Am I too attached to her?

[DeePee]

I've been seeing this girl for just under 2 months. We've gone out about 1 to 2 times per week, talk on the phone 2-3 times per week, and sometimes shoot an email, text.

 

I've been fine with this, and realize we're at the age where we need to make sure this is what we want and take things slow. Both of us are accomplished in our careers, live on our own, and enjoy each others company (at least it's been that way, since no date has been broken by either of us). Of course, I think about her a lot, but it's never disabled me. We have not discussed any long term relationship, no talk of exes, no sex, and we haven't spent the night together, either. She's a sweet girl, smart, very cute, very funny, active, social, articulate, the most complete package I've ever dated.

 

Problem is, I am starting to miss her... A LOT. The last time we spent anytime together wasn't even that long ago (two days ago), but it seems like an eternity and I want to see her so badly. Unfortunately, she had plans with some coworkers, so I'll have to wait. Last time we had any conversation was a short strin of emails yesterday... BUT IT FEELS LIKE FOREVER! WHY? I know a watched pot never boils, but not only am I watching it I'm thinking about it boiling, too.

 

Am I too attached to her? I probably know the answer already, but I wanted your feedback. I know girls take longer to get emotionally tied than a guy does, but I feel like this is too soon for me to get attached. It hasn't even been 2 months, yet.

 

What do girls do to let guys know they're still interested... or if they lost interest?

[Mako482]

It's normal to feel that way when you are really starting to like someone, 2 months is surely long enough for that. If you don't sense she is in the same place in my opinion she probably isn't, unless she is afraid to let you know. In my opinion if after dating 2 months you should have an idea as to where you both stand.

[The Player]

DeePee, I'll tell you one thing. Yes. You are too much attachted to her, she isn't your Girl. Don't act like she is. Because acting like that evolves to clingyness. That is the number 1 reason that drives women away.

 

You seem to have it pretty good right now, you should have escalated at an early time before you get put into the Friend Zone. My advice take her somewhere new, somewhere out and open.

 

Don't take her to the movies or out to eat. Those are both plain and predictable, you want to be different and you want her to want you. You need to go on a date with her, and escalate. You need to move up with this girl if you want her. Because all this slow timing could lead you do the drastically friend zone.

 

Take her to the park, to the beach, to the pier. Anywhere that's out and open this is unique and different and a better surrounding. While you both are out and about, tease her and play with her. Just go and have an amazing time. Do some good kino on her...

( The art of touching ) not touching her goodies, but touching like rubbing her lower back. Being behind her and having your hands on her waist or arms. This is important and creates comfort between the two of you and builds trust and attraction.

 

Has a girl ever touched you on your arm or shoulder and you instantly felt a sexual thought or feeling about her? That is what kino is, and it is much more powerful on women.

 

Make sure you do that a lot, but not to the point where it is awkward and obvious your trying to.

 

She will feel comfortable being around you, and she will see you as a potential partner.

 

Whatever you do don't call her or text her more than 2-3 times a week. Too much of that will definately kill your chances. I can gurantee you that.

 

Resist your urges, and make a date and escalate. I've learned so much because of a project I am on. And if you ever need anything else just PM me or ask here.

 

Much luck.

[KinAZ]

^I'm not sure about all of The Player's advice. You have two choices... you can be "real" or play "games". The guys who called me everyday, and I DID NOT mind it were the guys I felt the same about.

 

If she seems to be receptive, don't crowd her of course, but I wouldn't advise setting any little rules. What's best, IMO, is to think about the situation realistically. You don't have to say "would you be my girlfriend" or tell her all of your feelings, but you can find out what she's looking for at this point. A good friend? Someone to go out with once in awhile? Something that will lead towards a serious long term relationship? You don't have to put it in terms of YOU, but generally find out what she's looking for in her love life right now.

 

However, while some girls will grab the bull by the horns, others let the guy set the tone. If you set an extremely slow and mild tone for our involvement with one another, eventually, yes... I'll just think you're looking for friendship, not looking for a relationship, or something. And so, on those points, I do agree with The Player. You want to make sure there's some flirtatious touch or physical contact going on. You do want to make sure you're trying something different at least every once in a while. And of course, you do want to make sure you get somewhere that give you two a little more intimate space with one another. (That's hard to do across a dinner table.)

 

I wouldn't say that you've become too attached so much as I would say that you seem to be wanting more out of the situation. If she's anything like me, and while I say "don't play games" lol things aren't going to progress and less you move them along.

[The Player]

KinAZ, could you explain to me what was it that you didn't agree with? I'm curious and I'd like to know your reason behind it =D

 

BTW, I'm pretty good at what I do. ;-D

[carhill]

Am I too attached to her? I probably know the answer already, but I wanted your feedback. I know girls take longer to get emotionally tied than a guy does, but I feel like this is too soon for me to get attached. It hasn't even been 2 months, yet.

 

If you aren't being physically/sexually affectionate with her (I saw no indication in your post), then, yes, you're ahead of yourself and behind the eight ball, so to speak. Sexual attraction and emotional attachment are parallel paths to commitment and exclusivity. Too much of one before the other can mess up the flow of the budding relationship and sometimes kill it.

 

Typically, men are sexual before women and women are emotional before men. The construct based on that is that you pursue her sexually while slowly engaging your emotions as you see her reciprocating and validating your attraction with her emotional response to you.

 

So, if you could expand upon what has been happening on the sexual (I'm not talking intercourse here, rather sexual interactions in general) front, that would be helpful to understanding your situation.

[jadedone]

If you are already kissing or making out, then you are probably just about on schedule. If all you are getting is a hug at the end of the night, then you definitely need to step it up or step off. I'm guessing it's been about 8 or 9 weeks with about 15 dates. You should know where you stand by now.

[DeePee]

Thanks everyone. We've been pretty affectionate since our 2nd date. Kissing, lots of touching, smiling, eye contact, cuddling. We just haven't gotten past kissing. Despite that, I feel I'm really falling for her (I know many people say how can this be so if we haven't slept together, yet).

 

Either way, I'm going to be more active in my display of affection w/o saying it and let her see how much I care about her. All the while, w/o smothering her. I've been keeping the phone coversations shorter and trying not to call too much.

[carhill]

Time to involve more erogenous zones. This is a romantic relationship, remember? How do you see her taking care of you emotionally?

[KinAZ]

KinAZ, could you explain to me what was it that you didn't agree with? I'm curious and I'd like to know your reason behind it =D

 

BTW, I'm pretty good at what I do. ;-D

 

Sorry, The Player, I guess I over looked the part where he said he wanted to be a "player"

 

This is what you said: "Whatever you do don't call her or text her more than 2-3 times a week. Too much of that will definately kill your chances. I can gurantee you that."

 

As for why, I explained that in my post.

[DeePee]

Thank you, all. No, I'm not looking to be a player, meet as many women as I can, etc. I've had my fair share of dating, and I want to get into a LTR and hopefully settle down.

 

As such, I have spent time with her the other night. Everything went well (IMO) and I layed down my motives... through action (as in I did not tell her I like her, I showed her). Once again, being conservative on this one day to at least just let her know how much I like her, I left everything at cuddling and kissing. That said, I flirted a lot with her, held eye contact, engaged in good conversation, held her, brushed my nose against her hair, ear, neck, cheek, passionately and playfully kissed, held her hand, complimented her, joked with her, teased her, rubbed her back, and gave her a real sweet kiss good night. You know, the kind that's light on the lips, with several pauses while keeping your eyes closed and smiling... only to continue kissing lightly and sucking her lower lip to let her know how much she means to me. Said goodbye with a smile, held that gaze for a moment, and parted ways.

 

If that doesn't get my point across to her, I don't know what will... because I'm going to escalate our relationship at the next meeting and see how she responds. Haven't talked to her since, no plans for the next date, and I'll be keeping things on the downlow for the time being.

 

Did I do good?

[BannaBee57]

 

If that doesn't get my point across to her, I don't know what will...

 

 

How about telling her that you'd like to move forward in your relationship and see what she says??

 

I think you're doing well, but if this is really eating you up then good old communication should remove all doubt.

 

I've always appreciated when a guy has said something to the effect of "I can see us together long term. What do you think?"

 

From what you've explained it sounds like she likes you too, but is just letting you call the shots. I let guys leed the course of the relationship at the speed they're comfortable with.

[The Player]

Sorry, The Player, I guess I over looked the part where he said he wanted to be a "player"

 

This is what you said: "Whatever you do don't call her or text her more than 2-3 times a week. Too much of that will definately kill your chances. I can gurantee you that."

 

As for why, I explained that in my post.

 

 

 

Now I hope your not taking my last post, as questioning your intelligence or anything. I simply asked you what you didn't agree with.

 

Now I never said, if he wanted to be a player. I state advice simply to help attract a women to a man.

 

My reason why I said not to call 2-3 times a week, is because most of the time, if you call more then that, you will be nagging her.

 

Your saying it's ok to call around 4+ times a week?

 

 

Doing that can show a little over interest, you may want her to know your interested, but don't show it too much. I just don't want this guy to call too much, and she loses attraction for him. It's a possiblity he will come off as bugging.

 

Am I wrong on that? No.

[KinAZ]

Now I hope your not taking my last post, as questioning your intelligence or anything. I simply asked you what you didn't agree with.

 

Now I never said, if he wanted to be a player. I state advice simply to help attract a women to a man.

 

My reason why I said not to call 2-3 times a week, is because most of the time, if you call more then that, you will be nagging her.

 

Your saying it's ok to call around 4+ times a week?

 

 

Doing that can show a little over interest, you may want her to know your interested, but don't show it too much. I just don't want this guy to call too much, and she loses attraction for him. It's a possiblity he will come off as bugging.

 

Am I wrong on that? No.

 

It's only one possibility. But if this is the case then he may need to move on, as his interest and expectations may be greater than her's.

 

The OTHER possibility is that he is not showing enough interest.

 

And this is why I disagreed with you. Not because it's totally false that too much attention could be annoying, but because this is not always the case... and for him, for all we know, the opposite may be true. This is why I said that in such cases, I may think the guy just wants a good friend, or dating a few other people.

 

Lucky or unlucky for me, most of the guys I've dated were pretty direct about their interest, and didn't play the telephone games.

 

I gave my number to a guy not so long a go who called 3 or 4 times in one day, not giving me time to call him back, before we had even had a conversation on the phone. That's way too much. A guy I go out with a couple of times a week, I wouldn't consider it psycho calling if he called 3 times in one day after he couldn't reach me. I can be pretty busy, he likes to talk, I love the conversation, and so it's cool.