Putting It Out There

[troutie jr]

By choice I’m not in a committed relationship and have had relationships in the past so I’m no stranger to what goes into one. I have been reading several threads on this forum and I guess I am curious to know why women have this fear of asking Men questions. What’s the deal?

 

I would like to be asked point blank questions. My answer may not be what they would want to hear, but at least with the point blank questions it solidifies where each person stands and sets the bar of where two people choose to go with it

 

I am not a game player and I find women who hold back asking specific questions tend to lack confidence. Complete turn off for me. If I like you, ask the question. If I am spending time with you obviously I like you and like you enough to tell you where it’s heading. Men are not mind readers and if a woman wants to know something ask! Just leave the emotions out of it. It will save you from a lot of embarrassment. If a woman is insecure, work on it! It’s not a date’s job to fix you

 

Another turn off, are women who live in the yester years. Their idea of a gentleman is a man who is subservient to her needs. I love to spoil and pamper a woman, but I won’t bow down and worship the ground she walks on or do I expect the same from her! There are women who have class and there are women who “think” they have class. Personally, I don’t care if a woman looks like Angelina Joli if she comes across as bitch material, I walk! I don’t mind opening up a car door for a woman, but let’s face it, that would depend on how many times in a day we are in and out of a vehicle and what the dress code might entail

 

We are in a modern day society. If a woman has old fashioned ideas your in the wrong time period. If what you are seeking is a Clark Gable hero, I’m sorry to tell you “Gone With The Wind” was a movie made in another era.

[OceanBlue]

Once burned, twice shy. We've all run into guys who are inconsistent with telling the truth when asked a direct question.

 

Read enough of these threads and it seems that most have run into the guy who will tell you anything before you have been intimate...then disappears after.

 

My past 2 experiences were like that - albeit with a few variations. As a result I am certainly less confident. And less willing to be open with any subsequent dates.

 

And even when I make a sincere effort to be open and direct, I am much less believing of what I am told.

[Lee725]

There are some guys who you can be direct with and there are some you can not.

 

With guys who are direct and up front straight away i have no problem what-so-ever in asking questions and expecting varied answers.

I do personally prefer to be direct.

 

Some guys play coy from the beginning and it is with those guys i find it hard to be direct with. For one reason or another whether they have been hurt before or if they are just trying to play the game, i get the feeling that if i am direct i am not going to get a straight answer anyway.

I wait and see if information unfolds itself through indirect conversation or stories.

For me these are the guys i dont tend to have lasting relationships with.

 

There may be a lot of girls who are looking for a traditional guy out there that will open doors for them, look after them and generally have traditional ideals, but i can assure you that there are as many men who are mommies boys, who want their clothes washed, meals cook, ironing done and have a woman generally wait on them hand and foot, like most (not all) mothers have done for their kids.

 

Some of these men want a girl with "tradtional ideals" but yet want a girl to be a modern day one too! where does that leave us?

 

Some girls to wont ask questions or be direct, because then they are labelled as dominating, invasive, nosy, ......

 

Where do i find the book that contains... "What questions to ask and when - a guide to men"........Sorry now i am just being silly...

[lonelybird]

I don't know if I live in yester year or not, my ideal gentlemen are those who honest, integrity, do what they say, and a protector:love:

 

There are many questions you can ask, if you don't believe all his answers, at least you will get a clue what kind of line of his thinking is, nobody can hide that well. there are tricky questions and real questions, if they run because of questions, what do you expect further potential commitment of his, and to know him in a intimate way?

 

I agree with you OP, ASK THEM

[troutie jr]

Where do i find the book that contains... "What questions to ask and when - a guide to men"........Sorry now i am just being silly...

 

I can't suggest a book, but I can give you some clues

 

[Too aloof, too complimentary, punctual over kill, or not punctual, does not listen attentively, speaks constantly, interrupts repeatedly, says exactly what you want to hear, watches the time, fidgets with hands or moves his position often, allows you to pay for ANYTHING including a parkade ticket, does not offer to bring something should you offer to cook dinner , wants sex, without telling you right from the GET GO that he does not want a commitment, does not display random acts of kindness.

[troutie jr]

I can't suggest a book, but I can give you some clues

 

[Too aloof, too complimentary, punctual over kill, or not punctual, does not listen attentively, speaks constantly, interrupts repeatedly, says exactly what you want to hear, watches the time, fidgets with hands or moves his position often, allows you to pay for ANYTHING including a parkade ticket, does not offer to bring something should you offer to cook dinner , wants sex, without telling you right from the GET GO that he does not want a commitment, does not display random acts of kindness.

 

Sorry, got interuped by a telephone call.

 

These characteristics are clues for feeling a future sting.

[Lee725]

I can't suggest a book, but I can give you some clues

 

[Too aloof, too complimentary, punctual over kill, or not punctual, does not listen attentively, speaks constantly, interrupts repeatedly, says exactly what you want to hear, watches the time, fidgets with hands or moves his position often, allows you to pay for ANYTHING including a parkade ticket, does not offer to bring something should you offer to cook dinner , wants sex, without telling you right from the GET GO that he does not want a commitment, does not display random acts of kindness.

 

 

OH My Gosh... troutie Jr.... where have you been all my life????

You just single handedly described every man i have ever dated!!!! except the last guy got his nose out of joint when i tried to pay for something... he could not understand i am NOT money orientated and like to pay my own way!

No wonder i am single :lmao:

 

I am going nuts, i am laughing at my own stupidity today.... i clearly need an afternoon nap.

[troutie jr]

OH My Gosh... troutie Jr.... where have you been all my life????

You just single handedly described every man i have ever dated!!!! except the last guy got his nose out of joint when i tried to pay for something... he could not understand i am NOT money orientated and like to pay my own way!

No wonder i am single :lmao:

 

I am going nuts, i am laughing at my own stupidity today.... i clearly need an afternoon nap.

 

We are in the dating section right?

 

A woman should not, and I repeat should not have to pull out her wallet on a date.

 

Down the road when she know where it's heading, I will say that's okay. Not in the dating world. The man didn't have his nose out of joint. He did the right thing.

[Lee725]

You are probably right, but some guys, definately not all .....even on a first date, expect "something" after they pay for dinner / movie etc.

 

I have been caught a couple of times. i even had one guy that after a few dates we started seeing each other full time and one night wanted a little something that i was not going to give out and i got the "you owe it to me i have paid for everything" line.

 

I know i need to find better guys to date!

[Lee725]

We are in a modern day society. If a woman has old fashioned ideas your in the wrong time period. If what you are seeking is a Clark Gable hero, I’m sorry to tell you “Gone With The Wind” was a movie made in another era.

 

Question troutie....... If you dont believe that women in this day and age should have old fashioned ideas.... what is wrong with her paying for a date?

 

Isn't it a traditionalist idea that a man always has to pay for the date?

Just curious .... not picking....

[troutie jr]

You are probably right, but some guys, definately not all .....even on a first date, expect "something" after they pay for dinner / movie etc.

 

I have been caught a couple of times. i even had one guy that after a few dates we started seeing each other full time and one night wanted a little something that i was not going to give out and i got the "you owe it to me i have paid for everything" line.

 

I know i need to find better guys to date!

 

Waste not, want not.

 

Don't waste your time Doll thinking something is going to change. It won't. It's either there or it isn't.

 

Best predictor of the future is the present.

[Lyssa]

We are in the dating section right?

 

A woman should not, and I repeat should not have to pull out her wallet on a date.

 

Down the road when she know where it's heading, I will say that's okay. Not in the dating world. The man didn't have his nose out of joint. He did the right thing.

 

Yes! Now I know there is another guy like my BF. I told my girlfriends, it is possible to find men like you and my BF. Men like you are rare. Very but they are out there. Out of 15, you will find only 2 are like you!!

 

Wow.. your GF is one lucky lady! Or are you looking?

[troutie jr]

Question troutie....... If you dont believe that women in this day and age should have old fashioned ideas.... what is wrong with her paying for a date?

 

Isn't it a traditionalist idea that a man always has to pay for the date?

Just curious .... not picking....

 

Honesty, integrity and respect are characteristics. People either have them or don't.

 

Men back then opened up car doors so a woman could straighten out her dress. I like to see the thigh of a woman when she slides into the vehicle.

 

Characteristics of honestly and loyalty are not considered old fashioned. That's just being a decent human being.

[troutie jr]

Lee725.....

 

A man paying for a date is not considered old fashion. It's called common curtosy. It's a date. Keep your wallet at home until something starts to happen with the guy.

[troutie jr]

Yes! Now I know there is another guy like my BF. I told my girlfriends, it is possible to find men like you and my BF. Men like you are rare. Very but they are out there. Out of 15, you will find only 2 are like you!!

 

Wow.. your GF is one lucky lady! Or are you looking?

 

I've been looking all my life little lady.

 

I'm in no hurry. I have plenty to do until I find her. Dating is the beginning to an end of getting exactly what I want.

[Lee725]

Honesty, integrity and respect are characteristics. People either have them or don't.

 

Men back then opened up car doors so a woman could straighten out her dress. I like to see the thigh of a woman when she slides into the vehicle.

 

Characteristics of honestly and loyalty are not considered old fashioned. That's just being a decent human being.

 

Yes, i agree, but how is honesty and loyalty associated with paying for dinner?...

is it inappropraite for a woman to want to take a man to dinner?

If she wants to take him to dinner should he still pay?

 

My profession does dictate that i play in a mans world, therefore my take on things might be a little different i guess.

[troutie jr]

Yes, i agree, but how is honesty and loyalty associated with paying for dinner?...

is it inappropraite for a woman to want to take a man to dinner?

If she wants to take him to dinner should he still pay?

 

My profession does dictate that i play in a mans world, therefore my take on things might be a little different i guess.

 

Darlin, its a date. Not a relationship.

 

Pay till your hearts content when he's worth paying for. If it's such a man's world let him pay for the date.

[Lee725]

I could go on about this dinner thing all day, but i wont, thanks for your advice.

 

Mayb that's why i could not form a connection with the last guy i was with, i was to interested in paying for things when i should have been treated to them.

 

Oh well, such is life, can't change it now.

Mayb i need to do a re-think about myself and how i will go into the next date. . . .

[troutie jr]

I could go on about this dinner thing all day, but i wont, thanks for your advice.

 

Mayb that's why i could not form a connection with the last guy i was with, i was to interested in paying for things when i should have been treated to them.

 

Oh well, such is life, can't change it now.

Mayb i need to do a re-think about myself and how i will go into the next date. . . .

 

A decent man would not place value of your dinner plate before you.

[oppath]

A decent man would not place value of your dinner plate before you.

Not true, it depends on finances. Of course, your finances should determine what type of dates you go on intially. I like a girl to pony up around the 3rd date, not the entire bill, but let's say I buy dinner and then we go to the bar...I want her to buy the drinks. But i don't believe in dinner dates until at least the 3rd date, I try to me more creative until I think it might go somewhere. I'm not pulling out my wallet, since I'm a poor graduate student, until I feel the woman really likes me and I know she has value to me.

[popey]

Men are not mind readers and if a woman wants to know something ask! Just leave the emotions out of it. It will save you from a lot of embarrassment. If a woman is insecure, work on it! It’s not a date’s job to fix you

 

Demanding that you say what you mean, but leave the emotions out of it is hypocritical. Often what one means, distinctly involves emotion. So seems to me that you are really saying, "say what you mean as long as what you mean does not require me to deal with your emotions." In which case, you don't really want her to say what she means.

 

and if you date a woman who is insecure, that is the woman you are dating. do you like her with her insecurities or not? its not your job to fix her, but she is who she is. you have things that aren't ideal, and it is not her job to fix you. does this mean you shouldn't be dating?

 

Another turn off, are women who live in the yester years. Their idea of a gentleman is a man who is subservient to her needs. I love to spoil and pamper a woman, but I won’t bow down and worship the ground she walks on or do I expect the same from her!

 

i don't personally disagree with where i think you're coming from. I do wonder however, if you are defining, "spoil and pamper" in your own terms... wich isn't necessarily spoiling and pampering. bothering to find and understand what matters to her, and responding to that is more important and giving than "spoiling and pampering" by your own definition.

[Cobra_X30]

A decent man would not place value of your dinner plate before you.

 

Are you suggesting some form of reciprocation is required?

 

I suppose that would be a great reason to pay!

 

 

On a serious note, I dont mind paying for dates. Especially ones I initiate, but I dont like to feel as though I'm getting jerked around. I better feel some genuine interest.

[popey]

forgot about this point. i definitely feel it is a ridiculous concept that men have more responsibility here. I would let a man pay on the first date if he insisted, and deal with the equality issue in private after. But men and women need to understand that equality can't be achieved in parts and peices. I have no intention of stepping down from a job opportunity b/c a man who has to support his family might want it, so there is no reason why a man has more reason to pay for things in my life.

[Cobra_X30]

I have no intention of stepping down from a job opportunity b/c a man who has to support his family might want it, so there is no reason why a man has more reason to pay for things in my life.

 

Now that just sounds mean and unreasonable! I mean c'mon... do it for the kids!

[Lyssa]

I don't know what's the deal here but I don't mind men paying for me and I don't mind paying either. I just think it's common courtesy if a man paid on the first date.

 

It's easy, if you can't afford it - don't ask a girl out. I don't need a man to impress me with how much money he has. Going to fancy restaurants every other night is boring. Come to think of it, I don't need a man to do that.