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Stop questioning it, she doesn't want you


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I'm really noticing a trend on here in which the guys continuously question a girl's motives. They write about a girl's flakiness, inattentiveness, and sometimes her callousness, and why the girl isn't receptive to their advances when they ask her out. Then they get all bitter that they got turned down ands starts trashing the girl for being stuck up. There are also the ones that pursues like crazy and asks for strategies to get with a girl that's already said she's not interested.

 

My question is, why do they continously doubt what's in front of them? Why can't they just take no for an answer instead of analyzing her every actions?

Shouldn't no mean no? Even disinterest on her part is enough to tell them to move on.

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I guess this is mainly because girls tend to be really nice when they turn down a guy's invitation. Because they don't want to hurt anyone, girls can potentially send mixed signals to guys.

 

I am currently in that situation. I am a good loser and will happily accept "no" as an answer. However, the girl almost seems "too nice to be disinterested"...

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For the longest time, guys were taught that no meant yes. It's hard for them to get that notion out of their systems. Plus, they are addicted to the chase. Who is more perfect, more desirable than the unattainable. Women also fall into this trap.

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I guess this is mainly because girls tend to be really nice when they turn down a guy's invitation. Because they don't want to hurt anyone, girls can potentially send mixed signals to guys.

 

I am currently in that situation. I am a good loser and will happily accept "no" as an answer. However, the girl almost seems "too nice to be disinterested"...

 

Joe then you need to change your mindset a bit. When a girl's nice, she's nice. There's nothing in her action that says that she likes you enough to be with you.

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I guess this is mainly because girls tend to be really nice when they turn down a guy's invitation. Because they don't want to hurt anyone, girls can potentially send mixed signals to guys.

 

I think that's partly why. The other part is inherent in our genes because we think they're playing hard to get and we have to persist in order for her to go out with us.

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Joe then you need to change your mindset a bit. When a girl's nice, she's nice. There's nothing in her action that says that she likes you enough to be with you.

 

You are right. I guess I would act differently if a girl I was not interested in asked me out. I would make sure that my behaviour leaves no doubt that I am not interested. I would also keep a certain distance between us so there is no false hope from her end.

 

I go back to my current situation:

 

Me: Engelbert Humperdinck concert tomorrow?

Her: ****, I already had plans with my BFF that I really can't cancel. I love Engelbert! Very kind of you to think of me, thank you.

 

Her answer is ambiguous as it seems sincere but meanwhile she did not propose another activity. She keeps teasing me and talks about having drinks, but again without proposing a specific date.

 

I don't think I am being too sensitive to women being nice. I know the difference between "nice" and "interested". However I think some situations are truly difficult to interpret.

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Because most of the time they don't say no. They say "Maybe" or "I'm busy" or any other number of excuses. but they rarely come out and say no.

 

 

No where in those threads was the guy straight up told no.

 

Besides, you're the last person("I have the flu") to be complaining.

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You are right. I guess I would act differently if a girl I was not interested in asked me out. I would make sure that my behaviour leaves no doubt that I am not interested. I would also keep a certain distance between us so there is no false hope from her end.

 

I go back to my current situation:

 

Me: Engelbert Humperdinck concert tomorrow?

Her: ****, I already had plans with my BFF that I really can't cancel. I love Engelbert! Very kind of you to think of me, thank you.

 

Her answer is ambiguous as it seems sincere but meanwhile she did not propose another activity. She keeps teasing me and talks about having drinks, but again without proposing a specific date.

 

I don't think I am being too sensitive to women being nice. I know the difference between "nice" and "interested". However I think some situations are truly difficult to interpret.

 

Right on the mark. Most girls are ambiguous if they're just joking around. They'll change topics, avoid answering specific questions, and being a tease in general.

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I think there's a way to be pleasant and friendly - WITHOUT being ambiguous. But some girls seem to like ambiguity. In the long run, it can be a harmful game.

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I think there's a way to be pleasant and friendly - WITHOUT being ambiguous. But some girls seem to like ambiguity. In the long run, it can be a harmful game.

Then why can't you just take the ambiguity and take it as a disinterest? She has your number and she knows how to contact you, if she was interested, she would at least contact you once a day with a friendly text or call just to say hi.

 

She's not playing a game. You just assume she is. If you can't take girls being nice without assuming they're interested, you should just avoid girls in general.

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Because most of the time they don't say no. They say "Maybe" or "I'm busy" or any other number of excuses. but they rarely come out and say no.

 

 

No where in those threads was the guy straight up told no.

 

Besides, you're the last person("I have the flu") to be complaining.

 

No, Jadedone, I'm not complaining. I just want most guys to get it through their silly little heads that forceful pursuing won't get them anywhere. If a girl's unresponsive or making excuses, then it's time to just take a step out the door. Why the need to start trashing them for playing games? They're not playing anything, they're being nice and trying to turn them easily. Or would you rather her be a bitch and straight tell you " Don't f-king talk to me!" ? And there are no strategies. Do not assume you can change her mind and get her to be with you. Mostly you're not doing it to be with her, but to stroke your own selfish ego when you dump her for dumping you.

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Then why can't you just take the ambiguity and take it as a disinterest? She has your number and she knows how to contact you, if she was interested, she would at least contact you once a day with a friendly text or call just to say hi.

 

She's not playing a game. You just assume she is. If you can't take girls being nice without assuming they're interested, you should just avoid girls in general.

 

Hmmm... Me thinks you're being a bit harsh here. There are basic rules that men and women should abide to. I always make a point of being very clear to girls I am not interested in, even if it might hurt them a bit.

 

Besides, flirting wouldn't be fun without ambiguity. I remember a girl I asked out to a concert last year. She said she couldn't make it and did not offer an alternative.

 

She remained playful and I ended up asking her out again. We dated for several months.

 

Anything is possible and that is why it is so fun.

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No, Jadedone, I'm not complaining. I just want most guys to get it through their silly little heads that forceful pursuing won't get them anywhere. If a girl's unresponsive or making excuses, then it's time to just take a step out the door. Why the need to start trashing them for playing games? They're not playing anything, they're being nice and trying to turn them easily. Or would you rather her be a bitch and straight tell you " Don't f-king talk to me!" ? And there are no strategies. Do not assume you can change her mind and get her to be with you. Mostly you're not doing it to be with her, but to stroke your own selfish ego when you dump her for dumping you.

 

Here are a few scaled examples.

 

WAY TOO MEAN: Did you really think I would accept your invitation? Get lost!

 

A BIT TOO MEAN: No I am not interested in going out with you.

 

JUST ABOUT RIGHT: I appreciate your invitation but I'm afraid I can't make it. Thanks for thinking of me though.

 

TOO NICE: That is so nice of you to think of me. I really would've loved to go but I have to do my homework. Perhaps if you could find better seats? Haha, just kidding. Thanks for thinking of me!

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Then why can't you just take the ambiguity and take it as a disinterest? She has your number and she knows how to contact you, if she was interested, she would at least contact you once a day with a friendly text or call just to say hi.

 

She's not playing a game. You just assume she is. If you can't take girls being nice without assuming they're interested, you should just avoid girls in general.

 

And yet a lot of the women on this forum talk about how the guy shoud do all the calling and pursuing in the beginning. Not to mention the "RULES"

 

So which is it? How are we supposed to know if they are using the "RULES" or not interested?

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Hmmm... Me thinks you're being a bit harsh here. There are basic rules that men and women should abide to. I always make a point of being very clear to girls I am not interested in, even if it might hurt them a bit.

 

Besides, flirting wouldn't be fun without ambiguity. I remember a girl I asked out to a concert last year. She said she couldn't make it and did not offer an alternative.

 

She remained playful and I ended up asking her out again. We dated for several months.

 

Anything is possible and that is why it is so fun.

 

So then if it's fun, why do you constantly feel the need to assume things about her? If that's the kind of person she is, then you have to accept that she's not doing anything to play around with anybody's emotions. Just accept that she might not the kind of person you would want to date, if her behavior's so flaky.

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And yet a lot of the women on this forum talk about how the guy shoud do all the calling and pursuing in the beginning. Not to mention the "RULES"

 

So which is it? How are we supposed to know if they are using the "RULES" or not interested?

 

The "Rules" are not a universal thing. Some ppl apply rules, some don't. Women on this site doesn't represent all the women out there. Judge for your self rather than reading up on PUAs and playing games.

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So then if it's fun, why do you constantly feel the need to assume things about her? If that's the kind of person she is, then you have to accept that she's not doing anything to play around with anybody's emotions. Just accept that she might not the kind of person you would want to date, if her behavior's so flaky.

 

Well, I am anxious because I don't know her. Anxiety is part of the fun. That is why forums like this one exist. People come here for a variety of reasons, among them is validation through others.

 

I was so sure I had the green light that being turned down on my first invite really took me off guard.

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Here are a few scaled examples.

 

WAY TOO MEAN: Did you really think I would accept your invitation? Get lost!

 

A BIT TOO MEAN: No I am not interested in going out with you.

 

JUST ABOUT RIGHT: I appreciate your invitation but I'm afraid I can't make it. Thanks for thinking of me though.

 

TOO NICE: That is so nice of you to think of me. I really would've loved to go but I have to do my homework. Perhaps if you could find better seats? Haha, just kidding. Thanks for thinking of me!

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:

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Well, I am anxious because I don't know her. Anxiety is part of the fun. That is why forums like this one exist. People come here for a variety of reasons, among them is validation through others.

 

I was so sure I had the green light that being turned down on my first invite really took me off guard.

 

Why do you feel you need validation? A confident guy would politely take no for an answer and move on. They don't whine and pine for a girl online and ask for solutions to get her to fall in love with him. I'm not implying that you, but I'm sure you've received alot of advices for you to move on. Sometimes that's the best answer.

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Why do you feel you need validation? A confident guy would politely take no for an answer and move on. They don't whine and pine for a girl online and ask for solutions to get her to fall in love with him. I'm not implying that you, but I'm sure you've received alot of advices for you to move on. Sometimes that's the best answer.

 

Very good question. Confidence in one area usually shows weakness in another. Also, the average guy usually likes a challenge. Unless Scarlett Johansson asks me out, here are the usual reactions in average situations:

 

GIRL ASKS ME OUT: Unless she is hot, I'd think she is way too keen. Even if she is hot, I'd think there's something wrong with her.

 

GIRL ACCEPTS FIRST INVITE: Unless she is hot, I'd think "wow, that was easy".

 

GIRL SOFTLY DECLINES INVITE: I am left wondering and interest level is on the upswing.

 

GIRL FIRMLY DECLINES INVITE: I move on in a heartbeat.

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BlueEyedGirl

 

 

GIRL ACCEPTS FIRST INVITE: Unless she is hot, I'd think "wow, that was easy".

 

GIRL SOFTLY DECLINES INVITE: I am left wondering and interest level is on the upswing.

 

GIRL FIRMLY DECLINES INVITE: I move on in a heartbeat.

 

 

One thing guys should know, girl doesn't decline an invite from a guy she really really likes. If she does end up accepting your offer on the second or third asking, she IS NOT playing hard to get, she simply is not that interested in you but nothing better came along so she thinks "meh I'll go, I've got nothing else to do anyway".

 

Girl that softly declines your invite is thinking one of the two things:

 

1) This is most common: she is too nice to just say NO I'm not interested get away from me so she softens the blow.

 

2) Or less common: she still is not interested but enjoys the attention and ego boost.

 

Girl that firmly declines:

 

1) Has enough confidence or bitchiness not to care about hurting your feelings and doesn't need a back up guy.

 

Girl that declines firmly or softly NEVER thinks "I'm playing hard to get. Let's see if he asks again". That's where guys become deluded.

 

Note: the only reason girl that really likes you might decline is if she made tight previous plans do be elsewhere but then she will readily offer an alternative time.

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CommitmentPhobe
I'm really noticing a trend on here in which the guys continuously question a girl's motives. They write about a girl's flakiness, inattentiveness, and sometimes her callousness, and why the girl isn't receptive to their advances when they ask her out. Then they get all bitter that they got turned down ands starts trashing the girl for being stuck up. There are also the ones that pursues like crazy and asks for strategies to get with a girl that's already said she's not interested.

 

My question is, why do they continously doubt what's in front of them? Why can't they just take no for an answer instead of analyzing her every actions?

Shouldn't no mean no? Even disinterest on her part is enough to tell them to move on.

 

It's because if you're a guy you've probably been on the recieving end of a girl changing her mind when you were younger. Erm and actually they do do this sometimes.

 

I agree with what you say, any hint of disinterest and I'm out of there in a flash...

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I'm really noticing a trend on here in which the guys continuously question a girl's motives. They write about a girl's flakiness, inattentiveness, and sometimes her callousness, and why the girl isn't receptive to their advances when they ask her out. Then they get all bitter that they got turned down ands starts trashing the girl for being stuck up. There are also the ones that pursues like crazy and asks for strategies to get with a girl that's already said she's not interested.

 

My question is, why do they continously doubt what's in front of them? Why can't they just take no for an answer instead of analyzing her every actions?

Shouldn't no mean no? Even disinterest on her part is enough to tell them to move on.

 

You don't get it. Woman I have had this problem with give you conflicting signals, just enough to keep you thinking they are interested. I find it interesting you are calling us out as the problem, how about the women not play these games? If you aren't interested just say so! Wow, what a simple concept.

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Girl that firmly declines:

 

1) Has enough confidence or bitchiness not to care about hurting your feelings and doesn't need a back up guy.

 

Girl that declines firmly or softly NEVER thinks "I'm playing hard to get. Let's see if he asks again". That's where guys become deluded.

 

.

 

Where are the women who can be respectful and honest? THey don't exist? How about a "I'm flattered, but I'm sorry, I'm just not interested". Or if you have to scratch honesty just tell the guy you have a boyfriend, that is always a deal breaker except with a dirtbag at which point go ahead and be a bitch to him anyway. If you are going to be dishonest anyway in an attempt to not appear like a bitch or hurt the guy, just say "I'm in a relationship" and you both go on your way.

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If flirting and dating were straightforward, forums like this one would not exist. Every situation is different, every person is different. While there are general rules out there, they don't always apply to the same extent.

 

I've had the "let's just be friends" from a girl who was seriously into me (and who I eventually had a relationship with).

 

Another girl gave me all the positive signs, asked me out for dinner and offered me to come up for a drink when I drove her back, went on several dates with me, let me pay for dinner, told me I was the only guy she was seeing (but was not interested in me at all).

 

If it were all straightforward, dating would be kind of unexciting, wouldn't it?

 

That being said, I totally respect a woman who does not give out any wrong signals and clearly establishes her position. "Thank you for the invite but I'm afraid I can't make it", and then leave it at that.

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