guin_girl Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 Is it really that hard to have the courtesy to let someone know that you aren't going to be calling them again? Why is it acceptable to just disappear and leave the other person wondering WTF? I realize that he going through a divorce and that he's going to have up and downs, but we have spent every weekend together since Christmas including last weekend where we went on a great double date and had a wonderful evening later together. He was so sweet and caring when I left the next night, thanking me for spending time with him and keeping him sane for the mediation the following day. I did hear from him Monday after the mediation, it went in his favor, so that was good. We had plans for this weekend, and I got an email that he was canceling them... I sent a how ya doing email on Friday with a side note about something inane, he responded immediately to the inane comment, but the email thing isn't the same. I don't understand why he hasn't called when he's been an every day, or every other day caller... unless you count the one ring hang up on Friday night. I did call him back later... "saw you called, hope all is good, talk to you later".... nothing... it's been 6 days... I just wish he could let me know one way or another that he's done with me... I think I at least deserve that...The rehashing everything over and over in my mind is driving me nuts! Link to post Share on other sites
upsetnhurt Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 You should not be rehashing anything......know that at this point you are definitely not a priority for him as he has tons of other issues on his mind. Regardless of how great you treat him, he will never value and appreciate your kindness and heart as much as he should. It's his problem and not yours. Sure he could be mature enough to be open with you and apologize for his inconsistent behavior, yet once again he is totally indifferent towards you as he is blinded by his other issues. He sees you as a time filler and nothing more. This won't change in the near term (maybe not long-term either) and if you are the type that invests their heart a bit in people, I would not pursue this guy anymore for fear you will get heartbroken real soon. You sound like a real nice person and you deserve someone that will value and cherish your great qualities. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author guin_girl Posted January 28, 2007 Author Share Posted January 28, 2007 He sees you as a time filler and nothing more ouch... now I feel even more like crap... nothing like knowing you were used and throw out like next day's trash... even trash gets escorted out the door and knows it when it leaves... I guess I'm not even as good as trash.... so much for not crying today... I was doing good, or so I thought Link to post Share on other sites
upsetnhurt Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 Gunn, I'm so sorry if my post set you back as I did not intend to at all. The fact that he felt that way has nothing to do with who you are and what you have to offer (which is lots!). I only wanted to throw out those key words to push you to realize that he is incapable of giving you more at this point in his life. His mind is completely on other things and rightfully so as he has ISSUES to deal with. You need to recognize that and decide for yourself what in fact you are willing to deal with in this friendship. You sound like you are looking for a relationship and with that you need to be fully capable of identifying the red flags early on. He has shown you them and you are lucky for that in that it is early on in your friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author guin_girl Posted January 28, 2007 Author Share Posted January 28, 2007 Well that's what we had was a friendship, he mentioned that we were in a relationship a while ago and I said that I can't think that way (knowing the divorce wasn't final yet) and that we were just friends and let's see where this goes... but even "friends" have the right to respect. his issues still don't excuse manning up and at least tell me that... don't just friggin disappear... there's no excuse for that... he responded to an email about nothing, just drop it in there... hey I'm not going to be calling for a while... how hard is that?? And this is not the first guy who I've dealt with that did this, so it's not just "issue boy" ... I just don't understand why... Link to post Share on other sites
Porn_Guy Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 and I said that I can't think that way (knowing the divorce wasn't final yet) and that we were just friends and let's see where this goes... according to your own words you two were not a couple and you had no verbal agreement to be one...therefore he owes you no explanation whatsoever. sorry Link to post Share on other sites
Author guin_girl Posted January 28, 2007 Author Share Posted January 28, 2007 according to your own words you two were not a couple and you had no verbal agreement to be one...therefore he owes you no explanation whatsoever. sorry Actually, we did have a verbal agreement that we weren't dating anyone else... but that we would not classify ourselves as bf/gf... we were not FWB, and this has been going on since October.... so yes, he does owe me at least out of respect to let me know what's going on. man I feel like I'm getting beat up on here today, I thought this was a support forum. Link to post Share on other sites
Porn_Guy Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 man I feel like I'm getting beat up on here today, I thought this was a support forum. no, its an advice forum not a "support" forum....somethimes you'll have to hear things you don't want to hear. Link to post Share on other sites
Author guin_girl Posted January 28, 2007 Author Share Posted January 28, 2007 no, its an advice forum not a "support" forum....somethimes you'll have to hear things you don't want to hear. I understand that I won't hear things that I want to hear, but does that mean you wouldn't give respect to the woman you have been with for the past 4 months and talked to on a daily basis as well as see every weekend? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 He's needing space and obviously hasn't just done the respectful thing by letting you know. Or giving you ANY reassurances that things will be okay, he's left you hanging. That's not cool, especially since you say he's called you more or less everyday for the past 4 months. He's put himself first, that's for sure. How much do you like him? I would leave it alone, don't call or email him - Let HIM get hold of you next, and when he calls talk to him about this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author guin_girl Posted January 28, 2007 Author Share Posted January 28, 2007 Thank you WWIU... He's put himself first, that's for sure. I know that he has... Unfortunately, I'm one of those nurturers that always think of others and it puts me off when others aren't the same. How much do you like him? I really don't know... it's not love... but I do enjoy the time that I spend with him and we have a great time together... I can see that it could be very good if it could happen. I would leave it alone, don't call or email him - Let HIM get hold of you next, and when he calls talk to him about this. That's my goal and then it gets the better of me. technology does suck in that, you just know during the day, they are right there on the other end of the email box... I wouldn't have called him on Friday if he hadn't done a one ring hang up... although I now wonder if it was just a way to let me know if he was thinking of me.... I know I'm reaching, but he does have me call and ring once when I get home from him place so he know's I'm ok and safe. and I know others do that too... Link to post Share on other sites
AriaIncognito Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 I wish we weren't in the same boat g_g. It truly does suck to sit around and wonder why they aren't calling when they'd usually call every day. I guess the best we can do is keep living life and try to not care about them not calling. Easier said than done though, considering i've been crying all day too i'm not one to talk... Link to post Share on other sites
Arianna72 Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 I don't even know what to say that just sucks and I completely disagree that he doesn't owe you an explanation. He owes you a lot more than that in my opinion. I really don't understand how/why people can do crap like this. I try to come up with logical reasons in my head but the bottom line is that I can not really come up with anything, it is so easy to get a hold of another person through some means to let them know what is going on that there is very few excuses not to take a minute to do so. Hopefully he will call soon and explain himself a bit and apologize. Link to post Share on other sites
Road Rage Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 It takes time to really get to know a person. In time, you get to know a person`s character better. Even if you spend your life with someone, you still may not know them fully. New relationships generally operate mostly on assumptions. Too much trust is established far too fast in this day and age. The hurt comes in when the person turns out to be someone other than who you assumed they were. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 Dealing with someone going through a divorce is stomping on trecherous ground. There is so much emotional crap to sort through- it's painful, you feel like a failure, it sucks the energy out of you, depletes your self esteem... And recovery takes a while. You haven't been used, you haven't been forgotten. The timing is horrible, that's all. It has absolutely nothing to do with you- I can promise you that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author guin_girl Posted January 29, 2007 Author Share Posted January 29, 2007 You haven't been used, you haven't been forgotten. The timing is horrible, that's all. It has absolutely nothing to do with you- I can promise you that. Thanks... it sucks... I miss just talking to him... day 7 But I haven't cried today... so I'm a little better than yesterday... Link to post Share on other sites
SouthernT Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 Dont initiate ANY contact. You and I have the exact same stories. And a month and a half later, my guy contacted me out the blue. I KNOW your pain, I promise. Your second guessing yourself and your actions. Youre wondering if you should/shouldnt have said "this" or "that". It has nothing to do with you at all. And thats what turned out to be true in my circumstance as well. (Read the post that I posted today) The more you push at this point, the more your going to push him away. I posted an article that I think you may be able to benefit from. I PROMISE its worth the time. It gave me a completley different perspective on dating....Good luck and stay busy. He'll show up. and If he doesnt...then it wasnt in God's plan for you sweetheart.... > Link to post Share on other sites
Author guin_girl Posted January 29, 2007 Author Share Posted January 29, 2007 Dont initiate ANY contact. You and I have the exact same stories. And a month and a half later, my guy contacted me out the blue. I KNOW your pain, I promise. Your second guessing yourself and your actions. Youre wondering if you should/shouldnt have said "this" or "that". It has nothing to do with you at all. And thats what turned out to be true in my circumstance as well. (Read the post that I posted today) The more you push at this point, the more your going to push him away. I posted an article that I think you may be able to benefit from. I PROMISE its worth the time. It gave me a completley different perspective on dating....Good luck and stay busy. He'll show up. and If he doesnt...then it wasnt in God's plan for you sweetheart.... I remember your story, and him "setting an appointment" to take your relationship further. I'm glad he started contacting you... but then again, you are at the same work place, so you are more "visible" as a reminder We don't live in the same city, so no chance of that... I haven't called him since the "one ringy dingy" return call on Friday. I also have not emailed him... I'm keeping myself busy and trying to move on and take care of myself. I don't want to give him the satisfaction of "missing him"... if he even cares that I do. sigh Link to post Share on other sites
SouthernT Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 We actually dont work together at all. I work with a mutual friend of his. But anyhow....stay busy. Asign his ringer to "silent" if you have to. Thats what i do when i get really upset with a guy. If I set his ringer to silent, that means i'm too upset to talk to him anyways and I wont be tempted to answere if he DOES call. And I will be suprised to have a missed call from him if he does call. Sounds crazy...but it works....keep busy and take it as a lesson learned for when he does show up again. Link to post Share on other sites
bg1975 Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 GG, I am in the same boat. Instead, I dropped the L-Bomb and now don't hear from her. What did I do? After reading your post tonight, sent a txt saying hello and hope she was doing well. Response: Aw... Not sure what that means. My hope was to plant the seed that I am still out there and willing to talk when she is ready. Not sure what advice I can give you other than you are not alone in your suffering! Link to post Share on other sites
Author guin_girl Posted January 30, 2007 Author Share Posted January 30, 2007 GG, I am in the same boat. Instead, I dropped the L-Bomb and now don't hear from her. What did I do? After reading your post tonight, sent a txt saying hello and hope she was doing well. Response: Aw... Not sure what that means. My hope was to plant the seed that I am still out there and willing to talk when she is ready. Not sure what advice I can give you other than you are not alone in your suffering! Thanks BG... I'm sorry that you are having the same issue, it does suck... and it sure is confusing to get that kind of response... at least you did get one, would have been worse to get nothing, I guess... I don't know... Another night of not being able to sleep well... hate this... been composing a WTF letter in my head, but what would I really get out of it? I already know what I need to know I guess... he doesn't want to talk to me... do I really need him to tell me that when the silence of the phone says it all... but it would still be nice to receive something... anything that would let me see what's in his head right now... Link to post Share on other sites
Arianna72 Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 I would at least write the WTF letter, you don't have to actually give it to him. I have found that just writing the letter helps a lot. Of course I am a prolific letter writer and almost always end up sending them so... Keep us updated and I really hope you get a phone call or something today, it really isn't a nice thing to leave someone hanging like he is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author guin_girl Posted January 30, 2007 Author Share Posted January 30, 2007 I would at least write the WTF letter, you don't have to actually give it to him. I have found that just writing the letter helps a lot. Of course I am a prolific letter writer and almost always end up sending them so... Well all the way to and from work I have been yelling at "him" in my car... I'm sure other drivers thought I was a weirdo, but it did make me feel better. Keep us updated and I really hope you get a phone call or something today, it really isn't a nice thing to leave someone hanging like he is. So far nothing, but I have plans lined up for the next couple of weekends, so even if he does reappear, I'm already busy... Link to post Share on other sites
Author guin_girl Posted January 31, 2007 Author Share Posted January 31, 2007 Day 9 no phone call... feeling stronger, I think... even though the No Contact seems to have come from his side, instead of my side... I won't give him the satisfaction of asking him why... but dang it's killing me... I miss him... This sucks... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 according to your own words you two were not a couple and you had no verbal agreement to be one...therefore he owes you no explanation whatsoever. sorry i totally agree with PG Link to post Share on other sites
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