calvinnnnn Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 so im dating this girl now and she is pretty independent minded and loves doing things her way and doing things herself. pretty soon we're going off to college but we're bothing heading to the same general area and shes only about a 10 minute drive away. i really want to make this work yet im also worried that it hasnt been a long enough time for her to realize that she also has a boyfriend (first relationship for her). ive been trying my best to give her all the space she needs yet also doing all the calling and emailing and texting. she generally doesnt initiate any of it and that bothers me a bit. she also wont take the time to wait for me after classes and i would always need to go chase after her to talk. she says she doesnt want people to make it into a big deal so she doesnt want people to know about it. im sure we can go weeks without talking if i never bothered to call or message her (but i dont really want to try lol). basically, i think im the only one trying to make things work out as best as possible. she just seems to be along for the ride. i have no idea what to do x.x Link to post Share on other sites
sweetbutcheeky Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 i really want to make this work yet im also worried that it hasnt been a long enough time for her to realize that she also has a boyfriend (first relationship for her). Are you talking about you? "to realize that she also has a boyfriend" Maybe that's the problem! You can't assume that both people think that your in a relationship, you have to have that talk. Link to post Share on other sites
DanielMadr Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 1. you behave like her puppy dog and it drives her away, you cant respect puppy dog. You can love him though but you are not one are you? You are supposed to be man. 2. Dont worry about you two....fear is enemy 3. I dont think she loves you, man. You being her boyfriend is only a label. 4. Dont reward her bad behaviour by showering her with more attention. 5. Dump her. Dont even tell her. She probably doesnt care anyway. AND FIND SOME GIRL WHO WILL LOVE YOU...once you stop being puppy dog there would be plenty. 6. Dont be too hard on yourself. Most of the guys been through this needy, clindy, desperate, insecure phase when dealing with women. Stop doing that. Straight up your backbone Link to post Share on other sites
MissKissNada_Gal Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 1. you behave like her puppy dog and it drives her away, you cant respect puppy dog. You can love him though but you are not one are you? You are supposed to be man. 2. Dont worry about you two....fear is enemy 3. I dont think she loves you, man. You being her boyfriend is only a label. 4. Dont reward her bad behaviour by showering her with more attention. 5. Dump her. Dont even tell her. She probably doesnt care anyway. AND FIND SOME GIRL WHO WILL LOVE YOU...once you stop being puppy dog there would be plenty. 6. Dont be too hard on yourself. Most of the guys been through this needy, clindy, desperate, insecure phase when dealing with women. Stop doing that. Straight up your backbone that advice isnt going to help his situation... he needs to just talk to er and tell her how he feels if he wants this to work. gain her respect dont command it. Link to post Share on other sites
Date-Tastic Dave Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 She doesn't want to keep it going but can't tell you. There are two typeso f girls in these situations: 1.) The girl that has the guts to say - 'I don't want to be with you' 2.) The girl that doesn't have the guts and hopes you'll break it off with her. So, she'll treat you like crap or even cheat on you to get you to break it off. Based upon your description of the situation: doesn't want other people to knowdoesn't calldoesn't wait for you (give affection)She either doesn't want to be in a committed or just doesn't want to be in one with you. Sorry, man. I've been where you are. it sucks. but it doesn't sound like its going to last Link to post Share on other sites
MissKissNada_Gal Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 She doesn't want to keep it going but can't tell you. There are two typeso f girls in these situations: 1.) The girl that has the guts to say - 'I don't want to be with you' 2.) The girl that doesn't have the guts and hopes you'll break it off with her. So, she'll treat you like crap or even cheat on you to get you to break it off. Based upon your description of the situation: doesn't want other people to knowdoesn't calldoesn't wait for you (give affection)She either doesn't want to be in a committed or just doesn't want to be in one with you. Sorry, man. I've been where you are. it sucks. but it doesn't sound like its going to last but being a girl i think... and this is just me. but i think, maybe shes afraid of something. it could be many things.. maybe one of getting hurt, if she lets u in, woman have that fear ALL the time. im sure some men do to though... hm. Link to post Share on other sites
progressioncity Posted May 24, 2007 Share Posted May 24, 2007 Not getting what you need does not make you needy. I'd say if you're not getting the right kind of reciprocation then that's telling you something. Link to post Share on other sites
DanielMadr Posted May 24, 2007 Share Posted May 24, 2007 that advice isnt going to help his situation... he needs to just talk to er and tell her how he feels if he wants this to work. gain her respect dont command it. :lmao: Yeah right, talk. Like he needs to hear loud and clear she dumped him or just another lie, stringing him by. She gave him enough of nothing to just leave her not to come for more humiliation. What part of my advice is about commanding respect? By stopping to act like needy puppy? Link to post Share on other sites
DanielMadr Posted May 24, 2007 Share Posted May 24, 2007 but being a girl i think... and this is just me. but i think, maybe shes afraid of something. it could be many things.. maybe one of getting hurt, if she lets u in, woman have that fear ALL the time. im sure some men do to though... hm. Bottom line: She is not interested or she has issues. I would bet on she is not interested - she gives none buying signals. I cant see any reason not to eject from this "relationship". Link to post Share on other sites
progressioncity Posted May 24, 2007 Share Posted May 24, 2007 LOL, not to be harsh but I've been there many a time myself. Misreading disinterest for interest. Either way she's not giving what she's getting so ... next! Link to post Share on other sites
DifficultEndings Posted May 24, 2007 Share Posted May 24, 2007 I think that first he should try a different approach. Try only doing what she is willing to do. If she's always on the go, you be always on the go. If she starts to wonder what's up and try to be around you more, than you have your answer: she's afraid of intimacy or doesn't know how to express affection (I've been there). If she doesn't wonder, then you have your answer: she's just not into you. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
MissKissNada_Gal Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 :lmao: Yeah right, talk. Like he needs to hear loud and clear she dumped him or just another lie, stringing him by. She gave him enough of nothing to just leave her not to come for more humiliation. What part of my advice is about commanding respect? By stopping to act like needy puppy? hm. yeah dats tru Link to post Share on other sites
GodofNietzsche Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 I was in the same situation last year. You need to end this. Whether or not she truly wants to be with you is ultimately meaningless, given the situation you're in. You ever hear the saying "Love is actions, not feelings." Even if she does care, you can only interpret her feelings towards you from how she acts. People, in general, should avoid these type of partners in relationships (those who put little to no effort in). Unless you want to be their father or their babysitter, you gotta get out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
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