to move on. OK. How long ago did you turn him down and did he stay in contact with you after? Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 He's just not that into you.. simple as that.. He'd like the idea of having sex with you, in a FWB relationship.. but he knows you'll become attached to him and he doesn't want that.. so he just isn't interested in having anything more than a sexual relationship with you.. a lot of guys only want a FWB relationship.. no commitment.. can't blame them.. if that's not for you.. then you need to move on.. don't waste your energy on a guy who won't waste his... Link to post Share on other sites
Author vballtay Posted October 21, 2008 Author Share Posted October 21, 2008 OK. How long ago did you turn him down and did he stay in contact with you after? yes. a few months ago during the end of summer and we might not have talked for literally the day after but after that, we talked close to every day. still do really. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 What would happen if you asked for some "time" for alone stuff, with the holidays and all? Check back in with him after New Years. Take a few months off. Daily contact is pretty intense for a non-couple situation, IMO. Do you think that's healthy, considering the current dynamic? Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 There may be something about you that he thinks just wouldn't work in a relationship. He may like you and be attracted but there is that red flag that keeps you friends. I agree that you may need to take a break and see less of each other to give you a better perspective on that you want out of your friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
BubblyPopcorn Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 What would happen if you asked for some "time" for alone stuff, with the holidays and all? Check back in with him after New Years. Take a few months off. Daily contact is pretty intense for a non-couple situation, IMO. Do you think that's healthy, considering the current dynamic? This is a good suggestion. It doesn't matter what was or is, his agenda seems to be different then yours right now, which is fine, but you may want to save yourself the heartache in the process. Link to post Share on other sites
BentSpine Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 He may respond sexually to what he sees below your neck, but he may not get the desire to kiss you when he looks you in the eyes. There's the trinity: Mental Connection, Physical Lust and Kissable Face. But instead of facial beauty it may also be some other deal breaker. At the end of summer he decided to try a relationship with you despite the possible deal breaker. Now he both cares about you and knows that it really IS a deal breaker. So for the sake your emotions, he tell's you it's a no-go. Or he thinks that you turning him down meant that he did not do it for you back then, and your attraction would likely be lukewarm now. Link to post Share on other sites
prettybaby Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 Sounds like he thinks you have a hot body he'd love to bang, but something about you irks him as far as stepping into an actual relationship goes. Perhaps it's something about your personality, or your life style. Could there be a difference in backgrounds? Age difference? Or maybe he just wants no relationship at all at the moment. Sounds like he really doesn't want to get tied up with you. And whatever the reason, he's apparently already made up his mind. I would really try to move on. He's actually been very straight forward and honest with you. I'll give him props for that! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 21, 2008 Share Posted October 21, 2008 "I talk to you most every day" "I don't want a relationship with you" "The sex is wonderful" "I can't tell you why I feel this way" To me, this is a classic cake-eater. Say enough to get what you want (the everyday bla, bla) but leave the exit clearly marked with the "I don't want a relationship". Whatever he's got, I'll take some. He seems to be doing pretty good Link to post Share on other sites
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