radioflyer Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 It's been a few years since I have posted on this site. Long story short, I caught my ex-wife cheating on me. Well, here I am 4 years later and have dated my fair share. But, I never found someone to really connect with...until now. See, I had an old friend (more like an acquaintance) , whom i used to hang out with on certain occasions. This was only a mere convenience of a friendship (which i later realized). Well, this old friend got married only a few months after i did...and the marriage just recently ended. It ended due to an affair on her part (that story to come later). Now, I have not had more than a 5 minute conversation with this old friend in the last 4+ years. I have tried numerous times to get a hold of him via phone, text, email, or instant messenger....he never would respond. Still considered a friend? I know they went through hell because of the affair and they both tried to work on the marriage, without any success. They have been separated for over a year and a half and he wanted nothing to do with her...until he found out that we started dating. Believe it or not, I have had more contact with her over the years than what i did with my old "friend". She has always seemed like a great person to talk to and just fun to be around. Well, her and I lost contact for about a year, while their problems were happening. About 3 months ago, she called me for some advice about the airline that I work for. We later agreed to meet up for lunch and catch up. Then it happened....some type of a spark that neither of us had seen coming. As couples, we would hang out on occasion, but never even put the thought of an attraction into our heads because we were married. 2.5 months later and we have both agreed that our attraction and compatibility with each other is like none other! Unfortunately, he recently found out that we were dating and went completely ballistic! He is an alcoholic that consistently starts drinking at the exact same time every day, and gets to a certain point of drunkenness where he feels the need to call and text us with the most degrading, disgusting messages possible (usually in the middle of the night). I have not responded to him, until today. I typed a very cordial, reasonable email explaining my point of view about our relationship. He responded with a very vial, vulgar, but well written email, which made me feel like the biggest piece of **** in the world! My question to you.....is this wrong? am i wrong? do i need a morality check? Now, mind you, the people i am talking about are very well educated and not your Jerry Springer type of people. Sorry if this message is everywhere, but i hope you get the point. Link to post Share on other sites
Tripper Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 They have been separated for over a year and a half and he wanted nothing to do with her...until he found out that we started dating. RF, I can't speak for others but here's the way I see it. They're only separated so they are still married legally. But if he wanted nothing to do with her, I can only assume that reconciliation is not in the picture and that divorce will soon be pending. Do you need a morality check?? Hell no. While she's legally married, she's emotionally divorced and with no chance of reconciliation you have a hunting license. Good luck to you.... Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 Nah, drop this chick. 1, she cheated. 2, She's dating a man who used to be her husband's friend. 3, seems like a plot or revenger against her ex. 4, it's too many red flags on the field. I'm sorry but this looks like a disaster in making. You should not be dating this woman, you cant see the red flags? or are you just that blind to see it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author radioflyer Posted February 21, 2008 Author Share Posted February 21, 2008 thanks for the quick reply! the divorce will be completed in 6 days. she is emotionally divorced and there is no chance of reconciliation. To add to the story above: She hates herself for having the affair. She wishes that she could have walked away, but instead, took the easy way out. He was a severe alcoholic and completely detached from her. She has it in her head that she was an annoyance to him for the better part of her marriage. She realized, after they bought a house and moved 40 mins away from his friends, that the relationship was not based around them, but their circle of friends. Their relationship was based on her ex drinking and his buddies coming over to watch football and drink with him. We both realized that we started our past relationships at the age of 20 and 21. waaaayyy too early in life. We are only 11 months apart and have so much of a common bond together. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 It still looks bad because of the fact that it looks bad. Look radio your cool an all that but there's still something off with the whole situation. I mean does she have NC with the OM, has she apologized for the affair. What about the kids, if any. Do you ant to be a stepfather to them. I mean there's so much baggage. you'd have better luck starting fresh with someone else. And also to add your dating someone from your social circle that you guys all know. Just imagine what they'll be saying about you. No matter how you say how you guys hooked up, it's always gonna look fishy. But ultimately the choice is yours. It might work, it might not, but I'd have more respect for myself and my former friend and his wife. Boundries. my friend, where's the boundries? Link to post Share on other sites
Tripper Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 Look radio your cool an all that but there's still something off with the whole situation. I mean does she have NC with the OM, has she apologized for the affair. What about the kids, if any. Do you ant to be a stepfather to them. I mean there's so much baggage. you'd have better luck starting fresh with someone else. And also to add your dating someone from your social circle that you guys all know. Just imagine what they'll be saying about you. No matter how you say how you guys hooked up, it's always gonna look fishy. But ultimately the choice is yours. It might work, it might not, but I'd have more respect for myself and my former friend and his wife. Boundries. my friend, where's the boundries? CB, I'll agree that there is baggage. Unfortunately life isn't always simple. There's always baggage. I've been in a similar situation myself so I understand and empathize. People do make mistakes. It's the learning of life's lesson from those mistakes that makes one a better person. If this relationship makes R a happy camper, then any issues that his social circle have are their problems. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 Her divorce is complete in 6 days. There is no chance of reconcilliation. He was not a close friend. I see no issue with you dating her. Fair game. My only concern would be her cheating. But only you can really judge that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author radioflyer Posted February 26, 2008 Author Share Posted February 26, 2008 any other opinions on this matter?? thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
StrawberryLime Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 I think she's fair game, but statistically speaking, once a cheater, always a cheater. I'd be wary dating her, if I was you. I agree with Chrome, that I see an effing TON of red flags going up. I would proceed with extreme caution, regardless of how great the connection is. Link to post Share on other sites
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