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Why doesn't my boyfriend want to have sex with me?


sweetstarzzz

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sweetstarzzz

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years, we're both 20 years old and all of a sudden our sex life has become pretty nonexistant. For the first year or so, we had plentiful sex, basically everyday; it was wonderful. But lately for the past 6 months or so, we've only had sex probably about once or twice a month. I still really want him and am turned on by him, but says he doesn't feel like it or he's not in the mood. I really don't understand what's going on.

 

When I asked him about it, he said he doesn't know and that he's just been stressed and everything..... but for 6 months??? I asked if he was no longer attracted to me, but he says im beautiful and that he loves me. He also said he wants me to be happy and says he wants to do whats best for me, but doesn't want to lose me. I'm so confused. I really love him, and I know he's not cheating on me... and he still says he jacks off probably once a week, so I know he still gets horney....

 

Does anyone have any ideas of how I can save our relationship??? I'm so lost.

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Something is wrong. You both need to talk this out. This is the mistake that all women make when they decide to live together without that marriage certificate. The wheels are grinding in his head and he may be thinking about bailing out because he doesn't want to lose his freedom. Women your age are more permenant commitment oriented then young guys. Young guys almost always go into a situation without thinking; basically we are oblivious at that age. Once we wake up then one or two things will happen total commitment of terrified flight. Talk with him and if he doesn't want to then he probably is weighing to pros and cons of ending the relationship. That my two guy cents. Check out my post and you'll understand.........

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He's awfully young to have problems with ED or anything; if he were older, I would think maybe he was having problems with his erection and was embarrassed - my advice then would be to see a doctor.

 

And I would think that masturbating once a week isn't really "horny" at 20; I would expected more than that, esp if he is a guy who has been used to cumming every day.

 

Financial issues? Is he worried about something? Commitment issues? Are you pressuring him to move in together or to get engaged?

 

So other than that, and other than him having a physical issue, I would think that he is getting it somewhere else. I can promise you 10000% - you would be surprised at how easy it is to be wrong about assuming that someone is not cheating on you!

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well this is probably what you don't want to hear but about 4 years into a relationship a guy i was dating stopped being interested in sex. turns out he was carrying on an emotional and eventually a physical affair. he was guilty and thats why it went from a lot to like 1x a month.

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how tall are you and how much do you weigh?

 

What does this have to do with anything?

Careful how you answer, now...... :cool:

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sweetstarzzz

well im not fat... if thats what youre asking. im 5'7 130lbs and pretty athletic so thats not the issue.

 

we aren't living together, we both go to school full time and have our own apartments. i think it may be the whole commitment phobia thing... im not sure...

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It has been a few years since I was 20, but I don't think times have changed that much. Guys are easily able to compartmentalize things like "bust a nut" and "commitment issues". If he wants to have sex, then he is going to have sex.

 

It just sounds like he is spending a lot of time somewhere else (in his head, in his heart, in his bed, who knows?); guys simply don't go from daily to once every two weeks when they are 20.

 

IF it is the commitaphobia thing, then what is the current situation with your commitment? Future joint plans? Are you pushing for a ring or to live together?

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do you know what turns him on or what he's into?

does he have any fetishes?

i mean even the most boring guys in bed have something they like...

... maybe you can cater to that

 

i've been in several long-term relationships and sometimes the interest in sex just naturally wanes because there is no more spark or newness about it. maybe you can get a sex book and show it to him. i have a great one called "the guide to getting it on" and when our time in the sack gets boring i look at it and am like, "ooh check out chapter 10... lets try that"

 

do you think he would be open to that?

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Lauriebell82

Have you had any issues that have come up lately? Fights about a certain issue? When I was with my ex boyfriend, we began having issues (he lied to be about several important things). I still loved him but I felt that our relationship was strained so I didn't feel connected enough to have sex with him. He would literally beg me to have sex with him, but I just didn't have the passion to anymore. This may be a "girl reaction" though. Men generally don't have sex for the "emotional connection" as women do.

 

Other possibilities:

1. He is getting it elsewhere

2. He has lost interest and doesn't have the guts to tell you

3. He is depressed or having some kind of mental health issue

 

He said he wants to do what is best for you. I think you should tell him what is "best for you" is that he talk to you about what is REALLY going on. Tell him you are really upset and worried about this and that you would like some answers.

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Jersey Shortie

How much porn does he look at?

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I sounds to me like he loves you and does not want to hurt you. He knows your a good girl and would probably be the type of girl to be commited to. however he is young and he may want to explore.

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I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years, we're both 20 years old and all of a sudden our sex life has become pretty nonexistant. For the first year or so, we had plentiful sex, basically everyday; it was wonderful. But lately for the past 6 months or so, we've only had sex probably about once or twice a month. I still really want him and am turned on by him, but says he doesn't feel like it or he's not in the mood. I really don't understand what's going on.

 

When I asked him about it, he said he doesn't know and that he's just been stressed and everything..... but for 6 months??? I asked if he was no longer attracted to me, but he says im beautiful and that he loves me. He also said he wants me to be happy and says he wants to do whats best for me, but doesn't want to lose me. I'm so confused. I really love him, and I know he's not cheating on me... and he still says he jacks off probably once a week, so I know he still gets horney....

 

Does anyone have any ideas of how I can save our relationship??? I'm so lost.

 

Wow.. I think your bf is getting indifferent to you.. bored.. whatever..

or he might have someone else.

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What does this have to do with anything?

Careful how you answer, now...... :cool:

 

I think it meant exactly what you think it meant.

 

Valid question when sex drive plummets!

 

yes yes, I know she's answered it - I just wanted to stir.

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Lack of a sex drive has nothing to do with being a commitment phobe. When a guy's horny, they'll think sex first, and consequences second. Therefore, it has nothing to do with being scared of being in a relationship. Even at the age of 20, a male's sex drive is still very high, so there's no way that he doesn't want sex. Unless he's getting it somewhere else.

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sweetbutcheeky
but doesn't want to lose me

 

Is there a reason why he thinks he will loose you? Did he only say that because of the lack of sex conversation?

 

I have heard many times that if there are problems in a relationship it will show itself in the bedroom.

 

So has nothing to do with not being attracted to you or not wanting sex with you, just what ever the problem is, it is getting in the way.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I understand what you're going through and it's a difficult situation. My boyfriend gives me the "stress" and work excuse often. We've been together for over 2 years and this year we've had sex about a total of 5 times with no real passion or intimacy. The last time we've had a real kiss (made out) was last year.

 

What I suggest is to not let yourself get to my point. My problem has been around for over a year now and I let it carry on because I didn't want to nag him, but he hasn't been working for almost 2 months now and all he does is stay home but he still doesn't want sex. Your boyfriend must not be thinking of the consequences of you going to look somewhere else for intimacy. We're only human and women are just as capable as men to look for someone else.

 

Thoughts of my boyfriend being gay definitely ran across my mind. I also began to think I'm too fat or ugly. I used to have an extremely high sex drive but now I don't think it's worth it to have sex anymore. Right now you're thinking of a way to fix it and honestly it's very very hard to do. Whatever you do just don't harm yourself on the way and give up YOUR needs. It's not fair. That's the only advice I can give since my situation isn't all that.

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Hi,

 

Is just the deterioration of the relationship. Usually things start falling apart between 2 to 3 years.

 

Many couples with time start having less and less sex to the point of not having any. Seems like your relationship is going that way.

 

In my experience, when guys become that way they don't turn any better, usually it just gets worse.

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