Ever a time to wait for someone to decide if he likes you oenough?

[stace79]

Is there ever a time that waiting for someone to decide if he wants to date you or not is appropriate? Most people I know say, and I tend to think myself, that if someone needs time with no contact to "decide" if he wants to be with you exclusively or not, then he doesn't really want you. What do you guys think?

[IWalkAlone]

Go ahead and let him decide, but don't turn down offers from other guys in the meantime. If he happens to decide he wants to be with you and you happen to be single at the time, then it is YOUR turn to decide.

[stace79]

Okay, along the same lines, if someone has to "think" about whether or not he really wants to date you exclusively, doesn't that pretty much mean he doesn't want you enough? Maybe it's a female thing, but if I like or love someone, I know it. There is no thinking required.

 

Go ahead and let him decide, but don't turn down offers from other guys in the meantime. If he happens to decide he wants to be with you and you happen to be single at the time, then it is YOUR turn to decide.

[persistant]

Oh dearie....

I just woke up from this dream recently.

 

..............................20+ months of off and on (with other men in-between)

 

He said he didn't know what he wanted.

He said he liked me and wanted me in his life.

He never officially dated me (went out with me(2xs thats it)).

He called me on average once every 2 weeks. (Averaging all calls out).

He claimed he had to work all the time and didn't have the luxury of having fun like most people.

He frequently always had an excuse for why he didn't make time or spend much time for/with me.

He asked for time to think all the time when I posed him questions. (Stall tactic)

He was almost always charming, sensual, playful, responsive, and attentive when we were together.

I made him a blanket for Xmas and he almost cried when I gave it too him. (his eyes filled with tears).

I could see his soul in his eyes. His eye's didn't lie..

When he and I managed to get together he had a hard time letting me go. (leaving his place to go home).

I always went to his place he never came to mine.

Most of the incidents of seeing him were my offers not offers from him.

 

I know without a doubt he is interested in me, wants me, is attracted to me, is drawn to me, likes me, cares about me, bla bla bla

 

BUT....

 

he has commitment issues (fear of losing his freedom to be himself and being controlled by a woman), lacks relationship knowledge, doesn't know what love is or how to love, is selfish, self-centered, and stubborn.

He created stall tactics and always found excuses.

 

Stace79, a piece of advice---if your man can't decide within 2-3 months that he wants exclusivity with you and he can't share his daily life with you at least each weekend then there is something wrong.

 

Please, don't make excuses for his absence of wanting to be involved in your life and wanting you involved with his.

 

It maybe hard for you to accept this now.

I wasted 20+ months fighting myself to wait for this man to come forward and show me the truth and let his wall down.

I was told by several people that he wasn't that into me and he couldn't give me what I wanted.

I was told that I deserved better and that I shouldn't hold out for him.

I was so stubborn that I held onto hope--even while dating others--I held on.

 

I recently realized---

........ I got sick recently and I needed him the most. I was put on vicatin and was in severe pain. I needed his help desperately. Not only for physical help but also mental and emotional support.

He bailed on me.

He wasn't there for me.

He called me 3 times in the 3 weeks of hell.

He couldn't put aside his discomfort for me. He focused on his work while I needed him the most.

 

I can see now that he will always makes excuses, even the simplest ones to stall me from breaking it ALL off with him. He will always put something before me even in times of a crisis.

 

All this started out with him not being able to make a choice if he wanted to date me. He wanted to see me but not date me (do things with me outside of HIS house.)

 

Everyone woman has her own timing. I hope your timing to decide how long you will wait for your man to make a choice is not as long as mine was. 20+ months was a waste of my time, heart and energy. I tend to hold on too long.. I hope you don't do the same.

[RecordProducer]

Is there ever a time that waiting for someone to decide if he wants to date you or not is appropriate? Most people I know say, and I tend to think myself, that if someone needs time with no contact to "decide" if he wants to be with you exclusively or not, then he doesn't really want you. What do you guys think?

My first thought would be the same as yours. But fortunately in life some things are different from what they appear to be. Since this is just dating, not cold feet prior to a wedding date, there are no strong emotions involved. The first and last time a guy wanted NC to decide whether he wanted to be with me was because he wanted to try once again with the woman he loved. The funny part is that he told me himself: "Don't think that I have someone else and want to see if things with her can work out and if not, I'll be with you!" Ironically, that was exactly what it was and it didn't even occur to me until he told me himself. After things with her didn't work out, he called me a week later as he promised and told me that he loved her, she didn't want him, and he DIDN'T want to be with me either, because he loved only her. Another irony, he used that just as an excuse to have me on my knees - we did start dating that very night again. And he was using me for sex only for a couple years. And I was only 16 at the time and desperately and stupidly in love with him. Bastard! Well the good thing is that he is still a complete loser, unemployed, and lives in an unhappy marriage now together with his parents, who are total morons.

 

So it's possible that this is the case with your guy, too. I would bet it is. There is no other reason why he would see if he likes you enough by NOT seeing you. The logic is the opposite. I think he likes you though, but he likes someone else more. It might even be a man, not a woman.

 

If I were you, I wouldn't wait on a hanger. I'd tell him that this is a goodbye. Don't be rude, leave space for another chance, but don't let him string you along. If you agree to wait for him to make up his mind, he will lose respect for you. Unfortunately, this is a game that you have to play. It's painful for you wait as if he is better than you and you should pray to god for him to choose YOU. You're good enough to not sit and wait. Show him that HE is not worth waiting for, that he is the type of guy who means to you as much as the subway train - one left, there's another coming right after it.

 

If you are already in NC then don't contact him at all. But when he contacts you, be very friendly, but tell him that you're busy. Make him sweat. Make him think about you. If you don't want to play that game, you only have two options left: to forget about him altogether or to accept the humiliating waiting.

[Pretty Fly]

After things with her didn't work out, he called me a week later as he promised and told me that he loved her, she didn't want him, and he DIDN'T want to be with me either, because he loved only her... we did start dating that very night again... Bastard!

 

With all due respect, how can you call him a b*stard if he told you he didn't want to be with you but you dated him anyway? Surely you have to foot some of the blame for that?!!!

[RecordProducer]

With all due respect, how can you call him a b*stard if he told you he didn't want to be with you but you dated him anyway? Surely you have to foot some of the blame for that?!!!

I was 15 and a half years old!!! And he was 22. That's how. Plus I dated him for 6 long years and know very well what a piece of sh*t he is.