first date after breakup + return of anxiety disorder

[oppath]

I have my first date tonight 3 months after what became a heartwrenching breakup, the end result was anxiety disorders I had buried and overcome hae returned. Everyone would feel nervous, but I am heightened.

 

The good things is I have been in this position before and while I probably won't be on my best game, there is a good chance I still make a wonderful impression. The last 3 girls I've dated all told me their first date with me was the best ever, and I didn't even do anything romantic! Low key, conversation was good, led to spontaneous activities after the initial plans (dinner, drinks, whatever).

 

I'm just going to breath deep and relax even though I feel like having a panic attack. I'm emotionally ready for things to not go brilliant, so after a few small success or signs of encouragement, I expect to be returning to normal.

[Lauriebell82]

I have my first date tonight 3 months after what became a heartwrenching breakup, the end result was anxiety disorders I had buried and overcome hae returned. Everyone would feel nervous, but I am heightened.

 

The good things is I have been in this position before and while I probably won't be on my best game, there is a good chance I still make a wonderful impression. The last 3 girls I've dated all told me their first date with me was the best ever, and I didn't even do anything romantic! Low key, conversation was good, led to spontaneous activities after the initial plans (dinner, drinks, whatever).

 

I'm just going to breath deep and relax even though I feel like having a panic attack. I'm emotionally ready for things to not go brilliant, so after a few small success or signs of encouragement, I expect to be returning to normal.

 

not trying to sound mean, but what is ur actual question? it sounds like u have figured out ur own problem already. if ur worried about ur anxiety disorder do what u said, breath deep and relax. tell urself that ur a worthy guy and ur going to have a great time on ur date. and just be urself!

 

more importantly though, are u over ur ex? because if ur not it may not be a good idea to start dating again. it could add to ur anxiety, and u wont be able to give ur total attention to the girl ur going out with. but like i said, relax and have fun! u'll do great!

[IfWishesWereHorses]

You know what OP, I think if your only expectation is to have some fun then you will do just that. Try to have a good time and enjoy yourself and if it turns out not to be so much fun then you really didn't have much to lose anyway! Whether she has fun or not is up to her. Keep us posted!

[polywog]

I have my first date tonight 3 months after what became a heartwrenching breakup, the end result was anxiety disorders I had buried and overcome hae returned. Everyone would feel nervous, but I am heightened.

 

The good things is I have been in this position before and while I probably won't be on my best game, there is a good chance I still make a wonderful impression. The last 3 girls I've dated all told me their first date with me was the best ever, and I didn't even do anything romantic! Low key, conversation was good, led to spontaneous activities after the initial plans (dinner, drinks, whatever).

 

I'm just going to breath deep and relax even though I feel like having a panic attack. I'm emotionally ready for things to not go brilliant, so after a few small success or signs of encouragement, I expect to be returning to normal.

 

Oppath, just want to say I'm thinking of you and offer my best wishes. I suffered from panic attacks for years, and I don't think that people who don't have them realize what it's like; the fear of having one, etc. You know what I mean.

 

One of the best coping strategies I ever learned was just to let it happen, if it wells up. The thought being that the worst is that you'll just get all breathless for a while. Maybe you've learned this well-known coping strategy. It kept me well during tough times.

 

Have a great date, be kind to yourself, and I'll be thinking of you, since I've been there.

[AHIWON]

Oppath, just want to say I'm thinking of you and offer my best wishes. I suffered from panic attacks for years, and I don't think that people who don't have them realize what it's like; the fear of having one, etc. You know what I mean.

 

One of the best coping strategies I ever learned was just to let it happen, if it wells up. The thought being that the worst is that you'll just get all breathless for a while. Maybe you've learned this well-known coping strategy. It kept me well during tough times.

 

Have a great date, be kind to yourself, and I'll be thinking of you, since I've been there.

 

 

I've suffered from panic attacks too but I haven't had one since xmas. It's horrible, feels as if you are going to die. Really scary. The underlying problems behind mine are exposed, this toxic relationship I was in. I think they are gone for good. One coping strategy I learned was to try and keep your mind straight when it is happening that it's just a panic attack and you are not going to die. I practiced that for quite a while and eventually it sunk in. The panic attacks diminished.

[oppath]

Am I over my ex? Yes and no. The answer is definitively no. But it is no because my anxiety and clinical depression have returned. This keeps me trapped, ruminating, and thinking of her and analyzing the relationship, which in turn further fuels depression and anxiety. The feedbacks are vicious.

 

I've been in this situation many times. A few casual dates HELP with the anxiety. A failed relationship would hurt it, but if I go out a couple times and they reject me, that is no big deal. I am emotionally ready for that. I just moved to a new city and will only be here for 5 months. Then I will go back to my old town for 3. I may return here or stay in San Diego after that. I am upfront about this and view any interaction as friends. I'll tell any woman that I will be leaving for sure and want to date and have fun, but don't expect any relationships. If I do this, I won't feel worse, I'm not "rebounding," I'm confronting my anxiety. What my ex mostly did from the breakup was stir up old, buried feelings of being used and abused along with old anxiety when my esteem suffered. Facing new women and taking risks is essential to getting over those anxieties. Am I dating to get over the ex? A little. Mainly I want to kick anxiety's ass. A few interactions are good, even if they lead no where, because I need to reaffirm that I am an interesting, engaging person. I am that person, but some interactions (not sex or relationships) go a long way towards removing the anxiety.

 

This particular date: she is an amazing woman. Unfortunately, I'm not really attracted to her. She knows I may not stay around -- and she might leave for half the summer -- so I am in a quandary about what to do. I don't want to use anyone. But I want to go out and have fun. She does know I'm not looking for a relationship because I will be leaving, so I'll invite her out again and clarify. Or maybe I won't.

 

I want to date a lot this summer casually, not to get over my ex, but to get my confidence back that I had before my ex. I'm in a new place, know nobody, and just want to have fun, go out, and meet new people. I'd like some of those people to be romantic dates and sexual interactions, but I don't want to rebound or use someone.