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He is friends with his ex and i'm jealous...do I have a right to be?


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I have been dating my boyfriend for almost two months now. He had a previous relationship of two years, but had been broken up with his ex for a long time before we met. We are currently living about three hours away from each other for the next two months, and it's getting pretty hard. Anyways, he just called me and told me that he was hanging out with a few of his friends at his ex girlfriends house and continued to describe the evening. I got very jealous but didn't say anything to him, and instead acted like I had to get off the phone for a different reason. I am not normally a very jealous person, but for some reason this really got me upset...is that justified? I need advice :eek:

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Jealousy in situations like this is normal and healthy but it can quickly become dangerous.

 

First, it's a good thing he is upfront about spending time there. Second, it sounds like it was a group outing. Now, he probably shouldn't go into too many details, but I'm not sure what you can do here. If they've been broken up with for a while, it is possible to be friends.

 

Does his ex and his friends know he has a girlfriend? That is the important piece of information left out.

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curiousnycgirl

What are you jealous of? Are you jealous of the fact that she is getting to spend time with him while you care too far away? If so then why not be jealous of all his friends?

 

If you are jealous of HER - as in think something may happen between them - then you have an issue with your relationship. You need to be able to trust your man completely. If you cannot then there are other issues at play.

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When you meet someone you become friends. You enjoy the same things then and only then you develop feelings. Not all relationships end badly.

Many sour with pain as well as regret.

This is my second marriage and my husbands. I was skeptical meeting his ex wife. There are no romantic feelings he assures me. And he adds she's a very nice person. After meeting Suzanne I like her too. She's very different than I am. Very energetic and always on the go. She DOES need to slow down her work patterns and enjoy life more.

Last time I'd talked with her she'd just met someone and was giddy as a teenager...He wanted to have her move in with him and she was scared to move from her home town and start all over.

I advised her to go on and move in with him to see how it was going to work out. That she needed to take the chance; to take the plunge.

She came back after that weekend to pack things and thank me for the advise.

I think we are friends. (Although when we first met she barely spoke to me)

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I'll reassert that a little jealousy is healthy -- but I think the point is made, is the jealousy about HER, or about not being able to hang out too.

 

The important questions are

(1) how long ago did they break up, did it end badly, and how long have they been friends?

(2) Does she know he is in a new relationship?

 

This is a sensitive issue for me due to my last relationship, where my ex was friends with her ex. However, it was a recent split of a 5 year relationship. She kept me hidden from him to spare his feelings. She thought I was jealous for saying "I need you to tell him about me if you are going to hang out with him." LAME to the MAX. And him hanging out with her was more him flying into town to mostly see her! I was a doormat in that regard.

 

If they've been broken up for a while, it didn't end horribly, and she knows he is in a new relationship, then I'd say you have no problems. but otherwise, yes, you have a right to feel...uncomfortable and a little jealous.

 

The good thing is he was honest and upfront about where he spent his time.

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No way..

 

This dude is golden.

 

Think of it..He is being COMPLETELY honest..He could have lied through his teeth and you wouldn't be any the wiser. Be thankful that he feels so much trust in you that he feels it's ok to be honest with you and that he doesn't have to hide anything..it could be subconscious too..testing you to see what type of person you are and if you will react negatively to that. You played it cool too. I would play along with it and see where this goes..if you think he is cheating or catch him cheating, then you know he is not the guy for you. Right now, all I can tell is that he wants you to know everything about him.

 

Let him feel that he can be totally honest with you.

 

just my 2 cents

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Yes, I'd have to agree with Steve here. this guy is totally upfront and is telling you all about his life and what he did with his friends.

 

He is hiding nothing.

 

Unless, of course, his friends don't know about you.

 

Sounds like you have a promising relationship.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I always thought it was ok to have opposite sex friends until I met my boyfriend, who doesn't want me to have male friends and says he ended his female friendships. I didn't understand this until now...

 

The logic behind this is:

opposite sex friends often want MORE and therefore have an AGENDA and will try to split up your relationship.

 

It is up to you what your boundaries and expectations are in a relationship. DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT AND TELL YOUR BF.

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annabelle75
I always thought it was ok to have opposite sex friends until I met my boyfriend, who doesn't want me to have male friends and says he ended his female friendships. I didn't understand this until now...

 

The logic behind this is:

opposite sex friends often want MORE and therefore have an AGENDA and will try to split up your relationship.

 

It is up to you what your boundaries and expectations are in a relationship. DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT AND TELL YOUR BF.

 

Did your boyfriend make you end your male friendships under the pretense that they had soem sort of AGENDA? That sounds very paranoid and controling to me.

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I agree with Annabelle on Altaira. That does not sound like a healthy relationship to me.

 

But..SbedH...I have to say that it would bother me too, but you handled in correctly. I also agree with the guys, that it shows he feels he can tell you anything. I also agree it would matter how the relationship ended, weather everyone was friends for a long time..like through school and such... and how long they have been apart. I would be more worried about the ex gf then him though..>Women can be so devious..

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