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me yet again...


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Hi

 

lemme say right away that i know tony is gonna recommend councelling at this point and maybe he's right but ahhh, i just need to type this out...

 

to recap, this is about a guy i was friends/dance partners with for about 2 yrs, after which he asked me out (according to him, after liking me for several months) & after several months of me healing from a break up, some wishy-washyness on both sides, etc., we finally dated for about a month... as we discussed it, there was no "contract" between us - purely casual stuff...

 

after that, he VANISHED ... he was out w/ family n friends over xmas break, and then went off to college... well - this college is only an hour away so it doesn't make much difference. And i haven't seen him in about a month now.

 

Every time we talk on IM, he says he's doing well, etc. No mention of coming back to see me ... I have a gut-feeling there's some gal he found at college ... he mentioned clubbing w/ friends n some gals... n then he also mentioned those gals are ppl he knows from last year... (last year, he kept telling me there aint any worthy gals around him)

 

While he was still here, he gave me several rants about how he doesn't like high maintenance ppl, and how ppl have been mad at him before for not contacting them often, but according to him, no contact for a while doesn't mean anything's changed. (i didnt pay much attention to those rants at the time)

 

WELL - what i can't comprehend is ..... if u date someone u've known for a long time and who's an ex-friend of yrs, u date 'em cuz u like them, not cuz u got nothing better to do, no? (he has given me huge rants about losing friends b/c of asking them out n what a disaster that'd be b4 asking me out) ... so why the hell did he vanish like this so soon (the last two dates were the first times some making out went on, so i really expected to see him again sometime soon after that ...) ??

 

Another thing is - he left a hickey on my neck last time i saw him, and i mentioned it to him, he said - oops, sorry, etc. One of my guy-friends thinks i might've scared him by that somehow. -?...

 

Another thing - he sounds playerish, right? But he's only had one gf, and that relnship didnt go well at all - and he has said smth like this before: im afraid of reliving my past relnship. SO my guy friend says maybe he's scared of being in a relationship, etc. - his advice is to talk to him directly and see where his head's at. Is that good advice?

 

WHy the hell im so stuck on this guy - i dont know. A couple ppl have asked me out in the past month, but i dont like any of them........ every time a guy picks me up from home, i wish it was this guy im writing abotu who'd show up at my door... :(

 

HELP?? Should i talk to him? if so, how? Should i just cut all contact and freaking move on?

 

he knew me SO well - why date me if he didn't RLLY like me? but if RLLY like me, why vanish? if not RLLY like me, why date me n throw away the friendship? I just cant believe im worth so damn lil to him, either as a girl or as a friend...

 

Thanks for listening!

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PS

 

The lil voice of reason in my head says that if he wanted me, he'd act upon it, and that i should simply drop the matter, and leave all future initiative upto him.

 

But the lil voice of attraction keeps saying - what if he just needs a nudge, what if he's just scared, what if what if ... esp. cuz he's said stuff like "i wish u'd be the agressive one sometimes" before ... and "i'm bad at reading girls' signs, so a nudge might be needed" ...

 

By the lil voice of reason, i dont even like this guy too much - but i just cannot get him out of my head. at all! some days i can, but he comes right back to my mind after that... AHH! it's so frustrating. All i want is to see him once in 1-2 weeks, and be in a casual dating kinda scenario...

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Well there you go the so called "nice guy" syndrome

 

you like him but not enough to ever try to ask him out.

 

Or where did all the talk for equality of the sexes go with

 

women after... god knows how long fighting for them.

 

(bit of a side tracked argumet but a relavent one)

 

Here is a small bit of advice just ask him if nothing else atleast you will get some for of a conclusion to the "relationship".

 

Seems like he might make a good friend on the basis of what you 2 have had before so try to be the agressor i mean equal rights require equal responsibility (unless the one your talking to is disabled).

 

Finally most relationships are based on a 50/50 partnership and would not function in any other way so ask him what the deal is and get it over with after that you might want to get some counseling done to deal with what may be some underlying selfesteem issues.

 

(Though there are the slave master S&M relationships but thats a completely different scenario for a comparison on the 50/50 partnership thing)

PS The lil voice of reason in my head says that if he wanted me, he'd act upon it, and that i should simply drop the matter, and leave all future initiative upto him. But the lil voice of attraction keeps saying - what if he just needs a nudge, what if he's just scared, what if what if ... esp. cuz he's said stuff like "i wish u'd be the agressive one sometimes" before ... and "i'm bad at reading girls' signs, so a nudge might be needed" ... By the lil voice of reason, i dont even like this guy too much - but i just cannot get him out of my head. at all! some days i can, but he comes right back to my mind after that... AHH! it's so frustrating. All i want is to see him once in 1-2 weeks, and be in a casual dating kinda scenario...
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