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I had to reject him


marinemom5740

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I recently met a man whom I was attracted to and was interested in. well when we fineally did talk and exchange phone numbers I was completly turned off by him. he told me all he wanted was a sexual realationship, he did not want a girlfriend did not want a wife he just wants his freedom. that is all well and good. I thank him for being honest but, I have to say no to him. he was asking me all kinds of personal questions of sexual orariontation which was a turn off and telling me that he is a wild guy and he is all about haveing a good time. when I asked him why he did not want a committed realationship he walked away and said I just want my freedom. I then said well u don't want a committed realationship because you get board with the same woman then dump her and move on to the next one?? he said yes. so I had to say no to him. I just can't stand boys who are stuck on them selves and have an ego. I am a 45yr woman not a little girl. I can't belive people would settle for a realationship like that or call it " hooking up" don't have time for that where are all the good men??

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Jersey Shortie

I am in my 20s and wondering the same thing Marinemom. It seems like most of society is stuct in adolesence. And it's no more attractive in men then it is in women.

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Im in my 20s and I am having a hard time coping with the fact that my gf did the same things like the guy you had turned down. She just wanted **** buddies, and nothing to commit too. It eats me up inside knowing that she was like that. It sickens me.

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i am in my 20s and i dont mind having fun a bit before settling for a serious one.. or would it actually affect my future relationship? (after reading onlyicansee 's post)

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I don't see what the problem is. It's his choice, and he was honest with you. Most people wouldn't be that honest and would string you along. Be thankful he was open about what he was looking for.

 

If you don't agree, move on and find someone who has the same dating goals you do.

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I'm in my 30's and I run into this a lot with guys my age. They want no talk of commitment, they just want to come and go as they please.

 

But I do have to say, at least the ones that say this in the beginning are being honest, instead of the ones that hide it and don't tell you til later on...when they've found someone else they'd rather be with.

 

The line that I hate is..."Well, I told you I didn't want anything serious.."

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I am in my 20s and wondering the same thing Marinemom. It seems like most of society is stuct in adolesence. And it's no more attractive in men then it is in women.

 

 

we just have to stand strong and just wait for the right one to come along. I have no time for what the world and society says is accaptable. yes most of the boys are stuck in adolesence. he is 40 and Im 45. guess he is pouting and I don't care. when he said he picked up a girl from a bar in August and hasen't been with one since then?? gee wounder why?? she said don't ever call me again I don't want anything to do with you. ok then

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I'm in my 30's and I run into this a lot with guys my age. They want no talk of commitment, they just want to come and go as they please.

 

But I do have to say, at least the ones that say this in the beginning are being honest, instead of the ones that hide it and don't tell you til later on...when they've found someone else they'd rather be with.

 

The line that I hate is..."Well, I told you I didn't want anything serious.."

 

 

hey bluestar Im cool with the honesty but, he is such an ass .... I thought to myself gee u must have a teflion d... or what>? to brag on your self? o if the sex is good I might stick around? go tell it to a little girl women my age are turned off and we will not allow idoits to use us. so I wait for the right one. peace

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I think you should have just boinked him so you wouldn't be so upset that all he wanted was sex from you? Do you feel it would have cheapened you if you would have took him up on his offer?

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I have no time for what the world and society says is accaptable.

If you weren't interested in what he was offering, good for you for rejecting him and moving on. Thankfully he told you right away so you didn't waste too much investment in him before finding out.

 

I am curious about the phrase I quoted above, which I have seen you and a couple other women use in referring to men who were just looking for a freind with benefits, one night stand, or occasional "hook-up". I have no time for... Are you using that to really mean "I don't have any interest in" or are you actually worried that if you spend time with a guy like that it would take time away from Mr. Right whenever he came along?

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If you weren't interested in what he was offering, good for you for rejecting him and moving on. Thankfully he told you right away so you didn't waste too much investment in him before finding out.

 

I am curious about the phrase I quoted above, which I have seen you and a couple other women use in referring to men who were just looking for a freind with benefits, one night stand, or occasional "hook-up". I have no time for... Are you using that to really mean "I don't have any interest in" or are you actually worried that if you spend time with a guy like that it would take time away from Mr. Right whenever he came along?

 

 

yes I am not interested in any kind of one nite stand or a friends with benfits been there and done that. I have been hurt many times by men who did this to me. I had to do a lot of healing and grown up. I also a self respect for mybody. it took a lot for me to lift up my head after being dumped by men who only wanted a sexuall realationship. some people like it some don't. yes Im thankfull for his honesty but, his argoriance is un-real. all i can say is if the shoe fits wear it as for me I will wait for mr right.

blessings to all

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I think you should have just boinked him so you wouldn't be so upset that all he wanted was sex from you? Do you feel it would have cheapened you if you would have took him up on his offer?

 

let's just say Im not into doing men on a frist date. he made it clear to me he wanted to get a hotel room and have a good time. so he did not concor his quest. he is pissed at me o well he will get over it. he is use to getting his way or so he thinks so.

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Then we also have to think of the aspects of STDs. A guy like that could very well have herpes, and herpes you can get with a condom or not. It doesn't help your chances if the herpes is on the skin above the penis. Contracting herpes this way is actually quite common, happens all the time, even with a condom.

You did the right thing.

 

thank you that did run across my mind but when I left him saturday nite I had no intention of " hooking up" or going out on a date or anything with him.

god bless him

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yes I am not interested in any kind of one nite stand or a friends with benfits been there and done that. I have been hurt many times by men who did this to me. I had to do a lot of healing and grown up. I also a self respect for mybody. it took a lot for me to lift up my head after being dumped by men who only wanted a sexuall realationship. some people like it some don't. yes Im thankfull for his honesty but, his argoriance is un-real. all i can say is if the shoe fits wear it as for me I will wait for mr right.

blessings to all

I figured as much, I just wanted to be sure when I read, "I don't have time for" and heard "I'm not interested in" that I was interpreting correctly.

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I figured as much, I just wanted to be sure when I read, "I don't have time for" and heard "I'm not interested in" that I was interpreting correctly.

 

yes you did interpert right it is such a shame that people today will settle for less and let men or women use them and move on. where are all the morals??

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I just can't stand boys who are stuck on them selves and have an ego. I am a 45yr woman not a little girl. I can't belive people would settle for a realationship like that or call it " hooking up" don't have time for that where are all the good men??

Don't take that one guy as the example of all men...seriously. I myself grew tired of being blamed for and having to "apologize" for what other men have done, because some women believe that because I have a penis I'm going to be just as terrible as the guy who probably hurt or angered her.

 

The ONLY justification I can see of this guy's behavior is that he sees marriage and commitment as a dead end in life. He might fear the idea of divorce, or maybe feels that monogamy would get boring to him. He might be very comfortable in his life as a bachelor and only wants sex out of women to appease that need.

 

In the end, it means he's not right for you, but there will be better men out there who do want a relationship. Just like women say about the "good women", "good men" don't always come packaged in many of the ways women will want. Not saying you're shallow or unrealistic, but more tossing out the blanket statement that if guys like this are all you meet, then maybe think about what "requirements" you might have that seemingly are only found on these "hookup guys".

 

Don't give up...plenty of men out there.

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I agree with the guy.

 

I don't want to give 'commitment' either, meaning, commitment as in promising to be exclusive for all future no matter what. My honesty prevents me from making crazy promises. Promises such as: "I will stay with you faithfully for the rest of my life even if you stop giving me sex." I wish more men were as honest as your bloke.

 

For me being commited could br better described as being loyal. Being considered loyal, as apart from making promises, would feel great, but that requires for one to hang in there during tough times. One cannot be loyal if one hasn't been exposed to challenging times. And one cannot promise to be loyal, only one's actions in times of testing will show. Actions speak louder than words.

 

Finally, in all honesty, what would be honest to me? Agreeing to be EXCLUSIVE for as long as you make me feel as good as you do today.

 

To conclude, if I were you I would ask for exclusivity, not vague notions such as 'commitment'.

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yes I am not interested in any kind of one nite stand or a friends with benfits been there and done that. I have been hurt many times by men who did this to me. . . . it took a lot for me to lift up my head after being dumped by men who only wanted a sexuall realationship. some people like it some don't.

it is such a shame that people today will settle for less and let men or women use them and move on. where are all the morals??

If you are out dating you are going to run into a lot of people, male and female, who are either not looking for a long-term committed relationship or who are looking for one as a long-term goal but are happy to have fun with short-term no-commitment encounters along the way. If you belive that sex is immoral outside of a committed loving relationship, you are going to be disappointed in a lot of people. If you believe other people are going to treat you that way without you actively protecting your own interests, you are going to hurt a lot.

 

Many people see no moral issue with sex for pleasure without a relationship as long as both participants understand what they are getting into in advance. In that instance, I don't know that you could consider them immoral or being used, but there is a definite potential for someone who isn't moral to mislead you about their level of commitment to manipulate you into sex. Stick to your morals, don't let anyone push you into doing something you don't want to do, and if you are looking only for long-term commitment then have a healthy level of skepticism with new people until they demonstrate by their actions that they really are bringing some commitment to the relationship.

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hey guys thanks for the feed back im impressed with the feedback. I guess im kinda old fashond. with things and am set in my ways. he did call me yesterday but i never responded. i have since deleated his number out of my cell phone. so I guess I wait. and im cool with that. I have a lot of friends men and women whom have been by my side and agree with me. thanks again for the info.

blessings to all

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Don't take that one guy as the example of all men...seriously. I myself grew tired of being blamed for and having to "apologize" for what other men have done, because some women believe that because I have a penis I'm going to be just as terrible as the guy who probably hurt or angered her.

 

The ONLY justification I can see of this guy's behavior is that he sees marriage and commitment as a dead end in life. He might fear the idea of divorce, or maybe feels that monogamy would get boring to him. He might be very comfortable in his life as a bachelor and only wants sex out of women to appease that need.

 

In the end, it means he's not right for you, but there will be better men out there who do want a relationship. Just like women say about the "good women", "good men" don't always come packaged in many of the ways women will want. Not saying you're shallow or unrealistic, but more tossing out the blanket statement that if guys like this are all you meet, then maybe think about what "requirements" you might have that seemingly are only found on these "hookup guys".

 

Don't give up...plenty of men out there.

 

your right marriage and commentment are boring to him. he likes being a bachelor and getting what he wants from women to make him feel good. yes i often think about my liveing situation around here " hookup guys " Im not going to give up not by a long shot. thanks for the encourgment.

have a blessed day

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