Futureshop Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 Let's say a man you're interested in asks you out, and you say YES. Then you find out he picked a rather fancy restaurant. Has this ever turned you off? Link to post Share on other sites
porter218 Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 Yea, if I was in the mood for a more laid back evening. I have to dress to the 9s all day for work so sometimes I like to be able to dress down to go out. Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 Let's say a man you're interested in asks you out, and you say YES. Then you find out he picked a rather fancy restaurant. Has this ever turned you off? I am sorry to say that this particular issue has never reared its head in my case. However. I guess it would depend. In general, it might give me pause if it's a first date. A very fancy restaurant on a first date seems like a bit too much pressure. I wouldn't consider it a turnoff, but I'd wonder about it and feel somewhat cautious going in. It would only be a no-holds-barred turnoff if he only picked the restaurant to show off and be pleased with himself. There are generally other clues to that, though. Does he drive an ostentatiously flashy penis-mobile? Does he spend most of the time talking about himself? In that context, a too-fancy restaurant might send a red flag about the sort of person he is. It's all context, though. If it's just a matter of taking someone to a place you really like, or because you really like her and want to please her, that's not a turnoff. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 Why on earth would this turn someone off??? I'd think he was awesome for doing something like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 I would be seriously questioning this, if it appeared to be outside of his comfort level or price range. How fiscally responsible is he and why this need to overdo it, when he's not going to be enjoying it. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 I would be seriously questioning this, if it appeared to be outside of his comfort level or price range. How fiscally responsible is he and why this need to overdo it, when he's not going to be enjoying it. Huh? was it ever stated that money was an issue? maybe i missed something... there are many times where it is impossible to tell how much money a man has. my brothers have tons of money but aren't flashy or showy about it. however, if they want to spend on something in particular - they don't hesitate... just saying... don't make assumptions one way or the other. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 I would be seriously questioning this, if it appeared to be outside of his comfort level or price range. How fiscally responsible is he and why this need to overdo it, when he's not going to be enjoying it. I agree. I've been in this situation before, only I didn't know exactly where we were going until we got there. It was obvious he was really trying, but also obvious that it was outside his financial comfort range...which, for a first few dates was off-putting. Link to post Share on other sites
porter218 Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 It would only be a no-holds-barred turnoff if he only picked the restaurant to show off and be pleased with himself. There are generally other clues to that, though. Does he drive an ostentatiously flashy penis-mobile? Does he spend most of the time talking about himself? In that context, a too-fancy restaurant might send a red flag about the sort of person he is. It's all context, though. . So true. If a man spends too much time telling me what car he drives, how much it cost(like I don't freakin know what car costs how much:rolleyes:), how much he makes at work, How much his house cost...blah blah blah Then inviting me to the most expensive restaurant would be the icing on the cake...cya bye. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 No questions asked, all systems go. If a man I am interested in plans this with me I have enough confidence in him that he is doing it because he can and wants to. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 Huh? was it ever stated that money was an issue? maybe i missed something... there are many times where it is impossible to tell how much money a man has. my brothers have tons of money but aren't flashy or showy about it. however, if they want to spend on something in particular - they don't hesitate... just saying... don't make assumptions one way or the other. Well, if you know what they do for a living, have a general idea about the salary range of that position, see how they live within their means in other ways (car, home, clothing), and yet they're all of a sudden shelling out hundreds of dollars just for dinner on a first date...wouldn't that give you a moment of pause? I'd much rather be taken to TGI Fridays and know it's comfortable for him than be taken to Bastide or the French Kitchen just for the heck of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 Huh? was it ever stated that money was an issue? maybe i missed something... there are many times where it is impossible to tell how much money a man has. my brothers have tons of money but aren't flashy or showy about it. however, if they want to spend on something in particular - they don't hesitate... just saying... don't make assumptions one way or the other. You can tell. Flashy guys are usually fakes, anyways. Either that or brash new money, which is equally offensive. I agree. I've been in this situation before, only I didn't know exactly where we were going until we got there. It was obvious he was really trying, but also obvious that it was outside his financial comfort range...which, for a first few dates was off-putting. Over-the-top anything for me, is a red flag. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 Over-the-top anything for me, is a red flag. Like white roses before a date? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 Like white roses before a date? I've experienced way, way worse. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 Well, if you know what they do for a living, have a general idea about the salary range of that position, see how they live within their means in other ways (car, home, clothing), and yet they're all of a sudden shelling out hundreds of dollars just for dinner on a first date...wouldn't that give you a moment of pause? I'd much rather be taken to TGI Fridays and know it's comfortable for him than be taken to Bastide or the French Kitchen just for the heck of it. that's what i'm saying. i know a lot of peeps who live very frugal lives from the outside looking in. but it happens to be a huge contradiction. just depends on what they find a priority. sometimes their priority might be: a fishing trip that cost 3-4 thousand dollarsa sporting event that they deem worthya vacationan expensive concertan expensive evening out - dinner included also - don't overlook the fact that their are many folks that have inherited money or money made from good days of stock market investments stashed away - so the nature of their work is not an indicator of how much money they may or may not have. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 You can tell. Flashy guys are usually fakes, anyways. Either that or brash new money, which is equally offensive. Over-the-top anything for me, is a red flag. Question: I am curious did your actor friend guy turn out like this? If so I can see why you would think that but if not then that's proof that it's not fair to say that all guys that splurge on a woman on a date are flakes..or a red flag.. Is that what you meant? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 Question: I am curious did your actor friend guy turn out like this? If so I can see why you would think that but if not then that's proof that it's not fair to say that all guys that splurge on a woman on a date are flakes..or a red flag.. Is that what you meant? My actor friend is still my actor friend and no, he's not like this. Splurging outside your personal comfort level beyond your financial means and personal comfort level on the first date, is a red flag. You're trying too hard to impress, which isn't impressive. Link to post Share on other sites
porter218 Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 that's what i'm saying. i know a lot of peeps who live very frugal lives from the outside looking in. but it happens to be a huge contradiction. just depends on what they find a priority. sometimes their priority might be: a fishing trip that cost 3-4 thousand dollarsa sporting event that they deem worthya vacationan expensive concertan expensive evening out - dinner included also - don't overlook the fact that their are many folks that have inherited money or money made from good days of stock market investments stashed away - so the nature of their work is not an indicator of how much money they may or may not have. Even if they have a billion in the bank, 2sunny, I am turned off by someone who feels the need to use it to win me over. Had this happen many times before and it is like throwing a bucket of ice into a hot tub... instant turn-off. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 Are some of you misunderstanding me? If the guy can afford it and is accustomed to this type of lifestyle, it's all good. He should also be enjoying this as much as I would be. Link to post Share on other sites
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 I would feel uncomfortable if it was out of my price range, since apparently some men want us to split the bill on a first date, LOL. I would feel uncomfortable if I was unsure about the guy. Like, wow, he's going all out for me, and I'm really not sure how I feel about him. If I totally digged him and I felt reasonably sure he would treat me, I would be excited! Link to post Share on other sites
AriaIncognito Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 I've never been presented with this situation to be honest, but I'd assume I would go, presuming it was a restaurant that had cuisine I partake of (as I tend to be picky on the food front). I don't have an issue if a first date is at a fancy place or at a chain restaurant. It's the company that matters to me, not the surroundings, for the most part. Now, if he were doing it just to "prove" himself to me, eh, doesn't impress me. I could certainly take myself to say, Mortons, whenever I want. I just choose to save "expensive" things for special occasions rather than make it a part of everyday life. I think it's pretty dependent on the situation. If the girl knows the guy and knows he's not trying to be flashy/impressive and just truly enjoys taking the woman out for a "nice" meal, then why not. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 My actor friend is still my actor friend and no, he's not like this. Splurging outside your personal comfort level beyond your financial means and personal comfort level on the first date, is a red flag. You're trying too hard to impress, which isn't impressive. Fair enough, I see what you are saying you are talking "in the event of..." But from the first post doesn't really say if it is outside of the comfort/financial level, are you saying you would automatically assume he is trying too hard regardless then? That I can see. On a first date I don't know why a man would do this unless he is a millionaire and he is used to doing this with all women but on a second third date if he wants to treat a woman he is interested in to a special night out I don't see it as something alarming, giddy up! Link to post Share on other sites
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 If the guy has a lot of money, then he probably frequents restaurants like this on a regular basis. He may not even think of it as expensive, since it is par for the course for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 I would feel uncomfortable if it was out of my price range, since apparently some men want us to split the bill on a first date, LOL. I agree with THIS as well! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 I would be seriously questioning this, if it appeared to be outside of his comfort level or price range. How fiscally responsible is he and why this need to overdo it, when he's not going to be enjoying it. Fair enough, I see what you are saying you are talking "in the event of..." But from the first post doesn't really say if it is outside of the comfort/financial level, are you saying you would automatically assume he is trying too hard regardless then? That I can see. On a first date I don't know why a man would do this unless he is a millionaire and he is used to doing this with all women but on a second third date if he wants to treat a woman he is interested in to a special night out I don't see it as something alarming, giddy up! The first post was broad brush strokes. My response was definitive, in that stated an "if" scenario. That's it, finito. Nothing deeper than that. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 If the guy has a lot of money, then he probably frequents restaurants like this on a regular basis. He may not even think of it as expensive, since it is par for the course for him. exactly and that has been my experience with men that planned a night out for me, I accepted that he could afford this and was inviting me not asking me if I agreed to pay my half. If a guy says to me do you wanna do dinner thursday night and we both decide on the place we eat that could be left up to interpretation on what he wants to spend. But if a guy says to me "you free Thursday?", I agree and he says "I made us reservations at Shee Shee Fru Fru's" it is understood he is inviting and NOT expecting me to pitch in just because he wanted to take me to Shee Shee's. (I think I am going to open up a really trendy restaurant and call it that I bet it would totally stick ) Link to post Share on other sites
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