yvette Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 Hi, A few days ago my girlfriend, we're gay, admitted that she cheated on me several months ago (she's been lying about it in the meantime). She and a friend masturbated together. She felt guilty and left, but went back to the bed and watched the other girl going at it. I have never been cheated on before and always thought that I would leave someone if they ever treated me this way. The problem is I adore her. I'm worried if we do stay together I won't trust her and it will degrade the relationship. I don't know what to do. I love her, but I just don't know if I can forgive this. What would you do? Can people please advise me. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 How long have you two been together as a couple? She betrayed you and ruined your faith and trust in her...Now it's up to her to SHOW you that she can be trustworthy again, if you're willing to give her ONE chance. (Meaning, if she cheats on you again, end it for good) You have every right to feel the way you do, and I'm sure you need answers to questions like why did she cheat. Why did she put herself IN a situation that could lead to other things happening with someone else. Couples therapy can help, but only if you're both willing to work together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yvette Posted December 29, 2006 Author Share Posted December 29, 2006 Thanks for replying whichwasyisup, I really appreciate it. We have been together for a year now. She couldn't explain why she did it. She said she doesn't know except she was drunk. This doesn't help me understand at all. I'm really lost. I don't know how this could happen, why she would even want to do this. I do love her but I feel so disrespected. She betrayed us, our relationship and I don't know what the right thing to do is? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 How much does she drink and how often? Drinking is NOT an excuse to cheat, but if she can't handle drinking and she does things she normally wouldn't dream of doing sober, then she needs to stop drinking! Also, she should NOT put herself in a situation where she will be tempted by someone else...HOw was it she ended up alone with another girl in bed??? at a party? Take your time and don't rush into this. You need to think and decide if she's worth giving a chance to. Is she sorry? Is she going to be an open book to you? Meaning access to her emails, passwords etc? So she can't sneak around or hide messages. Let her know how awful you feel and how upset she's made you, but if she is willing to try to change, see how it goes. Definately consider the couples therapy if she's interested in that. Link to post Share on other sites
TYASAFAHICSI Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 Sometime it is just a momentary lapse in judgement a synaptic lapse of character! Does she seem reticent? Remorseful? If so, I might chalk it up to whimsy and serendipity. How old are you two? Are you REALLY gay, or is this just a phase? Wait, I am reading WWIU--because someone cheats is automatic Carte Blanche to have free reign on snooping and having a partner hold something over your head. I don't think so Tim! Link to post Share on other sites
Author yvette Posted December 29, 2006 Author Share Posted December 29, 2006 Yes, we really are gay! We're in our twenties and both have previous relationships. She is very sorry and says it won't happen again. I believe that she's sincere, but then I believed that she would never cheat too. She wasn't at a party but hanging out with a friend at home. They had some wine, she's not a big drinker, started flirting and then this. It sounds bad doesn't it. I just don't know... Link to post Share on other sites
Terence-0 Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 Hi there was in a similer situation as you . im not gay but my girlfriend has done things that i was not very happy with. same as you .. but the question you have to ask yourself is do you love her enough to forgive, and dose she love you enough to change. Shes only human everyone makes mistakes and everyone deserves a second chance. Give her a chance and make up, if she really loves you and if shes sorry you should let it go and move on. Beacuse love is a hard thing to find and a rare thing to waste, but if it happens again then you know she is not truely in love with you. people learn from thier mistakes, if it happens again it was not a mistake. On another note once you both have made up, dont bring it up again, it will only make things harder for the both of you. in time the harsh feelings will fade and trust will be rebuilt. And yes it is ok to keep tabs your your BF/GF. your thier partner, its your right in the relationship. and if he/she gets defencive about you keeping tabs then maby you should look harder and see whats up. Because Anger is only a cover up for another feeling. and as far as the drinking, imho i dont like drinking much but i do it for my GF because she like to do it every once in a wile. and i dont drink much to keep "tabs" on her. And bring it up to her that you feel uncomfertable not being around when she drinks and set up a drinking "date" for the both of you, either at a party, at a friends house or even just at home. Hope i helped and gave you a little info on how to hadle things Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 30, 2006 Share Posted December 30, 2006 Thank you Terence, your post was thoughtful and much appreciated. I agree that true love is rare and worth holding onto, so will do my best to forgive. best wishes to you, Yvette Link to post Share on other sites
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