Tormented Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 Hey guys...I haven't been on this board for awhile, but I've got a situation here that I'd like some opinions on. I've been seeing a man who just recently got custody of his 13-year-old daughter. The girl can be difficult to deal with sometimes...somwhat hostile, aloof at times, VERY mouthy...you know, all that typical 13-year-old girl stuff. So much fun to deal with! Anyway, here lately things have gotten very strange. For starters, her dad constantly glances her way for no apparent reason. For instance, just this morning we were all kicking back watching a movie. I had my head on his lap resting (I work graveyards and was tired), and the daughter was in a reclining chair. Her dad kept glancing at her...I mean every 30 seconds or so, he'd just look at her then look back at the TV for no apparant reason. And on and on this went. At one point the daughter put a blanket over her head! And when she'd get up from the recliner to go to the bathroom or the kitchen, etc, dad of course would quickly look her way and watch her. Then I find out that the day before, he and she layed on his bed that afternoon together watching TV in his room. Okay...is it just me, or is this creepy? I got so creeped out this morning that I finally left his house, giving the excuse that I had a lot of things to do at home. I just felt this incredible need to leave his house! He, of course, couldn't understand my sudden need to leave. He chased me to my car and kept asking why I was leaving. I just couldn't stay there anymore....kept telling him I had things to do as I got into my car. When he bent in to kiss me, I gave him a quick peck on the cheek and told him I'd talk to him later. With that, I took off! I've spent the day thinking about this and wondering if maybe I'm over-reacting or if there really is something wrong here. He's called my house a few times and I kept our conversations very short. I just don't know what to think. I mean, I'd hate to accuse him of what I'm thinking...that would be a horrible thing to do to somebody who's innocent. But honestly, I just don't feel it's appropriate for a 13-year-old girl to be laying with her dad on his bed, not to mention his constant "glancing" at her. What do you guys think? Thanks! ~T~ Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 Well, first off, I wasn't there, so tough to comment. BUT, I have to say, this sounds like a perfect time to trust your women's intuition. You were getting a bad vibe, and for a reason. It's not like you were going out of your way to find something wrong - it simply presented itself. FWIW, I do find it inappropriate for them to lie in bed together. BUT, I also come from a household where my siblings and I NEVER crawled into bed with our parents. We were comforted in our own beds until we fell asleep, so that whole kids in bed with the folks thing is really out of realm and comfort zone anyhow. Trust your gut... Link to post Share on other sites
GPFan Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 I agree, trust your instincts. You were creeped out because you were picking up on an unspoken "vibe." Keep a close eye on things, if you find the smallest bit of evidence in support of your suspicion call in the proper authorities. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 I agree that your instincts aren't something to ignore. As a 13 year girl, I never laid in bed with my dad- I didn't even like being hugged by my parents! Do you think the glances could be out of concern for the girl? if she is going through a bad stage, is it possible dad is trying to figure out what is going on with her but doesn't know how to deal with her acting out behaviours? I am not sure how to answer this- because It's not something one can detect from just reading a short post. Does the girl exhibit over-sexualized behaviour or has anything else happened to indicate something has happened? Link to post Share on other sites
amymarieca Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 If you have to ask us whether it is creepy or not, it is probably because it is! Seriously though, if you have a feeling that something is going on, then you are probably right. I would find it weird if an adult man were looking at his daughter that way and lying in bed with her. I would consider this to be one of those giant "red flags" waving right in front of your face. Link to post Share on other sites
InLimbo2 Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 Ok - I'm gonna take a different tack here. BTW, I'm female, single mom, 2 kids - girl now 19 and a boy 14 - and had sole custody of daughter since 2002 and son since 2005. Were father/daughter separated before he gained custody - ie he had no or severely limited visitation? Was he alienated from her? How long was she in her mother's custody? Was there a custody battle? How long has he had custody? Just how badly is she acting up? Did mom send her to live with dad cuz she couldn't control her any longer? The laying in bed - ok, were they cuddled up? Or is it possible he was laying in bed watching tv, she came in to speak to him, got interested in the show and sat down/laid down to watch? My daughter was a real terror - when I got sole custody - the few times she'd allow me to 'connect' with her early on were NOT the most convenient - but I took them as they came - saving her was more important. As for the looking at her all the time - is he watchin her reactions to certain shows? Is he merely gazing at the long lost kid he hasn't seen in a long time? Is he still just so stunned that she's actually there full time? That he won the custody battle over? How about he's being very vigilant because if he gives 'mom' any ammo she'll yank the kid right back? It got so bad with my daughter for awhile that I tracked her every little move for quite some time - no - she couldn't even go to the bathroom without me noticing. Nobody can really tell given what you post. Could your 'vibe' be correct? yep. Is it also possible you three haven't adjusted yet to there being 3 there - yep. Is it possible you were really tired and got wrong vibe - yep. I do not suggest you bring the topic up with him. Watch things - don't over analyze everything - just be aware. And then get a read on your feelings and vibe again. Hey guys...I haven't been on this board for awhile, but I've got a situation here that I'd like some opinions on. I've been seeing a man who just recently got custody of his 13-year-old daughter. The girl can be difficult to deal with sometimes...somwhat hostile, aloof at times, VERY mouthy...you know, all that typical 13-year-old girl stuff. So much fun to deal with! Anyway, here lately things have gotten very strange. For starters, her dad constantly glances her way for no apparent reason. For instance, just this morning we were all kicking back watching a movie. I had my head on his lap resting (I work graveyards and was tired), and the daughter was in a reclining chair. Her dad kept glancing at her...I mean every 30 seconds or so, he'd just look at her then look back at the TV for no apparant reason. And on and on this went. At one point the daughter put a blanket over her head! And when she'd get up from the recliner to go to the bathroom or the kitchen, etc, dad of course would quickly look her way and watch her. Then I find out that the day before, he and she layed on his bed that afternoon together watching TV in his room. Okay...is it just me, or is this creepy? I got so creeped out this morning that I finally left his house, giving the excuse that I had a lot of things to do at home. I just felt this incredible need to leave his house! He, of course, couldn't understand my sudden need to leave. He chased me to my car and kept asking why I was leaving. I just couldn't stay there anymore....kept telling him I had things to do as I got into my car. When he bent in to kiss me, I gave him a quick peck on the cheek and told him I'd talk to him later. With that, I took off! I've spent the day thinking about this and wondering if maybe I'm over-reacting or if there really is something wrong here. He's called my house a few times and I kept our conversations very short. I just don't know what to think. I mean, I'd hate to accuse him of what I'm thinking...that would be a horrible thing to do to somebody who's innocent. But honestly, I just don't feel it's appropriate for a 13-year-old girl to be laying with her dad on his bed, not to mention his constant "glancing" at her. What do you guys think? Thanks! ~T~ Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 Why don't you just ask him why he kept glancing at his daughter all the time? Put yourself in his shoes. Say he was at your house and all of a sudden up and left? Then he was short with you on the phone. Wouldn't you be wondering just what the heck is going on? It's always good to talk about your feelings, especially when another person is involved and has no idea what is going on. With that said, talk to him. You don't have to accuse him of anything. Just simply ask him why he was glancing at his daughter constantly. Tell him that was confusing for you. See what his reaction is. If he gets angry and defensive, then most likely you're right about your gut feeling. If he stays calms and has a good explanation, then there you go. We can sit here and speculate all night about what is going on, but only HE can truly tell you what is going on. Link to post Share on other sites
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