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I think I scared him off, is there anything I can do?


usababe

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I need guys help on this one. I started seeing this guy about 4 months ago, we go out in the same place every weekend and used to end up together most weekends. Anyway after few times of meeting up and one date (just having fun together, making out sometimes and texting during the week) I made the huge mistake of asking where this was going. I know I shouldn't have! so he told me he really liked me but wasn't ready for a relationship. He's just turned 23 and I'm 25.

 

So now he stares at me across the bar and watches me if I'm dancing. If I ever pass him out he stops to chat and I feel like he wants something to happen but I scared him off thinking I want something really serious. We still have amazing chemistry and there's obviously a mutual attraction so my question is, is there anyway I can fix this? I want him to know that I don't wanna get married or anything I was just scared of being used. I regret that I just didn't go with it and see where it could have led.

 

He's not the most confident guy and doesn't like talking about anything serious (as most guys don't) so I need a way to bring this up without freaking him out. Any advice would be great.

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In my eyes, there's nothing to fix. You put out the relationship vibe, he put out the FWB vibe and each of you is waiting for the other to give. However, no matter who gives first, there will only be one winner... the FWB guy.

 

A relationship seeker can be tricked into a FWB situation, but a FWB seeker cannot be tricked into a relationship.

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You didn't scare him off, 4 months is a long time of dating. If he ever wanted a r/s with you in the first place, he would have said 'well i want this to go somewhere and possibly see if it can develop into a relatinship'...

 

You didn't do anything wrong, and krytie is correct in that there is nothing to fix. He is just not relationship material. Don't take it personally and find someone who actually wants a relationshiop with you.

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I want him to know that I don't wanna get married or anything I was just scared of being used. I regret that I just didn't go with it and see where it could have led.

 

He's not the most confident guy and doesn't like talking about anything serious (as most guys don't) so I need a way to bring this up without freaking him out. Any advice would be great.

 

STOP!! Don't bring it up! Ever! And if he ever brings it up himself, casually brush it off as your own idle curiosity. The important thing is, he's watching you and measuring you right now (wondering if you're going to turn out to be an emotional bottomless pit like all those other girls - don't be like them!!). The LAST thing you want to do is let him know you care about what he thinks. You're always calm, relaxed, happy and busy every time he sees you. And your focus is NOT on him. You're right, guys freak out when you zero in on them. Don't do it!

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Max Overclock
You're right, guys freak out when you zero in on them. Don't do it!

 

With all due deference, this is not necessarily accurate. Guys (like girls) don't like clingy, needy, overbearing mates.

 

A guy does want to know clearly that a girl is into him. Just not overbearingly so.

 

Max

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With all due deference, this is not necessarily accurate. Guys (like girls) don't like clingy, needy, overbearing mates.

 

A guy does want to know clearly that a girl is into him. Just not overbearingly so.

 

Max

 

Sorry, I'm sticking to my guns on this. And it's not because of what guys say, it's what they do. They say they want a girl who is into him... but they get hung up on the girl who doesn't pay any attention to him.

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xpaperxcutx

A guy does want to know clearly that a girl is into him. Just not overbearingly so.

 

Max

 

That's where it bugs me. Why is it that when a guy knows that a girl likes him, he pretends that she doesn't and continues to string her along like she might have a chance with him? What are they thinking?

 

Sorry vindictive rambling here....

 

back to OP, don't be sad, he's not looking for a long term thing. If anything he'll probably move on when he finds out you're not interested. At least you got out.

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PeachesnCream

You wanted an answer to your question. You sort of gotten it. He doesn't want what you want and you don't want what he wants. The end.

 

Start a new beginning with someone else. If you have chemistry with this one, chances are you'll have chemistry with others that are on the same relationship level as you.

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mortensorchid

You should both move on. You should be having fun rather than worrying about where things are going. You have great chemistry because you are sexually attracted to one another, but there seems to be little else. The twenties are an extended version of the teens, and you both have a lot of growing up to do.

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