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Moved in and I think I made a mistake


TonyJSD

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I am here because I need somewhat neutral opinions on my situation, of course it will be somewhat biased, since it is coming only from one side. Sorry to make this a long post, but it order for you guys to give the best advice, you need the most information. All questions welcomed

 

 

To start, I am 23 she is 20, almost 21. We have been dating for 4 years, with a 6 month break a year ago when I needed some space, I wanted to go out and party and hang with the guys, not see other girls, but didn’t want to worry about having a relationship. During the 6 month break she was with a few people as was I, nothing serious, just flings. She has had a serious jealously problem, as she had a right to, since I broke up with my ex-girlfriend to be with her, so she worried that it might happen to her. I never cheated, and I don’t think she has.

 

 

We moved in September 1st into a gorgeous apartment that is more than almost anyone our age could want or ask for. She has a great job as do I. Here comes the issue. For the last 6-8 months we have been up and down. I have had a lot of family issues that I have been dealing with and stressing about, which doesn’t help out situtiation. To be 100% honest and straight to the point, I haven’t been single for more than about 1 year since I was 14. I feel that I haven’t been able to really be single and be able to find out who I really am. I have always been in a situation where what I did would affect the other person. I want to be able to go out and just have fun, party, get it out of my system in a way. All my friends are single and go out all the time, where I feel guilty when I go out with them 1 day a week, since most of my gf’s friends have moved away for college. We signed a 1 year lease, which I can afford the apartment just fine on my own.

 

 

I have been told by many people that are in the their late 20’s early 30’s that some of the mistakes they have made or their friends, is that they didn’t give themselves “them” time and go out and just be free and get the partying out of their system.

 

 

My girlfriend, from what I understand, wants to stay together and continue with things as they are. However, I know for sure I want to be single, live on my own, and take some time to find myself, live somewhat care free, and just be me for a while. I don’t know how long.

How should I approach her with this? I want to be 100% honest and upfront with her, but would like girls and guys opinion on this.

 

 

I am sure that I have left out a lot of information, if you need any, please feel free to ask away.

Thanks for all your advice!

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If you want to be single break up with your gf. None of that break bs, that's just confusing. I think your mistake in the first place was just taking a 6 month break. If you want to go out and party then do so, however you shouldn't expect your gf to wait around for you. One of you will have to move out of the apartment, honestly I think you should be the one to do it since you are the one who wants to break up.

 

I think what you are doing is a little unfair to your gf, but hey that's your choice to not have her in your life. I don't think you actually want to be with her if you already took a break and now want another one. Think about that.

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Lauriebell82- I agree that I should be the one who moves out, I have no issue with that. The only issue with that is I don't think she can afford the place by herself, it is a 2 bedroom, so she could find a roommate if that is the route we take.

 

I also agree that it is unfair what I am doing, since we just moved in and now I bring this to the table. However, I believe it would be more unfair for me to be in a relationship with her, when I am not able to give her my all and in the back of my mind know that I want something else, I would be would be living a lie.

 

I also know that usually when a couple takes a break it usually doesn't end up working to go back out.

 

Thank you for your advice.

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I seem to only have questions.

 

Do you love her?

 

Are you sure you want a break ie to break up?

 

Why don't you invite her to come along when you go out? Or is it boy's night out scenario?

Then perhaps the two of you could meet up with the boys at whatever bar it is they are going.

 

Also, why don't you encourage her to do activities that will help her meet people and gain some independance in this town you are in?

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blueberry sundae

You are not in love with her, or you wouldn't consider breaking up. If you loved her, you would want her more than you want partying and "getting things out of your system."

Sometimes a landlord will allow you to break a lease in this type of situation if they can find another renter.

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I don't agree that being in love guarantees that you don't want to break up. Sometimes you are in love but the timing just isn't right or the person just isn't right for you, even if you love them. But if you feel that you want to be single more than you want to be with her, then you should definitely break up, because that sounds more like you're ambivalent about being in a relationship at all. I also agree with Kamille that there doesn't need to be a conflict between being in a relationship and having fun and partying. Does she also like going out? I don't really see why you can't hang out together; why does your relationship have to be so separate from the rest of your social life? Of course you both should have your own friends and do things on your own, but why do you feel that being in a relationship precludes going out and having fun? If it's really not about wanting to have the freedom to date or sleep with other people, what's the dilemma? Is there some other issue in the relationship you're not dealing with?

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I appreciate everyone's advice. There is a lot more going on in our relationship then I posted, however even if I summarized what has gone on it would be at least 4-5 pages.

 

So...when it comes down to it, I know that people use this excuse all the time..but I think a lot of it has to do with timing. I went from one LTR to another LTR right away. Maybe I'm just scared about it leading to marriage, maybe I just can't be happy with what I have, maybe I have convinced myself that I want to be single.

 

I am taking the chance that I would never be with her again if I bring something like this up. Then again, I may regret not saying anything and be sour about things for a long time to come.

 

One thing I do know for sure is that I was in such a rush to grow up and finish school get a great job, find a girlfriend, move in, etc. That I haven't taken much time to just sit back and let things go.

 

Again, I appreciate everyones advice, I know that if I gave all the information about our relationship I would get different opinions, however, as stated before, that would just be too time consuming.

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