If I have been dating someone 2 weeks, 4 dates, last night we went out and back to

[the_total_package]

his place to watch a DVD (it was the 2nd time I had been to his house, one was just briefly, he wanted to show me his house, he's proud of the recent decorating he did)....anyway...just because he did that, does that mean he is assuming I am agreeing to sex? I kind of think that's what he thought because he was into the whole "Are you seeing anyone else?" questions (which at only 2 weeks is none of his business so I said playfully "What are you, the FBI or something?" Then he said 'Honestly I am not seeing anyone else.' So I said (again nicely) 'you don't have to say anything about your personal life to me.' Basically letting him know I am taking it slow with him. He still said "well I am not the type of guy who waits and waits for a woman, especially one I consider my girlfriend (meaning me).

so I was polite, and said 'I just want to take things naturally.' then he asked to see me this weekend, and I'm going out of town to see my grandma...but I said "I'll be out of town. We can do something next week if you want.' then he said "what are you doing out of town this weekend?" again, isn't this a very intrusive question if I didn't offer the information? I said "just going out of town, you know how it is."

He said "Just asking. " THen he had the nerve to ask if I was seeing someone again, and said "how about lunch tomorrow". it's really inconvenient of me to have lunch with him during the day, so I told him that wasn't the best plan for me. He said "but I want to see you before next week."

Ummm...is this guy a big Red Flag or not. Today he called twice and wrote 2 emails. I haven't answered......I mean I made it clear I am taking dating him at a normal pace and to me 2 weeks is too soon to be exclusive.....should I drop him?

[sb129]

Sounds to me like a bit of a red flag. He shouldn't ask you that question more than once. (meaning I think he is being too nosy)

 

I would find his pressuring behaviour a bit off putting myself.

 

As you say its only been two weeks, he shouldn't be expecting that of you. And what he said about waiting sounds like he is trying to manipulate you.

 

Whats your gut feeling say? Do you like him?

 

Any guy who can't wait two weeks isn't worth it in my book, but thats just me.

[the_total_package]

I think he may be in it for one thing, because I made it clear when I said "I want to take things naturally" that I wanted to go slower and not rush into one-on-one thing so quickly, he should have taken that cue and stopped with the questions.

[che_jesse]

I dont know... maybe you and I just have different ideas of what it means to date someone but...

 

Isn't the whole point to get to know each other "personally"? I mean if your not going to share anything about yourself then why bother? I always took a huge interest in the day to day lives of whoever I was with, if the person was the kind that acted like I'm invading his privacy or something by asking "So what did you do today?" I would not see them again. I dont think there is anything wrong with asking why your are going out of town.

[guin_girl]

To me, you seemed a little standoffish. The guy obviously likes you and wanted to spend time with you. With the evasive responses you gave, he may be thinking that there are red flags with you, such as you are married or already have a boyfriend. Some people also do not date more than one person; he may very well be one of those people.

[Topper]

From what i have read of your other post. You like to play games with me. Thus guy seems like he is straight up guy and you still need to play your games. what does take it natural mean anyway? He also has his pace. keep pushing him away and he just might go away for good. You don't have to sleep with him. Your also pushing emotionally. Why not be up front with the guy. Just tell him your not ready yet to be exclusive. Also why wouldn't you tell him you have a family obligation this weekend?

[the_total_package]

I guess I know I have been very affectionate and fun and happy when I do see him, I just actually don't want to blow it. I'll give him a little more encouragement but if a guy I was only seeing 2 weeks said "I'll be out of town this weekend" he is not offering up details so I'm not going to be nosy and press him as to where he'll be going and what he'll be doing.

[che_jesse]

I guess I know I have been very affectionate and fun and happy when I do see him, I just actually don't want to blow it. I'll give him a little more encouragement but if a guy I was only seeing 2 weeks said "I'll be out of town this weekend" he is not offering up details so I'm not going to be nosy and press him as to where he'll be going and what he'll be doing.

 

Well its rude and irritating when people talk about themselves nonstop.

 

If I say "I'm going out of town this weekend" I wait for whoever I'm talking to to ask why, then I tell them, thats is call conversation, its a give and take between two people.

[insomnie]

Total, you can't develop an emotional bond with any guy if you insist on playing that game you play where you pretend to be completley unavailable, in hopes that he chases yet harder. I didn't see ay red flags in his behaivior, but a couple in yours: why did you interpret all his questions as intrusive? Why didn't you tell him you were gonig to see your gradma? That's not taking things "naturally": that's withholding information so that he has no idea who you are.

 

And, LOTS of people only date one person at a time. I don't meet that many guys that pique my interests, so if I didn't have a boyfriend I can't imagine how I would find enough guys I liked enough and equally to date them simultaneously. It's fine if you do, and 2 weeks might be too soon for someone to expect for you to be exclusive...but at the same time, I don't think it's a red flag that he's telling you he's not seeing anyone else.

 

I don't get why you insist that neither of you share anything personal with one another. Sharing is how you form bonds and determine if you like the other person...and that's what dating is all about.

 

Oh wait, I'm wrong. Dating isn't about that...it's about snagging a wealthy husband. Thus the rules aka games. Which btw I don't think are going to produce any happy long-term results for you.

[Krytellan]

I actually think the guy is getting a bad wrap. I wont comment on the recent calls and emails, but as for the discussion you had at his house I could absolutely see myself in his shoes.

 

I don't do the whole date more than one people at a time thing. By 2 weeks, I know if I want to date that person or not. As such, I want to know if she's seeing others so I can make an informed decision. I think by doing what you're doing, you are preventing him from making informed decisions. And this information he wants that you are not giving, believe it or not, does affect him. He is dating you. He wants to know if you're "free".

 

Nothing personal, but in this situation I see you as the "game player" that I avoid at all costs. You purposely skated around questions and gave him the idea that you were seeing other people (whether you admit it or not, you did), and that's playing games. You should really consider what YOU'RE trying to accomplishg before you ask if he is only after sex.

 

If my girlfriend had acted that way after 2 weeks, I might have pulled back on her.

[the_total_package]

I appreciate the responses with the being coy and 'game playing'...what I thought about in my goal last night was I wanted him to know that I was needing to take things slowly and right now, because the last guy I was with pulled all the stops right away and we fell right away, got serious right away in an intense passionate relationship, and it ended a year and a half later and left me heart broken. So I am really cautious now, because I let my heart open too quickly in my last serious relationship and got burned. I didn't want to tell him the details of my last relationship and why I was so cautious, maybe someday when we get into the 'exes' discussion....

So I don't want things to get so intense so quickly and have it blowing up in my face a year later.

I gave him a call tonight (yes this is against my rules) and he was really happy to hear from me, I actually said "I'm sorry if it seemed like I was standoffish last night, I didn't mean to be that way." He said "Oh, I didn't even notice! I'm glad you called, I had fun last night actually." So I guess he didn't notice how I was, even though he kept trying to get a hold of me today? So he said "Wow I already miss you." and I said "I really do too, I can't wait to see you." And he said "Nicole, if you ever want to talk about ANYTHING call me! I want you to feel like you can talk to me."

So guys....I broke the rules with him tonight, thanks to you, and I am taking a big chance here with this guy. I hope it doesn't turn out like the last one.

[sb129]

I have changed my mind due to further information you gave in your last post.

 

I think he sounds like a decent guy who is really into you.

I understand how it can be at the beginning of a new relationship where you are nervous about giving too much of yourself too soon in case this person "hurts you like the last one did". Its OK to be cautious, but I think being honest is good too. Apologising was a nice thing to do- and its turned out good results!

 

Give it a chance, and good luck.

[confucious]

Good to hear you took a chance and called, Totalpackage!! Who knows if this will last one month or life - but all we can do is try.

 

As to his actions, I have been in this situation before. You were evasive about his first fairly innocent "dating" question...continued to be evasive, then shot down his invite out with another vague answer about going out of town.

 

This WILL get him a little panicky as now he thinks you're hiding something and the only reason to hide something has GOT to be bad (or so human "protective" logic goes).

 

Some men would be fine with this evasiveness - to be honest I think it is THESE ones you should be concerned about as it is THESE men who probably just want to sleep with you. They couldn't care less WHO you're dating, as long as they can slide home.

When someone lies to me, or "plays coy" for no apparent reason I get concerned...I have trouble figuring thier motives and wonder "why". Self-destructive sometimes, but natural I think.

Good Luck with this new fella!!

[LuminousZ]

Some people also do not date more than one person; he may very well be one of those people.

 

I'm one of those guys..., If I received the answers she provided, I'd assume she's involved with someone else - quickly lose interest and seek an available woman who's less standoffish.