emmey Posted October 2, 2008 Share Posted October 2, 2008 I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 and a half years and this issue came up within the last few months. I'm almost 21, he's 23. I've always worn some kind of makeup since I was young and I am used to wearing it and like it a lot. But he told me now, not to wear it anymore. I don't even wear that much, only some eye liner and mascara and its very light. We've gotten into a couple arguments about this and he says I don't need to wear it and if I do I should only wear it when I'm home alone with him. He calls me a slut for wearing even the slightest bit of makeup and says I want to attract other men. This is not the case however, I just like to wear it for myself and I think it looks nice. He also has a problem with me wearing shorts, skirts or any shirts that have a V thats too low. So basically it feels like I am not allowed to look nice anymore. Does anyone else have this problem and is it a common thing? Because he never used to do this and now its really getting annoying. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted October 2, 2008 Share Posted October 2, 2008 I've never been one to jump on the "he's a controlling, borderline abusive freak!" wagon, but if there ever was a time, this would be it. You're a slut because you wear makeup? Dude needs to get a grip. I'd end this relationship, pronto. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted October 2, 2008 Share Posted October 2, 2008 I absolutely agree with Star Gazer. Does your soon-to-be-ex-b/f know where his new attitude/behaviour is coming from? If he doesn't get to the bottom of it and regain control over it yesterday, he is gonna need some serious therapy at a later stage...and gonna mess-up a whole lotta relationships in the meantime. Run away...run away! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 2, 2008 Share Posted October 2, 2008 run forrest run! your post reminds me of what my ex husband used to do to me. yep, he was controlling, critical, mean spirited, manipulative, selfish and abusive... is that what you want for your life? these small criticisms and requirements will eventually add up to bigger things that he requires of you to keep him happy... i guarantee it. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted October 2, 2008 Share Posted October 2, 2008 Why not suggest to him that he wander around in a thong in public because it pleases you to see his near-naked loins being stared at by all passers by? Then when he protests, you can tell him to shut up about the make-up. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted October 2, 2008 Share Posted October 2, 2008 I have doubts that this post is a real thread but obviously the guy is a controlling jerk and he needs to either grow up, or you should move on. Link to post Share on other sites
hanson Posted October 2, 2008 Share Posted October 2, 2008 actually i been in a situation like this. an ex girlfriend of mine would only wear makeup, take showers, brush her hair and teeth, and look sexy when she was going somewhere without me. Which of course made me feel like ****. he could be feeling the same way as i did. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted October 2, 2008 Share Posted October 2, 2008 Yeah, I don't easily hop on the 'lose the jerk' wagon very often either but you need to walk away from this controlling, insecure child. If you marry him, your life will be a living hell. I'm not kidding. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted October 2, 2008 Share Posted October 2, 2008 actually i been in a situation like this. an ex girlfriend of mine would only wear makeup, take showers, brush her hair and teeth, and look sexy when she was going somewhere without me. Which of course made me feel like ****. he could be feeling the same way as i did. I don't think that's what she's doing. BTW, your ex was an idiot. Link to post Share on other sites
Isolde Posted October 2, 2008 Share Posted October 2, 2008 Most guys can't tell if a girl is wearing a touch of liner and mascara. Therefore, I have a hard time believing this thread is real. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted October 2, 2008 Share Posted October 2, 2008 Most guys can't tell if a girl is wearing a touch of liner and mascara. Therefore, I have a hard time believing this thread is real. If you've ever been with a man like this, you'd know that they're very real. Men aren't nearly as dumb or unobservant as you might think. Link to post Share on other sites
BleuStar Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 My controlling abusive ex used to get mad when I wore makeup. He said he liked my 'natural' look. He didn't like it when I wore nailpolish either. So I stopped wearing those things because I thought he would like me better. But sadly he just found other things about me to complain about. After I broke up with him I started wearing makeup and nailpolish and felt so much better! I realized what he had been doing to me, making me into someone I didn't want to be...a quiet, shy, nervous girl. I will never let that happen to myself again. I'd take this as a warning sign. There may be worse things to come later. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 and a half years and this issue came up within the last few months. I'm almost 21, he's 23. I've always worn some kind of makeup since I was young and I am used to wearing it and like it a lot. But he told me now, not to wear it anymore. I don't even wear that much, only some eye liner and mascara and its very light. We've gotten into a couple arguments about this and he says I don't need to wear it and if I do I should only wear it when I'm home alone with him. He calls me a slut for wearing even the slightest bit of makeup and says I want to attract other men. This is not the case however, I just like to wear it for myself and I think it looks nice. He also has a problem with me wearing shorts, skirts or any shirts that have a V thats too low. So basically it feels like I am not allowed to look nice anymore. Does anyone else have this problem and is it a common thing? Because he never used to do this and now its really getting annoying. This person is giving you a CLEAR SIGNAL that his insecurity is going to be a HUGE PROBLEM for you in the months/years to come. If you can possibly take the signal and disengage yourself from the relationship in the near future, you'll probably be saving yourself a great headache. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 No. This is not normal. He is a very insecure person and is trying to control you. He needs help and you need to leave him. He should see a professional. I had an ex always compliment my more conserative clothes like my turtlenecks and said he liked those better. But if we saw a cute girl in skimpy clothing he of course looked. Not that it mattered, I knew what he was doing and wore what I wanted. Halter tops and turtlenecks alike. Link to post Share on other sites
Isolde Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 If you've ever been with a man like this, you'd know that they're very real. Men aren't nearly as dumb or unobservant as you might think. I never said men were dumb. In my experience they're unobservant about makeup, but maybe this guy is different. Link to post Share on other sites
Author emmey Posted October 3, 2008 Author Share Posted October 3, 2008 It would have been way easier if this happened say, about 2 years ago, but why does this issue come up after this long of being together? He never before said anything and even complimented me saying he liked it when I wore it. Now he tells me he doesn't want to get used to seeing me everyday with makeup and then one day not like me when he sees me without it. But then I don't even wear it 100% of the time, there are days were I go totally makeup-less! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 honey - it's really not about the makeup. it's about him and his need to control you. tell him if he doesn't like it to take a hike. FWIW - my xH started as your guy has - with the makeup... then over time he only wanted certain clothes, certain colors of nail polish (only red or pink), a certain way i wore my hair and even tried to control what i discussed in conversation with others. please see what you are in for if you choose to stay any longer. no man should want to criticize you or control you in this way if he claims to love you. and yes, after being married to my xH for 20 years - to be without him is like total freedom! i have on bright green nail polish on my toes! woo hoo! Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 honey - it's really not about the makeup. it's about him and his need to control you. Exactly! Emmey, he's already also told you to stop wearing certain styles of clothing that, I guess, he finds too sexy/revealing. He has no interest in YOUR feelings and preferences about these things. His "reason" about the make-up is crap. And you know it cos you know that you don't wear it every day, nor do you wear it anywhere close to it being like a 'mask'. It's just his lame attempt to "help" you understand (make sense of) why he is asking. Using illogical "logic", trying to baffle you with BS. The usual pattern is to expand the areas in YOUR life, that he has authority over and where he will expect HIS demands to trump your own desires and wants. It can be so slow that you hardly notice it -- it's taken 2 years for things to get to THIS level. He likely is counting on it that you won't leave now...THAT is why he hasn't shown this side of himself until now. You are more likely to fall in line with his plans, since you have developed strong feelings for, and a life with, him. Worst case, it will escalate to physical violence when you aren't being or doing exactly what HE says you must be or do, in exactly the way that he wants it done. For one extreme case, google "Paul Bernado, Karla Homolka." There are many who posted in this thread, who have had to fight to get out of something that started out looking like this. I know it's tough to learn from others' experiences. But it is an opportunity to not have to experience this type of abusive situation yourself. RUN and do not look back, if you can at all find the strength and courage to do so. Link to post Share on other sites
JooLee Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 is he an arab? if he is then it explains a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 , google "Paul Bernado, Karla Homolka." Oops, spelled Paul's last name incorrectly -- bernardo Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 He never before said anything and even complimented me saying he liked it when I wore it. Now he tells me he doesn't want to get used to seeing me everyday with makeup and then one day not like me when he sees me without it Hmm....any other behavioral changes in him? My ears perked up when I read the "slut" remark and accusing you of attracting other men. Me wonders if he's got a slut himself parked somewhere .... Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 It would have been way easier if this happened say, about 2 years ago, but why does this issue come up after this long of being together? He never before said anything and even complimented me saying he liked it when I wore it. Now he tells me he doesn't want to get used to seeing me everyday with makeup and then one day not like me when he sees me without it. But then I don't even wear it 100% of the time, there are days were I go totally makeup-less! Here's why - and I hope you'll really take this to heart because this man is not marriage material. He does this now because this is EXACTLY how abusers work. The beginning of the relationship is great and then they lower the axe, little by little. By then, you're so involved in the relationship, and so confused by his behavior that you blow it off to him being in a bad mood. Then something else happens, etc., etc. The reason I know this is because I lived with it and I know the signs now. Do not stay with this guy - no matter what he says, no matter how he rationalizes, no matter how much he begs. He will control and probably at the very minimum verbally abuse you. You'll be one of those people who comes to this forum in a few years feeling completely unlike yourself and not knowing how on earth you got there. I can't stress this enough - get away from this man. Link to post Share on other sites
tommmie Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 I don't like girls with face makeup. I know it's tough to learn from others' experiences. But it is an opportunity to not have to experience this type of abusive situation yourself. ___________________ Link to post Share on other sites
xxtemplexx Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 Wow... that sounds like an ex-bf of mine. He started getting really controlling and emotionally abusive - starting along those lines. I'm not saying that's where your bf and relationship will end up, but you should say something. If he's not budging and blaming YOU, then there's a problem. He should trust you. Just be careful, I know you probably care for him and that makes it hard to blow this away, but you need to take care of yourself. Is that what you want in a relationship? I would think about putting it to him like that too - tell him that's not the relationship you've had and want in the future. Hopefully that helps, but be careful, that is a possible sign of something worse to come. Link to post Share on other sites
MiniMina Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 Hmm....any other behavioral changes in him? My ears perked up when I read the "slut" remark and accusing you of attracting other men. Me wonders if he's got a slut himself parked somewhere .... My previous relationship was just like this... It started out great then one day he started asking me to dress differently, stop hanging out with certain friends, etc. I found out later that these actions began when he started cheating on me. He admitted to me once after we broke up that he knows that the controlling behavior was because of his own cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
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