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This horrible other woman in his life

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Old 22nd January 2007, 7:57 AM   #1
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Thumbs down This horrible other woman in his life

I'll try not to make this too long, I just in dire need of some advice. I am 23, my boyfriend is 26. We've been together 7 years, since I was about 15 or 16. We haven't been together the entire 7 years, there were a few times we've broken up in the past, dated other people, and then got back together. There is this girl named Lindsay, who he has been friends with since high school. Their relationship kind of goes on and off, they'll talk for a few months one year, then never talk the next year. I found out a couple years ago that once while we were broken up (or he could have just been saying we were broken up, who knows I was away at school), he "almost" had sex with Lindsay. "Almost" meaning, everything-but.

Ever since I found this out I've been furious with their so-called friendship. He wants to remain friends, but it just makes me sick. Oh, should I also mention that she hates my guts and has absolutely NO respect for me and Taylor's relationship AT ALL. They're conversations all start out the same: she asks "So, are you still with Andrea?" And he is partially to blame for that statement. I have recently found out that pretty much every time they talk, he's always telling her how he's about to end the relationship. Which puzzles me because our relationship will be fine at the time.

He also loves to tell people about all the drama in our relationship, and none of the positive. Over the course of 7 years our relationship has been about 80% good, 20% bad... thats just being honest. We've had ups and downs, but what relationship doesn't really. His friends, and espically Lindsey only know about the 20%. I've made mistakes in the past, acted like a fool or a jerk or whatever. Thats all I get credit for, is the times I've been a jerk to him. What about the good times? What about time times I catered to his ever need when he was sick, or fix his favorite meals, watch and enjoy sports with him, let him have me often, hand over the remote when he gets home from a hard day work, give him massages... these are things I do natrually because I love him, and he loves me for it.

Lindsay wants nothing more than for me and Taylor to break up, and this is not an exaggeration. She's told it to my face, and even to his face when he told her that he wanted to propose to me. She actually convinced him not to do it. I'm in no rush to get married or have kids, when the time is right - the time is right. But the fact that she has such little respect for our relationship, and always talks down on me about how much of a psycho bitch I am and how he needs to get rid of me... and the fact that he REFUSES to give her up as a friend... I need help. I would NEVER do this to him, and I guarantee if the situation was reversed he would break up with me for good. He would never put up with that kind of bologna from me, and I would never do that to him in the first place. By the way, Lindsay is married with 3 kids, and I asked him if possibly shes jealous of our relationship. I don't know what her problem is.
Talking to him about this is impossible (latley). If I try to tell him how I feel, we start out talking rationally and calm, but end up screaming at each other, things get thrown, tears all over the place. Thatís how torn up I am about this. I'm not an angry person, and we don't argue too often, and I never throw things. But the other night I got so unbelievably mad I repeatedly banged my fist against a case of soda, breaking a few and cutting my hand. All over this girl, Lindsay. I'm so embarissed by my actions.

I know I can't force him to change, and he'll only change if he wants to. Iíve asked him to consider my feelings, and how hurt I am about this, but he thinks Iím just crazy. Our relationship is always "normal" when Lindsay is out of the picture. Whenever she's back in his life (she comes and goes), things go haywire. I am at the end of my ropes... Iím not a violent person, but Iím up at 3:45am right now because I woke up in a sweat because of a nightmare I had about the two of them... Iím very troubled by this
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Old 1st February 2007, 10:13 PM   #2
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I'm so sorry that you're going through this! How awful that he isn't taking your feelings into account whatsoever and that this so-called friend of his is such an evil b*tch. I don't really know what to tell you... ultimately the decision is yours to make. You've been together for so long it would be so scary to end it, I know. But that might be for the best. Best of luck to you; I hope he realizes how awful Lindsay is for treating you this way.
"In this sad world of ours, sorrow comes to all, and it often comes with bitter agony. Perfect relief is not possible, except with time... I have had enough experience to make this statement." Abraham Lincoln
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