What is wrong with this person??

[spookie]

At nights I waitress at a strip club.

 

About 2.5 weeks ago, one of the bartenders' brother came in with his friend to hang out. I waited on their table and, when the night slowed down, they bought me a few drinks and I sat and talked to them.

 

They seemed like normal, responsible guys in their mid-twenties. They'd gone to college and now had jobs in the military, owned their own houses, etc.

 

Eventually they left, but before I went home the bartender told me I'd made "quite an impression" on his little brother and he wanted to know if he could call me.

 

I hadn't really considered him as dating potential one way or the other but I wrote my number down and gave it to the bartender to pass on, thinking, as I tend to do, "why not".

 

(I should have known better than to give my number out to ANYONE in that place.)

 

The next day, he called. Because I get exhausted from making small-talk during work, I like to be left alone during the day, so I didn't pick up.

 

He called 3 more times and left two voicemails. Then he left a couple of texts. Can I take you to lunch sometime lol. Anytime this week- tell me when you're free. Or we can do dinner and a movie lol.

 

I responded that I was kind of busy.

 

Every single day since, he's kept on calling. I've picked up once. During our convo he asked me if I did drugs (I said sometimes) and that he didn't but didn't judge and that he had about $800 worth of cocaine he could give me:eek:.

 

And texting. For a while I responded to maybe 5% of his texts just for kicks but eventually they started creeping me out, his offers to do *anything* for me. I'll mention that I need to buy a toy for my brother and he'll tell me that "we can go get it together lol i'll pay". (The arbitrary sprinkling of lol's drives me insane, too).

 

It's been a week since I made any contact, and in the last 3 days he's offered me a ride to the airport, asked me out again, and wished me a happy thanksgiving twice. Just to mention a few.

 

And we've never even been on a date. WTF is wrong with him? What can he be thinking? Why the persistence?

 

And how do I tell him to stop contacting me without making things awkward with his bro? Or is it too late to bother thinking about that?

[4luvnmoney]

HA HA! Oh man, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I think most of us have been there. I don't have any sound advice except to keep ignoring him.

 

LOL, you should try telling him that you're too busy trying to find a man to have lots and lots of babies with because you feel your clock a-tickin' and you have to get started right now! Then, finish it off by asking him about his genetic make-up, "Do mental disorders run in your family?"

 

If you pull out the crazy, usually men will run like the plague from you.

[Trimmer]

Every single day since, he's kept on calling. I've picked up once. During our convo he asked me if I did drugs (I said sometimes) and that he didn't but didn't judge and that he had about $800 worth of cocaine he could give me:eek:.

Not that the rest of his behavior is anything pleasant, but doesn't this just set off a bunch of warning bells here? He doesn't do drugs, yet he's got $800 of cocaine? (Why?) ... and he's willing to just give it to you? (Why?) Is he a dealer or something? The first one's usually free....

[aeren944]

Not that the rest of his behavior is anything pleasant, but doesn't this just set off a bunch of warning bells here? He doesn't do drugs, yet he's got $800 of cocaine? (Why?) ... and he's willing to just give it to you? (Why?) Is he a dealer or something? The first one's usually free....

Bingo!

 

... and he DOES do drugs.

[Krytie TV]

Spookie, I think you need to wisen up a little. If you're going to work in a place like that, you need to learn ways to protect yourself. First, NEVER give your information to a patron. Very likely, nothing good lies therein. You need to create a wall around yourself. You can interact with the customers, but learn to draw a line.

[Trialbyfire]

Here's some brutal honesty. He sounds like a pimp.

[jcster]

Spookie, I think you need to wisen up a little. If you're going to work in a place like that, you need to learn ways to protect yourself. First, NEVER give your information to a patron. Very likely, nothing good lies therein. You need to create a wall around yourself. You can interact with the customers, but learn to draw a line.

 

I agree, but I'm going to go a few steps further and say that until you learn to have strong boundaries, and until you find a way to raise your self-esteem, you should not work in a strip bar! This job is not healthy for you. How many posts about the f*cked up guys you've met have been started with the phrase "I work as a waitress in a strip club." Seriously, you can meet screwed up people anywhere, but strip clubs have to be ground zero for losers. May I recommend a nice piano bar as your next gig?

[CD111]

LOL, what a situation. Just send him a text, explaining that you are not ready to invest the amount of time a friendship with him would need. As for his bro, I would be like what the hell, why didn't you give me the heads up about this guy. Talk about desperate.

 

I am not going to dis on the fact that you work in a strip bar and I don't think you have low self esteem because you do; however, you do need to be a bit more careful. As you have probably figured out and yeah, this guy probably thinks that you are easy or he is a pimp. But that just goes with the territory, unfortunately the majority of men that come to your establishment don't really think that highly of you as a person, but instead an object.

[RecordProducer]

1. You shouldn't have given him your phone number.

2. You shouldn't have told him that you do drugs sometimes.

3. Stop replying to his text messages and phone calls and get serious around him. If he shows up or his brother asks you something about him, just say "I am sorry, I don't have time." Be polite, but show that you are not interested. If you see him, don't look at him, don't be too kind, and if he asks you a question, respond after a short break with annoying "yeah... aha...excuse me, I gotta go."

[JerseyShortie]

Quality men in those strip clubs huh.

[compassion42]

Send him a text saying that you are not interested in dating at this time. As for your relationship with your boss/his brother....just be polite about it and there really isn't any reason for him to be upset with you.

[sb129]

Spookie what happened to that other guy you were seeing? Is he still in the picture?

 

Don't take coke from this guy. He sounds like a creep and you don't want him to feel you owe him anything.

 

Change your number, and don't give it out again at work.

[Lizzie60]

lots and lots of red flags.. I am surprised that you answered him so much... this guy is a creep.

 

I had an experience similar once with a 20something guy... but I never met him... we were talking on a chat line...

 

He was in the army (most guys in the army are just creepy, from my experience) we chatted and when I started to feel he wasn't 'all there' I told him I would NOT meet him... he got into a rage... I was sooo glad he didn't have my phone number. He only had my cell phone. It lasted a while and he finally stopped. He was a moron.

 

These guys are liars... something is not adding right... he's got $800 of drugs and wants to give it to a chick he hardly knows... stay away.

[White Flower]

Here's your last text to him:

 

Lol, shouldn't have given out my number, lol. Have a nice life, lol.

 

Like, bye, lol.

[White Flower]

Then tell the bro you ended it in a friendly way because you don't like giving your # out at work.

[lindya]

Here's some brutal honesty. He sounds like a pimp.

 

It does have that flavour of someone looking for fast track methods of making themselves indispensable to, and encouraging some kind of dependency, from a woman.

 

Spookie, you sound like a reasonably intelligent person...but I wonder how much stay-safe instinct you have. You do drugs "sometimes" - and you disclose this info to creepy people who you barely know. Guys who may well interpret "sometimes" as meaning "I'm addicted - or if not addicted, a mere hop and a skip away from being addicted."

 

An addict is probably the easiest person in the world to control and manipulate. All their exploiter needs is do is provide them with a means of obtaining whatever it is they're addicted to. Why do you suppose this guy felt that the news of him having $800 worth of cocaine would be a way of drawing you towards him? Who or what might have given him the message that that would be a big selling point for you?

[sb129]

The fact that he brags about having that much worth of a Class A drug is worrying. Not somebody I would want to get mixed up with- he sounds volatile and creepy.

[RecordProducer]

The fact that he brags about having that much worth of a Class A drug is worrying. Not somebody I would want to get mixed up with- he sounds volatile and creepy.

($800 worth cocaine is not a lot of it, I would assume.)

Yes, he is either a drug dealer or a drug addict or a liar. Nobody keeps cocaine at home without selling it or snorting it. He also might be lying just to attract you, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't purchase drugs just to manipulate you, as others suggested. Not that you would be manipulated (apparently, you are trying to get rid of him), but he is a scumbag who is trying to hurt you and (ab)use you, not to date you.

 

I don't think you should risk your sanity and even life for a work place like a strip bar. Do whatever is best for your safety. I don't see a reason why you should be kind to this guy except for safety reasons (he is a scum, so you don't want him to wait for you after work and break your jaw).

[Jilly Bean]

Spookie - I think if you are going to be working in a strip club, you have to know you are not exactly meeting the kind of guys you want to be dating. Of course he does drugs, of course he is nuts!

 

I would suggest the following:

 

1 - don't ever give out your number again at work.

2 - don't ignore him - tell him you liked him, but you have gotten back together with your BF (the cop).

 

[sb129]

($800 worth cocaine is not a lot of it, I would assume.)

Yes, he is either a drug dealer or a drug addict or a liar. Nobody keeps cocaine at home without selling it or snorting it. He also might be lying just to attract you, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't purchase drugs just to manipulate you, as others suggested.

 

$800 worth is probably about 8grammes (I am using the UK market and converting the currency) which is quite a bit- more than enough to get him arrested for drug possession with intent to supply.

 

Its also way more than a "casual" user would have for their own personal use, so, as you say RP, either way you look at it hes an addict or a dealer.

 

Spookie, are you there? Is your BF still on the scene?

[Trialbyfire]

spookie, somewhere, somehow, you've learned in your life that negative attention means that someone cares.

 

Really stop and think about this. Do you do outrageous things, just to get some kind of attention, any kind? Did your parents ever tell you how wonderful you were, when you did something they were pleased with or just because they loved you for who you were? Does personal pain equal love? Does bad mean good?

[RecordProducer]

spookie, somewhere, somehow, you've learned in your life that negative attention means that someone cares.

 

Really stop and think about this. Do you do outrageous things, just to get some kind of attention, any kind? Did your parents ever tell you how wonderful you were, when you did something they were pleased with or just because they loved you for who you were? Does personal pain equal love? Does bad mean good?

Here comes Ms. Freud! I think Spookie is just naive. BTW, TBF if that was you in your avatar a few days ago, you're hot.

[Trialbyfire]

Here comes Ms. Freud! I think Spookie is just naive. BTW, TBF if that was you in your avatar a few days ago, you're hot.

Seet down here. I vill help you...

 

RP, you should go back through all of spookie's threads. She knows what's healthy for her but chooses otherwise, for whatever reason.

 

Yes, it was me, a few years ago. Thanks.

[jcster]

($800 worth cocaine is not a lot of it, I would assume.)

 

It's a big 'ol pile of coke.

[spookie]

Hey guys, sorry I haven't been responding but I'm home for Thxgiving weekend and I've been busy running around with the fam.

 

I am not questioning whether or not to date this guy, nor wondering whether I should take his bag of coke. I will do neither.

 

I agree with everyone that he sounds like a drug dealer/ drug addict/ pimp and a definite creep, I just thought my story was amusing so I wanted to share. Though, I guess, it's to be expected from the kinds of scum that frequent low-class strip clubs, so it wasn't amusing inasmuch as indicative of my naivete and utter lack of common sense.

 

Today I had my cell phone number changed, and I will not give out the new one to anyone in that place. I will also start looking for a respectable job once I get home and quit this one as soon as I land one (because to be honest I can't work there unless I'm drinking and I'm just tiirreed of always having to be drunk). And I'll go back to school next semester, get my degree, and become a white-collar worker, just like my parents always wanted. Coming home has made me realize I still can, and that I want to. So don't worry about me, everyone. This isn't forever.