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Lying


mouse52

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Hello All-

 

I need some advice. My boyfriend seems to have a problem with lying. He does not like confrontation and if it's possible, he will tell me what I want to hear to keep a problem at bay. For example, something was bothering him. He told me everything was ok. 3 weeks later he admits (after much harping from me) that something was wrong. Same thing with looking at his ex's facebook profile. First he says he was just untagging old photos of himself. Then after much bother from me, he said he was looking at her photos because he was curious. He can't seem to tell the truth on the first time. I have to harp on him to get the real truth out. Of course, he doesn't like being bothered incessantly and I don't like doing it. What am I to do? He doesn't really lie about anything big that pertains to our relationship, he is just trying to keep the fighting from happening. Another example- he went to the dr. yesterday. He told me he was going b/c his back was hurting. Then it comes out that he has a UTI. Not a big deal, but he says he was embarrassed.

 

Seriously, advice needed! THANKS!

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wherewouldibe

Hi sorry to hear what you bf is doing. i dated a guy like this a few years ago. He would tell little lies about the stupidest of things. He too did not like confrontation and would tell little lies and later I found out and would be upset. Like why didnt' you tell me in the first place. I can't even remember the things he lied about but it made me start to doubt him telling the truth about big things. Let me tell you, it will only get worse. It will turn into him not telling you where he is or how he really feels because he thinks you will get upset or angry with him, when in reality you are only upset because you didnt' get the truth in the first place. If you aren't comfortable and happy in the relationship get out now because it only gets worse.

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With complete trust comes happiness.

 

Your post made me smile, just because you worry just enough.

 

I do the same kind of avoidance. I don't like confrontation and when a girlfriend ever asks something like "What is wrong?" and I know that the mood I am in will only lead to an argument or confrontation of some kind, I will lie and say nothing and make it obvious that it is nothing even though there is something there. Reason being that when men are in a certain mood, they know how they act and if they can, they try to avoid certain things to keep other things from happening.

 

Ask a guy down the road and they will admit everything because their mood doesn't warrant confrontation at that time.

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update- we talked last night and he said that he admits he has a problem lying and that he has lied to people he cares about in the past. but that at the threat of losing me, he wants to change and is going to work on changing. hopefully things get better. it was very hard for me to make the decision to stay with him... but then again, if he messes up, i can always break up with him. i also told him he gets one chance and if i feel anything bad, i'm gone and that's it. any more opinions?

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I am glad you had a chance to talk about it and that he admits it etc. See how it all goes.

 

I learned the hard way that if they lie about the small petty things, they will lie about the bigger things as well...and with more care.

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With complete trust comes happiness.

 

I do the same kind of avoidance. I don't like confrontation and when a girlfriend ever asks something like "What is wrong?" and I know that the mood I am in will only lead to an argument or confrontation of some kind, I will lie and say nothing and make it obvious that it is nothing even though there is something there. Reason being that when men are in a certain mood, they know how they act and if they can, they try to avoid certain things to keep other things from happening.

 

Ask a guy down the road and they will admit everything because their mood doesn't warrant confrontation at that time.

 

Or maybe it's that other saying that ignorance is bliss. But I'm the sort of person that would rather know, even if it's unpleasant, than not have all the facts.

 

Maybe I just don't see why it has to end in confrontation if I'm approaching it in a gentle, supportive manner with no intention of it being anything else.

 

And truly, not all men are like that.

 

If my partner is such that it will always end in a confrontation because he deems it so, and thus will always avoid me and the situation at hand, then he's probably not the person for me. We would have incompatible coping strategies that in the long run will breed resentments.

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