Ivogan Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 I have been dating a single mom for 8 months now. She is still on speaking terms with her ex out of necessity. When we started dating we both agreed that we would wait until 6 months into the relationship before we started to explain things to her 6 year old daughter. In the beginning the daughter situation was one week with mom, the next with dad, so on and so forth. So June rolls around and the dad decides that he doesn't want to spend as much time with their daughter, that she should live primarily with mom. Not a problem except he gave the excuse of "she needs to have a set pattern for school." Now... if it were closer to school (September), then I would understand, but he chose the beginning of summer, the time for parents to take their children on vacations. I'm not buying it. So now it's only seeing dad every other weekend, he picks her up from daycare friday night and mom picks her up from daycare on monday after work. This time she tells me she needs time and space to figure things out and that we should not say 'I love you' to each other. A few weeks later she apologizes for pushing me away and says she is ready to work on our relationship. Sometime in the middle of August he decides to change the rules again. Now he drops her off sunday night at mom's place (living with her parents currently). Now things have changed and she tells me she's not ready to explain things to her daughter yet. All 3 of us go do things together at least 2-3 times a week. I am happy about that as I love her deeply and have come to love her daughter as well, just as if she were my own. A couple months ago she told me we could possibly look at moving in together next year. Her parents are planning on building a new house but need to still rent for now. The timing keeps getting pushed back, it is up to 6 months now. She does not feel she can move out until her parents do because she feels obligated to stay that long to help with rent. She says she needs to live on her own for a while to get her daughter in a stable routine. Last weekend her and I drove around looking at rentals in the area, even houses for sale. When we saw one I liked I told her that is a place I wouldn't mind living in. Tonight she told me she doesn't need any pressure from me to move out. So I guess what i'm saying is that it feels like the timeframe keeps getting pushed out and i'm constantly being asked to wait longer every time her ex changes the rules. That it is going to be 9 to 18 months before our relationship can go any farther. It seems that she bends over backwards for him in order to not kick up any dust, but doesn't realize that she has a guy that loves her and her daughter and wants to be with her, and the dad doesn't want to have much to do with their daughter. She has even admitted that to me and that it shocks her too. Am I really pressuring her? To me "you're pressuring me" says that I can't talk to her about my feelings or what I am thinking about the whole situation. I am a patient person, but we all have our limits. It doesn't make sense to me... Link to post Share on other sites
sweetbutcheeky Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 Now things have changed and she tells me she's not ready to explain things to her daughter yet. All 3 of us go do things together at least 2-3 times a week. I am happy about that as I love her deeply and have come to love her daughter as well, just as if she were my own. If she sits down with her daughter or not, kids are smart she will be able to figure out something is going on with the 3 of you as your all doing things together and are as close as you are. When we saw one I liked I told her that is a place I wouldn't mind living in. Tonight she told me she doesn't need any pressure from me to move out. I took you saying that it looked like a place worth moving too, as in a nice place. Maybe she misunderstood and maybe defensive and felt pressured? Am I really pressuring her? To me "you're pressuring me" says that I can't talk to her about my feelings or what I am thinking about the whole situation. I am a patient person, but we all have our limits. It doesn't make sense to me... If you can't tell the person you love your feelings and thoughts then there is a problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 Ivogan, I was in a slightly similar situation... I dumped her. She now wants it to work more than ever. It's very difficult for me to believe. Link to post Share on other sites
VIP Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 It looks like she is not over her ex, and you are just wasting your time with her. Link to post Share on other sites
JCD Posted September 15, 2007 Share Posted September 15, 2007 My feelings exactly. She's too much work and if she wants to work it out later, you never know when she's going to change her mind again and dump you. So dump her first and find someone better. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts