here's a interesting story

[isntitironic]

OK, here’s my story. I’ve known this girl for a few years now. Here’s where things start to get complicated. She used to date a friend of mine. Well, more like a friend of a friend. I and she have always caught each other’s eye over the years but I always kept her at arms length and I think for the most part she made an effort to do the same. In the month of August we started dating and it was wonderful. We got along so well and did the coolest things together, wine trails etc. Then it happened. And it happened for about a week and this is where my judgment started to become clouded.

 

You see, I started to feel guilty for the guy she used to date. I started to feel like I needed to talk to him about it. Then I started to feel like I needed to know exactly where this was going right away. Basically imagine the worst I did it. I’m not going to get into it but I had reason to believe she was maybe being intimate with someone else as well. One night she left for Buffalo and I assumed she was with him. She was sending text messages to him the week before and it turns out she used to date him. He is part of this click she hangs out with. I got really hammered and met her at a bar the next day. Basically this whole situation was just becoming a debacle in my mind. In my most unflattering way I told her I didn’t want to share her with anyone, I have a friendship on the line, This is my health blah, blah, Made accusations The whole nine yards. This freaked her out and she brought me to her apartment and she slept in the other room. The next day we hung out things seemed fine to me.

 

Then we went to a concert a couple days later. Things seemed fine to me but this is where she started to become distant. Friday she invites me to lunch to tell me she can’t be intimate with anybody anymore and she can’t get over the fact my behavior scared her. She is crying the whole time she is saying this. I told her to take her space for the weekend and she said to keep in touch. Saturday night I went to a bar with a young attractive girl. And she saw me out with her and assumed the worst. Ironically a friend of mine saw her leaving a bar with the guy I was referring to earlier. Then another person told me she had him sleepover. HMMMMM! Now she is texting me the next day all day about she saw me out blah, blah. Obviously grilling me about the girl. I told her I’d call her later but never did. The next day this is labor day now. She texts me at 9:30 in the morning to come get my sunglasses. I don’t respond.

 

Then she calls me later to ask me to go shopping. Fine. I go with her and start to ask her about Saturday night. I ask some low blow sneaky questions and she denies having anyone sleepover. Then we sit on her couch se sprawls across me telling me she still feels safe in my arms but still also feels weird and confused. Then I get frustrated and drop on her the information I know and she starts crying and hugging me. She’s confused blah, blah nothing happened. Nothing happened she doesn’t know why she brought him home. I slept over that night and the night after. For the next few weeks we got along good but I started to become smothering.

 

I started to hear that the kid I was being so loyal to had nailed a bunch of guys exgirlfriends and did not deserve my loyalty. People were like she’s a good girl and he abused her and should not let him ruin things. I guess she moved to a differnt apartment because wierd **** was happening at her place. Now like I said before we were getting along great. Talked on the phone constantly hung out kissing blah blah. No itamacy. But she would disappear with her friends from time to time. Any ways one day she is out with her friends, by the way her ex is a part of this crew. She calls me before she goes to bed to say goodnight and she misses me. I call her back because I want to talk to her some more. She says she’s tried and wants to go to bed but misses me so much. This is where things came to a head. She asks me if I drove by her house. She saw a car go by that looked like mine.

 

was offended and took it the wrong way. As if she was accusing me of stalking or something. Basically I didn’t want to be labeled as person who is like her ex. Some of the people I hang out with are jerks and into drugs but it is known of my business what other people do. She assumes because I hang out with some of the people he does that I may be like him. These are warnings her friends and coworkers give her too. Not all of her friends are angels. Anyways, I blow up on her, I was just so frustrated for weeks later not being able to put things back to the beginning, I thought she insuated I was behaving like her ex and doing drive byes. I was mean to her and felt bad for it the next day. It turns out she didn’t mean anything by it and just thought I was in the area. The next day I tell her all I can be is me and this becoming draining trying to prove to her I am not a bad person. She tells me it is my fault things got so complicated. Now your gonna love this. I go out of town and so does she.

 

I come back Sunday and text her she responds. I call around 730 no answer so I send a question mark text around bed time. Call the next day around 930 no answer. Call the next day after work no answer. I text her to please call me. She calls. She says I’m being weird. Did she forget how she was acting on labor day? Basically this becomes a conversation of saying I am being needy and maybe our personalities don’t mesh. She’s like I don’t know what to tell you I can’t help how I feel. She says she started to feel ready to be intimate with me again and then I pul this. I don’t respect her feelings that thinks had to happen on my clock. She had to grow close to me again and I didn’t let that happen. Shhe said she doesn’t like to feel forced into anything. And she still wants to run to me when I see her out. Blah Blah. I’m crushed and lets face it what she says does make sense. But then shes like a bunch of red flags are going up for her. She thinks maybe I put the stuff in my body that her ex did and could turn out controlling like him. Ridiculous. It was never any of my business what she does we never had a exclusive talk. Its just people hanging out blah blah. I did make things complicated but with good intentions. I was looking out for someone who would never look out for me and opened pandoras box with her.

 

I tried to fix things and made things worse. I imidiatley moved into NC give her space mode. Sent her a text basically saying I’m sorry I had to learn from this by pushing someone special away and maybe I’ll see you down the road. About a week and a half later I accidently clicked on her AIM name so I typed oops. She typed oops back. I don’t respond. I think she was being humorous. About a week and a half or two later I send her a inside joke text. She immediately responds by saying hello to me with a pet name she calls me. That was like 5 days ago. I’m thinking about Iming her.

 

I’ve spent the last few weeks soul searching trying to focus on work and read self help books to improve myself. I’ve tried seeing other people but most of these girls have no personality. I’ve put things in perspective and think maybe it could be time to say her hey lets just start from day 1. Maybe she would be willing to understand at this point why I did the things I did and why they won’t happen again. I understand I was insensitive to her feelings. What do you guys think?

 

Now remember I’ve mostly focused on the negatives and I know if things don’t work out I’ll eventually move on. I don’t need to hear all that. I don’t need this girl. I miss her. I miss us and I never gave it a chance to progress. I hit the fast forward button and acted irrational because I didn’t want to hurt her exes feelings or start trouble. In a way this could almost be compared to the movie good luck chuck. Lol I just miss her and the fun we had. I think things could have been great if nature just took its course. I think theres a chance she might just miss me too from time to time. Maybe she is back with her ex maybe not. She left an away message last week on aim that she is not happy with the company she is keeping. I doubt she has found bliss by now.

[Impudent Oyster]

Paragraph breaks!

[whichwayisup]

Okay, lay it all out on table for her, let her know how you feel and go from there. There seems to be alot of confusion, people telling you various things about her, what she has been doing..Settle this with her, don't involve anyone else.

 

If you like her, go for it but only if she is single and available...Make it clear to her that you are interested, would like to pursue something but only if she isn't with anyone else.

 

Then, give her time to think.

[isntitironic]

ok do i do that imediatly or start with a few days of small talk? How am i supposed to know if she is seeing someone else? is that a question i'm entitled to ask?

[whichwayisup]

Come right out and ask her what is going on. Be honest, speak from your heart. If you like this girl and think she's worth the effort, then you need to find out WHO she is dating, and if she is, if it's just casual dating, or if it's serious.

 

Small talk isn't going to get you anywhere.

[whichwayisup]

Another thing, if you want advice that you can follow, don't go posting your story all over the place I saw you've posted this in other sections on LS.