Hanging out with an ex ok?

[T.O.gurl]

My boyfriend(we've been together for close to two years, engaged)has been hanging out with an ex girlfriend. I trust my boyfriend(well he's never given me any reason not to really)and I know some of his ex girlfriends run in the same circles he does. He has a really close group of friends and is friends with some ex's. This shouldn't bother me but for some reason it kind of does. Should I be worried at all?

[Lauriebell82]

he is friends with a lot of his exs? hmm well i think i'd be bothered if my bf hung around with his ex's all the time. does he spend a lot of time with these girls? does he hang out with them often? if he starts spending more and more time with them then maybe u have something to worry about, maybe u dont. this is a tough situation, all i can really think of is that if u trust him and he's never given u a reason not to than its probably nothing.

 

i'd say not to talk to him, he may just think ur being overly jealous or controlling, but if u do see him acting odd, spending more time with them than u, talking about them a lot, these may be signs that something is going on. just trust him for now, until he gives u a reason not to.

[paris38]

does he invite you to hang out with the group, also? when you have been seeing a guy for 2 years, you start to become a part of their group, also, by association, and his friends become your friends, and vice versa. I hope he isn't excluding you from the group. Not saying that you should be a part of the group all the time, but his group of friends should know you pretty well by now and you should be included with him as a part of the group.

[T.O.gurl]

I am friends with his friends, they're OUR friends, but they are more his friends obviously because they've known him a lot longer. I don't see them on a regular basis or go out with them on a regular basis like he does. Sometimes because I'm busy doing something else and sometimes just because I don't feel like it or something. As I said earlier he has a very close group of friends and some of them are girls and some of them he's dated in the past. He's never really given me any reason not to trust him but I guess just knowing that he hung out with an old ex gf bothers me a little(For instance when I says he's hung out with an ex, he went to a bar with an ex and some other friends of theirs one night). I'm sure they're just hanging out as friends...but still. I don't want to say anything to him because I know he'll start thinking I don't trust him and this could cause major problems. I just wanted to know what you guys thought about your current bf/gf hanging out with an ex and if it would bother you?

[Lauriebell82]

i think it would bother me if my bf hung out with ex's. it would also depend maybe on what kind of relationship they had before. for instance with my current bf, he doesnt talk to any of his ex gf's or girls he has dated. it would bother me way more if it was a serious relationship, like they went out for a long time. were his ex gfs serious relationships? was he in love with them at one time? it would bother me to have my bf hang out with someone he was once in love with..even if they are just friends. it would bother me less if he hung out with some girl he went out with casually for like a month and they just decided it didnt work out and became friends. i am acutally friends with guys i went out with briefly but it really didnt turn into anything. there probably is nothing going on though, but yes, it would bother me if my bf hung out with ex gfs.

[Arianna72]

It sounds like a group of friends thing in which some of those friends were also girls he dated. If he were spending a lot of one-on-one time with a particular ex-girlfriend I would definetly be uncomfortable but given that isn't the case I wouldn't worry about it.

 

I know among my group of friends most of us have at one time or another dated within "the circle"; that is unavoidable and I don't think it would even be possible for any of us to avoid situations where we were hanging out with ex's. Some questions I would have are does the particular ex you are worreid about still have feelings for him (is she single), and does he invite you to spend time with them as well. What kind of relationship do you have with her?

[brokenhart2007]

I am part of a circle like that myself...I have ex's within it; those guys are married now, so I don't even consider just "hanging out" with any of them...not even before they were married but were serious with their girlfriends.

 

If it's not the BF you don't trust, is it the ex's you don't trust? I would have to know them pretty well,and I mean REALLY well to trust them with my man. And if they considred themselves my "friends", I would want to be invited along otherwise I don't think the event should be happening at all, out of respect for YOU.

 

I don't see what would be wrong about explaining to your BF that it makes you uncomfortable, but not because you don't trust him...it's just a feeling you have, you can't help it, and he should do what ever he can to make you feel better about it, even if it means much less or zero socializing with his ex's. Ask him how he'd feel if you did the same...if he says it wouldn't bother him, I'd question how much he really cares for me!

[T.O.gurl]

Well my friend said she saw my guy and this particular girl together one day last week and didn't mention it to me until now because she didn't think it would be a big deal. She said it didn't look like anything romantic was going on, just that he was hanging out with this particular girl that I know is an ex gf of his(from what I remember hearing about her, it wasn't a real serious relationship). She also said she thought there was another guy hanging out with them but she was passing by and couldn't really tell. Like I said there have been several times in the past when he's been hanging out with ex gf's and my girlfriends say I should just trust him but it's still a little bothersome, even though I myself am still friends with some guys I've dated in the past and hang out with them every once in a while.

[Salicious Crumb]

My boyfriend(we've been together for close to two years, engaged)has been hanging out with an ex girlfriend. I trust my boyfriend(well he's never given me any reason not to really)and I know some of his ex girlfriends run in the same circles he does. He has a really close group of friends and is friends with some ex's. This shouldn't bother me but for some reason it kind of does. Should I be worried at all?

 

Haning out with an ex is totally unacceptable especially if you are not comfortable with it and your bf knows this.

 

Simply being friends with an ex because you want to be civil is one thing....hanging out is a completely other matter.

 

Talk to your bf about it...if he doesn't want to respect your feelings, then move on and find someone more in tune to your feelings.

[justagirlforever]

Simply being friends with an ex because you want to be civil is one thing....hanging out is a completely other matter.

Crikey that's madness I'm still friends with my now current ex. There's simply nothing more than friendship. No hang up's. No expectations. No secret hope. Just FRIENDS. In fact, I'm also still friends with my ex-ex-ex.

These were people I shared some fantastic times with and have beautiful memories. I have never had a problem with a boyfriend remaining friends with an ex. Even sometimes meeting up for drinks & chat without me. I never felt threatened or insecure - concerned or worried about it. I'm open & honest and expect honesty in return. Doing it behind your partners back though is not acceptable (in my eyes).

I go by my gut feeling. If there's more than meets the eye, I will pick up on it and of course wouldn't feel "happy" about it. And discuss it with him. But this has never happened.

But friendship in my eyes is completely acceptable. There is no way I will denounce or hide my "ex" friendships from future relationships.

[dropdeadlegs]

My boyfriend is so well liked and loved by so many people. I have honestly never met anyone that had anything bad to say about him. Because of this, once you know him you are just drawn by his pleasant demeanor, laughter, and good manners. He tends to have long term relationships, and sometimes people simply grow apart because of schedule constraints or don't want the same things in life. None of his exes harbor bad feelings towards him, even his ex wife, who comes around all the time because they have a daughter together. His ex immediately before me I have never met, but I don't think she even lives in the state anymore. I've been with my BF for two years and he can hang out with all of his exes for all I care. I trust him implicitly and he has never given me any reason not to. I know that he would prefer me to be there, but sometimes I just can't and I would tell him to carry on.

 

My point is that if we were to break up I definitely would want his friendship. When I'm done with a man relationship-wise, I'm done, but in time I am generally friends with them.

 

If your BF runs in a crowd that includes exes it would be hard to get around them being together at some point. Based on your post it seems that your friend told you about this encounter, not your BF. I would rather my BF tell me than hear it from someone else. It sounds like this particular ex was long ago or insignificant. Maybe your BF thought her so insignificant and that is why he didn't mention it. However, if it is bothering you I think you should talk to him about it so it doesn't fester into something worse. You don't come across as freakishly jealous, so have a convo and get it off your chest. It will make you feel better!

[oh_what_am_I_doing]

Haning out with an ex is totally unacceptable ....Simply being friends with an ex because you want to be civil is one thing....hanging out is a completely other matter.

 

I disagree here. I have an ex that I dated for four years, and for the third and fourth year for some reason we stayed together despite never having sex or anything because we had landed in the friend zone (okay, we did have sex once in those two years, but that's it!). I love him like a brother and want him to find someone who can be IN LOVE with him since I am not. We see each other every few weeks... usually we don't hang out long, maybe an hour or so, and we talk on the phone about once a week. Any boyfriend of mine should not be threatened by this friendship. If I wanted to be with him, I would not have broken up with him in the first place.

 

Talk to your bf about it...if he doesn't want to respect your feelings, then move on and find someone more in tune to your feelings.

 

I do agree here however. You need to have a heart to heart with him. Just don't expect him to let go of his friendships if they're TRUE friendships. If they're just kinda friends then it's one thing, but a true friendship is just too important.

[Walk]

Maybe what's hanging you up here is the fact that you didn't "know" he was hanging out with that girl until your friend mentioned it? You seem to trust that he isn't doing anything wrong, but there's still something bothering you about it.

 

I think I could be okay with the ex gf thing IF my bf told me when he hung out with her. No hiding the fact, or omitting details. Honest, open communication about who was there, and how the night went. Doesn't have to be a minute by minute report or anything, just a show of openness in wanting to tell me.

 

Same with any opposite sex friend though. I'd tell my bf if I was goign to hang out with a guy friend. Just common curteousy in my book. A respect kind of thing. I would be asking my bf to trust me, and in return I would be showing I could be trusted by being open and honest with him regarding my where abouts and who I was with.