Is being nice holding me back with girls?

[Guest]

Hi, i thought this place wold be a good place to get advice. I am a 22 yr old male in college and cannot get or keep a girlfriend. I have gone out with some girls but they always treat me like a brother and won't even kiss me on the lips. Some have told me i'm good looking.

 

I don't know whats the matter. My mom and sisters always tell me to be respectful of girls and be good with them. I do this and they don't want to be my gf. I see some guys in school who treat their gf like dirt and these girls are so in love with him.

 

I have only had sex with one girl but she wasn't that good lookingg. But i like the good looking girls. What do i have to do to get them? Should i become like the other guys who don't treat them good or should i just go without?

[TYASAFAHICSI]

Paging Dr. Alpha...Paging Dr. Alpha....

 

I agree that for some odd reason women are attracted to men that are rough/abusers/not nice/whatever.

 

I tend to be a nice guy, and get laid very infrequently. Once, I was not interested in a girl, and she woudl not take subtlety, I was downright nasty and told her. But she kept coming back and it seemed the more mean I was, the more she was determinded. So I let her blow me once and told her that was it.

[alextop30]

Paging Dr. Alpha...Paging Dr. Alpha....

 

I agree that for some odd reason women are attracted to men that are rough/abusers/not nice/whatever.

 

I tend to be a nice guy, and get laid very infrequently. Once, I was not interested in a girl, and she woudl not take subtlety, I was downright nasty and told her. But she kept coming back and it seemed the more mean I was, the more she was determinded. So I let her blow me once and told her that was it.

 

ok I think that is wrong because I was raiced mainly by my mom probably- I was thought the same way even by my dad that girls are to be respected they are more frigale than man and that it is a shame to be rude to a girl. See I have the same problem I am always nice, The problem is if I try to be mean to them they see right through it and laugh straight out at me. I cannot be mean to noone I have never gotten to the point that I will blow up but I have been into fights in highschool because I was having bad days and kids like to pick on the ones that are not talking a lot and have noone to back them up, but I was not picked on long because I shoed everyone that I can be angry but that is besides the point. I dont know what it is with girls likeing the bad boy type but that really dont fly with me - I have had sex too but with an attracktive chick which was my girlfriend and did think there was nothing up with too nice. I currently do not have girlfriend because american girls have some different standard which I have not yet figured out. By the way I am foreiner so that might be a problem but I believe if a girl is to like u it must be for your real self not for the act of bad boy you put out. I try to approach the girls of my dream everyday because I am in college like you and know what it is to be between beautiful girls all the time but not even one seems to be the one that takes interest in you, well I have had some serious problems in highschool because I could not get a girl friend, and let me tell u I am still looking for answer to this question but I kinna learned that you need to let things happen and they eventually will. I guess if you try to be a little colder- smaller degree of nice would help- the brother crap from girls let me just say I HATE THAT. I get that a lot or I just get the occasional nice to meet u see you around but I try to keep my head above water and wait until there is a girl that is willing to give me a chanse. I would really love to see some lady's man really give some nice advice to you coz I wanna read it too? HOPEFULLY WE BOTH BE MORE SUCCESSFUL

[Lauriebell82]

well here is a girl's perspective. i personally have gone out with both nice and mean guys..guys who treat girls like crap are attractive to girls because it gives us a project. girls by nature want to try to make their mates a better person, but when the guy is already nice there is nothing to change.

 

do not treat girls like crap though just to keep them. thats even worse. maybe try not being sooo nice and respectful. not saying u have to try to get laid constantly and act like a pervert, but if u want to get some then go for it (make sure u've been seeing a girl for a period of time and she likes u). yes girls like guys who are respectful and gentlemenly, but they also like guys who desire them.

 

my current bf is a great mix..he is a nice respectful guy and treats me well, but he also sometimes acts like a guy and desires me. but please dont treat girls like crap just to get them, because in the long run girls do want a nice repectful guy. i hope i helped u.

[luvtoto]

Being nice is ok. I want a good lookin' guy to be nice to me.

 

However, soome overly nice guys don't realize that there is a fine line between being nice and being a needy suck-up.

 

They key is to be a balanced guy.

 

I had a thread about this topic a while back...

 

Found it: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t105786/

[alextop30]

there is a fine line of being so nice in front of her eyes but in real life not being so nice, the thing with me is atleast that I am nice all around and it is kinna wierd if you would say is that I dont really try to be doormat or anything but just nice where I would just be myself but myself is too nice again. I understand what you are trying to say but I am saying that being nice can go overboard without the knowledge of the person who actually was going overboard. I think what I am trying to say that I do it automatically and I am nice with everyone like this so I am being me and I dont get why that pushes people away... I think that is the he is trying to say too. You dont try to win girls hart with niceness but you are being yourself and yourself is too nice

[Porn_Guy]

I would suggest the book How to Succeed with Women by Louis & Copeland.

[Cous Cous With Goose]

It's because *******s are men

 

A-HO: Let's go, we're hangin out at my house.

Nice guy: So what do you wanna do?

 

A-HO: Blow me b****

Nice Guy: puts arm around her and cuddles but never asks for sex because he thinks it's disrespectful

 

Imagine your gf makes a mean comment towards you

A-HO: B**** you won't say that again. Apologize.

Nice Guy: Why did you say that? That's hurtful

 

The ******* knows what he wants and lets the girl know. Nice guys think they're being respectful to a girl, but really she wants the sex as well. So be a nice man and you're in.

[alextop30]

I believe nice guys can get some but the problem is that yes it is holding back but I dont believe that you need to ask for sex. I think that if you do put your arm around her and lean to kiss her - kissing starts and after about 5 minutes I think you are gonna go to the stage where it will be sex time. I am saying nice guy is just nice and example of if she says something insulting I would just say you know what dont even try that crap again I dont really like that hurtfull sisy thing because if I do get to the point where I am hurt I will show her. Nice guy is having a nice behavior but I am not talking that he is suppoce to be a chicken and not make moves.

[LazyLibra]

To be blunt you sound like a pushover little pussy.

 

Women want a MAN, And i define man not just as someone with a penis and balls.

 

Sorry if i offended you but face the reality, I was in the same boat my friend. I'm a mommas boy and i'll admit that but i've adapted to take the good qualities of being a mommas boy and leave out the not so desirable ones.

 

Women want their men to be Strong, Emotionally stable and brave. They need a rock and we want a pretty flower to bloom right beside us. Don't act like a silly insect. Depending on the flower to live.

 

My girlfriend at the moment is madly in love with me. WHY? Because i act like a man. I'm Rude, Arrogant and confident. But When it comes to her, She is my weak spot. Girls love to feel important, When i treat most people like **** and act like i'm the most insensitive person in the world and then at the same time speak so gently to her. it makes her feel important.

 

Don't let the girls on this forum get you all ****ed up. The "HOT" girls you are refering to date *******s. Not vaginas

[luvtoto]

Because i act like a man. I'm Rude, Arrogant and confident. But When it comes to her, She is my weak spot. Girls love to feel important, When i treat most people like **** and act like i'm the most insensitive person in the world and then at the same time speak so gently to her. it makes her feel important.

What? I would never respect or want to be with someone like that. No way. Are you kidding me??

[VinaAmez]

 

My girlfriend at the moment is madly in love with me. WHY? Because i act like a man. I'm Rude, Arrogant and confident. But When it comes to her, She is my weak spot. Girls love to feel important, When i treat most people like **** and act like i'm the most insensitive person in the world and then at the same time speak so gently to her. it makes her feel important.

 

 

What? Care to explain that?

[LN99]

I, personally, like nice guys. But, these seem to be the types of guys that end up being my friends and nothing more. Reason being, they are easy to talk to and are not very assertive. They aren't bold enough to let me know they are interested.

 

The fact that you don't take advantage of girls maybe throws the girl off. (This doesn't mean all of us WANT this type of guy!)

 

Like, for example, I have this guy friend who is super sweet. (I'm not into him like that but I really like his personality and he is cute.) But, he refuses to sleep with a girl that he is not in love with. So therefore, he doesn't have sex much at all. He doesn't take advantage of girls. I think girls get thrown off by this and take it as he's just not interested in them. Where, in reality, he just is holding out for that feeling or for it to feel right. He is so respectful that it seems to put him in the "friend" zone with women. They take his respectfulness as him just Not being into them like that.

 

So my advice to the nice guys....is not to change yourself in that aspect. But to be more assertive with the girls you do like. Let them know it....and definately show it. IF she is the right girl, things will have a way of working out. The girls you should be avoiding are the girls who WANT to be treated like crap.

[lindya]

I don't know whats the matter. My mom and sisters always tell me to be respectful of girls and be good with them. I do this and they don't want to be my gf. I see some guys in school who treat their gf like dirt and these girls are so in love with him.

 

How comfortable are you around women you fancy? Can you joke and banter with them?

 

One person's version of a "mean" guy might be someone else's idea of somebody with a sarcastic sense of humour who they can trust to be honest with them. Being respectful of other people is great, but how does that manifest itself? If it involves you having a very formal, olde worlde courtly approach, that could come across as a bit much. Especially in a collegiate environment.

 

Focusing on making a few female friends, without putting so much emphasis on the goal of getting laid, will certainly help you relax and be more confident around women - and that's extremely important to us. Especially when it comes to having sex.

 

You'll read all kinds of bullsh*t here about how men and women can't be friends. Ignore it. The most stud-like men I've met have all got one thing in common; They have female friends. Some of them ex girlfriends, others platonic...but they've learned how to relate to women as friends as well as girlfriends, and they learned it from real life rather than from books.

 

Get yourself some cool female friends, practice flirtatious and sarcastic (friendly sarcastic) back and forths with them and generally learn how to relate to women as ordinary human beings - just like you - rather than as china dolls who must be revered at all times.