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Women, dating, failure, unrealistic expectations.


woods321

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Many women have a long list of what they feel they are ENTITLED to in a mate. A certain race, height, income, character, etc.

 

Do women ever think logically? Or are they too self absorbed?

 

Lets take a look at income first.

 

When you read profiles on Match.com., or ask your avg run of the mill woman what she expects her SO to make, usually she comes up with 75k to 150k.

 

Now, as of 2005, only the TOP 5.6% of all people in the USA earned over 100k as individuals. Only the top 10% of all people in the USA earned over 75k.

 

So, lets say only 3% of all men make over 100k.

1.Then , unless you are a major goldigger, he would have to be close to your age. Lets say under 40.

2.He would have to be straight.

3.He would have to be single, and not married.

4.He would have to not be in a serious relationship.

5.He would have to meet your height requirement..At least 5 foot 11?

6.He would have to be of your same race, I mean unless you meet an Indian or Chinese guy that wants to marry you and vice versa.

7.He would have to be a non smoker.

8.Not ugly

9.He would have to be a "professional" Not the plumber who makes 100k.

10.He would also have to WANT a relationship. If a guy has all this, with women dropping their panties all over the place, he might want to play the field.

11. THEN HE WOULD HAVE TO LIKE YOU AS WELL.

12. He must want an American woman.. Many are seeking love overseas these days. Men with money travel.

13. Not "creepy"

So you are looking at a MINISCULE % of American men. Maybe less than half of one percent. Yet a huge percentage of single females THINK THEY DESERVE OR ARE ENTITLED TO ALL OF THIS. The claim they won't "settle". Well where on Earth did you develop these expectations? Too much tv?

 

Also ask your self if somehow you are better than 99.5% of all women? Are you stunningly beautiful, intelligent, kind, caring, perfect face and body?

 

So what happens? The American women spend their best years looking for this impossible find, then hit mid 30's and realize they are single. At this point, their desirability has plummeted, especially for men who want a family. So then they "settle" tremendously, or end up alone with cats.

 

Where do these expectations come from? I mean these people you think you DESERVE barely exist.

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First and foremost, it's the female's job to be sure her children have the best chance of survival. A man with most of the above qualities, or a combination of a number of them, would probably give a woman a lot of confidence that her goal would be obtained. Of course, they want a good life too. It would take a fool to marry a man for love and live under a bridge for the rest of her life.

 

On the other hand, I really haven't been able to figure out any of this yet...but give me some time.

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The guy I'm dating now meets all of those "requirements." :) And yes, I do DESERVE a guy who's all that...and more.

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torranceshipman

Lol, I love that you felt the need to put 'not creepy' on the list!

 

Under that rationale, can we also add 'not an axe murderer', etc? :D:D

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torranceshipman

I also don't think that list is that off the wall. I mean, all it really totals is a fairly attractive single man under 40, who is financially secure and well balanced, has a relatively good career and is ready for commitment. I don't think it's 'too much TV' that makes us girls want that - it's more 'self esteem' that makes us want it. Of course it's not so usual to bump into men like that every day bt it's a sensible model to aspire to. Just as men want and deserve a fairly attractive girl under 40, who is well balanced and ready for commitment, with a relatively good career (and maybe financially secure-I know gender politics can be different that way). Doesn't sound so unrealistic now does it?

 

Now, if your list said 'looks like Brad Pitt with the powers of Superman, $5m in the bank and a mansion in Monaco and worships the ground I walk on' then sure, you'd have a point...!! But I think your list was, at the end of the day, aspirational to a point but nevertheless fairly reasonable.

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I should correct myself. I didn't see that over 100K was listed as a requirement. I don't know the size of their paychecks, but I do know they've all been successful enough to not worry about paying the rent.

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Actually, money and "professional job" are not on my list of requirements.

I would date a plumber or a tradesman in a mili-second if he had a good sense of humour and communications skills.

 

I dated a mechanic for a long time and I admired what he did.

 

I am in my mid-thirties. I don't have a height requirement- it would be nice if I met a man 5'7plus because that is my height- but I wouldn't discount someone due to their height.

 

Ultimately- I would like to meet someone outgoing with a kind heart and a wicked sense of humour- also someone I find physically attractive which usually means "cute".

 

Dude- you're not talking to one of these women that represent the population you are speaking of. I have dated two guys in a row without vehicles that lived in their parents basements. The last dud didn't even have a liscence.

 

Hell, I asked out a guy from the Home Depot the other day...

I endeavour to have my own earning potential, my own car...and my own career for the rest of my life.

 

I haven't found the right guy yet- but If I have to be one of those chicks that grows old with my dogs.... so be it. I don't want to settle down with someone just because I am lonley.... When people do that, they end up miserable anyway.... and I'd rather be happy enough alone rather than lonley in a partnership with the wrong person.

 

I will make my own money, I will change my own lightbulbs and take my garbage out... and if something breaks I can't fix- I'll call someone in to look after it for me. Who knows- maybe I'll meet a nice plumber.

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Try to use LOGIC. Or look at is statistically. I KNOW you think you DESERVE all that. But in the real world, that is less than half a percent of the American male population.

 

Correction: I don't *think* I deserve all that. I DO deserve all that.

 

Explain to me why I don't deserve all that? You can't. I embody all of those same traits, so why can't I expect equality?

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Dlish, I didn't say every single woman. But you could red Star Gazers reply as she states "I DESERVE" that. That is the illusion that millions of women are chasing.

 

 

Well I think we all deserve something "good" in our lives....

I certainly feel there are a few things I am entitled to in a relationship.

Respect, love, equality, etc. I don't care a whole lot about money though. It would be nice, sure. But it isn't a requirement.

 

My ex husband was pretty damn wealthy... but we met and fell in love in university, so earning potential wasn't a factor. He made his windfall later in the relationship. It was nice to have, sure... but I would live in a basement apartment with a cashier from wallmart if I loved someone.

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Lovely Disaster
The guy I'm dating now meets all of those "requirements." :) And yes, I do DESERVE a guy who's all that...and more.

 

I totally agree and I live in a city which really isn't that big or metropolitan. I think like women attract like men, and vice versa. Now I don't have a specific income requirement, but I want someone who makes a decent living.

 

Posts like this are basically trying to degrade women and scare us into thinking we'll never find love. Give me a break.

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OK SG...

 

Your mistake is thinking men desire those same traits.

 

So, do you have a perfect body? Look like a model? More attractive than 99.5% of women? Men typically don't care about height or income, if you are "professional" etc.

 

So do all women who feel they deserve that, deserve that? I hope not, because they will be pretty dissappointed when the numbers just don't compute. Thats my point. NOT ONE PERSONS INDIVIDUAL CASE OR SITUATION.

 

Men who make over 100k can marry a foreign woman, a waitress, their secretary,a stripper, etc. having a professional job does not put you at the head of the line.

 

I've never agreed with a single word you've ever expressed here on LS, so I'm not surprised that I'm literally laughing at the above post.

 

Whether they want what I have is irrelevant. I want MY equal. I happen to know that there are PLENTY of them out there. You're just not one of them.

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Crestfallen_KH
I've never agreed with a single word you've ever expressed here on LS, so I'm not surprised that I'm literally laughing at the above post.

 

Whether they want what I have is irrelevant. I want MY equal. I happen to know that there are PLENTY of them out there. You're just not one of them.

 

It's pointless to debate him, SG. No matter what evidence you present, you're nothing but a golddigging woman with unrealistic expectations, no matter what you've done post high school, no matter how much money you yourself make, and no matter how successful you've made yourself. You're a self-righteous, entitled princess if you want a man who has the same education level or a comparable salary.

 

I just fail to understand, woods, why you get so worked up and post so vociferously on a subject you can't statistically prove (your assumptions and personal experience don't count) or change even if it were true.

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Age is the NUMBER 1 factor men look at when choosing a mate. Yes another fact. I know, we should all just base our posts on emotions, and how we "deserve" whatever we choose.

 

Oooookay, guy. Whatever you say. :rolleyes:

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Crestfallen_KH
Quite the contrary. I provided the stats. What evidence was presented? lol

 

Age is the NUMBER 1 factor men look at when choosing a mate. Yes another fact. I know, we should all just base our posts on emotions, and how we "deserve" whatever we choose.

 

"Let's say 50 million woman want..." isn't evidence. It's a case scenario made on a supposition. It's not proof of anything.

 

I've dated guys in their 20s up to their 40s. The age thing may be the number one consideration in your case, but for another guy it may be that she's thin, athletic, good looking, Christian, doesn't have children, never been married, etc. You can't stereotype and speak for (or perform a character assassination) on an entire gender. The world isn't black and white and neither are people.

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Lovely Disaster

It has to do with like interests. I am 40, divorced in my mid-30s, no children. Men aren't looking for a sex doll, as you have stated. You are pretty much degrading men when you are saying "men only care about age and looks, nothing else matters."

 

I get interested men in their mid-30's to mid 40s, and I've had lots of men tell me that the thought of dating a woman in their 20's, significantly younger than them, isn't appealing to them. Occasionally a man who is significantly younger is interested (I look younger and I keep in good shape). It's not what they want, they want someone with an emotional and intellectual connection with, as well as the physical love aspects. It's a total package they are looking for in a partner.

 

You are really away from reality and no real stats here.

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Lovely Disaster

What do you mean, who I had sex with? My serious relationships with men?

 

I think you need to get therapy.

Women are out there dating - that is what you do, and eventually you will meet someone you really click and fall in love with. It's that simple.

 

You spouting off your "stats" and "truths" doesn't change the fact that you are sitting there on the internet coming up with all that crap and posting it, (you can't even back up your "truths" or "facts") while we are out actually dating.

Just because you are bitter with your own lovelife, don't go hating us women.

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Lovely Disaster

I don't have any anger or resentment - I have no reason to do so.

You just have absolutely nothing to back up your statements on.

I have had 2 serious relationships since my divorce and they were nothing like you have described and they weren't just looking at me as a bed buddy.

 

You simply just need to get away from the internet and get out there and actually try dating.

 

I have no desire to be in my 20s and there are plenty of professional, educated men who are in my age range who aren't looking at 25 year olds as their ultimate mate., maybe you yourself do, so go out and find one and get off the internet. Make it happen.

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Age is the NUMBER 1 factor men look at when choosing a mate. Yes another fact. I know, we should all just base our posts on emotions, and how we "deserve" whatever we choose.

 

Well, I might debate you a bit on this one....

I am in my mid-30's... and still get id'd at the beer store. The average age of guy that tries to pick me up is 21-25. They know my age, I tell them up front. They are usually shocked... but they rarely care. You can chalk it up to looking for an interim cougar to shag while they wait for the right young thing to come along- but it is usually (not always- but usually) me breaking it off with them because they become too attached or bust out the L-bomb which freaks me out.

 

I had a 21 year old guy I dated for a bit actually think we could have a long term relationship that included marriage.... I broke it off due to his immaturity- but to this day he still calls and texts and until I moved- he was showing up at my door in tears begging for another chance. He's not the first youngin to go a little batty with me.

 

I am sure age is a factor- it is for me as well. I want to keep it under 40... I am sure some of these guys come sniffing around for a shag- but I have had actual problems breaking up with some of these young guys.

 

Why isn't SG entitled to date someone that is her equal?

She's educated, intelligent, hard working and attractive.... She should be able to choose her mate according to the standards she sets for herself... shouldn't we all be entitled to that?

 

And no- I am not a model...I used to be, but those days are far behind me. I am not close to being in the 99th percentile hots wise.... But I still do have a standard. Intelligence and wit sits at the top of my list... but I do want a guy that takes care of himself and looks good too. And I'll say it again- it's ok if that dude works at the home depot.

 

I think it's okay to take a long look at what we ourselves bring to the table.... And it's also okay to seek our equals. Why isn't that okay?

 

I don't think sg is a princess btw- I think she is confident in herself. Nothing wrong with that. JMO.

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Lovely Disaster

Your article really means nothing, it is nothing like my self or my friends's reality. Article schmarticle.

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Lovely Disaster
So what is the point of all this? To help you women.

 

You are looking for things you most likely will never have. Open your options and mind, or stay single.

 

I do have an open mind. I'm not going to date some guy I'm not attracted to or don't feel chemistry with just to have a man. As it is, I don't have problems attracting the kind of men I want, as it is true that I am professional, attractive, and educated and I attract likewise in men and am dating someone currently, and he's not 13 years older, he is 2 years younger, in my age range. The ones who are going for solely mid 20's ladies only I'm not attracting, and that's great.

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Crestfallen_KH

I don't think sg is a princess btw- I think she is confident in herself. Nothing wrong with that. JMO.

 

Ack! I don't either! If this was directed at my comment (I used the word "princess"), please know it was meant as part of the first paragraph where I was being incredibly facetious. :)

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FleshNBones
Where do these expectations come from? I mean these people you think you DESERVE barely exist.
Books like the rules. Perhaps?

 

The impression I got was that any woman can get these men. They seem to think confidence, and attitude somehow work. Delusions...

 

Maybe the flood of information from the media somehow creates the illusion that far more men are available than there actually are.

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