Bells Posted October 2, 2008 Share Posted October 2, 2008 Okay...there's this girl that blew me off/stood me up (well, said they were going to call, but didn't...for the umpteenth time.) Then you had no choice but to move on...but.....you realize, she's friends with some of your other friends...and well, sometimes you all hang out together at one time. Do you maintain speaking terms with them through-out this period...should you stay mad at them for blowing you off? Or pretend it never happened...or what? What I find kind of irking is, she never apologized for not returning my call about making arrangements to go out. I mean, if I'm going to see this person on a routine basis...what do ya do? Ya know? Link to post Share on other sites
JohnnyBlaze Posted October 2, 2008 Share Posted October 2, 2008 You've got two schools of thought here: If you let it slide, you're going to feel like you caved in. No one else will do anything to you, but you'll be kicking yourself every time you see her, hear her, or hear about her. or... if you show your disdain for her, your friends may have to eventually choose who they want to spend their time with (if they know the two of you don't play nice, they'll stop inviting one of you if the other's already there). Unless your friends have a longer or deeper loyalty to you, they'll probably side with her. After all, she'll act like nothing happened, and you'll be the one looking like you have a chip on your shoulder. If it were me and I still wanted to hang out with the friends, I'd let it pass for now, but I wouldn't go out of my way for her. If she's five bucks shy for something, too bad for her. If something happens where the history is hinted at and someone asks about it, you're free to tell (don't elaborate, but you don't have to hide, either). After all, it's not your job to protect her or make her look good. The most important thing to remember is she's not a friend. She's a friend of a friend. Only friends get to ask for favours. If a friend asks a favour on her behalf, let the friend know "okay, but you owe me". It's the friend putting their credit on the line, so you collect from him/her. You let your friend go deal with her to settle things up afterwards. But definitely collect. If you don't, then she'll start to think that she can (directly or indirectly) ask you for anything without paying for it. You don't want that. I can't say that's what you should do, but that's what I'd do if I were in your boots. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted October 2, 2008 Share Posted October 2, 2008 Her incredibly bad manners aside, it will absolutely blow her socks off if you behave in a friendly and gracious manner toward her. She's expecting you to be hurt and wounded, or irritated and angry. She absolutely does not expect you to be aloof and totally unaffected by it. She expects you to sulk and continually attempt to make meaningful eye contact with her. No matter how difficult it is, treat her like someone you just met and like someone you're not even slightly interested in - be polite but somewhat distant and aloof. When she gets over the shock, she'll probably 'remember' to call you. And when that happens, let the phone ring, let her leave a message, and don't call her for 3 or 4 days, assuming you still want to go out with her at this point. If you accidentally answer and it's her, tell her you're busy and that you'll call her back. And don't call her for 3 or 4 days. Because unless you were rude to her (which I doubt you were), you need to let her know (without saying a word) that you will not tolerate bad manners and that if she wants to deal with you, she needs to change her ways. You can make her really, really sorry that she misjudged your character by showing her that you have so much self-esteem that someone's bad manners don't change your life. I promise you, no matter how much she acts like it doesn't bother her, she will be blown away by it because she's probably not used to be ignored. People are attracted to people who have high self-esteem and strong boundaries. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted October 2, 2008 Share Posted October 2, 2008 Her incredibly bad manners aside, it will absolutely blow her socks off if you behave in a friendly and gracious manner toward her. She's expecting you to be hurt and wounded, or irritated and angry. She absolutely does not expect you to be aloof and totally unaffected by it. She expects you to sulk and continually attempt to make meaningful eye contact with her. No matter how difficult it is, treat her like someone you just met and like someone you're not even slightly interested in - be polite but somewhat distant and aloof. When she gets over the shock, she'll probably 'remember' to call you. And when that happens, let the phone ring, let her leave a message, and don't call her for 3 or 4 days, assuming you still want to go out with her at this point. If you accidentally answer and it's her, tell her you're busy and that you'll call her back. And don't call her for 3 or 4 days. Because unless you were rude to her (which I doubt you were), you need to let her know (without saying a word) that you will not tolerate bad manners and that if she wants to deal with you, she needs to change her ways. You can make her really, really sorry that she misjudged your character by showing her that you have so much self-esteem that someone's bad manners don't change your life. I promise you, no matter how much she acts like it doesn't bother her, she will be blown away by it because she's probably not used to be ignored. People are attracted to people who have high self-esteem and strong boundaries. GREAT post!!! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 2, 2008 Share Posted October 2, 2008 Polite disinterest is the best tool and preferred mindset IMO. Be attentive to your friends. Friends are important Link to post Share on other sites
Balthazar Posted October 2, 2008 Share Posted October 2, 2008 Great posts by Johnny and Angel. Link to post Share on other sites
shykitty Posted October 2, 2008 Share Posted October 2, 2008 this is a great topic..and it happens more often than I'd like. Thanks for the help. Link to post Share on other sites
ed-205 Posted October 2, 2008 Share Posted October 2, 2008 Great posts by Johnny and Angel. Indeed! I've had similar things happen to me, and the way I always handled it was to act as if nothing happened. There's no point is getting stressed over it as that will only have an adverse effect on your other friendships as well. If someone changes their mind about you, don't take it personally. Just accept the fact that they do things like that from time to time, and don't let it ruin your day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bells Posted October 2, 2008 Author Share Posted October 2, 2008 Great responses....I've never been in a situation like this before....and if your going to be "stuck" sometimes hanging around this person....you have to figure out a way to deal with it I suppose. Plus her friends are cute too, so that's always a plus. Link to post Share on other sites
JohnnyBlaze Posted October 2, 2008 Share Posted October 2, 2008 Plus her friends are cute too, so that's always a plus. Well, in that case, definitely play nice! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bells Posted October 2, 2008 Author Share Posted October 2, 2008 :laugh:Well, in that case, definitely play nice! Link to post Share on other sites
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