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Introducing your girl to friends


Yellowboy

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I understand girls want a guy who has a lot of friends. I am not the most social person in the world, but I can make conversations, throw jokes, even organize parties if it's necessary.

 

When I am at an early stage of a relationship, its part of my defense mechanism not to introduce my guy friends to her because I know some of them will not hesitate to steal the girl from me.

 

Why? Because I've had friends steal my girls when I introduced her to them. They no longer are my friends today, obviously. Oh, and there was also a case where she just used me to find "better" guys among my friends. So yeah, past experiences have caused me to do what I do now, so please understand where I am coming from.

 

I also hate girls who think I don't have friends just because I do this...I end up proving them wrong later in the relationship or after we break up (too late to realize who I really am huh!). Ugh...and sometimes its annoying since the girl herself doesnt have many friends herself.

 

So my question is:

1. Girls say that's a turnoff, but don't they understand I am trying to keep her away from these predators? Call me insecure or whatever, but it's natural that I want to keep the girl to myself at least in the very early stages of a relationship. Can't girls understand this?

 

2. I know some of my friends do exactly the same thing, so do you guys do it for the same reason? And is this acceptable behavior for a guy?

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In answer to your question

 

No a girl does not understand if you don't want to introduce her to your friends. She doesn't see your friends a preditors. When a guy introduces a girl to his friends, it's part of saying that you see her as someone who might be around for a while. Now if you have some crappy friends, I'd agree hold off on meeting those. Most guys I've been out with introduce me only to their closest friends at the early stages, and then wait for the other ones, a few months later, when they are more sure of me.

 

Not introducing them is like hiding something about yourself though. Take it slow introduce to a few close friends first and then gradually bring her in to your circle - if she's stil around a few months down the road, she'll be involved enough not to run off with a predititor.

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1. Girls say that's a turnoff, but don't they understand I am trying to keep her away from these predators? Call me insecure or whatever, but it's natural that I want to keep the girl to myself at least in the very early stages of a relationship. Can't girls understand this?

 

No, girls can't understand this.

 

Haven't you ever heard the saying about judging (yes, judging!) people by the company they keep? Well, if your friends are all predators, then what does that say about you? It says either that you'd behave in the same way (to steal your friends' girlfriends) OR you have no backbone and don't have the ability to make REAL friends. Either way, it's a huge turn off.

 

I'd suggest you find some REAL friends who wouldn't dare go after someone you're dating. If that's not possible, I'd suggest you find an alternative justification for hiding girls you date from your friends...something along the lines of, "I'd like us to get to know each other on a one-on-one basis, without any outside distractions."

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Your guy friends don't sound so nice but might be doing you a favour. If a girl can be distracted by other predators, she's not worth your while. I know when I'm honestly invested in someone who treats me well, I won't stray, regardless.

 

I have a female friend who used to be immature like your guy friends. If I thought any guy was cute or a guy would show interest in me, she would immediately hit on him with the express purpose of getting him in the sack. After awhile, I grew to appreciate this kind of human filter. The guys who would bed her, were the guys who also dined and dashed.

 

She settled down after awhile and is currently married to a wonderful guy. I still tease her to this day.

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I don't see a guy's friends as predators. Here is the deal, if I'm with you, I'm with YOU, not your guy friends. If your guy friends are willing to steal your girl, then I would be thinking about investing in some new friends.

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Hey, These girls have no idea what they are talking about. I have some friends that are straight up sharks. Ive never lost a girl to one... but I see it happen all the time.

 

Seriously, If your friends are bad... just tell her up front what they are like.

 

You sound pretty young... and the girls your age usually dont get it. Just date around and you will either find one that does... or they will get old enough and figure it out.

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Yeah, OP, as a guy, your friends shouldn't be acting this way first of all. I had a friend of mine "steal" a girl (whatever that means) and he was basically disowned by the whole circle.

 

I think it's a great test. If she goes off with a friend, it's excellent to know now what a bimbo she is. If they try and she doesn't notice, again, good thing to know. Third, your friends might actually surprise you?

 

If you feel weird about it because you're not proud of her as a g/f or are embarrassed at the thought of their possible reactions, then that's another issue.

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Thanks for the reply everyone.

 

I guess my situation is just a bit different. I have traveled a lot in the past and so my real good friends are all in different states and countries. Sometimes they'd come visit or I'd visit them and I get the chance to introduce them to my girl and that is when she realizes I have really good friends.

 

The people I hang out with now are ok friends, but like I said, some I don't trust as much as my real friends, but I have no choice, this is my current circle of friends.

 

I wish I didn't have to explain this to a girl all the time because it really sounds like a lame excuse but it is the truth.

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Then don't explain it. All you need to say is something like:

 

"Hey, want to meet some of the guys I'm currently hanging out with? My best friends are out of state right now, wish you could meet them instead but when they come into town, I know you'd like them too."

 

Then see how it the story unfolds. Once again, a girl who can be poached, isn't someone you want to invest yourself further into.

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Then don't explain it. All you need to say is something like:

 

"Hey, want to meet some of the guys I'm currently hanging out with? My best friends are out of state right now, wish you could meet them instead but when they come into town, I know you'd like them too."

 

Then see how it the story unfolds. Once again, a girl who can be poached, isn't someone you want to invest yourself further into.

 

Thats a good idea.

 

And I'd like to point out that you don't want to be with someone who's going to dump you for one of your friends. There is no way I'd leave my guy because one of his friends is hitting on me.

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I know where you're coming from...so i woudlnt blame you for not wanting to introduce your girl to your friends.

 

I agree with the others, it is a good 'test'. If she cheats on you with your bud, then she obviously isn't a keeper. And if your bud takes part in it, then obviously he isnt really a friend at all.

 

In technicality if a girl only began dating you her options still remain open until you make it exclusive. But nonetheless it is still very rude to do that amongst your friends, and especially in your presence.

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ive never had to introduce a girl to a completely new group of people. most girls i dated have been through mutual friends, so i have never really had this problem

 

i would say that you have to be comfortable. you dont want to create a self-fulfilling prophecy and have the whole thing blow up in your face

 

i would first be relatively secure in my relationship. i would be secure in my friendships. why not introduce her to another couple maybe. have the setting be the most non-threatening for both of you

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if you dont introduce a girl to your friends, they seem to think you are trying to "hide" them. Maybe you should try to explain this? Or maybe get new friends.

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Then don't explain it. All you need to say is something like:

 

"Hey, want to meet some of the guys I'm currently hanging out with? My best friends are out of state right now, wish you could meet them instead but when they come into town, I know you'd like them too."

 

Then see how it the story unfolds. Once again, a girl who can be poached, isn't someone you want to invest yourself further into.

 

Any girl can be poached! :cool:

 

Especially if she's with a low confidence guy. :lmao:

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Any girl can be poached! :cool:

 

Especially if she's with a low confidence guy. :lmao:

I beg to differ but then, it's also age-reliant and individual. If the girls you're attracted to are poachable, you may want to take an intense look at these girls to compare commonalities.

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I beg to differ but then, it's also age-reliant and individual. If the girls you're attracted to are poachable, you may want to take an intense look at these girls to compare commonalities.

 

Ha! Wrong side of the coin. If it looks like my senorita isnt giving 110%, I start forming my exit strategy. Self defense mechanism I havnt figured out how to fix yet. I havnt been dumped in nearly 8 years, but then I average 6 months per R, so yeah I know theres a problem.

 

But more to the point... its not too hard to snag someone else's GF. I could go into how and why, however that is perhaps for another thread.

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I beg to differ but then, it's also age-reliant and individual. If the girls you're attracted to are poachable, you may want to take an intense look at these girls to compare commonalities.

 

Age-reliant, or actually, maturity. Age doesn't matter since I've dated girls older than me who are still immature as hell.

 

Either way I think it's a bad combination of girls I've dated and my current circle friends not being a very good one.

 

Oh and confidence is not an issue. I'm pretty confident in asking out girls more than the rest of the guys who don't even have the guts to do so. But comes along some sneaky bastard and that's where it gets me most of the time...I guess it's more about watching out for these guys.

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Age-reliant, or actually, maturity. Age doesn't matter since I've dated girls older than me who are still immature as hell.

 

Either way I think it's a bad combination of girls I've dated and my current circle friends not being a very good one.

 

Oh and confidence is not an issue. I'm pretty confident in asking out girls more than the rest of the guys who don't even have the guts to do so. But comes along some sneaky bastard and that's where it gets me most of the time...I guess it's more about watching out for these guys.

Haha...I'll have to agree with chronological age not being a definitive maturity indicator. I rescind "age-reliant" and replace it with something a little more specific "emotional maturity".

 

Perhaps you could clarify the type of girl you do go for. Let me guess "she's hawt"...

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But more to the point... its not too hard to snag someone else's GF. I could go into how and why, however that is perhaps for another thread.

 

Some women are like Tarzan, just waiting to swing to another guy. It's pretty easy to steal a girlfriend. All you have to do is ask "so what's it like being in a relationship?" and let her reveal any chinks in the armor. The girl might be with a guy who isn't as good WITH her as I would be. I'm certainly not going to steal from a friend or even someone I know, respect and like, but a girl having a boyfriend won't stop me from flirting with her. It used to. I changed my attitude a couple months ago. I have mixed feelings about it, thinking if a girl would leave another guy for me, that means she could easily leave me for another guy, and I'd want someone who is comfortable ending things when they aren't right and being on her own. But someone could be a perfectly good woman, and a great match for me, but be in a relationship that is good and secure but not enough. That is a confusing place to be. If I connect with a girl, and she reveals there are chinks in the armor of her relationship, I am going to flirt with her and express interest. If she made it clear how happy in love she was, I'd say "that's really cool you found someone who you can connect with like that" and I'll only be friendly, not flirtatious.

 

So I will steal girlfriends. But I would not interfere with a friend, even an acquaintance, if the girl he was with was an actual date or girlfriend. Now, if that person just happened to like a girl, but he wasn't actually dating her, tough luck. I'm going to make a move regardless of his crush. If you aren't going to ask her out or make a bold move, I will, too bad if you like her.

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If your girl is cute and sexy many guy friends will be after them. Now your close friends will respect your friendship but the other ones have no qualm about making a play for her.

 

 

It is your job to keep her interest level high ( if you really like her ) and if other guys can steal her away then you either failed or she really wasn't that interested.

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If I connect with a girl, and she reveals there are chinks in the armor of her relationship, I am going to flirt with her and express interest. If she made it clear how happy in love she was, I'd say "that's really cool you found someone who you can connect with like that" and I'll only be friendly, not flirtatious.

 

So I will steal girlfriends. But I would not interfere with a friend, even an acquaintance, if the girl he was with was an actual date or girlfriend.

 

Exactly. I wouldn't go all the way to destroy someone's happy relationship just to get the girl, but if that relationship is not doing so good, then I'd at least give it a shot.

 

Now, if that person just happened to like a girl, but he wasn't actually dating her, tough luck. I'm going to make a move regardless of his crush. If you aren't going to ask her out or make a bold move, I will, too bad if you like her.

 

If he's a good friend of mine, I'd usually try to give him a chance, but he's not going to make a move...well, tough luck boy, I'm going to go make my move. Generally I am a "bro's before ho's" type of guy so... ;)

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Any girl can be poached! :cool:

 

Especially if she's with a low confidence guy. :lmao:

 

That's probably why most men go out with women and not girls ;)

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Exactly. I wouldn't go all the way to destroy someone's happy relationship just to get the girl, but if that relationship is not doing so good, then I'd at least give it a shot.

 

If he's a good friend of mine, I'd usually try to give him a chance, but he's not going to make a move...well, tough luck boy, I'm going to go make my move. Generally I am a "bro's before ho's" type of guy so... ;)

No wonder you're worried about having your g/f poached...

 

Every relationship has difficult times. To move in when someone might be feeling low...isn't commendable behaviour. You "bros" are on your own...

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No wonder you're worried about having your g/f poached...

 

Every relationship has difficult times. To move in when someone might be feeling low...isn't commendable behaviour. You "bros" are on your own...

 

Ok, I may need to explain this one particular instance I did that. The girl told me she wanted to break up with his guy. We went out for dinner once, no flirting/touching involved. I waited until they broke up and then asked her out. And...that's still a bad thing?

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Ok, I may need to explain this one particular instance I did that. The girl told me she wanted to break up with his guy. We went out for dinner once, no flirting/touching involved. I waited until they broke up and then asked her out. And...that's still a bad thing?

Did you ask her out for dinner and under what context?

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