Dating a young lady this time around

[Balthazar]

Ok, my last sojourn into the realm of the 30-somethings proved unsuccessful, time-consuming and psychologically exhausting.

 

As you can understand, I was in the mood for some fun so I called up Leia(Yes, that's her real name!).

Leia is a 21 1/2 year old young lady who I met last September. We both are in amateur theater groups and this common interest served to bring us together.

I would always meet her and other friends and we would all hang out and talk.

 

We saw a theatrical production last December together and I invited her to a party I threw last January.

After that, nothing much happened.

I was involved with other ladies(with varying degrees of success) and she was busy with her work and university exams.

 

Early April comes along, and Leia seems happy to see me at a party. I tell her we should go out to dinner sometime and she concurs.

Thus, I call her on a Sunday night(a bit last minute) and she agrees to go out.

Dinner is fine, and I start playing with her hair a bit, but I cool things down.

Why?

Leia is an attractive young woman and has a very nice personality but I felt our age difference is a bit too much and this feeling kept my aggressiveness in check.

 

Anyway, we continue to see each other from time to time(in the presence of others) but come June she had University exams again and was very busy.

I asked her out once in June, but it was last minute again and she told me she had plans and that I should tell her at least 1-2 days in advance.My bad.

Fast forward to last Wednesday.

I am thinking of someone attractive and fun to go out with after my Joanne debacle, so I call Leia and ask her out for Thursday.

She seemed happy to hear from me and agreed to dinner.

Come Thursday evening, I pick her up at her place and she looks absolutely stunning.

(Not as beautiful as JillyB mind you, but really nice).

She is wearing a black dress, low cut which really accentuates she fine bosom and lovely legs. She has flowing ginger locks and eyes like Ava Gardner(remember her?).

All in all, a very sexy female presence;I was impressed.

 

So we have dinner, and I start to ask her stuff to get to know her better.

Even though we have been friends for months, we would talk mostly about the theater and conversation was light.

 

However, now I started talking to her about relationships so as to see what the situation is with her. I talk about a few past relationships to see how she would react to talk of a more personal nature.

 

The overall impression I get is that Leia is VERY inexperienced.

She listens to what I have to say, but has little to offer in the way of input. Furthermore, she offers no info about any relationships of her own.

I get the feeling she hasn't had any significant ones or is holding out on me.

In fact, I get the distinct impression we are dealing with another 20-something virgin here(see the popular LS thread:laugh:).

In any case, she definitely has no BF, and seems glad when I tell her about how things didn't work out with Joanne(see my last thread for info about Joanne).

(I know talking about past relationships is to be avoided, but I felt it was worth the risk).

We pass on dessert, and I recommend we go for a drink at a really popular open-air beach club.

It is a really nice evening, and she seems to really like the club. We order drinks and continue conversation.

This is where I start playing around with her, joking, and generally, start to be more sexual.

I play with her hair, stroke her arm a bit, touching her back and waist.

Nothing too risque mind you, I just want to get the oil running through our engines heated.

At some point, I mention my age and wait to see her reaction.

She knows I am older, but didn't know my exact age. When she hears I'm 37, she doesn't say anything, positive or negative.

However, later on she mentions how 40 seems very far off to her.

 

I continue the kino and the atmosphere is good, but I notice that she is not reciprocating by touching me(except once).

She seems a bit reserved, accepting all manner of touch on my part , yet not responding.

I feel it may be her inexperience with men; she may not know how to react.

On the other hand, she may just not be into me(but I don't think this is it, she didn't seem uncomfortable and wasn't pulling away at any time).

 

Anyway, we are having a good time, but it is now about 2 and she has to get back home(lives with parents).

 

On the way back home, I notice her legs were not crossed, but were pointing towards the passenger car door(away from me).

For some reason, I take this as a negative sign and don't try anything.

I walk her to her door and we kiss goodnight(cheek).

 

I told her I was leaving on holiday next week, but we will meet up when I return.

 

My question

 

What is your take on this situation?

Should I have gone a bit further with Leia, disregarding her non-responsiveness as inexperience?

or was I right to stop and just build up some rapport, leaving heavier kino for our next date?

 

Finally, is she going out because she likes me, or does she like the fact that an older guy is taking her out to a nice restaurant and a fancy club?

 

Her age is definitely an issue, and realistically, I don't have high expectations.

 

On the other hand, I think we like each other and she may be wrestling with the age difference issue in her mind.

She seems to enjoy the finer things; she has an elegance to her and I think she can appreciate what a more mature man can offer, but her general inexperience may pose a problem. She is not forward with me, but every time I escalate, she seems to accept it.

It may be that I have to seduce her without any help on her part(but with her implied assent of course).

 

Any comments on the situation and how to proceed would be appreciated LS-ers,

 

Thanks,

[imbewildered]

 

Any comments on the situation and how to proceed would be appreciated LS-ers,

 

Thanks,

 

Dude -you acted like her big brother.

Women need to be lead. And you do this by being showing cool and confident BEHAVIOR.They will respond to you if you show them that it is safe to do so. THe key is to show just enough sexual interest to trigger her reponses. NO groping.

 

You are waiting and watching for signs of interest .Too passive.

 

She is inexperienced BUT she is not stupid. The away she was dressed says a lot about how women send messages to men. Remember that men act, and women react..

Did you make her laugh ? Tease her ? Did you poke fun at any of her quirky ways . Did you show strength or boldness?

 

THis is how you lay the foundations before you lay the pipe..he he.

[Balthazar]

Yes, that's what I was afraid of Bewildered.

 

Her behavior may have been demure, but her general appearance was not.

 

Yep. Teased her and poked fun at certain traits.

 

However, I think I should have put my arm around her and gone in for a playful kiss while at the club.

The age thing really affected me....

 

Anyway, I think we'll be going out again, I will try to make up for lost time and opportunity.

[sid3]

NO! Do not rush yourself right out of the picture. I am currently dating a 23 yo girl, being 37, the age/experience thing is a big factor. Slow is the way to go. Patience is a virtue.

[imbewildered]

Yes, that's what I was afraid of Bewildered.

 

Her behavior may have been demure, but her general appearance was not.

 

Yep. Teased her and poked fun at certain traits.

 

However, I think I should have put my arm around her and gone in for a playful kiss while at the club.

The age thing really affected me....

 

Anyway, I think we'll be going out again, I will try to make up for lost time and opportunity.

 

The age thing is GREAT ..You are a little younger than I am and I date 20 somethings a lot. They are FUN - no baggage, no anger and so cute,and they are grateful ! I love their awestruck looks when you say some really worldy stuff...James Bond dates Holly Golightly !!

 

Women speak "covert" as their native language. Her dress style says a lot.

However I get the inpression that she is a tad shy, self conscious and lacks "big girl" skills and confidence right now. All the more reason to lead her where YOU want her to go.

THis is only ONE date so far and, if I know women (and I do ) she will have deconstructed your date and your every word in minute detail - over and over .

 

Keep us informed -she sounds delightful. Ask her out sooner than later.

[imbewildered]

NO! Do not rush yourself right out of the picture. I am currently dating a 23 yo girl, being 37, the age/experience thing is a big factor. Slow is the way to go. Patience is a virtue.

 

YES - confident persistence is essential with young chicks. Go slower that you would with the cougars. In fact, women over 35 usually do most of the work for you - ha !

Young women are experimenting with "the merchandise" and its market value. Their inexperience and naivete needs to be managed gently and with care.

 

Slow and steady, eddie.

[Balthazar]

Yes, I need to be careful yet more daring. I date 20 something women, only usually they are 25 or older, while Leia is just 21 and a half.

 

I don't want to scare her off, but I will escalate during our next date.

The problem now is that I won't see her for a week due to my vacation.

I will just call up late next week and see how she's doing, she if she misses me at all.

[Balthazar]

Called up Leia today to invite her to a movie tonight(summer moviehouse out underneath the stars).

Unfortunately, she is at a girlfriend's house by the beach and will be spending the day and night there.

 

She is coming back on Monday but I am leaving for a small vacation late Monday night.

 

She was friendly enough on the phone, but I was a bit surprised by her "have a nice summer" comment.

 

I am planning on getting together with her in a week or so when I return(she agreed during out last outing), but the comment sort of fazed me.

 

I think she is still on the fence concerning how to proceed with me.She definitely doesn't seem to be in a hurry.

I wanted to see her after out last date(Thursday) to see how she feels about the situation.

 

Any advice ?

[sid3]

Have a nice summer??? But your getting together next week? Those two statements obviously do not mix well. I think at this point you'd be wise to keep her guessing about your interest level. It may become an ego stroke for her if your showing too many of your cards. I hate the games, but it's that whole 'people don't want things that come too easily'

[Balthazar]

Yes, I agree Sid. And I am dealing with that most capricious of creatures, the very young woman;being flakey is the order of the day.

 

I think I'll just relax on my vacation for about a week or so and think things over.

 

When I get back I will see how I feel and then, act.

I know that she is not going anywhere on vacation, so she will be here.

 

We'll see how things go then.

 

As I mentioned before, I think she is mulling over the idea of dating an older man, and is uncertain of how to proceed.

I believe the attraction is there, otherwise I don't think she would have gone on our date or dressed so provocatively but the handling on my part needs to be careful...

[imbewildered]

Yes, I agree Sid. And I am dealing with that most capricious of creatures, the very young woman;being flakey is the order of the day.

 

..

 

Hey Balty, young women are a lot of FUN but they are unstable to the max. They are still children in adult female bodies with raging brain chemicals. Do not expect any sane or predictable behavior. She is in "party girl" mode until her late 20s. Adjust your expectations accordingly OK ?

[sid3]

I am dealing with that most capricious of creatures, the very young woman;being flakey is the order of the day.

 

 

 

hahaha....that is the truest statement I have ever read on LS:lmao:.

[Balthazar]

Yeah, it's almost like she is a different person at times.

 

However, I really need to be more on my game when I am actually out with her, intensifying the emotions she has.

 

It is clear that she likes the finer things, and she does have a more mature , grown-up mentality than other women her age.

 

However, it seems more difficult to get her to drink and dance(she doesn't do either) and this makes it more difficult to get close to her.

 

Will continue my efforts but after a week of vacationing....

[Balthazar]

Possible LD, maybe even probable.

A phone call next week will clarify everything.

My instincts tell me the situation in not as cut and dried as you may think LD.

 

This is not the first date I have been with the young lady, we have been out once before.

It was a while ago and I didn't follow up(I was dating someone else).

 

Leia has a tendency to go from hot to lukewarm, but I am pretty sure she was trying to impress during our last date.

She may be out for a good time, but I think considering her inexperience, she is afraid.

I will be patient, and we will just have to see where it leads...