How to deal with a wishy-washy guy...

[Enygma312]

Hello everyone...I am a newbie here and I sure could use some advice.

 

So here goes...

 

I met this guy a few months ago. He is a close friend & co-worker of a friend of a relative. (Confusing? I know, but that is how I met him). My cousin's friend had a PC issue and I was trying to help fix it until this guy came in and saw me in my pajamas, bent over under the PC desk.

 

Anyway, while visiting my cousin on vacation, this guy would come over and see me...usually from 11pm-2am. (Yes, he would stay THAT long). He would call or text me everyday, just to say hi...small talk.

 

There was one afternoon where I was at my cousin's with him and my grandmother, who fell ill. He took both of us to a local E.R., and picked us up afterwards. (He said he had some errands to run in between time). He decided to take me to a VERY late movie--mind you, I hadn't eaten in hours, and was stressed out dealing with my grandmother's illness. We went to the movies, but I was so exhausted, I think I momentarily passed out for like 5 minutes.

 

The times I would visit my cousin, he would call (always 11pm or later), or come over. One time, we just went driving to a local park and sat under the stars. (Come to find out, it was a local 'makeout' spot...but nothing happened.)

 

He was very secretive...not telling me about his family, his job, his aspirations...and for awhile-even his last name. The night we first met, we were comparing cell phones, and he used his to take a photo of me (I didn't even know he took it, since the flash mechanism was silent). He said he would place it on his Myspace page, but I didn't think he was serious.

 

He was.

 

He left me a text message joking about the photo on his page. Let's just say I have a slight temper....I let him know in an email how inconsiderate he was to take the photo without asking me and then posting it without my consent. (Joking about it is one thing, but posting an unflattering photo w/o permission is wrong.) He apologized and I let it go.

 

He woke me up once by drunk dialing me and spewed an X-rated diatribe

...it was funny to me, but I'll admit, I was intrigued.

 

2 months had passed, and I inquired where this was going. Once again, he evaded my questions...and out of the blue, he sent me a text telling me he wanted to just be friends.

This coinsided with the time where his stepfather had passed away unexpectedly, and he was dealing with a lot. Possible relocation to help his family with their business, dealing with a imminent return to college...I realize in retrospect, it was a lot to ask.

 

I told him earlier that I like to bake, so he asked me to make him some cookies. I told him when I had some free time, I would make them. So I made them one night. I told him I was going to see a certain movie and he said, "Don't go because if anyone asks, tell them __________ is taking you!" I asked if he was sure--he said yes.

 

Mind you, my cousin's friend (the one who introduced us) and him were going to a work party. He didn't invite me, but she did. I declined. I made the cookies and went to bed. From what I was told, he just danced with friends, ate the cookies and drove everyone home.

 

I never went to that movie, because he never called. I called him the day before to confirm. The day that we were supposed to go to the movie, he never called or sent me a text. He didn't even say 'Thank You' for the cookies I made the day before. This was a month ago.

 

Fast forward to yesterday, he calls me out of the blue, to check up on how I am doing, to see if I am doing ok at work...to thank me for the cookies, and he wants me to call him back.

 

My pride is telling me "Don't do it!"--But my heart is telling me, "Listen to what he says, but take it with a grain of salt."

 

Oh, one more thing...he is younger than me. I always said I wasn't interested in dating younger guys, but I said I would take a chance on this one, since he seemed nice. I'm in my early 30's and his is in his mid 20's.

 

What do you guys think? Any advice is appreciated.

[jerbear]

From what I've read and my gut instincts. He is not interested; just want to be friends.

 

You like him because he might be cute and attracted to him due to him not being available and playing hard to get.

[jcster]

The after 11:00 stuff is always a red flag to me. It tells me he's hoping you will make a move on him, but he doesn't want the obligation that comes from being the one to make the first move. He doesn't want to put in the time to get to know you, but keeps putting you in situations that might lead to sex.

 

The secrecy thing is also a red flag. He's either seeing someone, or has another woman that he is "working" on. I definitely smell player.

 

If you like frustration, you can keep meeting him like this. If you want a FWB situation, you can sleep with him, but he's going to set it up so you have to make the first move. Personally, I wouldn't waste more thought on him.

[Enygma312]

Good responses...

 

Thanks a lot!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I don't know if I mentioned this (since I typed my post quickly and when I was tired)...but shortly after the Myspace photo incident, he took it upon himself to send me a 2 page document telling me why he was so secretive...how much he appreciated my friendship and how he was open to it developing into something more...

 

So he said. Who knows if he was being 100% honest there? I think it was half truth/half BS.

 

 

Either way, I will admit...I do miss him (a little), but not enough for me to contact him back now. Don't plan to...don't need the aggravation, frustration, or his manipulative ways.

 

[jcster]

It sounds like he's stringing you along. It also sounds like he's really into drama. A 2 page document explaining his secrecy? What, is he a spy? And, the timing of it is important, since he only sent it after you became angry at him for the myspace episode.

 

It sounds like he's always going to be hot and cold - and only on his schedule. Unless you like being jerked around, I'd stay away.