he said that all the problems are coz of me. what do u think???

[emmaUK]

i love my bf so much but last 3-4 weeks ive found him alot more short tempered and snappier with me. also certain things i say... he twists them in his head n gets angry about it and when i try to explain that i didnt mean it in the way he thinks he will jsut say "thats bull****"

i seem to have put up a bit of a barrier and dont like to open up and talk to him about much recently coz i dont want him to snap or get the wrong idea. if he sais "we need to talk" i find i do everything i can to avoid it coz im so scared of him startin to raise his voice n get angry n then me getting angry aswell and something kicking off.

 

i have told him the problem a few weeks ago and he said that he would try to be a bit calmer and to ask me what i mean if he doesnt quite understand. that hasnt really happend.

 

anyway... 4 months back i had an early misscariage (i didnt know i was preg) and it seems as though my hormones have gone a bit weird since then. every time i have my period i get very greasy skin and a bit of acne and i have to shower more as i get pretty sweaty and a bit of BO. also i get very very emotional and feel really teary and get upset easily.. it seems to be getting worse each time i have a period.

its like being a teenager again

 

for the last 2-3 days i have been feeling in a real bad way, the pains in my stomach are really really bad, been having hot n cold sweats and been crying over nothing and it feels like my mind is making me think weird things like i keep thinkin that i wonder what the baby would be like if i hadnt had misscarriage and every time i see a baby i start crying. been feeling overly broody.. like i have never ever felt b4.. it even feels like a desperation to be pregnant. its the weirdest thing ever.. been feeling so down in the dumps , plus physically not myself at all. i admit i have distanced myself from the BF even more last 3 days coz i know how i have been feeling and didnt want my emotional ways to cause any arguments.

 

 

the BF has noticed last couple of days that something wasnt right and i did tel him that jsut been feeling a bit emotional and physically in alot of pain n having cold sweats but i didnt mention the baby thing coz i didnt want him to think im a weirdo or to tell me im being silly or even worse for him to think it means i want us to have a baby n then to say something like "well im obviously not right for you if you want a kid now" so i kept that bit quiet

 

anyway last nite i was feelin pretty crap so i was lying on the sofa wrapped in a blanket and the BF rang me on my cellphone we were having a decent enough convo and the signal went on my mobile and we got cut off... then the house phone started ringing (i knew it was him) but coz i felt so crap i just really didnt want to move as the house phone is on other side of the room so i let it ring a few times. he then rang my cellphone again and told me to pick up the house phone, i explained i felt to crappy to move but he jsut said "pick up the house phone tp prove to me that you are at home" then he hung up before i had the chance to say anything and started ringing on the hosue phone again.

i knew he jsut said that to make me pick up the hosue phone so i just let it ring again... anyway he eventualyl stopped ringing hosue phone and text me to say "thanks emma for making the effort"

 

 

eventually i felt a lil better and had to go toilet anyway so i got up and moved the hosue phone near the sofa and rang him.... he was in a foul foul mood and started to say how lazy and selfish i was. i tried to explain that i was feeling so crap and i jsut didnt want to move right then and i also didnt think it was right the way he tried to make me pick up by sayin "pick up to prove u r home" but he jsut got more n more angry.. hung up the phone on me a few times 2. havent heard him so angry in a while.

i was so upset n tried to explain i been feeling so down in the dumps but he was just saying "stop f***ing making up excuses, its a load of bull***, you coudnt even get up off your ass n pick up the phone"

he said he didnt wanna see me all weekend coz he is sick of the way i have been. i cried n begged him not to be like this but the more i cried the more he got angry at me... he eventually turnd his cellphone off. i left 2 answerphone messages pleading with him not 2 b like this with me and i just been feeling really under the weather and i jsut need a big hug from him and he doesnt understand what i been thinking or feeling

 

 

this morning i text him and told him that if he knew how id been feeling then maybe he wouldnt have been so angry with me and to please come over at the weekend as planned.

i told him that i would explain everything to him when he came over so that maybe he could understand how i been feeling every month when i have period.

he told me he wanted to know now and he wasnt gonna come over unless i told him. i explained i wanted to talk face 2 face and not by text or phone (he doesnt give me full attention when we talk on fone during his work hours).

 

eventaulyl he called me and i still said i didnt want to talk about it over the fone (i could hear he was walking along outside so made me not wanna talk even more) he just went into some mad thing and said that all the problems we have are my fault and the only reason he is snappy is coz of me and i need to sort out all my problems coz the only reason we argue is coz of me and im the most insecure person he has ever met in his life and that the only reason im a stripper is becuase i want loads of attention and i want everyone to look at me and think im great. he also brought something up from my past that i trusted him enough to tell him about but he jsut used it to make me feel bad.

he said that he isnt going to see me at the weekend and he wants a break from me coz he is sick of me and to respect his wish.

 

eventually i ended up telling him about the baby thing in hope that me may understand a bit better and he jsut said "well im obviously not the right person for you if you want a baby" i tried to explain that i dont want to have one but i get really emotional at times and i start crying about babies.. dont think he understood though at all as he just kept saying that it all a load of nonsense and i cant use my period as an excuse for the way i have been last couple of days and he wouldnt jsut dream up that ive been the way i have. but i really feel he seeing me alot worse then i have been.. ive jsut been a bit distant and maybe slightly cold towards him.. i have no way been nasty or horrible.

 

 

its killing me coz i wanted to see him so much and all i have wanted last couple of days is the biggest hug ever but he wont even entertain the idea and said he deserves a break from me. he wont even pick up his phone to me now so i have left an ansa phon message askin him to reconsider his decision and that i just wanna see him and have a nice time n lots of hugs. he hasnt got back to me.

 

 

do u think i am an emotional wreck?? if you are male .. would the way i have been make you as angry as he has got?? and do u think im selfish and lazy becuase i chose to lay on the sofa and not pick up the phone to him??? if u r female do you ever get this bad before and during a period??

 

please give me some answers coz my brain feels scrambled

[WarriorRB35]

Well at this moment i can relate to both of you. Maybe it is because of the miscarriage that you could have been acting a little differently towards him lately and he misses the way you used to act towards him so he is hurt by that. Him yelling at you and now not returning your calls just because you didnt pick of the phone isnt right at all in my opinion but i do see how he might be hurt by it if it is something that maybe 3 weeks ago you would have done for him. I know what it is like to not get your phone calls and texts returned when you didnt do anything that is horrible and all you want is to be with that person and for you to be in his arms but for me to have my girlfriend in my arms. It is really hurtful and you are probably are wishing that he was treating you the way that he used to treat you.......i am younger but that is exactly how my girlfriend is treating me now so i posted a thread yesterday if you want to look at it and see what people had to say....good luck i hope everything turns out good for you

[curiousnycgirl]

I am female and yes I used to get that way each month, but not since I was a teenager. It sounds to me like your hormones may be out of wack and that you are depressed. I would suggest you see your OB/GYN to discuss.

 

Having said that - I have never felt too sick to move that I could not pick up the phone and to tell the truth I think that was silly, rude and full of self pity.

 

I think his reaction is probably extreme and possibly driven by the fact that he doesn't know what to do to fix what' s going on. If men see a problem they want to fix it - not discuss it.

 

Sounds like this has been going on for so long that 3-4 weeks ago he just lost patience and started getting testy.

 

I don't think you are going to be able to fix the relationship stuff until you get yourself back under control - so I really do urge you to see your doctor. Trust me these things can be fixed and you will feel a whole lot better.

 

Good luck

[jcster]

You really need to go see a doctor. If the pain is that bad (the sweats concern me a lot) you need to make sure that you don't have an infection. I know how you feel with the hormone overload, I've had two failed pregnancies myself, and know how it feels.

 

I have to say that I'm appalled at how your boyfriend is treating you. It sounds to me like the pregnancy frightened him and now he's reacting in an emotionally abusive way. Since I don't know him or you, there's no way to tell if this is an ongoing issue, or if it's just started recently. If you think there's a chance for your relationship to return to normal, then I would tell your boyfriend that you need a little time and space to heal. Give both of yourselves a break, heal up, and then figure it out. But GO TO THE DOCTOR!!!!!!!!

[emmaUK]

Its deff not an infection... i have std and infection tests all the time coz im so parranoid about getting anything.

 

ive also had an internal scan about 4 weeks ago and they couldnt find anything wrong. think i am gonna havta go back and see the doctor though.

 

dont know wot the hot n cold business is though... i hardly got any sleep last night coz i was soooo hot... and its not even hot over in england right now.

 

i dont think it was the misscariage that has made him this way coz neither of us knew i was preg so its not as if we had a chance to get attatched to the baby back then.

 

i think he jsut genuinly beleives that i do everything wrong and he doesnt ... coz earlier he said "im gonna say it, f*** it, all the problems are your fault coz of the way you are and if you dont change then we are never gonna work" i said to him "please stop saying its all my fault, i know i do have my problems (sometimes cold, a little insecure etc) but you have your problems aswell and we BOTH need to change and work on ourselves" but he wouldnt have any of it and just ketp saying that he doesnt have any problems and its me who needs to sort myself out.

im wondering if its to do with the weed he smokes that makes him truly beleive that he never does anything wrong and its all me... i mentiond this to him and he said "dont blame the weed,, its you"

 

 

 

 

i feel so lonely n upset.. he was suppsoed to be coming over tonight and spending the weekend but i havent heard from him and i know he is gonna be out with friends getting drunk tonight while im sitting at home missing him so much. i need him so much right now... jsut want him to turn up at my door and hold me all night long.

 

i wish i had just got up from the sofa and gone to the other side of the room to answer his call (but honestly i had such bad pains .. its like its tearing through me... it runs down my legs aswell, i had just got myself comfortable n cozey and was startin to feel better and really didnt want to get up again when he could have jsut rang me back on my cellphone seeing as it is free for him to call my cellphone.. rather then demanding that i had to talk on the house phone)

[jcster]

i need him so much right now... jsut want him to turn up at my door and hold me all night long.

 

No you don't. You don't need someone who treats you that way. Is being lonely worse than being abused? He's made his decision. Now you must make yours: accept all of the blame for everything wrong in your relationship (and everything that goes wrong hereafter) - or respect yourself and tell him to take a hike.

[jcster]

a definition of verbal abuse:

source: http://www.thisisawar.com/AbuseEmotional.htm

 

- You understand their feelings, but they never attempt to understand yours;

- They dismiss your difficulties or issues as unimportant or an overreaction;

- They do not listen to you;

- They always put their needs before yours;

- They expect you to perform tasks that you find unpleasant or humiliating;

- You "walk on eggshells" in an effort not to upset them;

- They ignore logic and prefer amateur theatrics in order to remain the centre of attention;

- Instead manipulate you into feeling guilty for things that have nothing to do with you;

- They attempt to destroy any outside support you receive by belittling the people/ service/practice in an attempt to retain exclusive control over your emotions;

- They never take responsibility for hurting others;

- They blame everyone and everything else for any unfortunate events in their lives;

- They perceive themselves as martyrs or victims and constantly expect preferential treatment.

Good luck. You deserve more.

[Mezzi]

emmaUK, I think you just need a little break from this relationship.

A miscarriage even an early one can cause a lot of tension between involved parties.

 

I think you guys maybe be going through a rough period and a little break or just seeing a less little of each other may do some good.

[Walk]

Man Emma, your guy is being an ass!

 

Think about this a minute. What specific actions has your guy stated were supposedly your fault? What the heck is he even mad about? That you're in pain? That you communicated that with him?

 

Your entire post, I haven't seen anything he should've been upset about. Maybe not answering the house phone, but he was pissed long before that happened. And then to attempt to guilt you into answering it by accusing you of lying about where you were? You were wracked with pain, and he's accusing you of skipping around the streets having fun. WTF?

 

I haven't seen one (even a half hearted attempt) on his part to show concern for your health.

 

Everything he's calling you is projection on his part. He's projecting how he is onto you, and blaming you for it being wrong. You can't rationally discuss anything with him becasue he's living in a fantasy land about who he is.

 

Go to the Doctor! Please.