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So sick of being single.


4get

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Okay so heres the deal. I'm 23. I've had two relationships, both lasting no more than 7 months. All of my friends are married, or commited to someone and most of them have children. Lately I've gotten to the point where I wonder if I'm ever going to meet someone. I'm not even sure where I can meet people. I definitely don't want to meet someone in a bar. My father was an alcoholic. And I'm getting so tired of the 'You're so young' lines. I know I am but I still want something. So...what can I do? I feel like if I sit back and wait, it won't happen...

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Best thing I would suggest is stop looking. Find out about you.....find your hobbies, join a local club, etc. Also take a second look and someone you normally wouldnt give a first look too. Also meeting someone in a bar isnt so bad, the guy I am dating I met at a bar....neither of us drink we just go to hang out with friends! But I know in my heart if I was still actively looking I would have passed him up.

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Best thing I would suggest is stop looking. Find out about you.....find your hobbies, join a local club, etc. Also take a second look and someone you normally wouldnt give a first look too. Also meeting someone in a bar isnt so bad, the guy I am dating I met at a bar....neither of us drink we just go to hang out with friends! But I know in my heart if I was still actively looking I would have passed him up.

I have a major paranoia about marrying an alcoholic. You know...statistics and all. And I don't really know any guys that are single...like I said, everyone I associate with is married. They've tried setting me up and it hasn't exactly gone well either.

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brothermartin

You must be a girl.

 

My suggestion: Find some new friends. Single ones that actually enjoy being single would help. But choose wisely.

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You must be a girl.

 

My suggestion: Find some new friends. Single ones that actually enjoy being single would help. But choose wisely.

Well I can't just ditch my old friends. They are closer to me than my actual family. But I have started looking for some single people to spend time with. And yes...I'm a girl. Does that make me impatient?

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brothermartin
Well I can't just ditch my old friends. They are closer to me than my actual family. But I have started looking for some single people to spend time with. And yes...I'm a girl. Does that make me impatient?

 

No. The fact that you feel you have to hurry up and find a relationship because all your friends have make's you impatient. All I'm saying is you're only 23. You've just started off in life really. Don't rush into marriage or family just because your friends have.

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No. The fact that you feel you have to hurry up and find a relationship because all your friends have make's you impatient. All I'm saying is you're only 23. You've just started off in life really. Don't rush into marriage or family just because your friends have.

Yeah...I'm not even sure if I want marriage. But I know more than anything I'm just tired of always being the 'extra' in the group. The third wheel...

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You and I are in the same boat. I'm a few years older than you are. But I've been single for over 4 years now. And for the past 4 years, I spent 3 years getting over my last realtionship & the last year learning who I am and what I want in life.

 

All I can say is that it's a matter of time before we get what we want. Rushing into something like a relationship is a bad idea because you're more likely to choose a terrible partner. Stay busy doing things that you like to do. Keep your friends. But stop going with them when you're the third wheel.

 

I don't know how many times I've been invited to events with my married friends and their spouses. Even if it means sitting at home eating popcorn alone and watching TV, I would rather do that than be humiliated by being alone in public. Actually, the only problem I have about being alone is people feeling sorry for me, or labeling me for it. If I'm social, they call me a whore. If I'm anti-social, they make sad faces and tell me how sorry they are for me.

 

You should definately surround yourself with other single people.

Edited by Cupcake
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Why are you insistent on doing what your friends do? Do you really know what you want to do? Don't you have any dreams or goals? Does it stop with "get married"? Have relationship? This is a time in your life when it is all about you. Maybe you are ready for marriage. I have known 23 year old that were. But I just get the sound from your post that "my friends are married or have relationships, guess I should too."

 

Dream dreams girl.

Edited by RichC
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You and I are in the same boat. I'm a few years older than you are. But I've been single for over 4 years now. And for the past 4 years, I spent 3 years getting over my last realtionship & the last year learning who I am and what I want in life.

 

All I can say is that it's a matter of time before we get what we want. Rushing into something like a relationship is a bad idea because you're more likely to choose a terrible partner. Stay busy doing things that you like to do. Keep your friends. But stop going with them when you're the third wheel.

 

I don't know how many times I've been invited to events with my married friends and their spouses. Even if it means sitting at home eating popcorn alone and watching TV, I would rather do that than be humiliated by being alone in public. Actually, the only problem I have about being alone is people feeling sorry for me, or labeling me for it.

 

I was going to give you the exact opposite advice. Go out with your friends in R and HAVE FUN. Stop feeling like a third wheel. If they invited you, obviously they want you there. Enjoy yourself when you're out with them. This has two advantages: it wards off the loneliness of being alone and it also makes you look like someone fun to be with to outside observers.

 

When out with said married friends, make sure you find reasons to 'stand alone'. Show up earlier then the meeting time at the cafés, offer to go get the drinks at movies, whatever makes you approachable.

 

And the simplest trick to be approachable, when you manage your stand alones - smile.

 

What is likely to happen is that people will approch you or your friends to get to know you. Now I do agree with Cupcake that you definitely shouldn't rush into a relationship. Keep all doors open, give guys their chance, but be selective. And let them know that you won't just be with the first guy who comes along.

 

 

If I'm social, they call me a whore. If I'm anti-social, they make sad faces and tell me how sorry they are for me.

Hu? people do that? And why would they call you a whore for being social??

 

Oh and by the way 4 get : you are young. I know it takes none of the frustration away, but you know, just--- I wish I was 23 again and single.

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Why are you insistent on doing what your friends do? Do you really know what you want to do? Don't you have any dreams or goals? Does it stop with "get married"? Have relationship? This is a time in your life when it is all about you. Maybe you are ready for marriage. I have known 23 year old that were. But I just get the sound from your post that "my friends are married or have relationships, guess I should too."

 

Dream dreams girl.

It's not so much about doing the same as them. It's that I'm the black sheep in a flock of white ones. It's a little uncomfortable. I'd like to have someone I can take to the BBQ's and whatnot. But the advice I'm getting is great. Keep plugging along and let it happen .

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