peace_pipe Posted July 8, 2007 Share Posted July 8, 2007 First off, I really do view this whole concept as bogus. Now let me back up. 2 of the last 3 girls I met and hung out with (dated?) ended up saying that they were not looking for a relationship, but would be my "friend". When my ex-girlfriend and I met, she also claimed she wanted to be just "friends". Obvioulsy it didn't work out that way, but it certainly does not help to clarify anything. With the latest girl, she gave me her number when we first met, then we arranged a meet. So this leads me to this question: Why would a woman say this to any decent man knowing that she could potentially kill any chances of a future romantic relationship? I do have women friends but I am not really in the habit to set out looking for new female friends. After all, when a real woman comes along most of the other female friends fall out of the picture anyway. I have come to my own possible conclusion on this matter. 1) Women have been conditioned with the fact that a lot of men just want sex and use the "friends" as a technique to weed out these types. My response to this is: It may be a good technique to weed out those types of guys, but you will also be losing out on any guy who is for real and desires a meaningful relationship. I have other thoughts on this matter, but I want to hear what the community here thinks. Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted July 8, 2007 Share Posted July 8, 2007 Alpha would say that women know almost instantly if a guy is sleepworthy or not (from their perspective, of course). It may be an oversimplification, but I think it's mostly true. Link to post Share on other sites
Author peace_pipe Posted July 8, 2007 Author Share Posted July 8, 2007 Alpha would say that women know almost instantly if a guy is sleepworthy or not (from their perspective, of course). It may be an oversimplification, but I think it's mostly true. I thought this is how guys work? I know I do. Also I am not just talking about sex here. You may be onto something though. But how can it be true if relationships do start that way? ANd why would a girl give you her number, only to meet you and tell you she wants a friend??? Just picturing the hottest girl at the club with the unemployed dirtbag. She decided in 5 minutes she wanted him because he had a bad ass tattoo! only the stupid are breeding....... Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted July 8, 2007 Share Posted July 8, 2007 First off, I really do view this whole concept as bogus. Now let me back up. 2 of the last 3 girls I met and hung out with (dated?) ended up saying that they were not looking for a relationship, but would be my "friend". When my ex-girlfriend and I met, she also claimed she wanted to be just "friends". Obviously it didn't work out that way, but it certainly does not help to clarify anything. With the latest girl, she gave me her number when we first met, then we arranged a meet. So this leads me to this question: Why would a woman say this to any decent man knowing that she could potentially kill any chances of a future romantic relationship? I do have women friends but I am not really in the habit to set out looking for new female friends. After all, when a real woman comes along most of the other female friends fall out of the picture anyway. I have come to my own possible conclusion on this matter. 1) Women have been conditioned with the fact that a lot of men just want sex and use the "friends" as a technique to weed out these types. My response to this is: It may be a good technique to weed out those types of guys, but you will also be losing out on any guy who is for real and desires a meaningful relationship. I have other thoughts on this matter, but I want to hear what the community here thinks. Women say this to kill any thoughts of romance by you. It is easier for them to say "friends" rather than they don't want to date you. Do they really just want to be your friend? They probably figure you'll move on but some guys hang around and be friends only to end the friendship by declaring feelings at a later time. PS. These are the nice girls. Many times you don't find out they just wanted to be friends until you think the relationship is moving to the next level and they feel betrayed by your admission of wanting more. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted July 8, 2007 Share Posted July 8, 2007 Let's just be friends = I am not interested in anything more than just a platonic relationship with you... It is just a 'polite' way to say they're not interested. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 8, 2007 Share Posted July 8, 2007 Why would a woman say this to any decent man knowing that she could potentially kill any chances of a future romantic relationship? The whole purpose is to kill any chances of a future romantic relationship. Rarely, if ever is it a sincere gesture of friendship either. Its just a nice way of rejecting someone. Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted July 8, 2007 Share Posted July 8, 2007 I couldn't tell from your post if the new girl said she wanted to be "just friends" or start off as friends and see where it goes. There's a huge difference. I told the guy I'm seeing that I wanted to start off as friends, to build a foundation. I want a serious relationship where we're compatible and like each other as opposed to pure chemistry. If you don't hear the clear "I'm interested in you, but would like to take it slowly as friends" then she likes your energy but doesn't like you romantically. As for killing a guy's romantic feelings, if a guy will run away because he doesn't want to be patient, he'd go away even if he got what he wanted. This is how I separate the wheat from the chaffe. Link to post Share on other sites
Krytellan Posted July 8, 2007 Share Posted July 8, 2007 Yes, she says it because she WANTS to ruin any chance of a romantic relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 8, 2007 Share Posted July 8, 2007 1) Women have been conditioned with the fact that a lot of men just want sex and use the "friends" as a technique to weed out these types.. a woman who is genuinely interested in a man romantically will never say she wants to be just "friends"... Link to post Share on other sites
McFadden Posted July 8, 2007 Share Posted July 8, 2007 That is true but some people think men use the "lets be friends" as a facade to try to put the moves on the woman later. So it goes both ways even though it is kind of opposite. Link to post Share on other sites
Krytellan Posted July 8, 2007 Share Posted July 8, 2007 That is true but some people think men use the "lets be friends" as a facade to try to put the moves on the woman later. So it goes both ways even though it is kind of opposite. No............ Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 8, 2007 Share Posted July 8, 2007 No............ agreed...based mainly on the fact that females control the initial phases of the relationship and also choose which man will get into their pants Link to post Share on other sites
jcster Posted July 8, 2007 Share Posted July 8, 2007 Women say they just want to be friends...when they just want to be friends. It's not a facade. It means they don't desire you. It's not a game, they want you to quit trying to date them. After all, when a real woman comes along most of the other female friends fall out of the picture anyway. So, any woman that doesn't want to date you isn't "real?" This attitude might explain your trouble with women! Link to post Share on other sites
McFadden Posted July 8, 2007 Share Posted July 8, 2007 No............ No? Hahahah, I'm sorry to burst both of your bubble but it has happened. Some guys establish a friendship with women just because they want to get in thier pants. I don't know why anyone would refuse to acknowledge that, it happens as often as women letting a guy down by saying they want to be friends. If you don't believe that read some of the stories that happened in the "Can men and women be just good friends" thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Author peace_pipe Posted July 8, 2007 Author Share Posted July 8, 2007 So, any woman that doesn't want to date you isn't "real?" This attitude might explain your trouble with women! So maybe I got rejected, I mean whatever. And yes, any woman who will not date me isn't real. Why? Because I know I am a great catch and have seen women's poor lack of judgement time and time again. Link to post Share on other sites
McFadden Posted July 8, 2007 Share Posted July 8, 2007 The Velvet Vixen posted: I recently started what I thought was a friendship with a guy on campus, and it ended pretty badly. I thought he just wanted to be friends, because that's the word he kept on using over and over from the time we met ("I'd like us to be friends"..."I see you as a good friend") etc. It was all lies, apparently, because one day he insisted on taking the bus with me to see the area I lived in—and my apartment. Before giving me a chance to respond to his self-invitation, he got a call on his cell phone and cancelled some appointment he'd made for that day. I allowed myself a few minutes of feeling flustered and guilty before I took him aside and let him know that I was in a relationship and it would be inappropriate for him to come with me to my apartment. He'd had a smile on his face, but when I said this, I saw his face just drop like I'd reached into his chest and ripped out his heart and spit on it, and he left quickly. He e-mailed me two days later to say we couldn't be friends anymore. That time it was slightly my fault because I should have mentioned the relationship immediately, but he didn't ask, and I couldn't think of a way of bringing it up without it sounding like I was assuming he had a romantic/sexual interest in me. It was more his fault for being dishonest. Therefore, all he got out of the whole thing was a broken heart, and I got my feelings hurt thinking that his interest was only physical and not in me as a complete person (which is important to me, since I used to have insecurities about my personality, and very occasionally they still creep up on me like giant, evil cockroaches, before I quickly squash them). Also, that is what seems to be happening in my situation in this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t123780/ It is a known tactic that some men use the 'friends' angle to try to get into womens' pants. Does anyone who said "no" just want to admit that they are wrong now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author peace_pipe Posted July 8, 2007 Author Share Posted July 8, 2007 I have done some thinking - I will tell you what my problem is... HONESTY I have no trouble getting dates with women. When I do take time to get to know them, I am honest and don't try to be something I am not. With this last girl, I can almost guarantee it was the fact that I smoke weed. Who freakin cares? I still pay all my bills and go to work everyday. I don't try to pretend to be someone I am not. I see guys pretending all the time. I am so sick of how women can take one little thing then magnify it so much that all "good" qualities are overlooked. You damn women aren't perfect and I don't expect you to be. Link to post Share on other sites
FormerNiceGuy Posted July 8, 2007 Share Posted July 8, 2007 a woman who is genuinely interested in a man romantically will never say she wants to be just "friends"... This is exactly on point. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky555 Posted July 8, 2007 Share Posted July 8, 2007 So maybe I got rejected, I mean whatever. And yes, any woman who will not date me isn't real. Why? Because I know I am a great catch and have seen women's poor lack of judgement time and time again. Here is my point of view on why women just want to be friends: They could just be out of a relationship with someone else They want to get to know you before they decide on if they want a relationship with you or not. I myself never start out with wanting a relationship with someone because i want to see if i am compatible with them or not first. So i suggest you hang out with a girl who "would like to see where it goes" and make sure you say that you are looking for a relationship with someone, this way she knows its not a fling or just for sleeping together. This way if there are feelings and compatibility its easier to decide on pursing things further. If the girl flat out says that just friends then thats what it is. Don't hold it against them at least you know she wasn't right for u and you can find someone else who is. Alot of times with dating its hard to really see the person as they are because they are trying to impress, however after spending time with someone you can really get to know them better and then decide. hope that helps Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 8, 2007 Share Posted July 8, 2007 They want to get to know you before they decide on if they want a relationship with you or not. when they meet a new man most women know within 5 minutes whether they will date him or not. so don't gimme that bull**** Link to post Share on other sites
jcster Posted July 8, 2007 Share Posted July 8, 2007 And yes, any woman who will not date me isn't real. Why? Because I know I am a great catch and have seen women's poor lack of judgement time and time again. OK. I'm trying not to rise to the bait you threw out here. I have no doubt that you are a fine catch. But this isn't 1850. Women get to choose men for other criteria than a good job, no diseases and all their teeth. We can choose based on personality, attitude, connection, and yes, dysfunction. I detect a big dose of hurt pride in your post. You sound like you have a resentment against women who don't feel attracted to you. This is detectable by almost every woman on the planet. We are very attuned to men's attitude towards our gender. Your bitterness is showing to every woman that speaks with you for more than an hour. This is causing you to miss out on some very worthwhile women. We don't want to date someone who is angry. It's not fun! We don't need to prove your worthiness to you. So, yes, you are getting put in the friend category. This means you are a worthwhile person to know, but a potential trainwreck to date. Link to post Share on other sites
jcster Posted July 8, 2007 Share Posted July 8, 2007 when they meet a new man most women know within 5 minutes whether they will date him or not. so don't gimme that bull**** That's a huge oversimplification. Women know within 5 minutes whether they are sexually attracted to you. That's it. So, they give you their number - they do the date - and guess what? Many times they find out that you are messed up. You are bitter, you are hurt, you are playing the "game" from some sort of cue card. You talk about your car, job, vacation, and watch for the entire time. You talk about the women who "screwed you over." You get pissed if we don't look 100% rapt with attention throughout the entire conversation. Or...you sit there and stare at us and wait for us to make conversation, and then tell us we talk too much. So yeah....f*ckworthy we know in a heartbeat. The rest we decide later. It makes me so freakin' sad that I've stopped with the casual sex, because at least I got laid before I found out they were an a**hole. Link to post Share on other sites
McFadden Posted July 8, 2007 Share Posted July 8, 2007 when they meet a new man most women know within 5 minutes whether they will date him or not. so don't gimme that bull**** I've been friends with people for years and then dated them. I don't think women supposedly control everything either. Men usually do the asking and they ask the ones they are attracted to and don't bother with the ones they aren't. Its only after that women decide whether to accept. Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted July 8, 2007 Share Posted July 8, 2007 I recall this girl I dated for a few months. After a few dates and makeout sessions, she told me something along the lines of "I just wanted us to be friends". In the back of my mind I went "yeah right"...indeed she was a naughty girl. I think certain people are better at being in denial about things, when the truth is already so obvious. While others use the 'friends' facade to pretend that they have no sexual desire in the other, unless the other makes their move...and sometimes its used as a defense mechanism to save face from being rejected by the opposite sex. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 8, 2007 Share Posted July 8, 2007 That's a huge oversimplification. Women know within 5 minutes whether they are sexually attracted to you. That's it. So, they give you their number so if the guy doesn't pass the 5 minute test he gets no phone number and no chance to score whatsoever - they do the date - and guess what? Many times they find out that you are messed up. You are bitter, you are hurt, you are playing the "game" from some sort of cue card. You talk about your car, job, vacation, and watch for the entire time. You talk about the women who "screwed you over." You get pissed if we don't look 100% rapt with attention throughout the entire conversation. Or...you sit there and stare at us and wait for us to make conversation, and then tell us we talk too much. yeah and what about all the ****ed up women who are full of bull**** and think they are the queen of bloody egypt? Link to post Share on other sites
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