Rude Behavior at a Bridal Shower

[ThatWoman]

I experienced the most unbelievable behavior today at a bridal shower and I need some reassurance that what I said was appropriate.

 

My BF has two sisters; the shower was totally arranged by my BF for her youngest sister. Although I was invited to the shower as a guest I was also taking photos as photography is a serious hobby of mine and the bride had asked me to take photos at the shower.

 

During the course of the shower the middle sister took complete control. The shower was quite large (60 women) and the MS got up and said, "Ladies, stop talking. We're going to open gifts now and you've been talking too loud and long enough. Please pay attention now." Many people seemed taken aback, it just seemed rude. As the MS took charge and started to run the show my BF looked extremely hurt and she started to clean up the mess. Since I had taken over 200 photos by this time I began to help her clean up and give her moral support.

 

The MS came back to us as the YS was opening gifts and told us that we were ruining the day, that we need to grow up, that I should be taking pictures...that was my "job", and that we should stop talking about her. I believe that was her biggest issue, she wasn't worried about us ruining the day...she thought we were talking about her.

 

This was all within earshot of a couple women. I stood there and listened for a bit but decided that I'm not an imbecile and refuse to be treated so rudely. Very quietly (so others could not hear) I told her that she was completely out of line, that she had treated the women who had given up their Saturday morning and money for expensive gifts very rudely, that as a grown woman (we're all late 20's, early 30's) I refuse to stand there and take her sharp tongue, that I was taking photos as a favor...not as a job, and that she had no idea what we were talking about...in fact we were talking about going for drinks later tonight.

 

My BF was beaming that I was standing up for her and for myself. The MS glared at me and would have shot daggers at me if she could have for the rest of the shower.

 

Am I bad for what I said? Has anyone heard of such ludicrous behavior at a bridal shower?

[superconductor]

Ah, bridal showers, weddings, the whole schmear; an estrogenic frenzy of self-congratulation and narcissistic behaviour.

 

It's good you stood up for yourself, certainly, but the danger lies in the fact that the MS is related, and (for the time being, anyway) you're not. It's much easier for family to forgive a sister than to forgive an "outsider."

 

Tough call, really. If it were me, I'd probably be a little more direct to the offending party and remove them from the premisis to allow the bride-to-be and her guests to enjoy their time together. But guys don't do bridal showers. Just stags. They're much better.

[HeyYouGuys]

I experienced the most unbelievable behavior today at a bridal shower and I need some reassurance that what I said was appropriate.

 

My BF has two sisters; the shower was totally arranged by my BF for her youngest sister. Although I was invited to the shower as a guest I was also taking photos as photography is a serious hobby of mine and the bride had asked me to take photos at the shower.

 

During the course of the shower the middle sister took complete control. The shower was quite large (60 women) and the MS got up and said, "Ladies, stop talking. We're going to open gifts now and you've been talking too loud and long enough. Please pay attention now." Many people seemed taken aback, it just seemed rude. As the MS took charge and started to run the show my BF looked extremely hurt and she started to clean up the mess. Since I had taken over 200 photos by this time I began to help her clean up and give her moral support.

 

The MS came back to us as the YS was opening gifts and told us that we were ruining the day, that we need to grow up, that I should be taking pictures...that was my "job", and that we should stop talking about her. I believe that was her biggest issue, she wasn't worried about us ruining the day...she thought we were talking about her.

 

This was all within earshot of a couple women. I stood there and listened for a bit but decided that I'm not an imbecile and refuse to be treated so rudely. Very quietly (so others could not hear) I told her that she was completely out of line, that she had treated the women who had given up their Saturday morning and money for expensive gifts very rudely, that as a grown woman (we're all late 20's, early 30's) I refuse to stand there and take her sharp tongue, that I was taking photos as a favor...not as a job, and that she had no idea what we were talking about...in fact we were talking about going for drinks later tonight.

 

My BF was beaming that I was standing up for her and for myself. The MS glared at me and would have shot daggers at me if she could have for the rest of the shower.

 

Am I bad for what I said? Has anyone heard of such ludicrous behavior at a bridal shower?

 

 

Well, with a large shower, it's easy for things to get disorganized and chaotic. Perhaps the middle sister meant well, was just trying to get things moving. Unfortunately, her choice of words weren't great.

 

Do you think she meant to be humorous but came off the wrong way?

 

 

 

I appreciate that you were giving your BF moral support, however talking about the MS within her earshot could also be considered 'bad behavior'.

 

A better way to handle things might have been to take MS aside after her social gaffe and say, "I think you might have offended so and so and so and so with your remark. I'm sure you didn't mean anything by it, but you might want to talk to them to smooth it over"

 

It's not easy running a large party and sometimes feelings get stepped on.

If MS is typically socially clumsy, you might write it off as 'Well, that's just her'

If she is usually a gracious, kind person, you might consider the stress that goes into trying to run a party with many people.

 

I think you are also wrong on another count;

 

For all intents and purposes, you did promise to take photographs at the shower. The bride to be is opening gifts and rather than take photos, you're standing in a corner commiserating with your best friend over the MS's abrasive comments. Again, YOU are guilty of bad behavior.

 

Perhaps you see this as merely a 'favor', not a 'job', but you PROMISED to take pictures, did you not? It doesn't matter that you already took 200. Maybe the bride to be wants pictures of all her guests' gifts. They did, after all, spend a lot of money on them!

 

I see you both being in the wrong here.

[ThatWoman]

I see what you are saying, however we were not talking about the MS. I was just giving moral support by helping and trying to make later plans. I did promise to take photos during the shower, and ended up away from that for about five minutes. There are 550 photos from the shower.

 

I can see how you think what I did was wrong; I just hate to see my BF get beat on by that sister all the time.

[HokeyReligions]

You used more tact that I would have. I probably would have said (loudly enough for others to hear) something like "Oh, so I should send my photography bill to you then. Thanks - I'll get the address from my bf. Payment is due within 30 days - you'll get the picutures when the bill is paid" and then flashed the camera right in her face.

 

I don't have much patience anymore. *sigh*

[RecordProducer]

From what you wrote, I don't see anything so terrible, but you were there and I am sure if her sister and you felt hurt, it was legitimate. You didn't say anything bad or improper if you felt offended. You didn't yell at her or call her names.

 

If she was joking about your "job" and the women talking loud then OK, but if you have a feeling that she was serious and rude then she was.

 

I am more concerned about you being so disturbed about minor things like this one. Did anyone tell you that YOU were out of line for telling the woman that she was rude?

[Brittanyjean06]

sexy picture record producer.. I think when it comes to the bfs family sisters brothers blah blah, If their treating others a certain way or you a certain way you should treat them as if they were anyone acting out rudely, not just because its the sister...I think the SO can be intimidating at times and can make you feel lousy but you did stand up for yourself and your bf and thats good that you did that, if she wants to hold it against you than thats her problem for acting immature.

[ThatWoman]

I think some people think I'm talking about my boyfriend when I really meant my best friend!!

 

I'm not disturbed about the events; I guess I was thinking more along the lines of ettiquette...should I have handled it afterwards possibly.

 

My best friend always gets kind of beat on from this sister, and after she had spent so much time preparing this shower and her sister just took over I was pi$$ed. She's always one to grab the credit when she hasn't done the work. My friend isn't at me at all angry, quite the opposite!!

 

The sister was completely serious when she told the women to stop talking...I guess it was more in her tone than the words...it was offensive and you could tell the other guests felt the same way.

 

Now that I've simmered down I think I did the right thing, I didn't speak loud enough for anyone to hear me but I got my point across immediately and defended my friend....and I don't feel badly about the photos because I got so many that turned out great.

 

Just one of life's little adventures! Live and learn!!

[RecordProducer]

I have to admit it's nice that you're questioning the necessity of your defense and wondering if your behavior was proper. I wish many other people counted to ten before opening their mouth to criticize someone. I am sure you were not rude and you did the right thing.

 

The courage certain people have to ruin other people's moods is outrageous. Somebody has to put them in place!

[HeyYouGuys]

I see what you are saying, however we were not talking about the MS. I was just giving moral support by helping and trying to make later plans. I did promise to take photos during the shower, and ended up away from that for about five minutes. There are 550 photos from the shower.

 

I can see how you think what I did was wrong; I just hate to see my BF get beat on by that sister all the time.

 

 

 

I understand and I don't know these people, so perhaps you have witnessed the MS beating up on BF just one too many times.

 

I hate bullies myself

[blind_otter]

I'm not disturbed about the events; I guess I was thinking more along the lines of ettiquette...should I have handled it afterwards possibly.

 

Yeah, it would have been more appropriate to tell her afterwards. This is JMO, though, take it with a grain of salt. She could just be one of those people who gets bitchywhen they're stressed out. Lord knows I've worked under enough of those types of women to be intimately familiar with them.

 

Anyways, I guess it depends on what kind of person you are. I tend to lose my temper easily so I take breaks when I get angry so I don't end up sticking my foot in my mouth.

[Guest]

I see what you are saying, however we were not talking about the MS. I was just giving moral support by helping and trying to make later plans. I did promise to take photos during the shower, and ended up away from that for about five minutes. There are 550 photos from the shower.

 

I can see how you think what I did was wrong; I just hate to see my BF get beat on by that sister all the time.

 

LOL> He's a GROW MAN, is he not? Let him stick up for himself with his own family.. especially over some really small stuff like you are saying. The only thing you are doing is causing a rift in which his family will grow to hate you.

[bluechocolate]

Some people get really stressed out at parties, especially if they're hosting (or co-hosting - that wasn't clear in your original post).

 

I don't think you did anything wrong, but I would have left it to your best friend to stand up to her sister if she felt the need to. As a guest at the party you had the option of simply leaving, photos or no.

 

"Oh, so I should send my photography bill to you then. Thanks - I'll get the address from my bf. Payment is due within 30 days - you'll get the picutures when the bill is paid"

 

I would have said pretty much the same, then laughed it off & continued chatting.