Fiance wants to go dance.

[Cole33]

Okay,

 

so my fiance was at one time a stripper, (topless), and she hasn't really done it for a while, after that she moved to being a go go dancer

 

We are tight with money for the next maybe five months. So she asked she can go back to the club for a few nights to get us above water so we can do some of the things we need/want to do.

 

let me explain exactly what she does. She's got a corporate job during the week, she hasn't danced once since last NOV, and that was ONE night, before that, not for almost a year.

 

She does "go go". so she's on a stage with a pole like a stripper, but theres no nudity, slutty stripper clothes, clear platform shoes, she can even where a skimpy bikini with a thong, but there no taking it off and zero nudity, but granted the outfits don't leave a whole lot to the imagination.

 

the stage is seperated from the patrons but the "moat" the bar basically, so theres distance.

 

but they DO perform laps dances, also no nudity there, the guys CAN'T touch them, but they can touch the guys, grind, sit on them, things like that. it no in a private room, but in a separate big room where there might be five other girls doing lap dances for other at the same time and theres bouncers in there as well, and as well teh rest of the club can see in.

 

Thats where my concern comes in, ...on the stage, fine, you're dressed, even though skimpy, she's dressed and separated from teh guys. but when I went there, and saw her lap dance I was not cool with the touching and grinding,.....and she has admitted to meeting a couple guys there that she ended up dating

 

do I hava any fears taht she'll meet someone and cheat, NOT ONE. she's trustworthy like that.

 

she wants to go back but will not do it unless I approve, she wants me to pick her up, she said she won't drink and she'll do "CLEAN DANCES" meaning she won't touch the guy during the lap dance or grind, she might be close but won't touch.

 

I told her well, like it's mo job to keep you from having to do that, I'd rather just get a second job for us. and she said, well I know, but I can go tonight, I don't have to wait to find something, I can go and pick up a quick two or three shifts and be done.

 

she just want to do it for a few days to get us above water. she said she respects me and every other bf didn't get a say in whether she went or not, but she respects and loves me and wouldn't do it unless I gave her the ok.

 

So I'm stuck I don't want to tell her what to do, she's not nude and she said she'd do clean dances. but still feel a little wary, am I being an idiot here? should I just let her go do it for a couple nights?

 

thanks for the advice

[xpaperxcutx]

No guy in their right mind would let their fiance go grind on someone for money unless he's a pig and is whoring the girl....

 

Get a second job!

[Cole33]

oh forgot something.

 

the only time she went with me, after that night I told her I was not ok with the lap dancing and she stopped dancing immediately and hasn't spoke of it in a year.

 

 

she said if she went for a couple days she WOULDN'T grind or touch during the lap dances and do CLEAN dances.

[xpaperxcutx]

oh forgot something.

 

the only time she went with me, after that night I told her I was not ok with the lap dancing and she stopped dancing immediately and hasn't spoke of it in a year.

 

 

she said if she went for a couple days she WOULDN'T grind or touch during the lap dances and do CLEAN dances.

 

Does that really matter? seriously so you would still want her to dance on some guy?

[Cole33]

it matters a little I think, I very much respect that she stopped as soon as I said to, with zero argument. and with every other BF she's been like, whether you like it or not I'm doing it.

 

and the fact that she's saying she won't do it unless I approve it and say it's okay, and said if I say no, then it's off the table.

 

and I think the fact that she's says she's gonna keep her distance and not touch the guy or sit on them, that it'll just be a private dance.

 

so that where I have the trouble.

 

honestly I don't care about the stage show, I've seen it, it's skimpy and sexy but nothing ridiculus

[Lauriebell82]

Oh geez, I would NOT let her do this. If she wants to do strip shows and give lap dances save that for the two of you in your bedroom.

 

As far as money goes..get another job if you need money. She doesn't need to go grind with nasty guys to pay the bills.

[Cole33]

Well again, lol, no stripping is involved, the technicality of it is go go dancing, sexuality is def involved, but no STRIPPING it is not a nude club.

[Lauriebell82]

Well again, lol, no stripping is involved, the technicality of it is go go dancing, sexuality is def involved, but no STRIPPING it is not a nude club.

 

I don't know, i still think that even provocative stage shows are a little much when you are engaged. I mean if it REALLY doesn't bother you that she does stage shows then okay, thats your decision.

 

Is there any way that she can JUST do the stage shows and not give lapdances?

[xpaperxcutx]

Well again, lol, no stripping is involved, the technicality of it is go go dancing, sexuality is def involved, but no STRIPPING it is not a nude club.

 

You know we're all telling you not to let your gf do it, and yet you keep coming up with excuses for her to go dance.... seriously do you want advice or not?

[Lauriebell82]

You know we're all telling you not to let your gf do it, and yet you keep coming up with excuses for her to go dance.... seriously do you want advice or not?

 

I think the OP LIKES to see his fiance dancing provocatively on the stage, yet is uncomfortable with lapdances. You would think he would be uncomfortable with both.

 

Cole, why do you not have a problem watching your gf dance provactively in a skimpy bikini for gross horny men? What's the difference between that and lap dances? I think they both cross boundaries for a woman who is engaged, in my opinion.

[Lauriebell82]

oh forgot something.

 

the only time she went with me, after that night I told her I was not ok with the lap dancing and she stopped dancing immediately and hasn't spoke of it in a year.

 

 

she said if she went for a couple days she WOULDN'T grind or touch during the lap dances and do CLEAN dances.

 

I don't think there is such a thing as a CLEAN lapdance. Isn't the purpose to grind and touch?

[xpaperxcutx]

I think the OP LIKES to see his fiance dancing provocatively on the stage, yet is uncomfortable with lapdances. You would think he would be uncomfortable with both.

 

Cole, why do you not have a problem watching your gf dance provactively in a skimpy bikini for gross horny men? What's the difference between that and lap dances? I think they both cross boundaries for a woman who is engaged, in my opinion.

 

The OP is contradicting himself. If he doesn't want his gf to dance, then he should be firm on his decision. Instead of saying "clean" dances, and "harmless" lapdances.

[Lauriebell82]

The OP is contradicting himself. If he doesn't want his gf to dance, then he should be firm on his decision. Instead of saying "clean" dances, and "harmless" lapdances.

 

Yeah, because he wants her to dance sexy on the stage, but I'm unclear if she can just do that alone or she has to do that and lap dances as a package deal. So he thinks that her diong "clean dances" is a compromise because then she can still dance on stage.

 

I don't know, I think he is contradicting himself too.

[Cole33]

Well I keep getting you should let your gf strip or grind on another guy.

 

and you're right and I feel the same way, that would be out of the question. and when I went and let her do it once, and saw that, I hold her that I didn't want her to do it again, and she didn't. she's not on drugs, doesn't drink, no mental issues.

 

Do I like that my fiance is gorgeous, of course, is she a good dancer, very much, she was also in ballet and hip hop for like ten years, so she's very good at it, she doesn't crawl around on stage like a tiger or anything, lol. it's very sexy, think more burlesque than the traditional idea of a stripper.

 

it seems more like a performance than anything else to me. thats the stage show. the lap dance are different, because it's closer to the guy, CLEAN just refers to, no touching, they sit and she dances in front of them.

 

So of course I have a problem with it. BUT i also trust my fiance implicitly. If I didn't trust her then it'd be a flat no.

[xpaperxcutx]

Well I keep getting you should let your gf strip or grind on another guy.

 

and you're right and I feel the same way, that would be out of the question. and when I went and let her do it once, and saw that, I hold her that I didn't want her to do it again, and she didn't. she's not on drugs, doesn't drink, no mental issues.

 

Do I like that my fiance is gorgeous, of course, is she a good dancer, very much, she was also in ballet and hip hop for like ten years, so she's very good at it, she doesn't crawl around on stage like a tiger or anything, lol. it's very sexy, think more burlesque than the traditional idea of a stripper.

 

it seems more like a performance than anything else to me. thats the stage show. the lap dance are different, because it's closer to the guy, CLEAN just refers to, no touching, they sit and she dances in front of them.

 

So of course I have a problem with it. BUT i also trust my fiance implicitly. If I didn't trust her then it'd be a flat no.

 

Apparently you've made up your mind.

But I don't think this has anything to do with trust. You knew she was in this profession, but if you were against her dancing again, why now? If you have respect for her, you would find another job so she won't have to go dance on some other guy.

[Cole33]

Well I keep getting you should let your gf strip or grind on another guy.

 

and you're right and I feel the same way, that would be out of the question. and when I went and let her do it once, and saw that, I hold her that I didn't want her to do it again, and she didn't. she's not on drugs, doesn't drink, no mental issues.

 

Do I like that my fiance is gorgeous, of course, is she a good dancer, very much, she was also in ballet and hip hop for like ten years, so she's very good at it, she doesn't crawl around on stage like a tiger or anything, lol. it's very sexy, think more burlesque than the traditional idea of a stripper.

 

it seems more like a performance than anything else to me. thats the stage show. the lap dance are different, because it's closer to the guy, CLEAN just refers to, no touching, they sit and she dances in front of them.

 

Lap dances are separate from the stage show, she gets requests for lap dances and she can choose to do them or not. she makes more money on the private dances, so doing them would double or triple her money. she CAN just do the stage show. her argument is that, she doesn't really want to do it, but it'll get us quick money, we've just moved and have a lot to pay for in the coming months, and I need a 14,000 surgery we just got a loan on, so moneys tight. and I've tried to look for a second job, but it's rough right now. So her arguement is, let me go for a few night, I'll do clean no touching lap dances, and the shows and we'll at least get above water

 

So of course I have a problem with it. BUT i also trust my fiance implicitly. If I didn't trust her then it'd be a flat no.

 

I don't WANT her to dance sexy on the stage, it's just that it's relatively tame, it's more of a performance than her crawling around on stage, the stage is set away from the guys, and she's up there with four other girls. So it feels more like when you're in a club and they hve paid girls in sexy outfits dancing in cages or on a platform.

 

he is not like saying oh yes let me go dance and be slutty and trashy cause I wanna meet guys. her intentions and heart are in the right place, as far as why she wants to go.

[bones1]

First of all, I have no idea how you are so POSITIVE she would not cheat. It sounds a little naive. If she is gorgeous, well she might meet another gorgeous man who can actually support her.

 

It's similar to you being in a band and having 30 girls around you that want to have sex with you every night. Obviously you would be more likely to cheat.

 

Strippers make money by lap dancing, flirting, leading men on. They do not make money from dancing far away on a stage. Most likely she would tell patrons she is single, if she wants to make decent money. After all, she is doing it for the money.

[xpaperxcutx]

First of all, I have no idea how you are so POSITIVE she would not cheat. It sounds a little naive. If she is gorgeous, well she might meet another gorgeous man who can actually support her.

 

It's similar to you being in a band and having 30 girls around you that want to have sex with you every night. Obviously you would be more likely to cheat.

 

Strippers make money by lap dancing, flirting, leading men on. They do not make money from dancing far away on a stage. Most likely she would tell patrons she is single, if she wants to make decent money. After all, she is doing it for the money.

I couldn't have said it any better.

[Cole33]

I am absolutely positive she wouldn't cheat, people don't cheat because of how the amount of opportunity to cheat, they cheat because they are either missing something, messed up in the head or are of low moral character.

 

If your argument is correct I'd be cheating everyday, I work with dozens and dozens of beautiful women all day long for years, never cheated on anyone, because I WOULDN'T cheat, it's not who I am. And neither is she, she's not a cheater, if she was some drug using, bi-polar, crazy girl, I'd get your naive remark. but she's non those. the last thing I'm worried about is her cheating, and thats the level of trust we're talking about. she's not a shady person.

 

and she's not someone who is very shallow, money doesn't impress her. and we support each other, she's not looking for a guy to support her as you say, we have joint accounts anyway and we both make the same money in our corporate jobs.

 

I disagree, if you were the kid of person to cheat, yes maybe being in a band and having 30 girls wanting you would make it more likely to cheat but if you're not the kind of person to cheat, if the idea of cheat made you ill, it wouldn't matter who was hitting on you, you wouldn't do it.

 

Yes strippers do make their money that way. but the atmosphere in this place is different. for instance at a strip club, guys might put the money in the dancers panties or on the stage. that doesn't happen, it's not allowed, the money is put on the bar, away from the stage, and the bartender takes the money and puts it away, and the girls split it up at th end of the night.

 

the girls don't even make eye contact with the guys while on stage. again, think more along the lines of burlesque.

 

I think it's cynical to say that of course someone would cheat. Cheating is about the quality of ones character, not their profession.

[Ruby Slippers]

I don't think she will necessarily cheat. I have a friend who's a stripper, and she tells me they view almost all of their customers as complete losers who are so pathetic they have to pay for female attention/nudity.

 

However, I think it's naive to think she will give lap dances without any contact or grinding. In a club where some of the dancers allow contact, she's not going to make much money unless she does it, too. And even if she doesn't allow that, some customers will grope her anyway, with or without her permission. Are you OK with that?

[serialgf]

i agree with the last poster that it doesn't mean she's going to or probably going to cheat. dancing is a job very much like acting. when i make out with someone on stage its JUST A JOB - i am in no way attracted to the other person and when my boyfriend comes to see it he trusts me and is mature enough to be okay with it and actually enjoy the PERFORMANCE

 

but anywayz, i suggest a compromise. is there any way she can dance but do NO LAPDANCES? if so, this might be a good solution... she would still make great money from the dancing, maybe not as much, but at least your mind would be at ease. and it would probably still be more and more quickly than your getting a second job

 

you are not being unreasonable

 

 

best of luck and love to you,

sgf

[Cole33]

Hey thanks,

 

yeah her cheating is not even in my head, I'd trust my girl around a room full of gorgeous models hitting on her. so thats not the issue.

 

I have to get some medical work done and we're trying to get a wedding together, it's obviously very expensive, and we just moved.

 

she CAN just do the stage shows, but she just cuts her nightly take in half. where she might do a 15 minute show with four other girls on the stage. she'll make the same money in 3 mins doing a private dance. which she said she wouldn't grind or touch, she said, honey I can be very sexy without touching, which she can, and mostly, it's an act.

 

BUT the hard part, I feel it's my job to protect her from having to do that stuff. and yes I'm not jeslous, but I am territorial, and feel that I don't want her to help us out, that it's my job, and I'm trying to figure out whether it's a get over yourself for three days and let her go try and help us out, she's not gonna do any grinding or touching. she gets upset when I say I don't want her to help.

[serialgf]

okay i think i finally get it... to clarify for future posters in this thread here's my understanding....

 

you don't seem to be against her dancing or doing the lapdances, as long as she does not touch anyone. you seem to be hurt, perhaps your ego mostly, that she's the one who's gonna get you outta your bind instead of you

 

if my understanding of your situation is correct, then my advice is to suck it up and let her help you guys out. or if you really want to be the hero then get yourself a second job but you better do it like NOW - go! what are you still doing on LS? you should be on craigslist looking at the miscellaneous jobs... but seriously thats a good place to find a quick gig

 

best of luck & love,

sgf

[Cole33]

Yeah it's mostly ego, we don't need a whole lot of money to get above water, but I've been looking for gigs part time, and with my corporate job it's tough to find something that'll fit with that schedule, her too, thats why she's like if I go dance , I do it two or three times, and it's on a friday and sat, I know I can get those nights, and we're done and I'll burn my clothes after that, lol.

 

do I have NO problem with her dancing aside from ego, yeah of course, I'd prefer that she's not in the environment at all, and I don't want her to put herself out there in that why to other men. BUT I do trust her, and I know why she's doing it.

 

it's the quick fix. also she said, look you don't wanna get a second job for only a couple grand and then quit after a month cause we got what we needed.

 

my female friend who knows us both said to suck it up too, let her dance, she's not "stripping" or going nude, and she's only gonna do clean dances.

 

so yeah, it's probably just my male ego of not wanting her to be there, and not wanting HER to have to put herself out to help us.

[Ruby Slippers]

It sounds to me like you're not OK with it, for a number of reasons. I wouldn't be, either. There are better ways to make some money in a pinch, IMO. Your medical bills and wedding can be paid off over time. Don't ever sell out your values for a quick buck.