fral945 Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 How do you all get in and out of relationships? I see people around me who go from one person to the other so easily. I've never been in one (or dated, for that matter). Any advice on getting into one? (like where to start, lol). Just some background info about me: I can understand why I haven't been in one. I really don't put much effort into it. I don't put myself out there or advertise that I'm single. I'm very introverted, I don't think I'm really exciting or charming (which seems to be what wins women over). I'm nice but not outgoing. I don't say a whole lot and not sure if I've even asked a woman out anywhere. I've never been one with many close relationships. I don't really have any close friends, just a few family members I'm close with. I'm pretty sure I'm not average, but does anyone have any advice for me on how I can get out of this rut, so to speak? I guess I'm kinda down and not sure what to do. This is a bit of a rant, but I never really understood the point of dating, it seems to be mostly a waste of time. Putting on a dog and pony show until you land the prize then show your true colors later on once you've landed the prize. It seems (just from what I've observed around me) that you can't be authentic from the start with women because you'll never get very far. The main things I want out of a relationship is an attractive woman to have sex with regularly and someone who I can talk to about different issues in life (basically someone I can relate to). Other than that I don't really care. It's honest, but I know I could never tell that to a woman face-to-face. The only way to get anywhere seems to be to put up a facade. Women seem to want so much more out of relationships than men. Maybe I'm being too negative, but these are just my observations. How do you all feel about it? Maybe you can convince me it's not quite that hopeless. Link to post Share on other sites
konfuzd Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 Dating is what you make of it. You don't need to be fake, or put on some act for anyone. The only way you're going to get into a relationship is get out and meet new people. The best way is by being active in whatever activities you enjoy. Team sports, classes, whatever it may be. Even if you start meeting other guys, they have female friends, sisters etc. Make your goal to meet new people, not specifically a girlfriend. Spending time with a girl in a casual environment may help you click with someone without going through the 'dating game'. Link to post Share on other sites
coffeecup Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 Yeah. I think maybe you try first to make good friendships with girls. You'll be surprised by how many introverted girls there are too! And you may even meet a girl in similar situation as yourself. I agree that just finding a place to share commonalities is a start. Do you like to volunteer? Hike? Cook? Also, believe it or not, but I met my current SO by reading his blog online. I discovered we had so much in common--that I e-mailed him, never did that before! We started a friendship and went from there. I think you'll find someone eventually--just have to be creative. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fral945 Posted November 29, 2007 Author Share Posted November 29, 2007 Thanks for the input. I have hobbies, but a lot of solitary ones. I play guitar, read a lot, golf, cook, workout, and do liking to hike and camp sometimes. I don't go out to bars or clubs because I'm just not interested in those types of things. I did when I was younger but I never really saw the point in it. I don't watch much TV or many movies so it's hard for me to find common ground there with people. The place I probably see the most available, attractive women is at the gym, but I just don't know how to approach them there without looking like a hound dog. I figure they are just trying to workout and don't want to be hit on. Link to post Share on other sites
BeautifulMystique Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 I get along very well with people. I'm what you would call a "people person" but when it comes to relationships, I take my time. I don't jump from one relationship to another straight away because it is emotionally draining. I don't believe in putting up an act in the beginning of a friendship or relationship. What you see is what you get with me. I know a number of people personally that are different in the beginning and slowly showing their true colors later in the relationship. Those are the ones that don't last in a relationship. They are fakers. My best advice would be to just be yourself. You're an introvert, I was one too. I went through a transition. I got involved in different activities, I even tried out things I didn't even like just to be more "out there". It worked well and now, I'm a "people person" and loving it! I don't agree with you on the part where you said : you can't be authentic from the start with women because you'll never get very far. Where did you get that idea? Have you been hanging out with the wrong crowds? If you keep thinking like that, you won't go far. Loosen up. Sex is the main thing that you want in a relationship? Good enough but remember, women (some of us) prefer men who can share with them emotionally first then sexually. I love sex but that isn't my priority in a relationship, I trust that a lot of women would agree with me. At least the ones I know personally would. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fral945 Posted November 29, 2007 Author Share Posted November 29, 2007 BeautifulMystique, Thanks for the advice. I have tried somewhat to be more outgoing, but is it difficult. Seems to be a constant battle for me, because I can be content being alone for long periods of time (but not all the time, of course). I believe you are probably right that for women sex is not a priority. I would like to find a woman to share with emotionally, but sex is a priority for me right now. I'm just saying that if I told a woman that my chances with her would be about 0. Maybe it won't be as much when I am older, but that (at least to me) is one of the main benefits of a relationship (though not the only one). I want someone I can connect with as well, don't get me wrong. But I surely wouldn't stay or get into a sexless relationship or one where the women did not want sex or used it as a tool to manipulate me. Maybe the people I've been around have given me a bad example. Out of the people I work with, almost all have been divorced at least once (some more). One has a wife who steals all his money and actually physically abuses him and nags him constantly at work. Several other men tell me about their sexless relationships, how they are in debt because their wives spend all of their money. To me it all doesn't sound that great. Frankly, they look miserable. Not all of them are like that, but the majority are. Maybe I need to find a new crowd. Link to post Share on other sites
BeautifulMystique Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 It isn't easy but you will get used to it! I was content with being alone for a long time but it got to me after too long! Most of my friends are extroverts so they had a lot of help in my turning over a new leaf. It made my life better and I have no regrets. It's fun going out with different people every other weekend. I don't stick to one crowd. I have friends from different backgrounds, cultures, races, lifestyles and interests! As for looking for a woman who holds sex as a priority, that's a little hard to find but I could be wrong. Your friends don't seem to have a healthy relationships with their partners or they are just with the wrong ones! Also, they could be exaggerating about their wives, not that there isn't any woman with that sort of behavior . Yes, you need to find a new crowd to mingle with! Link to post Share on other sites
Author fral945 Posted November 29, 2007 Author Share Posted November 29, 2007 As for looking for a woman who holds sex as a priority, that's a little hard to find but I could be wrong. Your friends don't seem to have a healthy relationships with their partners or they are just with the wrong ones! Also, they could be exaggerating about their wives, not that there isn't any woman with that sort of behavior . Yes, you need to find a new crowd to mingle with! Thanks! I'll definetly find some new people. Just out of curiosity, how do I deal with telling a woman I've never been in any sort of relationship? I've already been asked that before, and not really sure how to answer. I'm sure that's a red flag to women, especially considering I'm in my mid-20s. Link to post Share on other sites
Dynamo Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 Thanks! I'll definetly find some new people. Just out of curiosity, how do I deal with telling a woman I've never been in any sort of relationship? I've already been asked that before, and not really sure how to answer. I'm sure that's a red flag to women, especially considering I'm in my mid-20s. Simple solution here, my friend: When asked about your previous relationships just tell them the truth and add "I've been waiting for the perfect girl." and smile at her. I guarantee she'll find it charming. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fral945 Posted November 30, 2007 Author Share Posted November 30, 2007 Simple solution here, my friend: When asked about your previous relationships just tell them the truth and add "I've been waiting for the perfect girl." and smile at her. I guarantee she'll find it charming. Never though of that. I'll try it next time. Link to post Share on other sites
BeautifulMystique Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 I would fall for Dynamo's suggestion Link to post Share on other sites
Pedigree Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 Simple solution here, my friend: When asked about your previous relationships just tell them the truth and add "I've been waiting for the perfect girl." and smile at her. DING! DING! DING! We have a winner! Link to post Share on other sites
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