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Cheated on, Lied to: Here's to a lost love


vindicated

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I've had my girlfriend for 13 months (Seniors in highschool.) For the first 11 months of this relationship, it's been unbelievable. I had no idea I could ever fall for anyone like I have. But this summer, I was gone for two weeks, and in that span my girlfriend cheated on me with my best friend. I just found about it last week. Crushed? Heartbroken? Lost? None of those can describe how I feel right now. We've been broken up for a month, yet we still hang out and have been around each other all the time. Guess what? She's been lying to me, hanging out with my former besty when she hasn't been with me. When I confronted her, she's said she has feelings for the both of us. My question is, what can I do?? She holds all the cards, if I walk away, she'll go to that other guy. If I stay, I daily have a broken heart and get walked on. Can anyone give me advice? Despite all of this, I don't want to lose her, but I can't keep living a lie.

 

Reasons why I believe she still loves me:

1. She's never told me anything..She doesn't want to hurt me?

 

2. She still has all our pictures up on her walls..

 

3. She deletes all her calls and texts from him so I don't find out..

 

 

Thank you to any who can give me help! I'm really stuck in a rut here, it seems that no matter where I turn, all I can see is me being hurt..God bless to any who have an answer for me! I know it won't be easy, but I can't keep doing this!

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i hate to say this but i think you should just forget about her. just because she is trying to protect you from finding out doesn't mean she still loves you. she may care for you, but the bottom line is that she is probably just trying to look like the bad guy.. she doesn't want the confrontation.

 

i was cheated on once and the guy did the same thing to me.. lied about seeing the girl, deleted all calls and texts so i wouldn't find out. but i found out anyways.. and he still lied to me about it. he was just trying to avoid a confrontation.. he knew he was in the wrong but didn't want to admit to it.

 

a person who cheats would rather just make the other person look like the bad person.. like they are crazy or imagining things than accepting responsibility for their actions.

 

i would take a good look at the situation and realize that it is time to move on. establish no contact and try to move on with your life. why would you want to be with someone who lies to your face anyways? you could never trust her again. it must be difficult because she has feelings for your best friend. but if your best friend or this girl respected your feelings at all, this situation would never have happened. unfortunately, some people place their own base desires over the feelings and well-being of people they claim to care about.

 

i would reconsider who your friends are and how friends really act. in my opinion, these people have a low moral standard, and it would be best to avoid them.

 

i hope this helps.. sorry if it is harsh.

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You gotta know when to fold your cards, and this is that time.

 

Get away from her, and your "friend". Seeing either of them can only cause pain.

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She holds all the cards, if I walk away, she'll go to that other guy. If I stay, I daily have a broken heart and get walked on. Can anyone give me advice? Despite all of this, I don't want to lose her, but I can't keep living a lie.

 

She does not hold all the cards. You've got the choice to walk away from her, and that's exactly what you need to do in order to preserve some self respect. You don't want to lose her because you're in love with her....but that will fade eventually.

 

You sound like an intelligent guy, so presumably you'll be going to college sometime in the next couple of years? However hard you might have fallen for this girl, if you finish the relationship now there's a far greater chance that by the time you start college you'll be more than ready for all the social and romantic opportunities to be experienced there.

 

Hang onto this relationship, and you'll only prolong an unnecessary blight over what should be good times in your life.

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Thanks for your replies and the time you took..All of your answers are right on, I know what I should do, but it's soo hard to try get over something that's been my life for the past year. It's so easy to tell myself that I can live without her, but I know when I see either of them in school I'll just fall apart. What do I tell myself when I'm sitting at home alone on a Friday night, knowing they're together? You know, for the majority of this relationship, I've been living a dream. A beautiful girl, athletic accolades for the both of us, and a love that couldn't be beat. Now, it feels like I have nothing left, and I have no idea what love really is.

 

Thanks again for time to post back, I know this has helped just getting my feelings down..

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I am the same age as you (senior in high school), and last year I broke up with my girlfriend of about 14 months. It wasn't that I didn't care about her, she didn't cheat on me, nothing like that, I just finally realized we did not work; we knew exactly how to push each other's buttons and we brought out the worst in each other. Even though we broke up (I dumped her), we still wanted to make it work, and still hung out on occasion and talked a lot for probably close to a month after we broke up.

 

One of my biggest regrets is wasting that month, because I knew it wouldn't work, and I could have been having so much fun elsewhere.

 

You know this won't work, and even if you DID get back together, how could you ever trust her?

 

Trust me, man, just stop talking to her. It's going to hurt for a couple days, maybe a week, but just cutting it off works better than trying to wean yourself off of her.

 

Good luck.

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Thanks for the reply Tyler. How wrong am I to want to try work things out? I hear Lee Ann Womak ringing through my ears, "Loving might be a mistake, but it's worth making." I just can't get over the fact of how good things were, and if I had a glimmer of a hope to get things back to that way, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Any thoughts?

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bluescreenlife

Listen, if this helps you avoid some of the pain I've been through over the past year, I'll be a happy man.

 

Let it go. It was beautiful; keep it that way. It's better to have her go to the other guy than to "daily have a broken heart and get walked on," or to hear the bad things she might think about you to justify her decision to herself. If you continue to be forgiving and kind with her, you're sending the message that cheating and lying is okay (it's not) and both of you are going to lose respect for you once that sinks in. And in the long run no relationship is as important as your self-respect.

 

So stand up for yourself - that's not incompatible with compassion. I'd tell her you love her and you want to work things out, but that if she's going to keep you she can NOT be with anyone else. Give her a few days to think about it. And if she chooses to finally end things with you, remember two things: one, sometimes people need to re-invent themselves and start fresh, especially when they're young, and that has nothing to do with you. And two, you will fall in love again, with someone that'll pay more attention to your feelings.

 

You're going to be fine and you don't have to sit at home on that lonely friday night. Focus on all the positive things in your life, and the bright future you have ahead of you. And when you're over your ex-girlfriend, you can look back and forgive her for being young and not knowing how valuable the love of a good person is.

 

I have to agree with everyone else when I say, for your own good, you have to let it go. Best of luck...

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Read my sig, it speaks volumes. Her words say one thing, but her actions say something else. She is dating your friend as well, she DOES NOT have respect for you. She is lying and cheating, she DOES NOT have respect for you.

 

Instead of worrying about the memories you have, build new ones (preferably with someone else)

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You mentioned the reasons why you think she still loves you but you forgot to mention a huge reason why she doesn't: she banged the **** out of your supposed best friend.

 

What you need to do is to completely avoid seeing these two. You need to get a new best friend as well. And if you ever feel like you're slipping and want to see her, just try to picture in your head how your whore of an ex was in bed naked with your former best friend, telling him what a stud he was, how he's better than you, etc. That should keep you in line.

 

MD

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reservoirdog1
Reasons why I believe she still loves me:

1. She's never told me anything..She doesn't want to hurt me?

 

2. She still has all our pictures up on her walls..

 

3. She deletes all her calls and texts from him so I don't find out..

 

Hoss, get the f*** out of Dodge.

 

Your three reasons why you believe she still loves you: two of them, my friend, have you completely deluded. She hasn't told you everything, and she deletes calls and texts from him, because she's a lying cheat, and she's probably still banging him. Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. As for the other one, she still has your pictures up on her walls because she's too lazy to take them down, she doesn't care about your feelings, she's trying to maintain the illusion that she actually gives a s*** about you, or she's too worn out from banging your so-called "best friend" to get around to taking them down.

 

That woman is poison. You say that if you walk away, she'll go to him. So what? News flash, buddy -- she's doing that already. I'd bet dollars to donuts on that. The question for you is, how long are you going to willingly keep taking the s*** she's feeding you?

 

Whether you continue to encourage her to keep defrauding you, or cut her loose and find somebody actually worth committing yourself to, you will experience pain. But you will get beyond your pain far sooner if you aren't constantly exposing yourself to the certainty of ongoing pain from being in a pseudo "relationship" with that biotch.

 

Oh, and as for your best friend... he's a backstabbing, lying, cockroach prick. With friends like him, who needs enemies? Cut him out of your life -- or keep him in your life and accept the fact that he may just decide to pork your next girlfriend too.

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Thanks again for all the replies. It's been a pretty tough few weeks, but coming on here to read these replies has helped, giving me a little more fuel for the fire to get out of this mess. Reservoirdog, thanks so much for your response, you hit the nail on the head a few times. Thanks for the help!

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