Advancing with shy girls

[kashmir]

Hey everyone...new guy here.

 

So let me give a little background about myself. I'm 19 and in college. High school was a very hard time for me and I was picked on a lot, but I've made it past that and I think I've accomplished a lot since then. I do very well academically and am also a varsity athlete. I'm very into music...I play in a band and also play solo shows around town and campus. I'm also considered pretty physically attractive (I saw this not as something to brag about, and I'll explain why in a second). I have a pretty toned and athletic body from my sport, and I'm no lightweight (190 lbs 6'2"). I was offered a modeling job a few months ago (nothing big, just some photo-shoots for local ads) but I declined.

 

So a lot of people assume I'm a ladies' magnet, but I'm actually not for whatever reason...well, not for a particular kind of girl. The hot and outgoing girls have never been interested in me. Don't know why...I think because while I have some mainstream attractive qualities, I can also be eccentric and outlandish at times (especially when it comes to music ), so when they realize I'm not the standard bro or hot guy they're turned off. While I can't lie and say that I don't desire them at least a little, I can live with this fact, because I seem to attract another type of girl - the cute shy and sweet kind of girl, and I LOVE them. I might have a fling with the typical hot girl (not that I've ever had one ) but I'd take a cute shy girl for a girlfriend any day.

 

But see, here's the problem. I'm pretty shy as well. I was REALLY shy years ago, but since then I've learned how to talk to people feeling relaxed and confident. I feel no more "approach anxiety," as they call it. What I'm still shy about, though, is making physical moves. I can talk and talk and talk with a girl for hours and I know both of us feel attraction, but I'm afraid of initiating physical contact like holding hands or a kiss. The girl obviously isn't going to do it since she's shy, so the burden lies with me to break that ice, and I never know when the right time is.

 

So here are my questions. Shy girls, when you like a guy, will you reject any physical advances he might make? When do you feel comfortable with him making physical advances (how much time spent with him or after how many dates?) Do you show any signals that give him the 'go ahead' to kiss you? For example, I had a date last weekend with an awesome girl and we had coffee, walked, and talked for a good 4 hours before she invited me back to her place. We just sat next to each other and talked there. Was she inviting me to make a move in a situation like that?

 

Thanks in advance for your responses. I'll be back online later.

[kashmir]

anyone wanna respond? I would really appreciate it...especially from the women.

[Lucky_One]

Yes, I think she was asking you to.

 

But I can't tell you when to lean in or anything; I am not there and I don't know how she feels about you. But you lean in, and you gauge her reaction. If she leans in a bit, then lean in further until your lips meet. If she's in the kitchen fixing you a drink or something, go stand right behind her and put your arms around her from the back. If she turns around, then kiss her. If she pulls away from your arms a bit, then don't kiss her.

 

Most first kisses can be a bit awkward - someone's mouth is sideways or something, but a little correction takes place and it all works out. And eventually, kissing each other is second nature - and even then sometimes they can be awkward!

 

Good luck!

[superd]

I think you need to think about going slower and maybe find women that want to take there time a little more. The more pressure you put on yourself to rush into these things, the more stressed and confused you are going to get.

[Balthazar]

For example, I had a date last weekend with an awesome girl and we had coffee, walked, and talked for a good 4 hours before she invited me back to her place. We just sat next to each other and talked there. Was she inviting me to make a move in a situation like that?

 

You need to understand that women do not invite men back to their places lightly.

 

This is a very serious move on the part of the woman and shows that she most probably wants to get intimate with you.

 

Every time I have been invited in after a date, it has ended with sex.

So, she was yours for the taking;that is beyond doubt.

 

You need to get on this girl quickly before she loses interest(of course if she really likes you, that won't easily happen!).

 

Remember, it's your duty to please the booty.

 

CHeers,

[Jersey Shortie]

It's your duty to please the booty? What are you? A Pirate?

 

So here are my questions. Shy girls, when you like a guy, will you reject any physical advances he might make?

 

If I like the guy, not at all. But remember that diving head first and jamming your tongue down her mouth might be met with some resistance. Just go slow and be gentle at first.

 

When do you feel comfortable with him making physical advances (how much time spent with him or after how many dates?) Do you show any signals that give him the 'go ahead' to kiss you?

 

Time wise is hard to give advice about. It's different for different people. If you feel something for her , I suggest making a move sooner then later. Life is too short. At your age, it's harder to see how short life is.

 

The kind of signals I show him is that I make more eye contact, smile, play with my hair, touch his arm..make jokes with him.....there are a million things girls do though. But if she is into she will be smiling at you, even shyly, and making eye contact.

 

For example, I had a date last weekend with an awesome girl and we had coffee, walked, and talked for a good 4 hours before she invited me back to her place. We just sat next to each other and talked there. Was she inviting me to make a move in a situation like that?

 

Was it a first date? Its hard to say because girls are so different. I've invited guys in and while I would have liked a kiss and was into them, it didn't mean I wanted to sleep with them that soon. But you can be sure if she invited you in, she was into you. Whether she just wanted a kiss or sex, depends on the girl. How did she act after she invited you in?

[Lucky_One]

I'm with Shortie - just bc she asks you in doesn't mean that she wants to have sex with you. But she certainly wants to be alone with you.

[superd]

Really tough situation here, I don't know what to tell you either.

[Konfuzion]

Start with a more subtle approach like a little touch here and there, like put your hand on her arm for a split second if there is chemistry there you will both feel it. This is a great way to slowly cross the not touching too touching boundary and its safe so the woman will feel comfortable and will be wanting more and more. (I should add... mix these little touches into conversation so lits like your trying to get her attention or something).

 

When I am feeling uncomfortable in this area one approach I will use is small touches through out the night and then slowly start rubbing the girls neck with one hand and then go in for the full back rub, if you can you can stand behind them and slowly get your body close to theirs so your touching run your hands down their arms, and if you feel the timing is right a little peck on the side of neck and then just hold her.... She will react.

 

Last but not least don't wait too long to make a move after about 6 dates or so you will be moving into the friend zone.

 

Also work on getting some confidence, all she can do is stop you... Say no, or I am not ready yet all of which wont kill you.

[kashmir]

Thanks for the replies.

 

Last weekend was my first date with this girl. We connected on so many levels and I recognized in those few hours that this girl was really different than 99% of the girls I've met. She's very modest and gave me that vibe that she wants something serious and isn't the type of girl to get physical too quickly. That's why I didn't make a move when we were alone at her place. I wanted to take things slow and didn't want to give her the impression that I was only after sex. There are so many scummy guys out there to say anything to make a girl think they're unique, just so they can get the girl in bed as quickly as possible. Because of them, it makes it that much harder for guys like me to show that we're sincere.

 

We did have an awkward goodbye kiss, though...I couldn't tell if it was on the lips or on the cheek. That'll make me feel more comfortable about going in for a real kiss the next time. She's a studious and busy girl, so she's out of town this weekend, but I'll try to set something up with her during the week.

 

Lucky_One, the that's a good idea, I'll try that sometime.

 

superd, compared to people around me, I'm slow like a turtle. Remember, I'm in college, where people are hooking up drunk left and right. That doesn't interest me. I want to get intimate with a girl, but with a girl I feel a connection with and like.

 

shortie, she wasn't any different after she invited me in. It wasn't like we were drinking wine and she was rubbing my leg. I tried to look at her while we were side-by-side on her couch talking, but she was looking away for the most part. I specified shy girls in the title for a reason. From my experiences, they never give clear signals...in fact they'll even seem to give you negative signals because they're too shy to look or smile at you. I probably could have tried to put my arm around her or something without seeming too fast, but that's why I'm posting now...I wasn't sure about it!

 

Btw, what part of Jersey are you in? I'm in NJ too.

[Konfuzion]

I am telling you little touches here and there, it shows that you are interested and it creates comfort and ease. I am with you too I take things slow if I am into a girl, I have been on 3 dates with the girl I am seeing right now and no kiss so far. But I have touched her a lot. I will kiss her when I see her tonight.

[kashmir]

I am telling you little touches here and there, it shows that you are interested and it creates comfort and ease. I am with you too I take things slow if I am into a girl, I have been on 3 dates with the girl I am seeing right now and no kiss so far. But I have touched her a lot. I will kiss her when I see her tonight.

 

konfuzion, I do little touching things like that. For example, she mentioned how she always felt small and referenced how small her hands were, so I took one of here hands and put it up against mine. Another time she said something like, "It's so hard getting your hair to be straight." So I gently took a loch of her beautiful brown hair that had little curls at the end and told her that her hair looks so much better with those curls. I do little stuff like that.

[Konfuzion]

konfuzion, I do little touching things like that. For example, she mentioned how she always felt small and referenced how small her hands were, so I took one of here hands and put it up against mine. Another time she said something like, "It's so hard getting your hair to be straight." So I gently took a loch of her beautiful brown hair that had little curls at the end and told her that her hair looks so much better with those curls. I do little stuff like that.

 

Then your set, take your time and enjoy each other. If I am really confused I will just ask the lady... I once dated a girl who had been badly abused by her husband and she would get very nervous around men, I took things very slow and one day I told her I don't want to make you uncomfortable so I wanted to know if its ok for me to kiss you... Guess what we were doing, because I respected her space.

 

Anyway it sounds like your on the right path don't over think the next move just have fun and move quick enough to not slip into the friend zone

[kashmir]

Then your set, take your time and enjoy each other. If I am really confused I will just ask the lady... I once dated a girl who had been badly abused by her husband and she would get very nervous around men, I took things very slow and one day I told her I don't want to make you uncomfortable so I wanted to know if its ok for me to kiss you... Guess what we were doing, because I respected her space.

 

Anyway it sounds like your on the right path don't over think the next move just have fun and move quick enough to not slip into the friend zone

 

Yeah, I hear all these people with their games and I doubt them. I've been most successful when I was outright honest with a girl. There was this one girl about a month ago with whom I felt a very strong sexual tension with. She obviously felt the same way, but for whatever reason she was playing hard to get. One night when I was out with her and her friends and she was avoiding me, I pulled her aside and told her something like, "Look, it's obvious we like each other. You'd better stop screwing around and avoiding me and tell me what you want to do." She hesitated a bit and then told me to kiss her. It was a good night, but for legit reasons we both decided to call it a fling and not take it any further.

 

And about the friendzone...I friendzone girls a lot more than they friendzone me. I also unintentionally make girls believe I friendzone them when I really don't. Girl friends have told me, "why aren't you making a move on so-and-so?! She thinks you don't like her and she's getting really frustrated." That might be what's happening with the girl I mentioned, not sure though.

[Konfuzion]

I play 0 games when I date, I am straight up and I tell them that upfront. I always say I will call you tomorrow and thank you for the date (this kills the wait 2 days thing before you call). And I am true to myself and to them.

 

I know what my dating purpose is and I am not afraid to tell people.