Savings ? comment!

[MarieD]

Hello All

I am 35 years old, have a new boyfriend, 35 for 4 months now. He is a great guy! We had a few bumps in the beginning of our relationship that we had to smooth out, trust issues. Everything has been great lately, i am very happy - he's wonderful!

 

Let me start out by saying i have dated a lot & found nothing but liars, cheaters, alcoholics, drug users, etc. So me finding my new boyfriend was a blessing - he is none of the above. Which is GREAT!

 

Something came up this week that I"m not concerned about but not sure if i should be, at this point in my life. He's looking to get a new car & we were discussing pricing, etc. I told him if you have a hard time paying for it you always have your savings to fall back on. His reply was what savings. I assumed that he had some money saved, but turns out he doesn't.

 

I've always & still do, lived home & banked all of my money, so i am well off. He said that he lived on his own for 10 years & has $3300 in bills every month, so its hard to save anything. He said me living home, is not reality, which is true. I am just lucky enough to get alone great with my parents & they go away alot, so i have no problem living home & being able to save.

 

I have dated men that owned their own businesses & owned a $800,000 house, but were total jerks & treated me like crap. I much rather have a great guy that treats me right than have one that doesn't who has money.

 

So now being 35, I have saved my entire life & my boyfriend couldn't.

Would this be something that would bother you at 35?

 

I love him & don't consider this a problem, should I?

I haven't been this happy in years!!

 

Comments??

[Jilly Bean]

Wait, you're whacking him for not having any savings, yet you are 35, live at home, and sponge off your folks and don't pay any bills?

 

I think if anyone is off here, it's you.

 

He sounds like a normal American who is a little indebted, and struggling to make ends meet.

 

But, 35 and living at home with Mom and Dad and NOT paying any bills?

 

Yeesh.

[Crestfallen_KH]

I don't think that you should fault a guy for not having a savings account when you've largely been able to build up yours because you've never left home. I just don't think that's a fair barometer, you know?

[lovestruck818]

Wait, you're whacking him for not having any savings, yet you are 35, live at home, and sponge off your folks and don't pay any bills?

 

I think if anyone is off here, it's you.

 

He sounds like a normal American who is a little indebted, and struggling to make ends meet.

 

But, 35 and living at home with Mom and Dad and NOT paying any bills?

 

Yeesh.

 

She's smart, though- decisions like that are how people so young can get such expensive houses. I am 26 years old and I own a very nice house- thanks to living at home with my parents, I was able to afford it (along with wroking and having no social life, but living at home helped a ton). If you have the opportunity to live at home, do it for as long as possible b/c it's the best way to save money. And you have to give credit to her parents for being so wonderful!

 

PS- not everyone at hoem doesn't have bills to pay. Some people pay a small amount of rent to their parents- and I am sure she has credit card, car payments, insurance, cell phone bills just like everyone else.

 

OP, kudos to you!

[MarieD]

NO, i am not whacking him for not having any savings, I said in my first post that i wasn't concerned about it & was just wondering if i should be.

I would never hold that against him.

 

Jilly, I don't think I am off here! I am LUCKY to been able to live home & save. I do not sponge off my parents, they are the ones who REFUSE to let me pay for anything cause they want me to save all my money for when i'm married. I look at me being able to live home as a positive thing, not a negative thing at all.

 

I was brought up to only move out when i get married. I had no reason to move out! I love being home with my parents & spending as much time with them as i do. We are a very close family.

[MarieD]

Yes thank you LoveStruck, i am very smart & lucky to live home for as long as i could. They REFUSE to take any rent from me what-so-ever, i have had this discussion many times with them & they won't let me!!

 

Thank you LoveStruck, I'm glad someone else see's my point.

[Crestfallen_KH]

NO, i am not whacking him for not having any savings, I said in my first post that i wasn't concerned about it & was just wondering if i should be.

 

Well, if you're not concerned about it, then great. Only you can accurately assess your feelings on this.

 

I'm happy to help you manufacture anxiety on an issue where none currently exists, though. But I think we all have enough manufactured worry in our lives, hmm?

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

Wait, you're whacking him for not having any savings, yet you are 35, live at home, and sponge off your folks and don't pay any bills?

 

I think if anyone is off here, it's you.

 

He sounds like a normal American who is a little indebted, and struggling to make ends meet.

 

But, 35 and living at home with Mom and Dad and NOT paying any bills?

 

Yeesh.

This is exactly what I was thinking o_O it's ridiculous to think that everyone is lucky enough to have their parents support them all the way into their mid-30s!

 

I'd much rather be living independently and broke than relying on my parents, at that age.

[vonerik012]

Single men typically don't save much. Especially if they are real men, and not living at home with mom. I still get a kick out of calling some of my 30 yr old friends back home, when their mom interrupts the phone conversation by picking up the other line to say dinner is ready, or to yell at him for something. No amount of money would make me want to be in their position.

 

I can honestly say, past the age of 18 I never dated a girl that lived with parents. That is a requirement for me.

[MarieD]

Ok i think we are getting a little off the subject here now!!

 

To each their own.

 

I choose to live home, so i can save & get my brand 2009 Cadillac tomorrow & being able to buy a house no problem!! :-)

[Trialbyfire]

I would be concerned about anyone who can't be fiscally responsible, living below his means while ensuring that an amount is put away for the future. I've yet to date anyone like this, nvm having a relationship with them.

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

Ok i think we are getting a little off the subject here now!!

 

To each their own.

 

I choose to live home, so i can save & get my brand 2009 Cadillac tomorrow & being able to buy a house no problem!! :-)

I don't think it's off-topic at all--you are judging him because he chooses to be independent yet poor, and being counter-judged for living at home at your age.

 

It's a question of preference; no doubt, if you bf lived at home, he'd have tons of money saved too--it's not hard to save when someone else is paying the bills. But he chose to live his own life and support himself, and imo, that's the mature and respectable choice. A man still living at home at age 35 would be a huge red flag to most women, but if that's what you want, clearly this isn't the guy for you.

[vonerik012]

I understand.. But would I trade car for freedom in my twenties? And learning what I learned? Life isn't all about things. it actually pushed me to start a business and earn more, because I had to. Unlike my friends who stayed content making what they make.

 

I think it is not as severe for a female, but I think it would be tough to get dates if I was a 35 yr old male living at my parents house.

[MarieD]

Chariot! I never said I wanted a man with money!!!!! If u read my post correctly. I said its not a concern , but was just wondering if it should be!

 

Yes, he is mature & doing the responsible thing, as most men do.

I don't hold anything against him.

 

I was just asking if i SHOULD be concerned.

 

Thats all!

[Jilly Bean]

Well, I bought my own home, and own an imported sports car, and put myself through college. And guess what? I did it all on my own! I moved out when I was 17! I lived overseas at 19! Ding ding! And all of it means a whole lot more knowing that I worked hard for everything that I have, and didn't get my "things" through having my lifestyle enabled by my parents as I approach middle age. My folks are very wealthy, but never wanted their kids to be spoiled. Hence the trickle down theory never operated. I had my first job at 13, and when I bought my first pair of jeans with my own money, it was like buying a golden pair.

 

Honestly, OP, you bragging about your new Cadillac that you are able to afford because your parents support you, isn't much to brag about, IMO.

 

I'd rather be hard-working, independent, and knowing the value of working for my possessions and lifestyle, and not being taken care of. It's called being a grown-up.

 

With this kind of a lifestyle, it makes me wonder how many men take on a woman who lives like this and her financial requirements and needs. I would have to think that most men that work for a living and aren't living at home would find it to be overwhelming.

 

Has it been a problem in your long-term relationships, Marie? You said you were going to live at home until married. And you're 35. Do you think the lifestyle is off-putting to men, or do they have no issue with it? Just a sincere question.

[Trialbyfire]

Whoah! Why are people coming down so hard on the OP? She's made her choices in life and so have you...

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

Chariot! I never said I wanted a man with money!!!!! If u read my post correctly. I said its not a concern , but was just wondering if it should be!

 

Yes, he is mature & doing the responsible thing, as most men do.

I don't hold anything against him.

 

I was just asking if i SHOULD be concerned.

I didn't mean to imply you wanted a man with money--it just seems to me there could have been two possible scenarios for your bf: 1) he lives with his parents and is able to save money, or 2) he lives independently and is not able to. I think he picked the right one--material possessions cannot make up for a lack of life experience.

 

So to answer your question--no, I don't think you should be concerned! He sounds like a normal guy to me.

[MarieD]

Oh ok Chariot thanks for clearing that up for me!

Ok No i don't think i should be concerned either.

 

Jelly bean, I am proud that i could buy a new car cash & could buy a house no problem. I work for my money & saved my entire life, regardless of my living situation.

 

No, me living home has never been a problem for my ex boyfreinds. Actually they liked the fact that I lived home & wasnt out on my own partying it up.

[zicke]

Oh ok Chariot thanks for clearing that up for me!

Ok No i don't think i should be concerned either.

 

Jelly bean, I am proud that i could buy a new car cash & could buy a house no problem. I work for my money & saved my entire life, regardless of my living situation.

 

No, me living home has never been a problem for my ex boyfreinds. Actually they liked the fact that I lived home & wasnt out on my own partying it up.

 

Ok, then why are you still single at 35? Wasn't the point of living at home to save for marriage???? You're 35, I think it's time to take stock of your situation and realize that you are not 23 anymore. Saving for your eventual marriage, which may or may not happen is kinda not seeing the forest for the trees here. Apparently your ex's do have a problem with it, otherwise they wouldn't be ex's and you would be living with your husband now.

 

I bought a new car, live in a loft, and manage to save money every month...gasp...without freeloading on my parents. Some people, including me, take offense at your sense of superiority. (2009 caddie, etc)

 

If I were a guy, I would not date someone in your situation. I would wonder about your maturity level, and being able to handle real life issues. Hence your asking strangers if you should be concerned about something that any woman with real world living on her own experience would not have to question. It would be moot--cos she's lived it. You are saying it's not a problem for you, but apparently it is, otherwise you wouldn't need someone else's opinion about it.

 

Jus sayin..

[climbergirl]

Hello All

I am 35 years old, have a new boyfriend, 35 for 4 months now. He is a great guy! We had a few bumps in the beginning of our relationship that we had to smooth out, trust issues. Everything has been great lately, i am very happy - he's wonderful!

 

Let me start out by saying i have dated a lot & found nothing but liars, cheaters, alcoholics, drug users, etc. So me finding my new boyfriend was a blessing - he is none of the above. Which is GREAT!

 

Something came up this week that I"m not concerned about but not sure if i should be, at this point in my life. He's looking to get a new car & we were discussing pricing, etc. I told him if you have a hard time paying for it you always have your savings to fall back on. His reply was what savings. I assumed that he had some money saved, but turns out he doesn't.

 

I've always & still do, lived home & banked all of my money, so i am well off. He said that he lived on his own for 10 years & has $3300 in bills every month, so its hard to save anything. He said me living home, is not reality, which is true. I am just lucky enough to get alone great with my parents & they go away alot, so i have no problem living home & being able to save.

 

I have dated men that owned their own businesses & owned a $800,000 house, but were total jerks & treated me like crap. I much rather have a great guy that treats me right than have one that doesn't who has money.

 

So now being 35, I have saved my entire life & my boyfriend couldn't.

Would this be something that would bother you at 35?

 

I love him & don't consider this a problem, should I?

I haven't been this happy in years!!

 

Comments??

 

Would it bother me? It depends...is he living way beyond his means or have unexpectected expenses that have tapped him (i.e.-taking care of parents, medical expenses, etc.).

 

I guess what I would do is put myself in his position and see where I would be financially. Would I be able to save money in his situ?

 

My ex-boyfriend always seemed on the brink of financial disaster and he was single/no kids. And no real expenses. Yeah, that bothered me and given that, it never would have lasted long term even if it was based on only that. As time passed I got very resentful carrying the financial burden-not that he asked me for money, but it irritated me that we were on opposite ends of the spectrum.

 

My husband and I are on the same wavelength financially and it really does make a huge difference.

 

The only thing I can suggest is find out 'why' he hasn't been able to save.

[LakesideDream]

I think the whole question is MOOT ! The original poster can just keep things the way they are for another decade or so... and she's got it made.

 

No kids, no husband to cheat on her, no money worries whatever.

 

It it would have been the boyfriend posting I would have advised he tread VERY carefully. The OP is one "Pampered Princess" who could possibly match her expectations?

 

35 and still living off her parents... not attractive.

[lovestruck818]

I think the whole question is MOOT ! The original poster can just keep things the way they are for another decade or so... and she's got it made.

 

No kids, no husband to cheat on her, no money worries whatever.

 

It it would have been the boyfriend posting I would have advised he tread VERY carefully. The OP is one "Pampered Princess" who could possibly match her expectations?

 

35 and still living off her parents... not attractive.

 

Hey it's a lot better than throwing away money down the toilet renting an apartment!!

[Cherry Blossom 35]

Um....have to jump in here.

 

Marie, there is a reason he has not been able to save a lot of money. Mortgage , car payments, electric bills, food expenses, health care....shall I go on?

 

I live in a very expensive city. I lived in a rent controlled apartment and saved money to buy a condo. I bought that condo, and then furnished it. Then I had to replace the heating/AC unit. Pretty expensive. Do I have much savings right now? No, I don't. This is life. Will I have more savings next year? Of course I will. I just used all my cash for this place, but now I'm in a position to start saving. So there is a reason why a 35 year old (I am also 35) may not have a lot of savings.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

Hey it's a lot better than throwing away money down the toilet renting an apartment!!

 

Lessons are learned when you are on your own. How to budget, what to do when times are tight, how to bounce back during a setback, basically learning how to stand on your own two feet. If you have roommates, you learn how to share and how to negotiate problems.

 

That's not money thrown down the toilet. That's called gaining life experience.

[lovestruck818]

Lessons are learned when you are on your own. How to budget, what to do when times are tight, how to bounce back during a setback, basically learning how to stand on your own two feet. If you have roommates, you learn how to share and how to negotiate problems.

 

That's not money thrown down the toilet. That's called gaining life experience.

 

Well, renting= throwing money away, throwing money away= poor, poor= not happy. I'd much rather be very well off financially and living at home then on my own and poor.