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Rejection


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For the first time I met a girl at my new job. I had never felt the same about any girl even though I just met her. We were working together for about 2 weeks and we started hanging out at her house. I can't stop thinking about her.

 

She is such a nice girl that I guess I couldn't tell if she liked me. She is in a bad situation where her parents are meth addicts and she is just stuck in the middle. I talked to her about how I felt her mom treating her since she just starting hating her one day since she got hooked. And she appreciated that I talked to her about it and cheered her up. I said she still loves her even though the drugs are just hiding it and its just natural to her mom. Her mom, even though crazy, told me that I am the nicest boy that she has ever brought home, even though we wernt dating.

 

I put off asking her out for a few days, but then it hit me when we were hanging and I asked her if she would ever want to go to the movies sometime. She said she was interested in another guy which she told me before but he wasnt making any moves on her. She said she never saw us like that. I am 17 in august and she is 17 now. Im not sure if that matters, only when ur younger i guess. I always thought she thought about me a little at least since we always smile at each other all the time at work, but its not that same as how she smiles at other people. I would think girls would think like this more than guys.

 

Like i said she is a nice girl in bad situation with some bad friends and she is the only girl who I have really wanted the best for. The guy she likes is involved with guns/hard drugs a little bit, but im not sure if it would last or even if he likes her. I thought she would be suprised that a nice guy from a nice area would ask her out and she would say yes. But i guess i was wrong and she likes more street guys.

 

I dont know if i should give up completely or maybe she would change her mind ever or if I should ask her out in a month or so if doesnt work out with her other friend.

 

I swear it seems like we were ment for each other but she is sending mixed signals when I drink alone with her at her house and she tells her whole family to go sleep and plays music about sex ect. I am not sure if she might be hiding feelings or maybe she will realize them once we know each other more or once we become stronger friends. It isnt awkward at all since I asked her out. At least to me. But i judged her feelings wrong last time. Girls are so confusing....

 

What should i do?

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FormerNiceGuy
She is in a bad situation where her parents are meth addicts and she is just stuck in the middle.

 

This girl is damaged goods. I usually avoid women that have had terrible problems with their parents. It’s hard to explain. But I don’t think this woman will be emotionally secure..or normal.

 

She said she never saw us like that.

 

How blunt can she be? The answer is slapping you right in the face. There is nothing left for you to understand or analyze. She isn’t interested in you. Honestly, I wish all women were this straight-forward. At least this woman straight up told you that she doesn’t see you like that. Thank her for saving your time. Now move on to another more normal woman. Attraction is not a choice. She won’t suddenly snap and suddenly start loving you. You’re living in a fantasy world, if you think that. There are different things that attract women to men….and you don’t have her interest. So the smartest thing to do is to move on. Go for another girl.

 

Like i said she is a nice girl in bad situation with some bad friends and she is the only girl who I have really wanted the best for. The guy she likes is involved with guns/hard drugs a little bit, but im not sure if it would last or even if he likes her.

 

Like I said, this girl is gonna have some issues. She's not normal. She has mommy and daddy issues. Go for a normal girl. Or rather, a girl who’s more normal than this damaged goods.

 

I dont know if i should give up completely or maybe she would change her mind ever or if I should ask her out in a month or so if doesnt work out with her other friend.

 

What should i do?

 

This is my suggestion. Why don’t you stop analyzing, hypothesizing, thinking, pondering?

 

Instead, just go up to her and ask her out. Do it one last time. If she turns you down again, smile and move on. If she doesn’t turn you down, then you’re all good. But don’t waste your time like a chump just sitting there wondering.

 

Regret hurts more than rejection.

 

Wishing, wondering, analyzing, overthinking, overreading HURTS MORE than rejection.

 

So grab some balls and ask her out one last time. If she turns you down again, move on to better and more NORMAL girls.

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Like I said, this girl is gonna have some issues. She's not normal. She has mommy and daddy issues. Go for a normal girl. Or rather, a girl who’s more normal than this damaged goods.

 

Ouch! I don't quibble with your advice, FormerNiceGuy, the OP really doesn't want to start his dating career with a girl in this situation. I agree.

But...I really hate how you put that: "Get a normal girl"...what exactly IS normal? There are a great many people who have been raised in less than desirable circumstances. Some of these people come out really screwed up, some don't. The girl in question was not described in any way that would indicate an "abnormality." It's her parents' that are definitely not normal. Good grief, does the "wrong side of the tracks" mentality still exist? Please don't throw the baby out with the parents' bath water.

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I talked to her about how I felt her mom treating her since she just starting hating her one day since she got hooked. And she appreciated that I talked to her about it and cheered her up. I said she still loves her even though the drugs are just hiding it and its just natural to her mom. Her mom, even though crazy, told me that I am the nicest boy that she has ever brought home, even though we weren't dating.

 

Being her shrink will make her love you as a friend. She will rely on you but never see you in a romantic way. You will become like a close brother.

 

You need to end this cycle with a girl you find attractive or there will be many episodes like this in your life. Don't be her friend first and then try to move it to romance. Tell her she is a sexy, wonderful women and you want to date and get to know her, as a women.

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Being her shrink will make her love you as a friend. She will rely on you but never see you in a romantic way. You will become like a close brother.

 

You need to end this cycle with a girl you find attractive or there will be many episodes like this in your life. Don't be her friend first and then try to move it to romance. Tell her she is a sexy, wonderful women and you want to date and get to know her, as a women.

 

One thing she always tells me is that she has a lot of close "like brothers/uncles". Its hard to find someone she knows that isnt like a brother to her.

 

As for her not being "normal". I think ur an ******* straightup and I would crack u in the jaw if some1 ever said that to her or my face.

 

What I have been thinking of doing is giving her some time since she is going on vacation and when she comes back if things dont work out with the guy she likes i will ask her out again.

 

I also dont no how to break the friendship thing we have going and turn it to romance. I havnt no her for long and dont no much about her just like she doesnt no me. Thats y i dont think i could be labelled a "brother" yet.

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FormerNiceGuy
One thing she always tells me is that she has a lot of close "like brothers/uncles". Its hard to find someone she knows that isnt like a brother to her.

 

As for her not being "normal". I think ur an ******* straightup and I would crack u in the jaw if some1 ever said that to her or my face.

 

What I have been thinking of doing is giving her some time since she is going on vacation and when she comes back if things dont work out with the guy she likes i will ask her out again.

 

I also dont no how to break the friendship thing we have going and turn it to romance. I havnt no her for long and dont no much about her just like she doesnt no me. Thats y i dont think i could be labelled a "brother" yet.

 

I think my message got off on the wrong foot.

The point I was trying to make was this.

 

Why are you trying to get with this girl who doesn't look at you in that way?

 

Do you see the section called "Friends and Lovers" in Loveshack.org?

That entire section is evidence of how many guys are ranting that they are only "friends" with women they want to hook up with.

 

I didn't mean to insult your girl.

 

I'm just saying she doesn't give a damn about you...sexually...so go for a woman who actually cares about you.

 

Stop going after a girl who doesn't care about you.

 

I say this because I used to be in the same exact shoes as you. And now I've learned to know when to move on when a girl doesn't see me that way. And to stay when the interest is high.

 

It's hard to get out of the "friends box" once you're in it. So from now on...anytime that you find a girl that you want...you have some initiative.

 

Usually if a girl says that she doesn't want a relationship "right now" it means that she doesn't want a relationship "with you."

 

You can take my advice as you wish. But I'm just putting it out there bluntly. I don't candy-coat things or try to make you feel better...I just see the truth as it is.

 

Stay friends with her...because that's all you'll ever be..a friend. But go for a woman who actually cares about you.

 

Women know if they'll sleep with you within 5 minutes of meeting you.

 

 

First impressions last forever.

 

And the thing is...when she says that she doesn't see you like that..she basically told you it ain't happening.

 

This isn't like the movies where you can suddenly make a girl love you.

 

Attraction is not a choice. If she puts you in the friends box, that's it for you.

 

It’s easier to start from scratch with new women than it is to fix up old problems with the women you’re pursuing now.

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FormerNiceGuy
Ouch! I don't quibble with your advice, FormerNiceGuy, the OP really doesn't want to start his dating career with a girl in this situation. I agree.

But...I really hate how you put that: "Get a normal girl"...what exactly IS normal? There are a great many people who have been raised in less than desirable circumstances. Some of these people come out really screwed up, some don't. The girl in question was not described in any way that would indicate an "abnormality." It's her parents' that are definitely not normal. Good grief, does the "wrong side of the tracks" mentality still exist? Please don't throw the baby out with the parents' bath water.

 

This is the way I looked at it...it came out a bit cruel, I admit.

 

But check this out.

 

Do you choose option #1

 

A cute girl with a MOTHER on meth, a FATHER on meth, a girl who was born on the streets. A girl who straight up told you to YOUR FACE that you don't stand a chance. A girl who only sees you as a friend. A girl who only likes thugs.

 

or

 

Do you choose option #2

 

A cute girl that does NOT have the parents listed above. And a girl who will like you.

 

I say this..because there are a lot of women who are option #2.

 

the point is this...she already turned him down. So he's better off going for better prospects.

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I think differently since I dont no her too well and have only hung with her about 3 times. When she told me she liked someone else, i already knew that and felt i asked her at the wrong time. Would if things dont work out with him and she sees me in a different way. I havnt made a big impression on her.

 

When she said she never thought of us that way, maybe she will think on it or maybe notice me differently now. not all women are the same.

 

And as for her parents, she came out the nicest girl that I have ever met and thats why I think I like her and want the best for her. If I explain my feelings a little bit different, i think she would consider a date and thats how things can spark.

 

I think my advice to myself is more helpful than the way you are putting things in perspectives formerniceguy. things can happen like in the movies, they have for me many times.

 

and if things dont work out, then thats just ment to be and i will move on. But im not going to stop liking her just because she liked some1 else at the time, and hopefully she will think about wat i asked her even if she doesnt change her mind.

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