divalannie Posted August 19, 2007 Share Posted August 19, 2007 hello every one hope fully this wont be too long. i have been with my boyfriend for 3 years this august, we were apart for a year while he moved back to south Africa and i continued to do my studies here in the UK. i went to visit him last year and returned at the end of October. he slept with his ex during November I'm not sure when but I'm assuming it was then. he told me it was only once,and also he said he cant even remember when it was and he does not remember anything about it, to get to the story, she told him 4 weeks ago that she was pregnant with his baby and she gave birth on Thursday 16 august. thing is she never told him while he was in south Africa he moved back to the UK at the beginning of June. I'm at a a stage where i don't know what to do. i know that the only answer here or what most people will say is to leave him and move on with my life. but its not that easy i really care deeply about him and even though yes i was mad for what he has done i cannot hate him, i feel sorry because this girl never let him be apart of the pregnancy as it is his first child, if he knew he would have at least been able to be there for the birth of his child and being part of his child first few days. where i am confused is do i let him go and move on with my life but i care so much for him and love him dearly, we both had a really rough upbringing and that is why we are so close to each other he is truelly my best friend. i and do believe that he is truelly sorry. for what he has done. sorry that it is so long, just some advice would be good please don't be mean about him he does not deserve it.even though some will think he does every one makes a mistake, we all have made mistakes Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 19, 2007 Share Posted August 19, 2007 Hopefully your boyfriend will insist on a DNA test to establish that he is the father. I would not make any real decisions until that test comes through. If it is not his child, then its a bullet dodged, and you two can work on rebuilding your relationship. If it is his child, then understand your relationship as you knew it is over. This other woman, and the unexpected child will forever be a part of his life - if not emotionally, then financially. You will have to ask yourself if you can live the rest of your life with this woman and the child (and the financial drain as a result) as a part of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted August 19, 2007 Share Posted August 19, 2007 I consider you lucky... You have a nice clear sign at the start of your relationship that your boyfriend is an untrustworthy cheat and that you should not waste any more of your time on him. I also loved this line from him: "he told me it was only once, and also he said he cant even remember when it was and he does not remember anything about it" Ha! He's funny! Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted August 19, 2007 Share Posted August 19, 2007 Dump him now. Link to post Share on other sites
Arizona100 Posted August 19, 2007 Share Posted August 19, 2007 I wouldn't stay, but that's up to you. I also think that he should take care of his baby, at least financially and hopefully be a part of his life too. Link to post Share on other sites
ICallsEmAsISeesEm Posted August 19, 2007 Share Posted August 19, 2007 Well, it would seem his obvious betrayal - and total inability to OWN UP TO HIS OWN SH*T - is something you're going to forgive, so why are you looking for advice? You've already made it perfectly clear that he's a VICTIM and a good guy, so you don't want anyone trashing him or telling you to dump him. Were you hoping we'd all tell you what you WANT to hear? Ok, then. I'll do JUST that. Your boyfriend's a great guy. He lies and says he had sex ONCE with his old girlfriend and LO AND BEHOLD - that ONE TIME made her pregnant. What were the odds of THAT happening? Whoo, boy, he's quite the sharp shooter. But he claims he 'doesn't remember that ONE TIME they had sex - that's how unimportant it was." He's a guy of solid character, total honesty, more integrity than any other human being that's ever existed, and you're a LUCKY, LUCKY girl to have him. In fact, I'm downright envious that if a DNA test proves that it IS his kid, his paycheck for the next umteen years will be garnished constantly to support his 'unimportant' kid that he had. And everytime his girlfriend gets a wild hair up her a*ss, she'll be IN YOUR FACE about it. Yup, she'll hold ALL the cards and you two will just be at the mercy of her demands. Oh goody, if he's given vistation, it will probably be YOU who gets to take care of the baby every other weekend. Oh JOY. Isn't that what you always wanted? To care for the illegitimate kid of your cheating boyfriend? Why, it's the thing dreams are made of. There, did I tell you what you wanted to hear? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted August 19, 2007 Share Posted August 19, 2007 he told me it was only once,and also he said he cant even remember when it was and he does not remember anything about it He's lying about this and you need to stop being naive about it. He cheated on you, never told you about it, and he can't even be honest NOW and fully own up to what he did - he's still lying to you by saying it was only once and he doesn't remember it. Your lives are obviously going in different trajectories at this point. Regardless of what you may have had in the past, that's over, and his new life as a father is beginning. I don't understand why you are so all fired-up to see him as a victim and as your best friend - best friends don't cheat on you behind your back. Let this guy go, and get on with your own life, hopefully with a guy who won't lie and cheat. Link to post Share on other sites
Arizona100 Posted August 19, 2007 Share Posted August 19, 2007 I remember my few "one night" things ... so I'd believe he would remember something with his ex. Link to post Share on other sites
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