My Stupidity !!!

[JustInKase]

Long time lurker, first time poster here. You guys and girls all seem clever enough to help me out of one of the dumbest things I've ever done.

 

I've been involved with a guy for 9 months. We had contact everyday with phone calls or texts. He'd initiate, I'd initiate. It was mutual. We had a few disagreements that would end in us not talking for a few days here and there. He was usually the one to end the "silence" by texting me with puppy dog crap. It was one of those relationships were you just knew that you'd end up talking soon because you both can't help your sorry selfs.

 

Here is my problem. Two weeks ago he pissed me off for what I thought was the last time. He wasn't giving me the attention that I wanted that day (immature, I know). I didn't let on to him that I was pissed. I was tired of the love/hate relationship and didn't feel like bickering. So, I STUPIDLY sent him a text telling him that I had a NEW PHONE NUMBER and I made reference to a BOYFRIEND. I wrote in the text that as of that moment, my number was changed. I did not ask him not to contact me, but knew that he wouldn't if he believed my "changed number story". I did not in any way make it seem that I was upset with him. Actually, I told him that I would give him my "new" number once I knew it. I sent him this text with the intention of initiating a lengthy No Contact. I have not contacted him since that text. I'm sure he has been waiting for me to give him my "new" number and wondering what the hell happened to me.

 

The "boyfriend" line was a LIE. I have no boyfriend and no other man in my life. Not even close. I also do not have a new number. I still have the same 'ole number he has called me on for months. I came up with this lie as a knee jerk reaction to being pissed off at him. I wanted to give him a little wake up call. Stupid, stupid, stupid, I know. This is the first time I've done anything like this. So, how do I fix it? Of course he hasn't called me in two weeks because he thinks I changed my freaking number while I run around with a new boyfriend !! I've never gone this long without him. I'm going crazy and I know he must be too.

 

I know I can't be the only person who has pulled such a stunt. I need advise on getting out of this. How do I contact him and explain why I still have the same old number? What do I say about the boyfriend story? Do I just tell him that I am an immature arse that made up that story? I hate myself right now.

 

Oh, by the way. Our disagreements were always over petty childish stuff that he always started. Nothing earth shattering or nothing to break things off over.

[justine4]

Long time lurker, first time poster here. You guys and girls all seem clever enough to help me out of one of the dumbest things I've ever done.

 

I've been involved with a guy for 9 months. We had contact everyday with phone calls or texts. He'd initiate, I'd initiate. It was mutual. We had a few disagreements that would end in us not talking for a few days here and there. He was usually the one to end the "silence" by texting me with puppy dog crap. It was one of those relationships were you just knew that you'd end up talking soon because you both can't help your sorry selfs.

 

Here is my problem. Two weeks ago he pissed me off for what I thought was the last time. He wasn't giving me the attention that I wanted that day (immature, I know). I didn't let on to him that I was pissed. I was tired of the love/hate relationship and didn't feel like bickering. So, I STUPIDLY sent him a text telling him that I had a NEW PHONE NUMBER and I made reference to a BOYFRIEND. I wrote in the text that as of that moment, my number was changed. I did not ask him not to contact me, but knew that he wouldn't if he believed my "changed number story". I did not in any way make it seem that I was upset with him. Actually, I told him that I would give him my "new" number once I knew it. I sent him this text with the intention of initiating a lengthy No Contact. I have not contacted him since that text. I'm sure he has been waiting for me to give him my "new" number and wondering what the hell happened to me.

 

The "boyfriend" line was a LIE. I have no boyfriend and no other man in my life. Not even close. I also do not have a new number. I still have the same 'ole number he has called me on for months. I came up with this lie as a knee jerk reaction to being pissed off at him. I wanted to give him a little wake up call. Stupid, stupid, stupid, I know. This is the first time I've done anything like this. So, how do I fix it? Of course he hasn't called me in two weeks because he thinks I changed my freaking number while I run around with a new boyfriend !! I've never gone this long without him. I'm going crazy and I know he must be too.

 

I know I can't be the only person who has pulled such a stunt. I need advise on getting out of this. How do I contact him and explain why I still have the same old number? What do I say about the boyfriend story? Do I just tell him that I am an immature arse that made up that story? I hate myself right now.

 

Oh, by the way. Our disagreements were always over petty childish stuff that he always started. Nothing earth shattering or nothing to break things off over.

 

You've tried playing a game and its backfired (games are meant to be fun, not to get at someone, or hurt someone else - never a good idea).

 

You either have to own up to what you did, apologise and admit it was stupid, and see does he want to continue (how could he trust you to be honest with him after this though?), or put it down to experience and move on.

 

One thing to remember though for future reference - play with fire and you'll always get burnt...

[D-D]

I'd say call him and tell him exactly what happened just as you posted here. Explain why you did it and that you feel really bad for doing it. Honesty is always the best policy. Usually the "right" thing to do is the toughest. Once he hears the truth, then he can decide his participation in the future of the relationship.

 

You've been together for 9 months. I don't really see this as a huge deal, if I was your boyfriend I would certainly be pissed but I'd appreciate your honesty and I think I'd be able to talk things out to a positive resolution.

[xpaperxcutx]

Are we still in high school? The both of you need to have a serious talk about those little childish fights that you have. And because you started this whole lie, it's best you be the better person and apologize.

[SpikeyChick]

And because you started this whole lie, it's best you be the better person and apologize.

 

Apologizing does not make her "the better person" - however, by 'fessing up, at best she will crawl her way back to being equal . Right now she is way below par by pulling that stupid stunt. And get over your "entitlement" to be showered with attention from your B/f . You are not doing him 'a favor' by being in a relationship with him, you know.

[Sand&Water]

RE:

 

You have to take responsibility for your own actions, JustInKase.

 

You made a mistake. Do you expect that everyone will forgive you or feel sorry for what you've done, including your man? No.

 

The harsh truth is, what you did want down right manipulative, and disheartening. Do you think he will be able to trust you again, after what you've said and done to him? Probably not.

 

Playing games with someone you have feelings for, only makes you look like a crazy woman. What was the point of your game? I don't think there is much you can do to fix this.

 

At this point, you either walk away from him (the entire situation) -or explain to him what you did, apologize, and try to make it up to him perhaps by asking him out on a date.

 

IF he accepts, then he would be a true gentleman for taking you back. There are not many men out there that can forgive and forget.

 

Sand&Water

[xpaperxcutx]

Apologizing does not make her "the better person" - however, by 'fessing up, at best she will crawl her way back to being equal . Right now she is way below par by pulling that stupid stunt. And get over your "entitlement" to be showered with attention from your B/f . You are not doing him 'a favor' by being in a relationship with him, you know.

 

Yeah I know she has to tell him the truth, but she'd still need to apologize. But I doubt that there's a slim chance he'll forgive her, I mean he'll always use this against her wouldn't he?

[Leia]

Do I just tell him that I am an immature arse that made up that story? I hate myself right now.

 

Errr... yes. Tell him exactly that.

[Lishy]

You have to ask yourself that if he agrivates you enough for you to pull this stunt and you keep falling out over trivial things, do you want to remain in such a relationship?

 

You miss him but do you miss the drama?

[J2FT1]

Apologizing does not make her "the better person" - however, by 'fessing up, at best she will crawl her way back to being equal . Right now she is way below par by pulling that stupid stunt. And get over your "entitlement" to be showered with attention from your B/f . You are not doing him 'a favor' by being in a relationship with him, you know.

 

As always, wise words from a wise chick.

[george1122]

Be honest, tell him the truth. relationships can't be build up on lies or games. Don't worry about him using it against you. If he starts using it against you everytime, do you want to be with a person like that to begin with? If he is nice and likes/loves you, he will forgive and put it behind. I know I would if my gf honestly explained the situation to me.

[SpikeyChick]

Yeah I know she has to tell him the truth, but she'd still need to apologize. But I doubt that there's a slim chance he'll forgive her, I mean he'll always use this against her wouldn't he?

 

I think that all women here need to extract the lesson from this post and realise that this kind of STUNT ultimately will blow up in your face.

 

However -whether he "would always use this against her " is speculative at best. My experience says that men do NOT hold grudges anywhere near the level that women do.

If the OP can bring herself to show the appropriate amount of remorse he MAY forgive and forget - hard to say really.

[sid3]

I bet he'll take you back until he meets someone else. You played a mean spirited game on him, once trust is broken do you really think it can be fixed. how would you be feeling if he did that to you. if i had to bet,I'd say your done, if not right now, shortly. ouch!

[Luv2Laugh]

You sound too immature to even be in a relationship! Bit of advice-DON'T PLAY GAMES. It's not fair to the other person and you end up screwing up any chances of true intimacy in the long run when you treat the person like a game of bingo rather than a human being:(

[Crestfallen_KH]

Honestly, I would just not contact him and walk away from this. I can understand being frustrated and having a moment of anger, but trying to explain away what you did to him will be tough and likely a painful experience for you. Unless he is incredibly immature and/or likes drama, I can't imagine that he would hear your explanation and think too highly of your behavior or be too forgiving of it.

 

Don't beat yourself up - we live and learn in relationships and now you know to give yourself time to "be with your emotions" before acting. Don't do it again.

[JustInKase]

I'd say call him and tell him exactly what happened just as you posted here. Explain why you did it and that you feel really bad for doing it. Honesty is always the best policy. Usually the "right" thing to do is the toughest. Once he hears the truth, then he can decide his participation in the future of the relationship.

 

You've been together for 9 months. I don't really see this as a huge deal, if I was your boyfriend I would certainly be pissed but I'd appreciate your honesty and I think I'd be able to talk things out to a positive resolution.

 

 

Thanks D-D. Your right that I should call him and be honest. He is a pretty laid back guy and might just forgive me. I was actually thinking of getting one of those cheap pre-paid cell phones and giving him that as my "new number". That way, I would only have the "boyfriend" lie to bail myself out of. Come to think of it, when I sent him that infamous text, I didn't actually say, "I have a boyfriend". What I did was text him something like "I am waiting for my b/f to call". That was my sole reference to having another man. I suppose I can now claim that the "b/f" was a typo that was meant to say "g/f". I can claim drunkeness or sleepiness as the reason for the typo. I know you will say that I should just be honest. But I have to think of all possibilities before I throw myself on his mercy.

[JustInKase]

Apologizing does not make her "the better person" - however, by 'fessing up, at best she will crawl her way back to being equal . Right now she is way below par by pulling that stupid stunt. And get over your "entitlement" to be showered with attention from your B/f . You are not doing him 'a favor' by being in a relationship with him, you know.

 

Actually, he is always the one that feels entitled to be showered with MY attention. I rarely have the need for his. I left a lot of the description of our relationship out of my OP because I didn't think it was relevent. Also, I know my stunt was stupid and there is no excuse for it. But in order to redeem myself in this board's eyes, let me explain something. He has pulled MANY stupid stunts on me. Some stunts annoyed me. Others just made me roll my eyes. He is not an angel. I've questioned his maturity many times. I know that he is not someone I can settle down and marry because he is too childish and needy. My relationship with him is fun and casual, with a little twist of adoration from both sides. I would like to keep him as a friend, and possibly a lover. Nothing long term though. Right now

I just want to be able to contact him without appearing as juvenile as he has appeared to me in the past. He isn't someone that I want to walk away from just because I now have egg on my face.

[D-Lish]

I think if I was seeing someone for 9 months and they text me to say they had a new gf- I would bolt and never lool back- no matter what they said to me. I think I'd be angry and mistrustful of that person indefinately after that.

 

If his feeling were genuine- and you told him you had a new bf- you probably hurt him quite badly. That's not just a game- it's an act of cruelty.

 

We all make mistakes- we're human afterall... I think I'd still try and apologize though. Perhaps he will be understanding if you are lucky.

 

We live and learn.

[JustInKase]

RE:

 

You have to take responsibility for your own actions, JustInKase.

 

You made a mistake. Do you expect that everyone will forgive you or feel sorry for what you've done, including your man? No.

 

The harsh truth is, what you did want down right manipulative, and disheartening. Do you think he will be able to trust you again, after what you've said and done to him? Probably not.

 

Playing games with someone you have feelings for, only makes you look like a crazy woman. What was the point of your game? I don't think there is much you can do to fix this.

 

At this point, you either walk away from him (the entire situation) -or explain to him what you did, apologize, and try to make it up to him perhaps by asking him out on a date.

 

IF he accepts, then he would be a true gentleman for taking you back. There are not many men out there that can forgive and forget.

 

Sand&Water

 

There really wasn't a point to my game. It all happened to fast. He got me angry, I reacted. Immediately after reacting, I regretted it. There was no plan of action or premeditated manipulation at all. I regretted my anger almost instantly. After sending the text, I knew that I had no choice but to not contact him for a little while. Many people react out of anger. Unfortunately for me, my reaction had lingering consequences that must be fixed before I can call him.

[JustInKase]

Yeah I know she has to tell him the truth, but she'd still need to apologize. But I doubt that there's a slim chance he'll forgive her, I mean he'll always use this against her wouldn't he?

 

He wouldn't always use this against me as I have many things I could use against him. He has also done some crazy things. We have both questioned why we even continue to see each other. When things are good between us, they are GREAT. When things are bad, he is usually the one that plays games. The lie I told him by text was the first game I've ever played on him. Oh, my God !! I think I am turning into HIM.

 

Him and I aren't the perfect match and I am ok with that. I do wish to contact him soon though. I want to be his friend. If there is anything to end, I want to end it MATURELY and on good terms. I just need to figure out how I am going to explain why I lied.

[JustInKase]

You have to ask yourself that if he agrivates you enough for you to pull this stunt and you keep falling out over trivial things, do you want to remain in such a relationship?

 

You miss him but do you miss the drama?

 

I don't miss the drama at all. I hate drama. Funny thing is, the whole reason I pretended that I wasn't mad at him and sent him that text was to AVOID all drama. I felt the drama coming on and I didn't want any part of it. I didn't want to tell him I was mad and vent on him (drama). So I lied in order to push him away (less or no drama). Now my lie is sticking to me like glue.

[Jilly Bean]

How about calling and saying someone stole your phone and was playing tricks?

[Lishy]

How about ringing him and acting like nothing has happened and when he asks about the text, reply "what text?"

 

Tell him you have just got back from that training course you had told him about months ago and was wondering why he had not called

 

lol

 

It could work!

[JustInKase]

How about ringing him and acting like nothing has happened and when he asks about the text, reply "what text?"

 

Tell him you have just got back from that training course you had told him about months ago and was wondering why he had not called

 

lol

 

It could work!

 

I thought of doing something similiar to this. But I can't remember exactly how I worded the infamous text. Did I write something in the text that would easily identify me? Like, did I mention his tatoo or something that only I would know about? I can't freaking remember. I would hate to play that "Text? What text?" game only to have him respond, "The text you sent me about having a boyfriend, changing your number and picking up your Aunt Shirley at the airport after you glue the beer mug I broke". See what I mean? Sure I can pretend someone else was screwing around with my phone. But he wouldn't believe that if there were details that only I would text about. I wish I could remember everything

[JustInKase]

Ok, guys and gals. I went out an bought a pre-paid cell phone. This is going to be my "new" number that I lied about. I haven't called him yet. I'm still in planning mode. When I call him, he will be pissed that he hasn't heard from me in 3 weeks. I've got an answer for that. I am going to tell him that after our last talk, I became a little hurt over some of the things he said (this is the truth). I'm going to tell him that I needed some time to think about the relationship. I'll let him know that I've decided "we" are worth holding onto. I'll compliment him like crazy. I'll apologize for my abscence, but let him know that it was necessary.

 

If he asked me about the boyfriend, I am going to tell him that the "b/f" in the text message was a typo. I'll laugh and make it sound silly. I'll remind him that there is no way I would have any boyfriend (this is the truth). I'll tell him that he is the only man for me.

 

If he asks me why I changed my phone number, I will tell him that I lost my phone. I'll say that I got the pre-paid phone as a temporary fix until I either find my phone, or buy another one. This way, I can wait a few days and then suddendly "find my phone". I'll then get rid of the pre-paid phone and things will be back to normal. Whew.

 

How did I get myself into such a jam? Warning to everyone: never try to trick or play your SO. This crap isn't worth it. If you get mad at your lover, then come here and vent on LS. But DO NOT tell your lover that you "changed your phone, address, identity. etc" There is no cheap way of fixing lies like these.