brenda collins Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 Right, I am having serious issues. I am a beautiful, intelligent, sweet woman of 22 years of age. I just got out of a three year relationship, around nine months ago, where i was controlled and minipulated. Since then, I have found that no guy wants to commit to me, guys are attracted to me but all they seem to want is a bit of fun. I am in no way a slut, I have only slept with three people in my life, and i dress in a sophisticated manner, i dont go out with my tits hanging out etc. I do have blonde hair and big boobs but make it extremely clear I am a classy girl. In my last post, "eight months and still dont know whats going on," I explained about mr eight month guy and how he made an effortwith me for eight months, but wouldnt commit and in the end just started trying to use me. Another guy is also trying to use me as his booty call, i dont have feelings for him, however i do wonder why he would try to do this. He called me last night at half two and asked me to come round??? I just dont know where I am going wrong (I am quite nice and can come across as nieve, )so I am wondering if guys are attracted to me but think cause i am so sweet and nieve, they can treat me how they like. please help Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 At the risk of sounding crass, you can attribute the booty call to "blonde hair and big boobs". Try this. Instead of responding to males who pursue you, seek out a gentleman whom you prefer the company of, regardless of whether he's drooling over you or not. Seek and you shall find You must remember that your outside beauty does affect people, so your work is to make it a conduit to your inner beauty. The right person for you will see and understand this. Meanwhile, enjoy the attention and don't put too much stock in it. You're young! Link to post Share on other sites
Angels&Airwaves Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 Seek and you shall find A) What is a booty call? Is it something to do with someone's dairy air? B) Seek and you shall find? I've seeked and found a girl who has a boyfriend, I'm not liking this seek and find method, I don't like it at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brenda collins Posted March 21, 2008 Author Share Posted March 21, 2008 so u think I should reign control over my own love life. ie: seek them instead of letting them seek me? and how do u stop letting men control you?? I always get controlled Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 Right, I am having serious issues. I am a beautiful, intelligent, sweet woman of 22 years of age. I just got out of a three year relationship, around nine months ago, where i was controlled and minipulated. Since then, I have found that no guy wants to commit to me, guys are attracted to me but all they seem to want is a bit of fun. I am in no way a slut, I have only slept with three people in my life, and i dress in a sophisticated manner, i dont go out with my tits hanging out etc. I do have blonde hair and big boobs but make it extremely clear I am a classy girl. In my last post, "eight months and still dont know whats going on," I explained about mr eight month guy and how he made an effortwith me for eight months, but wouldnt commit and in the end just started trying to use me. Another guy is also trying to use me as his booty call, i dont have feelings for him, however i do wonder why he would try to do this. He called me last night at half two and asked me to come round??? I just dont know where I am going wrong (I am quite nice and can come across as nieve, )so I am wondering if guys are attracted to me but think cause i am so sweet and nieve, they can treat me how they like. please help To me this sounds like a classic case of 'It isn't anything about you' - it's just that there are men out there who are into booty calls, especially when you're in your early twenties, and what you've got to do is learn to be selective and have no qualms about giving them the boot once you realize that you're not on the same page. The best way to do this is to wait until you know you're on the same page before having sex. The guys who want booty calls won't call back. The ones who want more will. I know it sounds very traditionnal, but it helped me through. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 You're a booty call because you allow it to happen. Stop taking these phone calls in the first place. It was 2 in the morning, your cell should've been on silent while you enjoyed your beauty sleep. I think you're genetically gifted for having blonde hair and big boobs. There's nothing wrong with that, because it just means that you're more likely to attract all kinds of men. But the more men you attract, the more helpful it would be for you to try to discern what exactly are these men's motives. As a women, you should follow your gut instinct and intuition when it comes to separating the good from the bad. It's always safe to be just a bit well guarded, but you have to mask this defense with confidence. Remember how when we're little our parents always tell us to sit up straight for good posture? The same thing goes for you as a woman. Your goal is to better yourself for your sake, not to impress any other men. You go to work because you're financially independent, you go to the gym because you want a healthy lifestyle and likes keeping yourself fit. And when you meet other people, you don't need to go into details about yourself, your confidence in yourself will exude out of the way you present yourself. What I mean in summary is that you to have a balance when it comes to men. You can't put all your eggs in one basket when one guy starts showering you with attention. You go about this nonchalantly with a bit of tactic and less emotions to start with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brenda collins Posted March 21, 2008 Author Share Posted March 21, 2008 in other words, are u saying that I turn guys off me, because i act too desperate and needy, do u reckon, guys just see me as a bit of fun, because i am not a challenge, even though i should be a challege. Is it possible that because I answer these guys phone calls and do what they say, they go off me because they think i am too easy too get. I fall very fast and very hard! Should i try to be more unavailable and aloof, and try not to fall for a guy before he proves himself worthy of my falling for. The problem is I am insecure deep down, so I relish any attention I get and get scared that if I dont conform to what they want me to do, they will just not bother with me. stupid I know. I have a big problem, i dont know how to change this behaviour ????????? Link to post Share on other sites
Jasmine8719 Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 Guys like that you just need to cut off all contact from them...I've been here before plenty of times and so have all of my friends... thats one reason why I dont have guy friends anymore they always want something out of it in the end wether its sex or a relationship and if your not willing to give them either ,then theres no point in having a "friendship" with them In the first place.. -Jasmine Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 The problem is I am insecure deep down, so I relish any attention I get and get scared that if I dont conform to what they want me to do, they will just not bother with me. stupid I know. I have a big problem, i dont know how to change this behaviour ????????? Haha! Well there you have it. That's why you end up feeling like a booty call. The first way to change this behaviour is to stop doing it. As xxxpapercutxx suggested, you could simply turn your cell phone off when you go to bed. What helped me change my 'please like me' attitude was starting to pay more attention to whether or not I really liked them or just the attention I was getting from them. TO do this, you need to think about what it is that you are looking for in a relationship and what, therefore, you are looking for in a partner. What would be your ideal relationship? How would you relate to each other? What characteristics would your partner need in order to be a match for you? Basically - look for what you want and like in a man, instead of trying to bend yourself over backward to please them. Link to post Share on other sites
roxy_1980 Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 I had this problem for quite a long time, so I can relate. Don't you get tired of them always picking you and letting the ones that you really want passing you by? I found that I would bark like a seal for any guy that paid attention to me. Any attention, even if he was just checking out my @$$ when I met him. Then I'd try to dangle sex and "being an attentive gf" in front of him to try to get him to fall for me. The guy was never looking for a relationship, but I thought that I could convince him otherwise. I was so insecure about my looks and what I had to offer I was easy pickings for jerks. Guys can read that desperation and in their early 20s especially they will take advantage of it. I eventually learned that I have to go after those good men that before I'd just sit on the sidelines for because I thought he wouldn't be interested in me. The men that treat you like a lady from the beginning. Not the ones that you figure will treat you great later on. Don't just put up with the way they treat you. You are worth more and a great man will see that. PS. Read my signature line below, sound familiar? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 Here's how it goes. If you're attractive, you'll attract more attention from the opposite gender. When this happens, their first thoughts are, I want to get into her pants. What else have they got to go by, since they don't know anything about you, beyond the superficial? So, you take your time, so they have a chance to get to know you. It doesn't mean being dishonest, if you do want into their pants. It most definitely doesn't hurt, to let a guy know he has your attention, as long as the two of you know, that you're not interested in bed hopping. The guys that will stick around, will be the ones who not only find you physically attractive but are interested in you, as a person. The ones that wander off, will be your superficial guys, the booty callers. Don't let any guy try to convince you that because you wouldn't give it up, he couldn't invest. That's a bunch of leverage-style garbage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brenda collins Posted March 21, 2008 Author Share Posted March 21, 2008 i totally know what you mean. The minute a guy starts paying attention to me, i become interested in them, even if I may not have been attracted to them before they showed any interest. my whole life then starts to become about them, for instance with eight month boy, who still wont commit to me, I couldnt accept defeat and rejection instead I kept on trying to find ways to make him fall for me, new clothes, new hair, losing weight, making him jealous, these are all tactics I tried. The funny thing is none of my games worked with him but still I cant let go and accept that he is not into me, because for me that would mean there was something that was not good enough about me, its a never ending cycle. Link to post Share on other sites
roxy_1980 Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 If he hasn't committed to you in 8 months, he's not gonna! Ever!! Rather than defeat, think of it this way: You are strong enough to pick and leave and not look back. You are not about to waste any more of your precious time on a guy that's just trying to take advantage of you. If he can't see what's great about you, too bad for him. He'll probably figure out how great you are one day. But, by then, you'll be with your husband and won't really care. Cut him loose and find the man you really want! Link to post Share on other sites
Author brenda collins Posted March 21, 2008 Author Share Posted March 21, 2008 why would someone call u all the time, for eight months, even tho he is away at uni, and could be involved with someone at his uni, if he wont commit. i just dont get why he is acting like this Link to post Share on other sites
NuTuDating Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 It takes two to tango. Ditch him. Link to post Share on other sites
roxy_1980 Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 I don't know why he is stringing you along, but if he refuses to make any kind of concrete relationship plans, he is non-committal. I've read some of your other threads. He saw you once over christmas? Come on, he's not even trying! And you haven't seen him in months? What about Spring break? If he really cared, he would be trying harder. You can't make somebody love you. Link to post Share on other sites
kikikiwi Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 I think you need to take some time off of boys and work on urself first. Link to post Share on other sites
jinx55 Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 From what I have read you seem to dress classy, however are you sure that you are acting classy? I don't know you personally so I obviously can't make that comment but I know girls who dress to kill and won't cheat on their boyfriends they just want to look good. However if you are looking for a guy who treats you right the best thing is to just go on some fun dates. You need to learn how they act and how respectful they are. If you go out to eat see if they tip the waiter properly. When responding to yourself and others do they say things like please, thank you, ect. These might not seem like important things but often well mannered guys are often the ones that stay in relationships when a girl gets older and wiser because they are worth keeping. You are young and keep your head up a guy will come along, our society isn't like it was 40-50 years ago you probably won't end up meeting mr.right until your mid late 20's if not even later. Your young live it up Link to post Share on other sites
Author brenda collins Posted March 22, 2008 Author Share Posted March 22, 2008 I know I need to let go of this. But, and I guess its because I am young and I havent experienced anything like this before. I just dont get it. WHy on earth would this guy have persued me for eight months if all he wanted was a **** buddy situation with me? He called me every day and then as soon as I confront him about his behaviour, he just stops making the effort altogether. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brenda collins Posted March 22, 2008 Author Share Posted March 22, 2008 I don't know why he is stringing you along, but if he refuses to make any kind of concrete relationship plans, he is non-committal. I've read some of your other threads. He saw you once over christmas? Come on, he's not even trying! And you haven't seen him in months? What about Spring break? If he really cared, he would be trying harder. You can't make somebody love you. I know! He told my fiend that the reason he did not see me, was because he makes all the effort and I make none at all. ie: I never ask him to do anything or make the first move to call him. Link to post Share on other sites
american-woman Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 (edited) Right, I am having serious issues. I am a beautiful, intelligent, sweet woman of 22 years of age. I just got out of a three year relationship, around nine months ago, where i was controlled and minipulated. Since then, I have found that no guy wants to commit to me, guys are attracted to me but all they seem to want is a bit of fun. I am in no way a slut, I have only slept with three people in my life, and i dress in a sophisticated manner, i dont go out with my tits hanging out etc. I do have blonde hair and big boobs but make it extremely clear I am a classy girl. In my last post, "eight months and still dont know whats going on," I explained about mr eight month guy and how he made an effortwith me for eight months, but wouldnt commit and in the end just started trying to use me. Another guy is also trying to use me as his booty call, i dont have feelings for him, however i do wonder why he would try to do this. He called me last night at half two and asked me to come round??? I just dont know where I am going wrong (I am quite nice and can come across as nieve, )so I am wondering if guys are attracted to me but think cause i am so sweet and nieve, they can treat me how they like. please help[/quote It isnt you these young guys are raging with hormones. Their only gonna get as far as you let them. Dont allow it respect yourself. In time Im sure you will meet the guy that will respect you and treat you wonderful. Sometime when we arent looking the right man falls into our arms Edited March 22, 2008 by american-woman Link to post Share on other sites
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