Confused in Indiana Posted January 10, 2002 Share Posted January 10, 2002 Hello, I have been going out with my girlfriend since I was 16 and I am now 22, which means we have been dating for a very long time. We have had our occasional breakup or two a year or two ago, but we seem to have worked everything out. I am a senior in college and she has been graduated for about a year now. A few months ago, I went through this little phase where I didn't want to see too much of her. I would want to hang out with my friends or even just play on my computer rather than see her. Well, we discussed that and it has been better lately, but recently something else was brought up. 2 days ago, she told me that she was going out of town for a few days and wanted to know when we should do something. I told her that I would rather do something today because Wednesdays were my hell days at school and work 9AM-9PM straight and I told her that I would be tired. Well, she wanted to do something that day and got upset at me because I didn't! She now says that she thinks that a couple that has been going out as long as us should be able to see each other everyday and not be a problem. I have no problem seeing each other everyday, but some days, I would just like to chill and be with my friends or by myself. Is this wrong? What do you guys think I should do to make her see that I really do want to spend time with her and we don't have to see each other everyday to prove that. I seem to be struggling on the matter because she brought up how unhappy she was in the relationship because it doesn't seem like I want to see her. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 10, 2002 Share Posted January 10, 2002 You can't do anything to make her see anything. If this lady can't understand that you have hell days when you have to work late and you're very tired, then you may just have to take another look at this. Life is short and too tough to go through it with a partner who demands you prop yourself up and make her happy when you are ready to fall over. Explain to her real clearly that if she doesn't develop a sense of consideration, understanding and respect and if she doesn't become more flexible in her thought process, the relationship could be in danger. Most rational, sane people would have totally understood that you didn't want to do anything after such a "hell" day. They would have found someone or something else to occupy their time. She is at an age where a lot of people are on the selfish side. If you want to stay with her, you may have to put up with this kind of selfcenteredness for a few years intil she grows out of this phase (if, hopefully, she does). I used to but, looking back, I wouldn't do it again for a second. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Confused in Indiana Posted January 10, 2002 Share Posted January 10, 2002 Well, she has some reason to feel that way. She is mostly understanding, but there have been a few other things that have happened here lately that has made her upset with me (she is usually upset for awhile until she gets better). This last weekend, we talked about me coming over and spending the night and having a great time together. I wasn't feeling well so she went out and got us dinner and even bought breakfast to fix me for the next morning. Well, my roomate called and we just got our cable modem installed at the apt and he needed me to come over and configure a router that we have. I love doing it so I inadvertantly told him that I would be home in a little while, totally forgetting that we had planned on spending the night. I know, my bad. That is the main thing that really made her mad and when I said that I didn't want to do anything on Wednesday, that just added to it. She is usually very understanding about these things, but when things that make upset come all at once, she gets pissed at small things. Some things are my fault, I know, but I think she has a habit of getting upset a little too much sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Mojo Posted January 12, 2002 Share Posted January 12, 2002 hi confused, i think you are being perfectly reasonable in your statement. i love spending time on my own or with friends when i am involved with a guy. not only is it necessary to have your own life, it's the perfect opportunity to miss your partner and really appreciate seeing them next. relationships that spend too much time together or too much time apart are not always healthy. she needs to understand that *everyone* needs time to themselves to hang out with their friends, to hang out at home alone, to spend the day shopping or surfing or whatever. of course, if you're giving her the brush off when you've already made plans, i could understand her being a little annoyed. on the other hand, she is being quite selfish, especially considering you have one day where you are busy 12 hours straight. i know how exhausting that it is because i had a semester at uni where i spent every tuesday there from 8am to 8pm. it's totally unreasonable and illogical to expect you to want to go out after such a long day. it is actually healthy to be able to strike this balance in a relationship. she has no right to demand that it all be her way and whinge at you because you were busy. people's plans sometimes clash and there would be a lot less drama in this world if they could learn to compromise. i really don't think there is anything you can do to *make* her see anything. you can't make her see anything she doesn't want to see. i would simply tell her to chill out a bit and accept that your plans will sometimes clash with hers and it is unfair have a hissy fit over that (words to that effect). life is so much easier when we attempt to find middle-ground. best wishes Link to post Share on other sites
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