george_scruff Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 First things first.. I'm a girl! Some people might think this is disgusting, but here goes! Okay, my problem... I have been seeing a man for 5 months secretly. He is 54. I am 21. We have never said we love each other, we only love each other as close friends, as a full time relationship would not work out. We absolutely love the company of each other. Recently, a guy 1yr older than me has come into my life. We are friends, but he asked me out for tea a few nights ago. I couldn't go as I had something else on. I do like him, but my passion for the 54yr old is still strong. I find myself thinking about him a lot. My biggest fear is, if I date this younger guy, I will still be thinking about 54yr old. I really don't want that. I have talked to 54yr old about a possibility of a relationship with this new guy, and he said we couldn't continue with our relationship, to which he was very understanding. We still are very much into each other, but I know one day that I need to move on and meet someone around my age. Has anyone got any suggestions on whether give it a little longer and then date younger guy? Or ditch 54yr old now and go for younger guy? I am so double minded and confused as to what I should do!!! I am also a little nervous as this Friday younger guy and me are going to a concert together and having tea. It will probably turn into something. Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 Your 21, date who you want, who you feel passion for ( which seems to be the 54 yr old) There is an old saying " People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime". Since you are so young, i don't see anything wrong with spending a "season" with this guy and maybe learning something from him. There will be plenty of time to grow and find someone closer to your age when you are ready to marry, start a family etc. PS. Just because you go to tea with someone, " something " doesn't HAVE to happen ! Link to post Share on other sites
EYECANDY000 Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 Your a legal aged woman and is free to date whomever you want. The age shouldnt matter. Date whoever makes you the happiest. Link to post Share on other sites
StillSame Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 We have never said we love each other, we only love each other as close friends, as a full time relationship would not work out. Three questions come to mind: 1) Is he married? 2) What do you mean by "close friends?" Close friends as a father/daughter or as friends with benefit? 3) Does he have kids? If so, how old? It would be weird if his daughter is older than you. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 I am also a little nervous as this Friday younger guy and me are going to a concert together and having tea. It will probably turn into something. Sounds like you've already made your decision to date the younger guy. All that's left is telling older guy what you've decided. You can't date both - not fair to older guy who said it would have to end if you started seeing someone else, and not fair to new guy who doesn't know you're dating someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author george_scruff Posted February 13, 2008 Author Share Posted February 13, 2008 No, he divorced a few years ago and doesn't have any kids. We are more of a friends with benefits. there's no way I would date 2 people at the same time. It's not me. A thought keeps coming across to me. If I break the relationship off with the older guy, we will still remain the closest of friends, we both know that. It's not if I won't ever see him again, as we're work mates. The only thing that's in the way, is my undecided mind as to who to be with and who to let go. I have had a bit of pressure to find someone from my family (haven't been with someone in 3yrs, well they think so anyway!) and this younger guy is a really lovely bloke, but it could be one of those relationships where it's more of a friendship. This older guy does make me really happy, but in the long run, age does matter. I will need to move on at some stage. I know this sounds wrong, but I could always give this younger guy a shot, and if I find myself still thinking about older guy, I will have to break it off. I just couldn't be in a relationship when you're thinking about another guy! What do you think? I really appreciate all the feedback so far:) Link to post Share on other sites
Unsure Marie Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 First off I don't think it is disgusting that you are dating a 54 year old. At the age of 26 I started dating a 54 year old. I knew him for a couple of years before we started dating. It lasted about six months. And it was really great at first. It was nice to finally meet a man who knew how to treat a girl right. And we had a lot of things in common. Things started to become somewhat serious for us and at first I was really okay with it. But.....I asked myself one question. Do I want to grow old with someone, or watch someone grow old. Obviously we broke up (he broke it off), and it was the age thing. We are at two very different stations in life. But I do not regret dating him. I learned a lot and got to meet a really great person. Now I'm back into the not so wonderful "blood sport" of dating. Right now I am dating a guy a year older than I and I'm having my issues(I think the older guy spoiled me). We have fun and I do still sometimes think about the other guy. Reality is age is a bit of a factor (doesn't have to be big and it can be overcome). To me it sounds like you may be having some reservations about the older guy even though he is great. I would say just look at the person, and ask yourself what your looking for right now and which one could make you happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author george_scruff Posted February 13, 2008 Author Share Posted February 13, 2008 I'm glad someone can relate to me! I thought I was the only one! I have thought many times about growing old with him, even before we both knew that we liked each other. I don't really want to see him grow old, because when I'm 41, he's 74. We have had some great fun too and I've never regretted anything. He's taught me a lot about being in a relationship, and I've treasured every moment I have spent with him. I am going to sit down and seriously think what I want, and take it how it comes with this younger guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Unsure Marie Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 I'm glad someone can relate to me! I thought I was the only one! I have thought many times about growing old with him, even before we both knew that we liked each other. I don't really want to see him grow old, because when I'm 41, he's 74. We have had some great fun too and I've never regretted anything. He's taught me a lot about being in a relationship, and I've treasured every moment I have spent with him. I am going to sit down and seriously think what I want, and take it how it comes with this younger guy. I think that is the best thing you can do. Link to post Share on other sites
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