pandagirl Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 So, the guy I went out with last night has already contacted me for a second date this weekend. Totally nice guy, nothing wrong with him, just no chemistry in the personality or physical realm. I don't want to hurt his feelings. Do you think it'd be OK to tell a white lie? Like, "My ex and I are going to try to work things out"? Or something akin to that? I just would rather give him a reason, instead of: "I don't like you like that." haha. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 Funny you should ask. I just tried to get out of a second date, and it didn't work. HAHA! Link to post Share on other sites
Author pandagirl Posted August 27, 2008 Author Share Posted August 27, 2008 What do you mean!? Link to post Share on other sites
AriaIncognito Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 I don't think that after 1 date he should take it all that personally if you don't feel a spark is there. If you feel the need to lie, maybe just tell him you've been seeing other people and you've decided to be exclusive with one of them. Personally, I'd be honest. Link to post Share on other sites
rod_in_gtown Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 Yeah, after the first date, honesty usually works for me. I would rather know she's not into me than get an excuse and be wondering... well should I try to schedule something else? what if she's REALLY spending all weekend with the curling iron? Maybe she has really rebel hair. Link to post Share on other sites
nopainnogain Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 Just do like every other girl does and ignore him. he will get over it. It was just 1 date. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 I usually forget to return the phonecall just to avoid having that "conversation", which is, I'll conceed, very douche-y of me. But really, the classics are classics for a reason: "He's a great guy but you're just not feeling that way towards him". You accepted one date with him - so I take it he has nothing physically wrong with him and it's more how your personnalities mesh that didn't work. And the thing about relationships is: it's all about finding someone who likes him for who he is. So really, let him down gently, but you don't feel too bad. You won't be destroying his ego. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 What do you mean!? Well, I know he's busy, and I am too, so I gave him an out, secretly hoping he'd take it. I just don't know how I feel... Link to post Share on other sites
flc Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 Just do like every other girl does and ignore him. he will get over it. It was just 1 date. Yeah, that is what happens and I think it sucks. If you meet someone and took the time to go out with them then at least let them know how it went. Don't lie just say he was nice but you don't feel romantically attracted. If the guys is so insecure he can't handle that then that is his problem not yours. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 Well, I know he's busy, and I am too, so I gave him an out, secretly hoping he'd take it. I just don't know how I feel... Is that the old flame Star? Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 Totally nice guy, nothing wrong with him, just no chemistry in the personality or physical realm. . So was he "too nice"? Have to ask since that is a common idea in threads around here. Since it's fresh in your mind and all... Link to post Share on other sites
nopainnogain Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 tell him....... " its me ,not you" Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 Don't lie PG.. that will only come back to bite you in the rear when he doesn't get your hints... Just tell that guy that your sorry but you don't feel a connection to him and you feel that there isn't any point in going on a second date.. Something of that nature... I have always appreciated the women that have not played any games and just used the connection way out of a second date.. If you lie then you are playing games and you are better than that... Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 I've always found this works just fine: "Thank you, but I just don't see this working out." Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 Just be straight-up. "While you're a great guy, we don't appear to have the kind of chemistry that works for me. Take care." In not wanting to hurt people feelings, you leave a lingering hope, if they're interested. Make it a clean cut. Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 Here's an idea... If he is a perfectly decent guy maybe he might work out with one of your freinds? And you might work out with one of his. Networking and meeting new people is the best way to improve your life and chances iof meeting someone. Just an idea.. if he didn't creep you out then platonic freindships for those that can handle them really are good as long as you are totally clear about your feelings and he doesn't think there's still 'something there". Try the sandwich technique.. 1) Say something positive. "Hey I had a good time and you are _____." 2) Give him the truthful hammer blow. "There's just that certain somkething missing between us for me and I don't see that changing." 3) Follow up with a positive and options. "You're a good guy, maybe we can hang out as freinds if that's cool with you." Just a thought.... Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 Is that the old flame Star? No, totally different guy. Old CRUSH is tomorrow night. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 3) Follow up with a positive and options. "You're a good guy, maybe we can hang out as freinds if that's cool with you." number 3 will only allow the door to remain open and he will ask again for another date.. Better to close the door... that way you don't have to feel " Why won't he get the hint ? " Link to post Share on other sites
BentSpine Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 How do you want to be remembered? Tell me the truth, soon I would honestly wish you well in life. If we one day happen to bump into each other, you'll be able to feel this. I would be honest. Being lied to is degrading. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pandagirl Posted August 27, 2008 Author Share Posted August 27, 2008 I just don't want him to think there is something wrong with HIM. So, I thought putting the reason upon something else other than him might be better... Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 Quick and short PG.. no lies.. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 So, the guy I went out with last night has already contacted me for a second date this weekend. Totally nice guy, nothing wrong with him, just no chemistry in the personality or physical realm. I don't want to hurt his feelings. Do you think it'd be OK to tell a white lie? Like, "My ex and I are going to try to work things out"? Or something akin to that? I just would rather give him a reason, instead of: "I don't like you like that." haha. I simply wrote her back and said "Hey you're a really nice and fun person but I just didn't find the spark I was looking for. I wish you the best of luck in your search." That was it. She wrote me back asking me to change my mind, but did compliment me on my honesty. Better to be honest with them than make up excuses. Think: "Integrity" Link to post Share on other sites
Author pandagirl Posted August 27, 2008 Author Share Posted August 27, 2008 So was he "too nice"? Have to ask since that is a common idea in threads around here. Since it's fresh in your mind and all... There is never such a thing as "too nice"! For me, there was no chemistry or connection on the basis of personality or physical interaction. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted August 27, 2008 Share Posted August 27, 2008 I just don't want him to think there is something wrong with HIM. So, I thought putting the reason upon something else other than him might be better... There is nothing wrong with him. We all know it from what you wrote here so the chances that you will convey anything else to him by being honest are slim. Don't forget, every human being on planet Earth, this guy included, has been put in the position of not returning someone's interests. He likely understands that the "it" factor is elusive. You're refusing a second date. That's it. It's not more complicated then that. You're not telling him that, unbeknownst to him, you were the quality assessment evaluator for Women of the World Unite and that since you're turning him down, now every women he'll ever meet will turn him down. It's never fun to be rejected but he'll get over it within a couple of days. And since you hardly knew him, he most likely won't take your rejection has personally as you imagine he will. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pandagirl Posted August 27, 2008 Author Share Posted August 27, 2008 There is nothing wrong with him. We all know it from what you wrote here so the chances that you will convey anything else to him by being honest are slim. Don't forget, every human being on planet Earth, this guy included, has been put in the position of not returning someone's interests. He likely understands that the "it" factor is elusive. You're refusing a second date. That's it. It's not more complicated then that. You're not telling him that, unbeknownst to him, you were the quality assessment evaluator for Women of the World Unite and that since you're turning him down, now every women he'll ever meet will turn him down. It's never fun to be rejected but he'll get over it within a couple of days. And since you hardly knew him, he most likely won't take your rejection has personally as you imagine he will. Obviously, I am projecting my own issues upon this guy. I will just be honest! Thanks everyone! Link to post Share on other sites
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