guilt_and_regret Posted August 27, 2007 Share Posted August 27, 2007 Hey everyone, I'll try to be as brief as possible, but I've backed myself into a bit of a corner and could really use anyone's advice on what I should do. The situation is this: I am 25 and broke up with my wife of 1 year (girlfriend for 7) 3 months ago. I went through a really difficult period of depression, self-loathing, low self-esteem and loneliness for about 6 weeks, before I finally started to turn the corner and feel better about myself and my situation. About four weeks ago, I started hanging out with a female friend I've known for awhile (but never on a one-on-one basis) much more frequently. We'd spend basically every day together, just hanging out and enjoying each other's company. Not surprisingly, after doing this every day for a period of time, I began to develop romantic feelings. We became really close, and one day I kissed her and told her that I liked her. She felt the same way, but was hesitant about what to do because she'd seen me go through all the emotional stages through my divorce, and didn't want to be the rebound girl. I told her I didn't want that either, and couldn't guarantee anything, but that I liked her and wanted to see where it could go. She's normally the type of girl who makes smart decisions, and will often forego what she wants to do in favour of what she thinks is the healthiest decision. In this case however, she decided that she liked me enough that she wanted to pursue it too. Now, just a week after that, perhaps unsurprisingly I'm already finding myself questioning whether this is a really bad idea. If we date for a period and it ends, there's a good chance both of us will lose a lot of mutual friends (most of our friends are shared), and more importantly I'd lose a friendship with her. So I'm kind of freaked out, because with someone you know this well, it seems near impossible to take things slow. The relationship almost becomes serious by default, immediately. We've been very physical, but have not slept together yet, though I'd say at the current rate it would be likely to happen very soon. So I guess I'm wondering what to do now. I do like her, but I can already feel myself getting nervous at the idea of jumping right back into a serious relationship. At the same time though, it was her with reservations, and me who basically argued that I was ready to give this a try and convinced her to do the same. So can I really change my tune 7 days later and be honest and tell her I don't know if I can do this right now? Won't she feel like I've used her to maybe get back on my feet, and now that I've won her over I've lost interest? I really don't want to lose her friendship, she means a lot to me, but at the same time I don't want to hurt her even worse by getting even more emotionally involved and still having the same issues and fears down the road. Does anyone have any opinions on how I should proceed from here? I could really use some advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Sleek Geek Posted August 27, 2007 Share Posted August 27, 2007 She shared her concerns. I think you could find a way to share yours. The way I see it, it is best if the two of you discuss in all honesty together. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted August 27, 2007 Share Posted August 27, 2007 How would you feel if she started out gung ho... then after getting all kinds of physical she started backpeddaling? Hang in there... work your tail off... make it a success. Yes tell her how you feel though. Make sure you stress how much you like her and want this to work! You cant win the lotto if you dont buy a ticket! Some risks are worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
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