Bad Breath, Anyone?

[Jilly Bean]

OK, so I had a first date tonight with a guy whom I met online a few weeks ago. We have a lot of both social compatibility and also core values in common. At first glance (since we just met), he's got it going on - athletic, very attractive, a doctor, no baggage, well-mannered, well-traveled, fun - you get the picture. And we had a super time on the date - he was very polite, complimentary, and a wonderful conversationalist.

 

So, what's the problem? Well, he had halitosis that was melting my contact lenses (and they are hard lenses, btw).

 

While he was paying the bill, I reached into my handbag for gum for BOTH of us, as I was dreading the ensuing good night kiss, and there was no way it was going to happen without something taking the edge off.

 

He is definitely someone I would want to continue to date and get to know, however, this bad breath thing stupifies me a bit. Do I continue to feed him tic-tacs and gum until we know each other well enough and I tell him his breath is sucking the collagen out of my skin? I'm kind of a hygiene nazi, and besides the breath, the rest of him was well groomed and clean. Oddly, as a sidebar, the guy I went out with LAST week also had a tinge to his breath (though none of my friends did the next day and we were all sitting very closely at dinner, so I would have known - lol). Perhaps my hormones are making my olfactory senses particularly heightened...

 

Thoughts on how to handle this? I really wouldn't want to dismiss him based on his breath. It seems so fixable, yet I'm not sure how to broach it without majorly offending him.

[johan]

I've known people with that problem. Why the heck do they need to be TOLD they have this problem?? Their mouths are right under their noses, for God's sake. Not to mention they must wonder why people back away from them. It's a damn mystery to me.

 

I can tell when I have bad breath most of the time.

 

As far as what you do, Jilly. I suggest you forget about dating that guy and go out with me. I dig your shade of green.

[Tony T]

There are many people who brush well, floss, garble and all those good things but still have bad breath. I have a friend like that. I think his problem is that he is an organic vegetarian and eats a LOT of weird stuff.

 

I simply won't date somebody whose breath smells like the city dump. Chances are good that if at some point I told them it wouldn't do any good because they can't tell themselves that they have the problem. I can't imagine any intelligent person going on a date fully knowing that everytime they breathe out they kill all microbes within a block.

 

Don't think this is so fixable. Yeah, maybe so...but there are many reasons it may not be.

[Jilly Bean]

Yeah, I don't get it either. I pretty much know if I have a stink on.

 

LOL - I may take you up on it, Johan. Though in the interest of full disclosure, you have to know that is only my holiday green. I could be blue or pink at any moment in the near future...

[Jilly Bean]

Don't think this is so fixable. Yeah, maybe so...but there are many reasons it may not be.

 

Do you think that's because even if I told him, it would be a recurring issue I would need to deal with?

[johan]

Well, it's a dilemma. I guess you should just tell him what you think. Your news isn't ALL bad after all.

 

I know a guy at work whose "problem" actually drifts outside his office, so you can tell he's in there just by walking by. And another guy I used to have a hard time being in a meeting room with. Even worse, I've run across a woman or two who had this problem. Young, cute ones even. That's just sad.

 

I hope like hell I don't have it.

[Jilly Bean]

Johan - breathe on me and I will tell you if you are ok or not.

 

Since we JUST met, I don't see how I can bring this up delicately, unless next time we are out, I pop a mint and say I just had garlic pizza for lunch, and my breath must be horrendous or ask HIM if he had garlic pizza for lunch, and suggest he take a mint. Just not sure how to bring it up without totally hurting his feelings and putting him on the defensive.

 

Legend...sigh. lol.

[Tony T]

Do you think that's because even if I told him, it would be a recurring issue I would need to deal with?

 

I have already answered this question. Many people are so used to their foul breath odor they don't find it offensive. Even if it's fixable, the person is going to have to make a lot of lifestyle changes that may or may not be permanent for them. Even then, maybe they will do all they can to keep nice breath until they have you roped in...and then get lax with the hygiene. I'm for just staying away from those people.

 

Now, the other thought is that the foul breath on your first date may have been the exception. Sometimes bad breath can be caused by nervousness or stress...or maybe he stopped at MacDonald's for a burger just before the date. I'd hate to be you having to decide if you want to give it another go or not.

 

This is not an easy situation to evaluate or to deal with.

[Jilly Bean]

Oh Tony, I would definitely go out with him again. We're not talking about some schlub of a guy here and the breath is the fatal flaw. Besides the breath thing, he's got some fabulous stats and I did really enjoy his company. Let's hope it is stress, or some new vitamins, or a nervous tummy from the first date (I know he has told me numerous times he is very shy and nervous when first meeting someone, and that he had had some wine before coming out to meet me to calm his nerves - poor thing)... He's definitely worth at least a second date...even if just to see if it was a one-shot deal with the dragon breath... God, I wonder what his patients must think...

[D-Lish]

Jilly B- you make me laugh.

 

And Johan- the mouth close to the nose thing made me laugh out loud.

 

This could be a one time problem- an occasional problem- something he ate- or an old piece of food rotting in behind one of his molars. ok- ew.

But it could be.

 

If it's a chronic problem- it will bug you always, and make it impossible to date him.

 

Perhaps he is a smoker???? and just didn't tell you?

 

I don't know how you would broach that subject without embarassing the hell out of him...lol.

 

I'd go out with him again- and if it's the same.... well, I know I couldn't stand it!

[johan]

I floss every day, and brush with hydrogen peroxide. 2 visits to the dentist every year. I'd like to think I'm not going to have this problem.

 

And I recommend you just tell him. Don't worry about being gentle. You could pretty much read your initial post on this thread to him, and he should take it well. And if he digs you, he should be more than willing to get right to the dentist.

 

I personally couldn't even kiss someone like that. So maybe you can hold that little carrot out there for him: no first kiss until the cloud has passed.

[Jilly Bean]

D - it's always something, right?

 

No, he's definitely not a smoker, as besides being a doctor, he's also a runner and getting into triathlons.

 

I'm gagging thinking he would have rotting food in his teeth. Ewww is right! (gag)

 

I will go out with him again, but am hoping it was a one-time thing. If not, then that becomes a very tough choice. Hell, I am SO damn blunt, I know I would bring it up on date 2. With my date last week, when it came the moment for "sexy time", I gave him some tic-tacs and told him his breath was a little funky from the sushi. And he's still talking to me (and dating me - lol).

[D-Lish]

D - it's always something, right?

 

No, he's definitely not a smoker, as besides being a doctor, he's also a runner and getting into triathlons.

 

I'm gagging thinking he would have rotting food in his teeth. Ewww is right! (gag)

 

I will go out with him again, but am hoping it was a one-time thing. If not, then that becomes a very tough choice. Hell, I am SO damn blunt, I know I would bring it up on date 2. With my date last week, when it came the moment for "sexy time", I gave him some tic-tacs and told him his breath was a little funky from the sushi. And he's still talking to me (and dating me - lol).

 

I think it's awesome that you can be blunt like that.

 

Johan- I also swish with hydrogen peroxide.... it works well- you have to dilute it though...or it will eat away at your flesh. lol.

 

Maybe the guy just had dental work or something- like a recent root canal. the sad thing is that some people have chronic halitosis.

 

I dated a guy who was smelly- he was gassy actually.... on the first date. I was horrified... haha. He actually texted me after saying he thought we had chemistry and why wasn't i returning his calls...

"DUDE- YOU WERE FARTING FREELY ON UR FIRST DATE"... lol

 

I am glad you'll see him again- and if you can bring it up- go for it!!

[Jilly Bean]

"DUDE- YOU WERE FARTING FREELY ON UR FIRST DATE"... lol

 

D - makes one wonder which noxious odor is less detrimental in the long-term...

 

Yes, I know I will raise the issue, should it persist. He's just too damn good to just toss away for this. If he were a lesser quality dude, no question. I just need to come up with a delicate way to bring it up. Though I seriously hope I will not have to...

[monkey5]

This is going to sound completely disgusting...

 

You mentioned that he was very nervous before the date. is it possible he vomited beforehand? I had a friend who was bulimic...and you could usually smell vomit on her breathe.

 

Maybe that-and the wine he drank beforehand didn't mesh?

My guess is as good as yours.

 

I think the best way to go about it would to let him know. Suppose things don't work out between you and him...And he decides to go on and date other women...with that unaddressed problem. I think you you be doing both of yourselves a favor. And also complimenting him on his positive attributes before or after you tell him...and let him know that you would like to continue seeing him, giving him the chance to "freshen" and also see if this is a continuing problem.

[Jilly Bean]

Yeesh, Monkey. Well, I suppose it is an option he threw up before the date, but I would hope not. Hopefully it was a one-shot thing.

 

I think my plan is to continue to date him, ply him with mints and gum constantly (which should be a hint in itself to most people), and then if that doesn't sink in, once we know each other a bit better, I will tell him. By wrapping it in flattery, as you suggested.

 

Just really confirms my belief that even the most perfect person will have one tragic flaw.

[whichwayisup]

If he still has stinky breath the next time you see him, you have to say something...

Let's say you had bad breath, how would you prefer to be told that your breath stinks? In the nicest possible way? In a joking way, or just pure honesty? You are in a tough place, I mean, how do you tell someone that without offending them or making them feel bad?

[Jilly Bean]

Exactly. I certainly don't want to hurt his feelings, and this is often not news that is easily delivered early on. I am not sure I would handle a comment like this well on a second date, and it could easily force me to go MIA in embarassment.

 

I guess that's why I still vote for great volumes of mints (Hello Costco!), hoping he takes the hint, and if not, in short time, I will have to broach it.

[EYECANDY000]

Just like others have stated a person can brush, floss , chew gum but there is always an odor.. It may be something medical with him. Maybe he needs to go see a throat doctor.. whatever their medical title is..

this is defianately a very sensative subject to tell someone. If you really like him then just continue to feed him the gum and tic tacs. To me this is a minor problem. Does it still smell horrible even when he is chewing on gum?

[Jilly Bean]

No, the gum really seemed to take the edge off. Long enough so that I would allow him a quick kiss good night.

 

He really has so many wonderful qualities - I would hate to dismiss him over the breath. He may truly not be aware it is as fetid as it is. I am hoping maybe it was a nervous tummy from first date jitters. I certainly will know better on date 2.

 

Sidebar - years ago, I was dating a race car driver. He frequently smelled of BO. Badly. We were at a race in Virginia, and were staying in a hotel room. It was a pre-race day, and we were heading out to check on the car. He was being a DUDE and wanted to wear the same shirt he wore the day prior (sigh). He asked me if it smelled badly, and I said yes, it smelled like BO. In fact, honey, you frequently do. He was SHOCKED. Like he truly had NO idea he was wafting his aroma all over the place. He then asked me to pick out new deodorant for him (how sweet - lol). Point is, I think sometimes people can be totally obvious to their own scents. Er, stink.

 

I really am hoping if it continues that me feeding his mints will be a hint. I know if someone offers me a mint, I instantly say, "oh! do I need it?" and then I cup my hand over my mouth in total hygienic panic.

[EYECANDY000]

.

 

I really am hoping if it continues that me feeding his mints will be a hint. I know if someone offers me a mint, I instantly say, "oh! do I need it?" and then I cup my hand over my mouth in total hygienic panic.

 

 

hahaha. thats how I am as well.. As soon as I see someone pulling out mints to eat.. I be like do i need it.. and they will be like No.. its just polite to ask... .. but like I stated maybe it was jitters, it may not.. Just give him a chance.. it could be a lot worst like something else

[Lizzie60]

OK, so I had a first date tonight with a guy whom I met online a few weeks ago. We have a lot of both social compatibility and also core values in common. At first glance (since we just met), he's got it going on - athletic, very attractive, a doctor, no baggage, well-mannered, well-traveled, fun - you get the picture. And we had a super time on the date - he was very polite, complimentary, and a wonderful conversationalist.

 

So, what's the problem? Well, he had halitosis that was melting my contact lenses (and they are hard lenses, btw).

 

While he was paying the bill, I reached into my handbag for gum for BOTH of us, as I was dreading the ensuing good night kiss, and there was no way it was going to happen without something taking the edge off.

 

He is definitely someone I would want to continue to date and get to know, however, this bad breath thing stupifies me a bit. Do I continue to feed him tic-tacs and gum until we know each other well enough and I tell him his breath is sucking the collagen out of my skin? I'm kind of a hygiene nazi, and besides the breath, the rest of him was well groomed and clean. Oddly, as a sidebar, the guy I went out with LAST week also had a tinge to his breath (though none of my friends did the next day and we were all sitting very closely at dinner, so I would have known - lol). Perhaps my hormones are making my olfactory senses particularly heightened...

 

Thoughts on how to handle this? I really wouldn't want to dismiss him based on his breath. It seems so fixable, yet I'm not sure how to broach it without majorly offending him.

 

Wow... I can't stand bad breath... I am obsessed with bad breath.

 

If I were you and you want to date him... I would let him know... simple... be honest about it... there is always a polite way to tell him because he probably has no clue.

 

Some people stink so much it smells like they had a spoonful of poop... really ... yuck... yuck... This is the worst thing... bad breath...

[Legend]

Or it could have been a one time thing, and on the next date his breath will be fine. You never know till you go on a 2nd date. Try Stride gum, it lasts for at least 2 hours (if you get a minty flavor)

 

Bad breath can be caused by many things, maybe he ate something that day, or it could be a more serious issue 'white tongue' in which case he needs to get it medically treated.

 

Go on a second date, let us know!

[Storyrider]

Or it could have been a one time thing, and on the next date his breath will be fine. You never know till you go on a 2nd date. Try Stride gum, it lasts for at least 2 hours (if you get a minty flavor)

 

Bad breath can be caused by many things, maybe he ate something that day, or it could be a more serious issue 'white tongue' in which case he needs to get it medically treated.

 

Go on a second date, let us know!

Could be dehydration or medication he taking as well.

[Jilly Bean]

Yes, thanks everyone! There are many possibilities for the doodie breath. Could be chronic, dental issues, tummy issues, meds, vitamins, or just a one-time thing. As Legend said, I just need to go out with him again and do the smell test then. If it persists, then yes, a conversation on the topic will not be far in the offing...

 

Tragic flaw, tragic flaw. sigh. I feel like Samantha when she was dating the perfect guy and then found out he had a small one. Oh, ****! I have that to wonder about now, too! Maybe the breath isn't so important after all... jk (both really matter...)